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Chapter 1: Hai, Kazuma Desu

Day 1

Yes, my name is Kazuma, and I'm a lucky bastard who's given the chance to respawn in Aincrad. Oh, you jelly? Come back and fight me when you have a LUK stat higher than 3.

That was what Satou Kazuma had wanted to say when he opened his eyes to a beautiful figure sitting cross-legged on a chair, offering him the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be reincarnated with the choice of a legendary item in his inventory.

What exactly had he done to deserve this privilege? Had he unlocked some secret quest option for dying so early? It was just moments ago that he had left the Town of Beginnings after the cloaked reaper had made the wretched announcement, and for once in his life, he had gone out of his way to help a female knight whom he had not met before and would probably never meet again, only to be trampled by a raging herd of boars–

Curse that stupid LARPer, she must have zero ACC to swing so poorly. Though I guess it doesn't matter if I'm still alive and about to be ten times stronger.

Hmm, should I go for the Cursed Sword Gram or the Holy Sword Excalibur? These must be the rarest items in Aincrad which I haven't seen in the beta.

"Hurry up, would you?" the blue-haired goddess snorted as she munched on her bag of chips, "I don't have all day. Why'd you choose to go back to that world anyway? Are you secretly a masochist or something? Everyone else would've gone with Belzerg, you know."

Chotto matte, what did she just say? There was a choice to NOT go back to Aincrad?

"What's Berserk, another game?" he found himself asking, trying not to stare too obviously at her high boots and sensuous thighs, which did seem a little out of place in the fantasy world he knew, not that he would ever complain. She was probably an exclusive easter egg, perhaps a reward for being among the most dedicated shut-ins who had spent countless hours and yen on the beta.

"It's Belzerg, you dummy," she snapped, pointing a finger at his nose, "that's the isekai where most hiki-NEETs like you go after they die. But you didn't even wait for me to explain before asking me to let you respawn in the death game."

"Hold on, aren't you some NPC?" he questioned, maintaining his composure despite a growing sense of dread, "Or are you a LARPer like that knight?"

"It's Aqua-sama the Goddess of Water, mortal," she retorted before bursting into annoying peals of laughter. "You're completely clueless, aren't you? That strange helmet thing must've really fried your brains out."

No. This can't be true. This can't be happening.

"I can show you if you don't believe me," she suggested helpfully, bringing up an image of his limp, lifeless body lying on a messy bed. "When was the last time you even left that room or talked to anyone? It's gonna stink in there if nobody knows you're gone."

In the deafening silence, he clutched his head, tearing at his hair, unable to accept the fact that he, a proud beta-tester and veteran gamer who had spent years of his waking life grinding for skills, items and experience, had just been killed by the lowest-level monsters on Day 1 of the death game.

"And that blonde girl you 'saved'? She was the one who had aggroed the mob herself."

Stop. Just stop. This must be the worst timeline ever. Even if he was a loner shunned by the cold, conformist society of riajuu outside the safety of his kotatsu, he was supposed to be a hero in the virtual world - someone, somebody, something, not a failure of a being that was rotting away as a corpse.

"Aww, come on," she softened a little as he stared at the rare items before him that suddenly seemed so hollow and meaningless, "everyone dies in the end, but at least you wouldn't be starting life in another world from zero."

"I-Is it too late to switch to Berserk now?"

"I'm sure the Black Swordsman would love to be in your shoes."

"Belzerg, BELZERG!"

"It isn't a walk in the park either, you lazy bum, you'll have to defeat the Demon King, and you know what - I have many more players to send on their way, so I'm not going to change–"

"You could've told me that from the start!"

"You weren't listening!"

"Useless Goddess!"

"Hiki-NEET!"

"Alright, you blue thing," he snarled, having established that Kayaba would certainly not have programmed such an AI, "if I'm going down, you'll be coming with me."

"H-Huh?"

"The one item in this room you said I could bring with me back to Aincrad?" he smirked as a light began to form around the goddess, "That'll be you."

"No– this has got to be illegal!" she screamed as a force greater than her own began the transfer process, and his grin only grew wider.

Oldest trick in the book - always wish for more wishes.

To hell with death, Kayaba, I've transcended reality with a literal goddess by my side. It's my second lease at life, and you bet I'm going to beat the shit out of this game.

Satou Kazuma - they'll say my name, and they'll be goddamned right.

Day 1 (Evening)

1st Floor - Town of Beginnings

"What do you mean you don't have any powers?" he nearly exploded at the bawling mess, just a minute after materialising outside the Monument of Life.

"There aren't any worshippers here, you idiot! At least on the other side I had a bunch of Axis cultists in the town of Axel, unless you'd like to start kissing and grovelling at my feet."

