Recovery
Chapter Ten
McKay was out of breath and so relieved to feel the heat of the fire when he arrived that it took him a moment to be able to answer the dozens of questions John and the rest threw at him.
"Would you guys just shut up a minute!" Rodney yelled from frustration. When they settled down and gave him a chance to talk, he continued. "She's OK, I think. But she doesn't want to come back to camp. I don't think she is up to facing any of you, not yet."
"Well, we can't just leave her down there." Insisted John.
"I have no intention of leaving her there!" Rodney showed his irritation that they would actually think he would even consider the notion. "Look, she's cold and, I have no doubt, in shock. I need to get her warm and into some dry clothes."
He looked at Shepherd, his blue eyes full of fear and concern. "She blocked out the memory of all the people we've lost. That's what this whole camping thing was for, to try to get her to remember so she can get past it." He paused. "I had no idea it would affect her like this. It might take her a while to be able to come back to camp."
John followed him while he gathered some of the firewood and a sleeping bag. "Shouldn't we get her back so Carson could take care of her?"
Rodney shook his head. "She just needs time. I'll be back in the morning…"
"Look, Rodney, everything you need is here, go and get her." John interrupted him before he could refuse again. "We'll leave everything and go back to Atlantis. I'll leave a radio with you so you can call if you need help. I'll let Elizabeth and Carson know what's happened and come get you tomorrow."
McKay looked up at Shepherd, so much was written on the man's face. "Carson knows, but tell him anyway."
"Do me a favor." He put his hand on Rodney's shoulder. "Tell her… Just tell her that her friends love her."
He nodded and grabbed his jacket before running back down the way he had come.
Casie was shivering uncontrollably when Rodney, again out of breath, dropped to the sand beside her and wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. She barely acknowledged his presence till he pulled her to her feet.
"Come on, you've got to get back to the fire." She shook her head and tried to fight off his hands. "Wait… listen… Do you hear that?" He pointed to the sky. "They're leaving. Going back to the city so you can come back to camp and get warm." Casie stopped fighting him and looked up in time to see the puddle jumper rising over the trees and head off in the direction of Atlantis. "It's just you and me now. No one here but us. Please, Casie, I have to get you warmed up!"
She nodded slowly and allowed him to help her as she stumbled back to camp.
Rodney set her on the drift log beside the fire while he rummaged through bags to find a change of clothing for both of them. Handing her some sweat pants and a dry shirt, he noticed that she stared blankly into the fire. Casie made no attempt to warm herself or to remove her still soaked jeans.
"Oh… uh… I'll give you some privacy so you can change into those." He picked up his bundle. "I'll go back over there and change. Just let me know when you're done." As he started to walk away, the pants he had given to her fell from her hands to the sand. Still, she sat there staring into the fire as if mesmerized by the flames. "Come on Casie, you need to get out of those and get dried off!" No movement from her at all.
McKay was exasperated. What was he going to do if he couldn't get her to listen? Teyla could have helped her out of her clothes… but Teyla was gone now. What the hell was he going to do? Then he got an idea.
"OK, here's the plan, Casie…" Rodney grabbed a sleeping bag and held it between them. "I'll hold this up and you go ahead and get out of your wet clothes." He held it up till his arms started to feel like lead. Hearing no movement from her at all, he cautiously peeked over the top. Frustration boiled over as he dropped the sleeping bag to the ground. She hadn't moved a muscle.
Heaving a big sigh and accepting the inevitable, he knelt down in front of her. "New plan, Case… I'll help you." Feeling his hands start to shake with nervousness, Rodney reached forward to unbutton her jeans. "Just… don't hit me, OK?" He stopped when his fingers reached for the zipper and picked up the sweat pants. Laying them across her lap, he again fumbled with her pants. "You know…" Rodney stuttered. "I'm doing my best to be a gentleman. God knows I don't have much experience being one. Or taking off a woman's clothes for that matter … but then, I wouldn't normally admit that to you… Not that I haven't dreamed of…"
He continued to babble frantically while he got her dried off and into the sweat pants. When he looked up again, Casie was looking calmly at his face.
