Drunk

by Ozzyols

A bill signing, Two drunk staffers, Spooning and Algae eaters.

Drunk

by: Ozzyols

Character(s): Josh, Sam, Donna, Leo, Jed, CJ, Abbey
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Friendship… little bit UST
Rating: TEEN
Summary: What happens when you let Sam and Josh out on the town?.
Spoiler: Set Between "In the Shadow of Two Gunmen" and all points after while Sam was still around.
Feedback: Like money, it makes the world go round. Reproduction? Go for it. Big thanks to Caz, who although didn't beta this one for me (and I am sure I will be chastised accordingly) has been a great support in this and all my other fics bubbling away.

Josh closed his eyes and attempted to brace his throbbing head in his hands.

"Oh my God," Sam said, enunciating his words very carefully.

"I've never been this drunk," Josh moaned as quietly as possible.

Sam regarded his friend with bloodshot eyes. "Sure you have."

"Ah'Kay" Josh slurred. "Maybe just a couple of times in college… you know… during my… my… youthful brush with stupidity"

"Congressional Aides to Congresswoman Martinez?" Sam prompted.

"Then too."

"Hmmm," Sam murmured sagely, the added after a long, possibly thoughtful pause, "I've been this drunk before."

"Really? When?

Sam paused again, a confused expression on his face as he stared at the ceiling. "I don't remember. But I remember telling myself to remember; and I would have remembered too… If I had been sober when I had remembered what I was remembering."

After trying in vain to decipher what the hell Sam had just said, Josh decided that the effort was just too painful and found something else to think about. "I've never been thrown out of a bar before."

"Sure you have," Sam chuckled in a hearty voice, making both men whimper.

Josh attempted to clear his head by giving it a tentative shake and realised his error a moment too late. The Roosevelt Room continued to slew back and forth even after he had managed to stop his head moving. Josh could swear he heard what could pitifully be identified as the remains of his brain sloshing noisily inside his skull. Swallowing carefully Josh attempted to once again to speak. "Do you think she will tell anyone?"

"Who?"

"Sista Feminista." The two friends looked at each other and started giggling insensibly. The giggling came to an abrupt stop when the door into the Roosevelt room opposite Leo's office opened.

Josh braced himself, absolutely certain that the slamming of the door was going to kill him – he wished they would get on with it.

CJ stood in the doorway with Leo and Donna. "Oh God!" Leo groaned frowning at his two inebriated staffers. "They're pathetic."

Through hazy eyes Josh could vaguely make out Donna trying to choke back laughter. He was pretty certain if he had been sober he would have been offended. Oh well, he could save that for a later time.

"Aren't they though," a new, vaguely familiar voice added. As Josh's liquor addled brain attempted desperately to identify the speaker, the person stepped forward, their soft footsteps making the room vibrate around Josh. Finally the 'shadowman' came into blurry focus revealing to Josh's ultimate horror… The President.

"Besident Pratlet" Sam slurred as both he and Josh attempted to lurch to their feet.

Sam had a little more success than Josh who merely managed a semi upright lurch before gravity pulled him firmly back into his seat, his head swimming. Sam however managed somehow to get his feet under himself, and worse still he seemed to have the coordination to stop himself before he took a nose dive onto the conference table.

"How the hell did you do that?" Josh grumbled, annoyed at being betrayed by his own inability to remain perpendicular.

"Sealegs" Sam replied in that infuriatingly superior tone of his. He turned and compounded Josh's disgruntlement by backing up his tone with his trademark smirk. Josh was about to say a disparaging and very off colour comment about the sea and the men who ventured onto it when Sam hiccuped – the force of which threw him wildly off balance. Josh watched with pleasure as Sam's tenuous grip on his own perpendicularity came to an abrupt and spectacular end, but instead of falling back down into his chair with a bizarre modicum of grace like Josh had, Sam discovered that his chair was no where to be found. With a suddenly flailing of arms and legs Sam found himself rather unceremoniously butt first on the floor looking up over the edge of the table at Leo and the President.

Josh let out one mighty laugh and instantly regretted it. The noise rushing through his ears sounded like the collected works of John Phillip Souza. Groaning in agony he dropped his head down onto the cool wood of the table with a resounding thunk. "Ow." He heard rather than saw Sam haul himself back up into the chair beside him. At that moment, Josh was far too interested in the swirling wood grain of the table under his throbbing head. It was so peaceful.

It took Josh a few moments more to realise that the only sound in the room seemed to be the kettle drum beating of his own heart in his ears. Cautiously he looked up, blinking several times to regain his focus before settling on the very displeased countenance of his boss. Even in his state Josh could see that Leo was breathing in deeply… Josh feared whatever came out of Leo's mouth next, really would kill him.

"Please don't yell," Josh finally whimpered trying to pre-empt the inevitable.

