Dear Tom Riddle,

"No No No…that isn't right…"

Dear Lord Moldyshorts,

"well that isn't right either…"

Dear Lord Vildymold,

"NO…what is his name again?...Ah-ha here it is."

Dear Lord Voldemort,

It has come to my attention throughout the course of six books and numerous fan fictions that you have quite the flair for dramatics and this flair was passed on to Harry when you went off half cocked after you panicked over the Prophecy and didn't wait to hear the whole complete thing, therefore resulting in your untimely yet joyous demise. Which was horribly stupid of you…and you tried to cover it up by saying you miscalculated attacking Lily when you should have thought through the whole thing and just not done it…real smooth Riddle. Real smooth.

Now during Harry's first year I can understand the confusion and blundering that occurred. Being attached to a poor excuse of a man like Quirrell was. I can see how it could happen with being out in the...where were you again when you died, so to speak? I never can remember...anyways as I was stating; why did you trust him to do something so important to you? Once again you have shown bad judgment…shame on you. You allowed an eleven year old to thoroughly clean the floor with you and to kill your host all at the same time…again I say shame on you.

Now moving on to year number two. What happened here? You do realize you could have killed Potter then and there? But NOOO gloating is so much more fun. This new generation of Slytherins and their egos…they drive me up a wall I tell you…They always have to be all wordy about what it is they are doing and ultimately cause their own failure. You are a prime example of this, a prime example indeed. You held victory in your hands and you could have killed him with your WAND but no…sic the snake on him…be the sadistic jerk we know and hate.

Now at first I was confused…you vanished in year three. Odd, I thought, but now I get it…you had to have a rat find and raise you not to mention create the elaborate scheme to snatch Harry away in his fourth year. That baffles me, totally baffles me. Why on earth did you bank on him maybe getting to the cup? Why didn't you just whisk him away at the start of term, hmm? It couldn't have been that hard to do for crying out loud. Then to top it off, you go all Supreme Dark Lord on him, challenging him to a duel and end up losing him again…why oh why can't you just kill him outright and stop the annoyance of it all? It isn't that hard to do now is it? Say it with me Avada Kadavra…see not hard in the least.

Here we are at Harry's fifth year. I thought for sure you could at least maim him…that you kinda unintentionally did with Sirius dying and all but that wasn't quite a big blow for him and I'm jumping ahead of myself. First I have to tell you that Snape literally handed him to you all year long, if only you had taken the opportunity to tear his mind apart and don't you dare try to whine about that whole love thing-instead of stepping up you once again have to toy with your victims…make him go to the Ministry of Magic to get the stupid Prophecy which was ONCE AGAIN absolutely idiotic of you. The Prophecy was about you too numbskull, I do believe you could have picked it up without bursting into flames and whatnot. It's people like you that give Slytherin its dreadful reputation! I'm almost ashamed to say I am from the same house as you. Almost, there might be hope for you yet…still not all together convinced but you're a Slytherin-literally-so for now I give you the benefit of the doubt. Now where was I? Oh yes I recall now…The Prophecy. The thrice-cursed prophecy that has made everyone's lives hell recently. You really should have just gotten the thing yourself, if Harry and his little DA can get into the ministry I think an experienced and evil Dark Lord such as you call yourself could have pulled it off too, don't you agree? Of course you do because now looking back you know you could have. So we arrive once again at an opportunity for you to kill Harry for what…the fifth time? You were right there and you let a stupid statue coming to life stop you. Your are The Dark Lord, how could you let something as really cool and awesomely impressi-oh I mean, as horribly crude and unoriginal as a statue coming to life and ruining your chance of victory yet again. Lady luck must be in love with Harry Potter or you just have the worse luck of anyone I have ever known! Probably both...I don't guess you have ever thought of taking up a different profession like maybe gardening because this whole I am Evil thing just doesn't work for you. Really…think about it cause you do realize Harry will eventually kill you with the way your luck is going, right?

Sixth year, sixth year, sixth year…now this one surprised me. It really did. A sixteen-year-old got further then you ever dreamed. If he lives long enough he might make an interesting Dark Lord…I look forward to seeing that…Not that your reign of hypocrisy hasn't thoroughly amused me. It has…really; I'll look back on you and laugh at the hilariousness of it all. But in all seriousness, your act of mini-vengeance turned out to be a good thing. Maybe you should just come up with stuff in fits of rage more often cause I am sure that is what happened…am I right? Yes I am. You were uber-furious about what had happened. Have I struck a nerve yet? I believe I ought to have considering I've broken down every mistake you have made since your first contact with the 'Boy-who-bloody-won't-die'. Okay back on track, I have to hand it to you…having Dumbledore die will be a great help to you, though no one is quite sure he is. Maybe luck will be with you and he is though I have a question, is the reason that you are so dense is because you spilt your soul into so many pieces or is that just you? Cause if everything was divided you had one hell of an ego when you were 'whole'; of course that is a Slytherin trait once again. One which is flawed in you but I have to say bravo to you for not just giving up after so many colorful failures.

Oh, that is right, Harry is about to enter his seventh and final year, isn't he? I cannot wait to see the elaborate and confusingly moronic scheme you conjure this time. I mean this is the grand finale you had better make it good! Go out with a bang as they say. Through you better bring back some honor to the Slytherin house and create a little mayhem first you hear me? This year I think Harry actually intends to step up and not run anymore. Yeah you're dead and you know it don't you. Sorry old chap, but you haven't got a prayer…but I do expect you to at least put on a good show…My condolences on your death, that has yet to happen though it will.

Pity…you were a good laugh. Well there are always the Weasley Twins to keep us occupied even though they are Gryffindors…

Your Ancient Ancestor,
Salazar Slytherin

"Sal, you do realize you have just doomed him right?"

"Silence. I'm banking on the young Malfoy to fill that gap."

"The ferret? Sal, you can't be serious."

"…Bugger off!"

Hey I hope ya'll liked it...it was sooo much fun to write!

Big Shout out to TonksandLupin...my Awesome beta reader!

Lisha