"O…K…" His heart thumped as he looked at her and knew what came next. The shirt she was wearing was visibly wet half way up her chest. He reached out to grab the hem of the t-shirt when their hands touched, making him jump. As their eyes met, Casie pulled the shirt over her head, leaving her wearing just a lacy, well-filled bra. "Oh my…" Rodney gasped, as he gave her a shirt and quickly turned around. He looked at the fire… he looked at the tents… he looked anywhere else, while he tried to produce enough spit to swallow the huge lump in his throat.
"Rodney…" It was barely above whisper. He turned slowly to find her dressed and standing behind him, fear written in her eyes. "Don't ever die…" She threw her arms around him. "I don't think I could stand to lose you too!"
He held her, stroking her hair, trying to assure her that would never happen. Finally, she pulled back from him.
"You're wet." It came out more as an accusation than a statement.
"So were you." He smiled and spread the sleeping bag next to the fire. "Why don't you lay down and get warm while I go change." Rodney left her there, feeling a bit better that she was, at least, responding to him now.
When he returned, Casie had climbed into the sleeping bag and was staring into the glowing coals of what was left of the fire. He added a few more pieces of wood and started to spread his sleeping bag on the other side of the fire from her.
"Over here." She said. "If you don't mind, would you sleep over here?"
"Uh… OK." So Rodney dragged his bedding over next to her and crawled in, leaving plenty of space between them.
As John lifted the jumper off the ground and turned back toward Atlantis he thought of what Casie and all the rest of the scientists there had gone through. It was one thing for a soldier, they signed up for danger. From the time they took the oath they knew they could die doing their job, but how many of those young people who decided to go to college and get a degree in botany or physics thought that they might die when they got their dream job. He knew that's how most, if not all the scientists in Atlantis thought of it, the ultimate dream job. To actually go to another galaxy… Sure, they were told it could be dangerous, but just driving your car to the corner store could kill you on Earth. How could they have known they would face the loss of so many of their friends and colleagues? How could any of us have known we would come face to face with a race that made the Goa'uld look wimpy?
"Major?" Ford interrupted his thoughts. "Do you think she'll be OK?"
"Ya, she'll be fine." John tried to sound positive. "She may never recover from being left on the mainland with McKay though."
"No kidding, Casie may decide to take you down like she did Cavanaugh." He paused. "It's just… Casie… ya know… She's always so upbeat."
"That may be her problem, Aiden." Said Teyla. "She's always been happy and positive in her outlook for everyone around her. Perhaps she did it so others wouldn't feel so bad."
"I know it helped me many times, to see her smile." Zelenka interjected.
"I remember one time," said John, "When Rodney hadn't slept for two or three days and taking stimulants besides. It was just before the first attack, he was yelling at everyone and tore into Casie for something…"
"I think I know when you are talking about." Said Radek. "When he stopped to take a breath, she told him that if he didn't stop hitting on her she was going to accuse him of sexual harassment. He just stood there with his mouth open. She pulled a power bar out of his jacket and stuffed it in his mouth. Low blood sugar, she said to me and went back to her work. But it did calm him down a bit."
"I don't know how she does it." Ford shook his head.
"Do what?" Asked Shepherd.
"Put up with McKay. All she does is smile at him or laugh… Doesn't she ever get mad?"
"Well, she certainly put Cavanaugh in his place."
"Ya, but she wasn't mad. She was totally calm. I sure would have been mad, actually, I was!"
"I saw her get mad one time." Said Radek. "She was trying to move the desiccating oven in her lab when it slipped and dropped onto her hand. I learned a few new words in English that day."
"That's not mad, that's hurt." Laughed John. "Maybe that's why she's working out with you, Teyla. Didn't you say she needed to work off some frustration?"
"Yes, and now that you mention it, Casie is more serious when we spar than any other time I see her. She is very determined to do well. She had so many bruises on her one day, I had to insist we stop and go to see Dr. Beckett. She argued all the way to the infirmary."
"Now there's something for Heightmeyer…" John said under his breath. "Atlantis, this is Jumper 1 on approach, anyone awake there?" He said into his mic.
"Jumper 1, Atlantis. You're back early, I thought you guys were hitting the beach for a couple days." Came the response.
"Ya well, things change. Would you ask Dr. Weir if I could see her and Dr. Beckett in her office as soon as we land?"
"Sure thing, Jumper 1. Roof is open and you're clear to land."
