Chapter 19: Advice

The ceiling is white.

For the past hour, Marinette has been lying supine in bed trying to sort through the jumble of thoughts and feelings coursing through her body. She came to a single conclusion. The ceiling is white. She remembered nothing else from the last hour.

Turning to her side, she felt wetness on her temple. She lifted her head to look down and found two rather large wet patches on the pillow cover where her head rested a moment before.

Could you get dehydrated because of tears?

The thought brought a small quirk of a smile to her lips, lasting a split second. At least she didn't lose her sense of humor.

Because I've lost everything else.

With a sob, she fell prone onto her bed, adding more tears to the wet pillow. She was upset, but not surprised. She should have expected this to happen. How could she even consider that he wanted her? Wanted to be with her, with Marinette. The clumsy, hopeless, useless, pointless Marinette.

"I'm so stupid. I got what I deserve," she berated herself. "He's this perfect, amazing, handsome, kind, caring, compassionate, wonderful guy. He has no reason to be with me."

"Stop it!"

Marinette looked up in surprise. Was there someone in the room?

"Hello?"

There was no response. After a short time, she flopped back onto the bed. She was imagining things.

"Great, now I'm losing my mind."

"Stop putting yourself down."

Marinette shot up out of bed in a panic. Someone was in her room. She stood and listened, but all was quiet. She descended the stairs and looked around her room. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Empty. There is no one here.

She walked the length of her room towards the trapdoor, past her full-length mirror, past her chaise lounge, then spotted red in the corner of her eye. She whipped around and jumped back in surprise.

"Ladybug!"

Ladybug stood in the middle of her room, dressed in her trademark red and black suit.

"You! What are you doing here?" Marinette asked in shock. Maybe not the best way to react to a superhero standing in your room?

Ladybug looked at her for a while before she lectured her.

"It isn't your fault."

"What?"

"He shouldn't treat you this way. You're neither useless nor ordinary. You are special."

"What are you on about? You come here to... to what? Give me a pep talk?"

"Listen. You're amazing and incredible. You mustn't let any man treat you any differently."

"What do you know?" This superhero was getting on her nerves.

"I know you, Marinette. I know you have achieved many things." She held out her hand and counted on her fingers. "You're a leader: You were the class rep. A talented designer: Even Jagged Stone loves your designs. A wonderful daughter; you help your parents all the time. And, you're a great friend."

"Past, past, and past. All gone. Now there's nothing special about me. All that's left is clumsy me, everything I touch falls apart. I can't do anything right. Why would Adrien want me?"

Ladybug's clenched fists shook. She closed her eyes, stomped around in a circle, and growled. "You're so frustrating. Get a backbone."

She sighed, took a deep breath and looked back at Marinette.

"Adrien should want you. He's the blind idiot who can't see how wonderful you are." Now she had pity in her eyes.

Pity! I don't need your pity!

"It's because of you! If it wasn't for you, this wouldn't have happened. It is you he wants, not me. I confused him and he ended up being with me when he wanted to be with you. I did this to him. I tricked him to get him to come home with me," Marinette almost shouted. She stopped, took a long breath, and added in a whisper. "I was a mistake."

"Listen to yourself!" Ladybug was beside herself, her face almost as red as her suit. "You did not make him do anything. You did not confuse him. Adrien took advantage of you. He used you and then threw you away. You are not a mistake. The only mistakes are your feelings for Adrien."

"No! Don't say that. I love him. I love him more than anything."

"You shouldn't. He isn't the person you think he is. He's not this caring person you admire so much. Look at how he treats a wonderful woman as yourself? You shouldn't love such a man. How could anyone love such a fake, a pretender, a deceiver?"

"I…I" Ladybug become blurry as the tears gathered and then flowed down. She tasted their salty flavor. "You!" Marinette lashed back. "It is your fault. You stole him from me. You, with your sexy clothes, brave fighting and fake relationship with Chat Noir. I cannot compete with you. I never had a chance. I lost him to you before I even walked through the door."

"I don't want him." Ladybug ran her hand in the air as if brushing him away. "I don't want a relationship, it's a distraction. Not with Adrien and not with Chat. You can have them both."

"How? The only reason Adrien even noticed me was you. He looked at me and all he thought about was you. Not me. You, you, you!"

Marinette attempted to shove Ladybug, but missed and crashed into the mirror. The mirror toppled against the wall and, by a miracle, did not break. Marinette lifted the mirror, securing it so it wouldn't fall.

"And you…" she turned, but there was no one there.

The bitch ran away. The moment she's under attack, she turns around and flees.

"Not as brave as everyone thinks, are you?" she accused the empty room.

Marinette stood staring into nothing, trying to process.

Adrien wants Ladybug, not me.

Adrien does not want Marinette. Special, beautiful Marinette. Isn't that what Ladybug said? Ladybug thinks Marinette is special, but Adrien doesn't? Then what was last night about? If she did not trick Adrien then why did he kiss her? What was she to him?

Adrien. The love of my life. Is he the love of my life?

Ladybug said he used her. Did he? Did he take advantage of her? It didn't feel that way this morning. She welcomed him with open arms.

But now he says it was a mistake!

I am not a mistake!

All this time she spent loving him. All this time looking at him, wanting him, craving him. Now she's a mistake?

No Adrien! You are my mistake.

A/N Next Chapter: "More mistakes"