"In your dreams, useless goddess. Where's my Col and starting gear?"

"It's all here," she pointed at herself as more tears streamed from her eyes.

"Where? Spit it out!"

"I mean me, you bloody ingrate! This is what you chose, isn't it? I'm all that you've got."

"And what can you do? What do you have?"

"Pretty much nothing. What'd you expect? You didn't give me any time to pack."

"Wait," he gritted his teeth, pinching her in the cheeks, "so you're telling me I gave up all the Noble Phantasms in the world for this blue thing?"

In the speechless silence, she cried, her miserable wails attracting the attention of a few curious onlookers who began to point in their direction.

"A couple's quarrel in the first hour of a death game?"

"The girl's a knockout beauty but the guy's a sleazy one."

"He looks like a pervert, doesn't he?"

Grabbing her arm, he quickly dragged her away and hid behind a corner before the crowd could gather. In the unnerving quiet, he waited until the passers-by and busybodies had fully dispersed before releasing her, not realising that he had been clamping a hand over her mouth for the past many minutes.

"W-What are you doing t-touching me like that?" she hissed, leaping back to put some distance between them, "A-And w-what's this?"

Oh shit, the Harassment Code.

"Just click this button, thank you very much," he chuckled nervously as he guided her fingers across the screen, thanking the true gods of the universe that her 'INT' stat was rather low. Taking the opportunity to check out her skill list, he was unsure of what to make of the assortment of party tricks, though a few standouts like 'Heal' and 'God Blow' could have some value - if they could be used as described, that is.

"Well, I've added you to my party," he explained as she cast him a curious glance. "But whatever it is, we're definitely not friends."

"Fine with me," she shrugged, folding her arms, "as long as you take responsibility for dragging me here. It'll be 1 million Col for resurrecting you, and another 1 million for accompanying you through the hundred floors of this floating castle."

"Isn't that your job, useless goddess?" he scowled, frustrated but so very drained by the series of setbacks and shocking revelations in the past hour, "We're both broke as hell. Let's get some Col before nightfall so we have a place to sleep."

Nodding, she relented as he sighed. Without a blade at his disposal or money to buy one, it would be difficult nigh impossible to farm any mobs, and with the game economy at base level on the 1st floor, there was scant demand for player-made items, ruling out the possibility of setting up a shady store along the streets of Horunka.

Indeed, with the Cardinal System and NPCs running the world via seamless programming and automation, there was little room for socioeconomic mobility in the pseudo-medieval reality. Which meant the only option was to be a beggar or a thief–

Really, Kazuma? You're going to be a bandit?

"We'll just have to take on some simple quests and pray that we won't encounter any enemies along the way," he breathed, having never thought that he would ever have to stoop to, no, below the level of an absolute noob.

"Hey, Kazuma, I've just picked up 1,000 Col, how much have you made?" she snickered as he was barely halfway through the quest board, "Wanna know how I got the gold?"

Please don't tell me that God Blow means anything else other than a sacred punch.

"It's nothing dirty like that, you idiot!" she bonked him in the head, as if having read his mind, "My party tricks just came in handy after all."

"Let's not flaunt those skills too much," he dismissed, even as she continued to beam at her proud achievement of having earned the equivalent of a low-level drop. "We really wouldn't want to attract any unnecessary attention. This is Sword Art Online for goodness' sake - it could mean instant death or long-term mental imprisonment if we're banished from the servers for using magic."

In the ensuing silence, she looked away, disappointed. Clenching her fists, she hesitated, unable to find the words.

"Y-You're just jealous, aren't you?" she finally stammered, "I was just thinking of getting you a beginner sword, but it seems that I'd be better off spending it on myself."

"1,000 Col isn't much you know," he called out behind her as she headed for the nearest bar, "don't think too–"

Highly of yourself, he had wanted to say, but decided not to push the matter further. He was a nobody, with no real friends from the beta or the game, and as much as he despised the blue thing, all he really had in this cursed reality was her.

Just don't spend it all, he whispered as he staggered back towards the solemn halls of what used to be the Chamber of Resurrection. No one knew about his secret, and he certainly hoped to keep it that way. There was no telling what would happen if word got out that a player had made it back to the game, or that he had brought an actual goddess with him, even if she was but a useless one. At best, he would be swarmed by everyone to solo the frontlines on their behalf, though more likely than not, he would be branded as a hacker and a cheat - perhaps even a comrade of Kayaba, which would be very, very bad.

And if the mob were to come after him, he may very well be unable to respawn again, now that she had been stripped of her powers.

"Mourning a friend?" a voice interrupted his thoughts, and he nearly jumped out of his skin, not expecting anyone else to be around.