Leo arched an eyebrow. "I wouldn't dream of yelling," he replied, his gravely voice never the less rattling Josh's bones to the marrow. "There would be absolutely no point in me yelling at either of you. You'd both be on the floor unconscious before I finished a sentence. So what I am going to do instead is…"

"Oh God." Sam whined beside Josh. "He's gunna take us out to the woodshed," Sam paused, "do we even have a woodshed?"

Josh was tempted to say no, but at this particular point… he wasn't entirely certain that they didn't and he didn't want to push his luck any further.

"…what I am going to do; is save the yelling until you are both sober enough to hear it and remember it. And believe you me, you are going to remember it for a long, long time, because it'll be delivered in considerable length and volume."

"And when he's done, then it's my turn." Both Sam and Josh, jumped about a foot out of their chairs as CJ's head suddenly appeared between the two men.

"You really do need to wear a bell." Josh grumbled.

"Yeah and you need leg irons, but we don't always get what we want do we."

Josh, through drunken stupidity or just sheer 'maleness' chose to take CJ's comment entirely the wrong way, and smirked accordingly. The clout that CJ delivered to the back of her friends head was not only acutely accurate, but remarkably forceful, leaving Josh to truly believe that he was suddenly a character in a Tex Avery cartoon and expecting his eyeballs to pop out of his head at any moment and land on the table in front of him. So much for not pushing his luck.

As Josh whimpered piteously and tentatively rubbed the back of his head, Sam apparently hadn't registered what had just happened, or was too far gone in his own stupor to realise the intimate danger he was in. But, for what ever reason, Sam found Josh's discomfort more than a little amusing and started his inane giggling once more, only to be rewarded with the same loving treatment that his best friend had been on the receiving end of only a few seconds before.

"And you were the one who wanted me to hire these guys?" Jed said, raising an eyebrow in Leo's direction.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"So did the Hindenburg." CJ growled.

"It was a slow week." Leo shrugged.

Donna watched with equal parts sympathy and amusement as Josh and Sam tried to recover from CJ's slapfest. The sympathy came from knowing how hard the boys had worked all month to dot the I's and cross the T's on the Presidents Low Income Welfare reform bill; for that they deserved to go out and have some fun. The amusement came hot on the heels of the twenty-four hours of self-jubilation they had indulged in – and forced everyone else to suffer – after the bill had been finally put to bed. For that, as far as Donna was concerned, they deserved what ever problems were hurtling their way.

"The only question I want answered right now is… what in the name of Harry S Truman did you two idiots pour down your throats to get in this condition?" Jed growled.

"Dec….mation….In…penance," came Josh's garbled reply. The table top felt so good mashed up against the side of his face. Could he just stay here?

"What did he just say?" Jed frowned. "I don't speak fluent 'drunkenese'"

"Mr President I think he meant to say, 'declaration of independence'." Donna replied.

"He drank a national treasure?" The change in pitch in the Presidents voice grated at Josh's already frazzled nerve ends.

A soft wheezing from beside Josh make him slowly open one eye lid. There sprawled on the table next to him was the softly snoring form of Sam Seaborne. Candy ass!

"I think Josh and Sam were at the 'Georgetowne Station' tonight." Donna tried to supply helpfully. "They serve a cocktail there called 'The Declaration of Independence'."

"Oh good God, they were flirting with the Co-eds again!" CJ moaned.

"What's in it?" The President asked.

"I really don't know sir," Donna replied shaking her head, "but I've seen several hardcore party students from GU, start on them and after one or two it always ends badly."

CJ looked over the table to Donna amusement dancing in her eyes. "How do you know what GU party animals drink?"

Donna blushed lightly.

"Josh? How many did you have?" Leo prompted. When no response was forthcoming from the inert form, Leo flicked CJ a glare. Leaning forward the Whitehouse Press Secretary stabbed her finger sharply between the shoulder blades of the Deputy Chief of Staff; to the desired effect. Josh sat bolt upright as if he had been hit with a cattle prod and 40000 volts of live current.

"Wha?"

"How, many, did, you, have?" Leo's repeated ominously.

Josh took a couple of very careful breaths. "Not sure. Things got a little blurry after about the seventh one."

"SEVEN?" The deafening roar/indignant shriek from the gathered witnesses slammed into Josh like a runaway truck. Please God, he moaned silently, make the bad people stop!

Sam, snorted suddenly and shot backwards bolt upright in his chair.

"Seven?" Leo echoed more quietly this time. He fixed a beady eye on Josh. "With his alcohol tolerance, I guess we should be lucky it was the district police and not GW that called."

Josh definitely felt offended by that, one of this days he was going to convince them that he did not in fact have a delicate system… it just wasn't going to be today, that was all.

Leo looked down at his watch. "It's nearly one. We should get them home."