"Thanks."
A few minutes later, John was sitting in Dr. Weir's office waiting for her to arrive when Carson Beckett came running into the room wearing a grubby t-shirt and some old stretched out sweatpants looking like he had just crawled out of bed. Which made sense, since it was almost 3:00 AM Atlantis time.
"What happened?" He exclaimed. "Where's Casie?"
"Calm down, Doc. Sit down, I'll explain everything when Elizabeth gets here." Shepherd leaned on his knees and scrubbed at his face, he was feeling terrible. The combination of the late hour as well as the large amount of alcohol he'd had along with shock and worry made him feel like hell. And he knew that his flying showed it when he set the jumper down a bit too hard in the landing bay.
"At least tell me if she's in her room, I'd like to see her."
Elizabeth Weir entered the room just then looking surprisingly alert for being woken up at such an un-godly hour.
"What's going on? John, why are you back?"
John slumped back in his chair. "You'd better sit down, this is gonna take a while."
When he had finished reporting on what had happened, he fell silent and stared out the window.
"You just left her there… alone… with Rodney? Carson blurted out.
"There really wasn't much of a choice, Doc. Besides, we're talking 'alone with Rodney'. She's as safe as if she were with your mother."
"I don't like the idea of you leaving them there either, and not for the same reasons Carson has. She should…"
"Elizabeth," John began. "I'm no shrink, but I've seen post traumatic stress. What she needs tonight is someone who cares about her that she feels safe with." He sighed. "God only knows why, but she turned to McKay for help and to tell you the truth, it's the first time since I've known him that Rodney wasn't thinking of himself. I think we need to let him help her through it, at least for tonight. There's time for her to see Dr. Heightmeyer later. Right now what she needs most is a shoulder to cry on."
Sighing, Elizabeth leaned on her desk. "I suppose you're right. We'll contact Rodney in the morning." She looked at her watch. "Well, later this morning. Before you go get them I'll have a talk with Dr. Heightmeyer, let her know what's happened. Meanwhile, I need to get some sleep. I'll see you two at breakfast." She rose and returned to her quarters leaving the two men still in her office.
"I don't like it!" Carson glared at John.
"What, that Casie flipped out or that she's alone out there with McKay?"
"You just left her there! She's vulnerable! You left her with a man who hasn't been with a woman in… who knows how long!"
"Carson, this is Rodney we're talking about! In the first place, he cares for and respects Casie too much to take advantage of her. Besides, Rodney has all the smooth moves of a bull dozer, not to mention, Casie could probably whip his ass if he did try something."
Carson's outrage turned quickly into a pout. "Yes, unless she wanted him to."
John got up and lifted the doctor by the arm out of his chair. "Not gonna happen. Not tonight anyway." He put his arm around Carson's shoulder as they slowly left the office. "It's our lot in life that all the really cute and spunky scientists in Atlantis are attracted to other guys. Look at it this way… it's McKay, not Cavanaugh!"
It had been a rough night for Rodney McKay, with Casie crying off and on and the nice but disquieting reality of her cuddling close to him made it almost impossible for him to get any sleep till nearly dawn. When he did finally wake up, nature was screaming at him to find the nearest tree to rid himself of all the alcohol he'd had the night before. He shivered as he carefully climbed out of his sleeping bag so as not to disturb Casie, and staggered through the morning fog to the treeline. He never fancied himself as a nature boy, but he was exceedingly grateful for the relief. He just hoped he didn't get bit or stung in a very sensitive area.
"Coffee… Ya, that's what I need, massive amounts of nice hot coffee." He thought as he wound his way around the driftwood back to camp. Coaxing the fire back to life with fresh wood wasn't something he was good at but if he intended to replenish his caffeine reserves, he would have to give it his best shot.
While he waited for the coffee to brew, he decided to climb back into the relative warmth of his sleeping bag. That was when he realized that Casie wasn't in hers. He thought she'd been there when he first woke up, but where was she? Rodney looked around franticly calling her name but got no response. How far did sound carry in the fog? He knew it was different from clear weather and his mind raced to find the information in his cluttered mind till he realized through the panic that finding the right equation was superfluous.
He ran down to the water where he found her tracks in the wet sand. Calling her name, he followed the tracks till he heard a faint noise in the distance.