"Y-Yes," he stammered, averting his eyes from his name which had not been crossed out.

"Don't mind me, I'm just here to check on my senpai," the white-haired girl smiled as he stared at her bare midriff and short shorts.

"I see," he grunted, a little surprised by her apparent lack of sorrow, not that he cared to pry. "Sorry for your loss, but I guess she may be in a better place than the hell we're in. You may not believe it, but death really isn't the end."

"For humans, perhaps," she grinned as he felt a chill down his spine, "but not for beings made of data. Virtual existences like NPCs don't have souls - they may be retrieved by the system, but can't be reincarnated if they're deleted or destroyed."

"Who the hell are you and what are you trying to imply?" he spluttered, stunned by the sudden change in subject, "Excuse me, but you don't seem like you're here to grieve in that outfit."

"Says the young man in a green tracksuit," she giggled before turning to leave, "anyway, you know where to find me, if you'd like to learn a thing or two."

"How'd you–" he exclaimed, only for her to vanish into thin air, as if she had just logged out from the death game before his very eyes.

God, give me a break, I've already had enough trouble with the blue thing, he thought aloud as he searched the monument for the other name he had come to find - the one with four letters that rhymed with 'baka'. Satisfied to see that it was present and intact, he stepped out of the hall and headed for his first quest to gather enough Col before sunset.

After hours of running around like a headless chicken, evading monsters at every opportunity, he found her piss-drunk and penniless at the bar, having racked up a tab that he had to settle before he could carry her back to the stables, which was the only shelter that he could afford for the night.

"I don't feel so good," she uttered the moment he let her off, throwing up a rainbow beside the barn. Sighing, he could only pat her in the back, too tired to argue with the broken item that he had brought to Aincrad.

"It's been a long day," he exhaled as he prepared the beds of straw and grass, "let's just forget everything and sleep it off–"

"Wait," she interrupted, pulling out a long-shaped object wrapped in cloth. "For you."

Puzzled, he opened it to reveal a beginner sword that seemed to shine brighter than the legendary weapons that he had been offered earlier in the day.

"I-I've already got one, but I guess a spare wouldn't hurt," he stuttered, gingerly accepting the gift.

"I-It's not a present, hiki-NEET, I expect you to beat the game and repay me a thousandfold."

"This'll barely last a few floors, silly, and it isn't nearly enough to make up for all the trouble you've caused. I just hope you didn't have to put on a show and mess around with more magic at our expense."

"I did," she admitted, "But no matter how hard I tried, nobody seems to believe that I'm a goddess."

"Maybe you just aren't one in this world," he pointed out, "maybe you need to get off your high horse and pedestal to realise that you're no different from any regular player save for some unique skills. You'll get hungry if you don't eat, and puke if you drink too much."

And perhaps die if you're killed.

Forever, without respawns.

"I-I hate this, Kazuma," she sobbed, "y-you better take responsibility. I don't want to be a stupid, lowly human."

"Then be a smart one with higher INT."

"I don't want to–"

"Nobody would worship a useless goddess in a universe ruled by floor bosses and deadly monsters," he cut her short. "If we're ever going to make an impact, we'll have to clear this game the hard way."

"A-And if we can't? W-Will I be stuck here forever? Will I disappear without my powers?"

"I don't know," was all he could say as he closed his eyes to catch some much-needed sleep, "nobody does. That's why we'll just have to do our best until the very end."

Interesting, the knight grinned as he scrolled through the console feed from the privacy of his inn in Tolbana. Over the past few hours, the Cardinal system had detected multiple anomalies in a number of player accounts - seven, to be exact - despite the creator himself having taken precious time off launch day to bolster the defences and strengthen the firewalls on the servers which were already on full lockdown.

Yet, somehow, the interlopers had managed to slip past the encryption to trespass upon the sacred and forbidden castle that was the obsession of his childhood and the shared nightmare of ten-thousand souls, leaving him as intrigued as he was perplexed, unable to comprehend why anyone would ever want to break into the prison in the clouds.

Unless they're here to bust everyone out, his wry smile widened at the thought. The impregnable fortress was years of his blood, sweat and tears, and in the incarnating radius that was time and space, he was the god that made the rules and punishments. With the aberrant intrusions, he had all the reasons to rebalance the parameters, and in the exhilarating silence, he moved his fingers to make the adjustment–

Pain Limiter: 0

Welcome to Aincrad.

A/N: I'm back with my second fic! I plan to update this every other week, and I'd be glad to read your feedback and suggestions for future chapters in the meantime.

As always, fav/follows/reviews highly appreciated - feel free to check out my earlier work Reality Offline (AU crossover of SAO x Oregairu, completed - reviews welcome!)