Donna nodded. "I'll do it Leo," as she started to move towards the boys.

"Nah you won't Donna." Jed shook his head.

"Mr President?" Surprise tinged her voice.

"There's no way I would let you try and manoeuvre these two all by yourself."

"Its fine Sir, I was going to just get them to Josh's. It's only ten minutes away."

"And I have plenty of spare rooms only a couple of hundred meters away."

"But Sir, it's really no…"

Jed held up his hand. "Firstly I don't want to endanger you by having to concentrate on both your driving and Bevis and Butthead here."

"Hey!" Josh and Sam protested in unison, apparently without realising exactly who was calling them names.

If the President noticed the disgruntlement he ignored it. "Secondly, Abbey would have my hide if I allowed those two to go anywhere without keeping an eye on them. No we can dump them in a couple of the guest suites upstairs, I will have someone from the detail check on the a couple of times to make sure they haven't, you know, swallowed their tongues or anything during the night."

"We should be so lucky," CJ muttered under her breath earning her a mildly reproachful glare from both Leo and the President.

"CJ." Jed chastised.

"Well!"

"Come on you two." Jed addressed his pickled staffers. "Are either of you capable of walking?"

"Sure" Sam replied with confidence. It took him a couple of tries, but finally he managed to get himself to his feet.

Not to be outdone, and to make up from his bodies ignominious victory over his mind earlier in the evening, Josh managed to drag himself to his feet – and instantly regretted it.

CJ quietly stationed herself behind her two wavering friends. It was instantly clear to anyone who was sober in the room that these two were in no state to be walking anywhere by themselves.

"You two take Sam," Jed said to Leo and CJ as he moved towards Josh, "he doesn't seem to be listing quite as much."

Sam turned slightly to address the President who had now stationed himself on one side of the wildly tilting Josh, while Donna took point on the other. "That's because I didn't finish the drinks." He stabbed a finger towards Josh and all but fell into the arms of CJ. "That's why you're so drunk. I told you not to finish the drinks. But would you listen. Ooooo Nooooo!"

And there was that super-superior tone again! Josh thought. He responded in the only way he could think. By trying to blow a raspberry at Sam, and ending up instead all but spitting on the President.

Without further comment, Josh and Sam found themselves being escorted out of the Roosevelt room towards the west portico that lead to the Residence. Jed's secret service detail on seeing The President manhandling one of his staff, stepped forward to be of assistance. Jed waved them off. "Don't worry boys. I think we can take it from here." With Jed and Donna flanking Josh, and CJ and Leo doing the same for Sam, the four of them managed to negotiate their charges to the elevator that lead up to the second floor and private suites of the Residence. As the all but frogmarched Josh and Sam down the corridor towards the guest suites, Jed indicated for Leo and CJ towards a door on the left. "We'll put this one across the hall," he said nodding in Josh's direction.

Josh really was taking umbrage at being manhandled this way. He was perfectly capable of managing it on his own. Or at least, that what his brain was trying to tell the rest of his body. It was just as shame that his body wanted a 'trial separation' from his brain right about now.

Jed and Donna manipulated Josh into the guest room across the hall from Sam. "Donna, the light is on your right." Jed instructed. Donna fumbled around and finally found the switch. Flicking it on revealed a bedroom done out in a remarkable shade of… green. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all? Jed thought to himself. Finally they managed to get Josh to the edge of the bed. Once seated Josh could no longer fight gravity and flopped straight backward into the voluminous duck down comforter.

"Oh no you don't" Donna groaned as she started pulling her boss back into an upright position. The room spun wildly around Josh, passing out suddenly sounded like a good idea – anything had to be better than being stuck in this emerald city kaleidoscope.

Jed knelt down in front of his Deputy Chief of Staff and started to untie his brown leather shoes. Glancing up he noticed that his deputy's pallor matched the colour of the walls wonderfully. "Josh?" he asked, "do you need a basin or something." Josh valiantly swallowed a couple of times and shook his head ever so gently and let out a single quiet burp.

"No sir. I think I'm good," he replied meekly.

Josh sat there, completely defenceless as his assistant and the leader of the free world removed his coat, his tie, his over-shirt and shoes. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Donna pulled the coverlet out from under him and they finally let him lay back on that oh–so inviting bed. Josh felt the President gently swing his legs up under the blankets as Donna pulled them up over him, he could smell her sweet perfume as she adjusted the sheet up over his chest. Josh tried to fight the weariness that was creeping over him but found he could not and finally allowed himself to succumb to sleep.

Jed watched as Josh's eyelids drooped heavily on themselves, instinctively – without thought to the why and wherefores – reached out and ran his hand over Josh's creased forehead like he had the night Josh had come out of surgery after Rosslyn.

"G'night Son." He said automatically.

"Night Dad." Josh murmured in return as he rolled over on his side away from Jed.

