Your lord loves you. This much is true. You remind yourself of this fact, unshakable as the stars within the sky, the soil upon this Earth. You toss upon the futon next to Kaede, and try to fall asleep.
At dawn you will carry water from the river back to the hut, and pick up branches from fallen trees to use as firewood. You will help Kaede get dressed, use the water to wash her face, the branches to stoke the flames. Autumn is dying and you hate it. Winter is coming and you hate it. You are waiting, as you always do, for him.
As a child you would stay put in the forest or a clearing, by the river or upon a mountain. You invented a thousand games, a million games to pass the time. Jaken was your begrudging participant, sometimes. Back then as it is now, it is all the same. There comes a time when your lord returns your side. In between, you keep yourself busy.
"Rin," Kaede calls. You step back into the hut and hold out your hands. Kaede can still walk, but it has become hard for her to get up from the ground herself. You feel her weight, the whole of it transferred to your arm. And she is up again. One slow step after the other. And the both of you are now walking down the old path that pierces through the heart of the village. For you, it is just another way to keep busy.
"What is the matter?" Kaede asks. She has noticed that you are distracted. She stops walking and lets her arm drop from your shoulder. You look back into her one good eye, into the maze of wrinkles and time. You cannot hide your feelings from her, not from anyone.
"I am worried about them," you confide. "The twins."
"Do you trust in him? That lord of yours?" Her eye, unblinking, searches you. You cannot hide. Not from Kaede. Not from anyone.
"Yes," you say. "Only…"
But words fail you. You lift up Kaede's arm. One step forward, then another. She steps in tune with your pace. The path before you is shrouded in fog, more so now than during your earlier expedition. Perhaps, later, it will rain. You hold on tight to Kaede. You do not want her to fall. It would be nothing short of a disaster, at this age.
"They are beautiful children," Kaede offers, reading your mind. At a different time, you might have blushed. And they are. Two splendid girls. His and your flesh, his and your blood. you would do anything for your lord. But you would do anything for them, too. Your Towa. Your Setsuna. Your children.
"Rin! Kaede!"
Two familiar faces emerge from the fog. It is lady Kagome, and her mate Inuyasha.
"How are you doing?" Kagome exclaims, ever so cheery. Despite the bags under her eyes and the weariness in her voice, she is in good spirits. "Oh, it is so nice to see you two."
"Rin takes good care of me," Kaede says with a smile. "For that, I am grateful."
Kagome is carrying some strange bag with straps across the front of her body, of a design and material you'd never seen before. Perhaps yet another contraption from her hometown. From the opening of the bag peeks a little brown head.
"We're taking Moroha out for a walk. Isn't that right?"
"Wah," goes the little head.
"You are behaving so well," Kagome gushes, stroking the babe's forehead. "Good girl…"
Inuyasha rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, after crying her head off all night…"
"Where's Sesshomaru?" Kagome inquires. "Do you have news about the twins? Will he be back with them soon?"
"He is on his way," you say. It is not a lie, because it is true. He has come for you so many times before. And he shall come to you again, this time and the next.
"I can't believe it," Inuyasha scoffs. "Leavin' ya here all alone like this."
"It was only to protect us," you rebuke. You do not like the way that he questions you.
"It still ain't right," Inuyasha continues. "It ain't like you're still some little girl he picked up from a forest… You're his wife now, Rin."
"Towa and Setsuna, right?" Kagome continues, graciously changing the subject. "Oh, I don't know how you do it. If Morhoa was separated from me, I'd be simply heartbroken. I trust Sesshomaru too, but it must be hard being away from the twins..."
"He probably ate 'em," Inuyasha grins.
There is a smashing sound as Inuyasha's face hits the dirt. You let out a giggle.
"Ga, woo," Morhoa chimes in. Kaede, too, shakes her head. Justice is served.
"Take care, okay?" Kagome says, kind eyes flashing with concern. "And give us news."
"Okay," you say. You stare one last time at the bag strapped to her breast, and the little head poking out of it. You try to hate them a little, Kagome and Inuyasha and their happy little family. But it is impossible. Hate is not in your nature. Instead, you smile and wish them the best in the world, and watch as Kagome drags her groaning husband out of view.
When you are home, you press wet, warm cloths to your breasts. They are swollen and painful, full of the milk that you cannot give. A woman in the village has died during childbirth. Later you will extract the milk and deliver cupfuls to the hungry little babe. It is nothing, you will tell the grieving father and grandparents. And you will return to Kaede's side.
"It is difficult," Kaede sighs, "to know how a demon thinks."
"I know," you say. The fire crackles at the foot of your futons. You consider whether you should put it out. The extra warmth is welcome, but you do not relish the idea of staying up any later to tend to it.
"I trust in my lord," you only say, and put out the fire.
"It does not mean that you must agree with the way he does things."
You pull the covers over your head, trying to fall asleep. But you cannot. They are all you can think of. Your children. You heard their little cries pierce through the night. Towa. Setsuna. Two perfect girls. You felt them struggle through the vessel of your body and into the world. You braced yourself, teeth clenched, as Sango placed warm towels on your face and Kagome held your hand. Kaede wrapped them in blankets and brought them to you. Two perfect girls. One white-haired like him, the other brown-haired like you. Precious little eyes, of a color you have never seen before.
Towa. Setsuna. The names that you chose, until now a secret. Even to your lord.
And wasn't he there, your lord? Protecting over you, on the other side of the hut. Claw at the hilt of his sword, ready to slice up any threat that neared them. And yet, still so far. He did not place warm towels on your face, or hold your hand, or encourage you to push. He did not place gentle kisses on your face, or look up teary-eyed and pale, all but having fainted from emotion. He was not Sango or Kagome or Kaede or Miroku or Inuyasha. And after it was done, he came to take your children away.
And you waited a day.
You waited a week.
You waited a moon.
And he has not returned.
You have kept busy, passing time in this village where nothing of consequence happens. There is a life out there, somewhere. In it, your lord and your children. Such is the only life worth living. And so you wait.
But tonight, you are tired of waiting.
You crawl out of the covers, and slide back into your yukata. Kaede is sound asleep, snoring gently. She is also a little hard of hearing. If you step lightly, she will not stir.
You step through the forest and into the open field of flowers, further than you are supposed to go. There is no demon slayer here on patrol, no Kagome or Sango or Kaede to find you in case you are lost or hurt. It is not safe here, you are told. But still you come, night after night, to gaze at the stars.
And they are beautiful. Just as they've always been, on the nights you'd stared up at them as a child. A shooting star, brighter than any you've seen before, burns across the sky. An omen. You used to make a wish when you saw shooting stars. Some silly kid's thing that Kagome taught you once. It was always the same wish, repeated over and over as a prayer. To be at your lord's side, forever. But tonight, for the first time, your wish is different.
That your children may be safe always.
Towa. Setsuna.
And you long to meet them, to hold them, to offer them the warm milk from your breasts, and the love from your heart.
Tonight, a woman named Otsuyu will appear before you. Her cursed scale will land on your neck, and sear into your flesh. But you will not resist, you will not scream. It is because you know, deep in your deepest heart, that he will come for you. This time, like the thousand times before, your lord will save you. This much is true, unshakable as the stars within the sky, the soil upon this Earth.
When his arms wrap around you, it is like a dream. A never-ending dream, that you are falling into, forever.
Just like you've been waiting for.