"I'm here!" The voice was faint but unmistakable. Rodney found her sitting on a log, her face again wet with tears.
Rodney threw his arms around her in relief but quickly regained his composure and let her go. "You scared the crap out of me!"
"I didn't want to wake you." She mumbled, dropping her eyes from him. "I had a dream about Peter."
"You didn't want to wake me, but you scared me to death." Exasperation was clearly audible in his voice.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
"Gees," He expelled all his pent up anxiety in one huge sigh. "Don't worry about it, I'm not mad. Just incredibly stupid and insensitive."
This brought a half smile to her lips. "You're anything but stupid."
"Oh, just insensitive. Come on, I made coffee." He pulled her off the log and led her back to camp, where he found the coffee boiling over and the pot almost dry. Between his ranting, Casie grabbed the coffee pot from him.
"Damn, you're a total bitch before you've had your morning coffee!" she said. "Go sit down and let me do it. Yours would probably taste like mud anyway."
As he sat on his sleeping bag and leaned against the log he said. "I'm not a bitch… and who says I can't make coffee?"
"Radek."
"Figures!" He grumbled.
After she had set the pot near the fire Casie sat next to Rodney and pulled her sleeping bag over her lap, offering to share, she threw part of it over him as well. They sat quietly watching the flames of the campfire and waited for the coffee.
"You're not insensitive." Casie stated a few minutes later. "Last night was proof enough of that. I'm really sorry I worried you, but when I woke up from that dream…"
"Don't worry about it."
"It's just that you stayed awake for so long last night that I didn't want to wake you when I felt the tears starting again." Casie laid her head on her knees.
"I miss him too." Rodney felt his throat tighten. "I'm sure not as much as you. I know you two were…"
"He was my best friend here." She looked up at McKay. "I know there were rumors about us, but that's all they were."
"Oh, well…" he said with a bit of relief in his voice. "I never thought…"
"Yes, you did. That's the way he wanted it, but I wasn't his type." She shook her head.
"He must have been dumber than I thought."
Casie started to object to hearing her best friend portrayed as less that what he was, a genius, not to McKay's level, but still a genius. Then she realized what Rodney had meant.
"Rodney, Peter was gay. When I said I wasn't his type, I really meant it." She watched his face to see his reaction to this revelation. When there was no response other than a slight indication of shock, she continued. "He didn't want anyone on Atlantis to know."
"Why would he want to hide it? Well, I guess that's kind of a dumb question."
"He especially didn't want you to know."
"Why?"
"He respected you, hon. Peter couldn't stand the thought of seeing disgust and rejection on your face. He loved working with you… even if you guys did butt heads all the time."
"I never would have…"
"Maybe not you, but I can think of several people who would have ostracized him, and not just the military faction here."
They both sat quietly for several minutes. Rodney tried to remember any indication in Peter's mannerisms that might have hinted at his sexual preference, then he realized that he was doing exactly what all those others would have done, compare him to all the stereotypes of gay men that you see in movies. He was disgusted with himself, he had liked Peter and didn't care if he was gay or straight. At least, he hoped he wouldn't have. Then something occurred to him.
"If he didn't want anyone to know, how did you?"
"I'm very observant." She smiled at his reaction. "We were eating a late lunch one day. About a month after we got here. I noticed he kept watching a guy eating his lunch and wondered what was wrong with the guy. Then when he got up to leave the area," Casie chuckled. "Peter kept his eyes on the guy's butt as he walked away, you know, the way I might do. I just said, quietly of course, 'So, you're gay, huh?'" Casie laughed again. "You should have seen the look on his face. Well, we had a long talk, he realized I didn't care who he had in his bed and our friendship was solidified then and there."
"He was lucky to have you to open up to." Rodney admitted.
"I was the one that was lucky, we had more fun… Between our mutual love of music and scoping out guys for each other… I think he was the best friend I've ever had." Casie became quiet again and laid her head back down on her knees.
"So…" He decided to try to lighten her mood. "Who's butt was it that he was watching? Wasn't mine was it?"
"Uh, no… sorry. He left that to…" She stopped before finishing what she was going to say. "It was John. Peter had a serious crush on him. Um… that's just between you and me, hon."
Rodney looked terribly hurt. "I would never…!"
Casie nudged him on the arm. "See, I said you weren't insensitive."
"Maybe its just tact that I lack." Rodney muttered. He was acutely aware of the warmth of her next to him and tried to ignore it.
"I've noticed that about some geniuses." She smiled sadly at him. "I lived with one whose sarcasm and tactlessness make you look like an amateur."
"Your ex?" he asked surprised.
Casie shook her head and her smile grew. "My dad. That man could flay you before you knew what hit you. Scared a lot of his students, even Carson. He almost dropped out of school till Dad realized he might lose his most promising student and let up on him."
"Carson almost gave up medicine?"
"Ya, but Dad kinda took him under his wing. I had to give Carson some pointers on how to deal with Dad and he got to the point where he could ignore the jabs. That's probably why Carson and you are such good friends. A bit of nostalgia I guess."
"Is that why you tolerate me, cause I remind you of your father?" Rodney chuckled but Casie's smile disappeared and she got up quickly.
"Hardly."
"Then why do you? I'm not known for my delightful personality."
"That coffee should be ready." She said.
After pouring them both a cup she returned to the place she so abruptly vacated a few moments before.
"Oh, that goes down good." Exclaimed Rodney after he drained half of his.
"Why do you bother with a cup? Just hook up an IV."
"Then I couldn't taste it or feel the heat going down my throat. Besides, I hate needles."
Casie smiled, then after gazing into her cup for several minutes she said, "I guess I should go talk to Kate now, huh? I mean, instead of dragging you down with my messed up head."
"Might be a good idea, she's easier to talk to once you take that first step into her office." Rodney emptied his cup and got up to find the radio Shepherd had left for them. "And you don't drag me down, you can talk to me anytime."
Shortly thereafter, they reached Atlantis on the radio, assuring a frantic Carson Beckett that Casie was alright and requested that John Shepherd fly out to pick them up.
"John said it should take him about 20 minutes to get here." Said Rodney. "Guess we should pack all this stuff up."
Casie sighed. "I suppose everyone on Atlantis has heard by now."
McKay paused as he poured a bucket of water on the fire. "Heard what?"
"About last night." She turned away from him and continued to shake the sand out of the sleeping bags.
"I doubt it. John and the others would never say anything, except to Carson and Elizabeth." Casie said nothing more while they packed up the gear and stacked it.
Just as they sat down to munch on a power bar and wait, they heard the engines on the puddle jumper approaching from the north and watched as it set down gently on the beach a short distance from them. The hatch dropped open and Shepherd ambled down the ramp.
Casie, feeling suddenly shy at the approach of her friend, hung back as Rodney handed him a cooler.
"How's she doing?" asked John when he and Rodney reached the jumper before Casie.
"She'll be OK, still awfully quiet though." He whispered.
As Casie reached the jumper, Rodney offered to take the tents she was loaded down with. When she started to refuse Shepherd said, "Damn woman, let him take it! It's the first time I've ever seen him volunteer to lug anything around!"
"Very funny!" Rodney growled.
When she handed over her load, John came over to her.
"Come here you." He said then scooped her up into a bear hug and kissed her on the cheek. After which, he set her down and without a word went back to loading the ship.
Casie stared at his back as he walked away.
"See! I told you." Rodney said looking down at her.
"Told me…?" She asked.
"That you have friends who… who care a lot about you." Rodney stumbled over the words in his rush to say them.
"Ya." She said. "I guess I'm pretty lucky."
They enlisted several people to help unload the supplies after returning to Atlantis so it took no time at all. When they realized that it was now empty except for them, Rodney started to close the hatch when Casie stopped him.
"You wanted to know why…" She said to him.
He turned to look at her, puzzled for just a moment. Then he remembered their conversation on the beach only an hour before and sat down on the bench in the back of the jumper and waited.
Casie walked over to stand in front of him, looking for a moment into his blue eyes then gently cupped his face with her hands. "Because I like you, Rodney McKay." She said quietly, then kissed him lightly on the lips and walked away.
After the shock wore off, or most of it anyway, Dr. Rodney McKay realized that his life was going to be getting a bit more complicated for a while. But as he closed the hatch at the back of the puddle jumper, a crooked smile tugged at his lips.
THE END