The response was so natural, so innocent, that Jed had to smile. Turning his head he saw Donna sitting on the foot of the bed. He noticed her lovely blue eyes twinkling with unspoken emotions of her own. He didn't need to ask what she was going to do now. He reached over and patted her gently on the shoulder before quietly leaving the room closing the door behind him.

CJ and Leo were closing the door to Sam's room when Jed stepped out into the hallway.

"What a night." Leo sighed. "What are we going to do with those two?"

"I can think of a couple of things." CJ growled darkly.

Leo fought a grin that was twitching at the corner of his mouth. "You've got to admit. It was pretty impressive."

Jed nodded wisely. "They are a formidable pair." His own grin starting to form.

"I don't believe this!" CJ glanced between the two men. "You are enjoying this!"

Jed's grin became a full throated chuckle. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world! I just wished Toby had seen it, he would have been apoplectic."

Leo couldn't stop; tears filled his eyes as he tried valiantly to repress the hysteria that threatened to over take him.

Jed regained his composure first. "You got Sam settled ok?"

"He was a bit of handful but we got there." CJ admitted.

"A handful?"

Leo grinned harder. "He didn't want CJ helping him undress. He kept telling her he was not that kind of boy and that he knew what was right."

"I told him that if he knew what was right then he knew not to get into a clean bed with shoes on." CJ shrugged. "Shoes that I might add were sopping wet."

"So, what happened?"

"We finally came to a compromise," Leo said taking over. "I worked at getting his jacket and tie off and CJ worked on the shoes. This was when we found the algae eaters wedged underneath the tongues of his shoes."

"Algae eaters?"

"Yeah, little fish. They eat algae of the sides of ponds."

"I know what they are Leo, what was Sam doing with them in his shoes?"

"We have no idea, and apparently neither does he."

"So what did you do?"

"While Leo was tucking the rest of him in, I took the fish and gave them a proper burial at sea as it were." CJ glanced in the direction of the guest bathrooms.

"Oh."

CJ glanced around. "Where's Donna?"

Jed looked first at his Chief of staff, then at CJ and finally at the room he had just come out of. Not a word was spoken but the message was clear.

"Oh." CJ and Leo said in unison.

"Oh indeed." Jed nodded. "Let them be – I don't think secret service has to worry about that room tonight." All three smiled lightly. "So, anyone want coffee?"

"They did what?" Abbey asked in amusement as she followed Jed down the hall. The President and First Lady were quite the sight wandering through the halls in their nightwear. Jed had tried to tell Abbey that Josh and Sam were fine when he had finally gotten to bed, but the mother and the doctor in her overrode whatever bizarre belief that Jed had that he was the head of the house hold or the leader of the free world. To his wife… those titles didn't mean much – unless she needed them to. And so now, just after two am Jed was accompanying his wife to check on his miscreant staffers.

He nodded at the secret service agents who had positioned themselves near the end of the hall. "All quiet on the Western Front?" He asked casually as they passed.

The corner of the agent's mouth twitched. "Yes Sir."

Pausing briefly at the door behind which they had deposited Sam, Abbey and Jed slowly opened the door and let the light of the hallway bath the room.

Sam had somehow managed to sprawl himself over the total width of the bed, the pillows that had been supporting his head were tossed carelessly on the floor. Sam, his face mushed up against the mattress, was snoring heavily – his wide opened. Both Bartlets grinned. Stepping back into the hallway Jed pulled the door shut gently.

"Remember the dog the girls had when Zoey was about seven?" Abbey commented as the moved across the hall to their other 'guest'.

"Yeah."

"He used to look like that when he slept. Mouth open, tongue lolling out."

"So?"

Abbey shrugged. "Never knew a dog could drool that much."

Jed bit the inside of his cheek, but didn't respond.

"Did the agents see Donna home?" Abbey asked as Jed reached for the door handle.

"I would assume…." He paused. "….not."

Abbey moved to Jed's side to see what he was looking at. The scene that confronted her made her breath catch in her throat. Instinctively her hand flew to her breastbone.

There, illuminated by the hall-light, lay the gently sleeping forms of Josh Lyman and Donna Moss.

At some point in the intervening hour since Jed had left her, Donna had apparently moved to the other side of the bed and had taken up position on the left hand side. He could only speculate on what had happened next, but the result was a work of art. Josh now lay on his left hand side facing the edge of the bed, his right arm hooked up and over the slender arm of his assistant who was curled up in perfect unison behind him on top of the covers. It gave 'spooning' a whole new definition in Jed's book.

"They fit perfectly don't they?" Abbey whispered in Jed's ear. He replied with a half grunt, half laugh. "And the sad thing is, I bet in the morning, when they wake up, they will both deny that it ever happened. To us, and to themselves." Both of them stood in silence for a moment just watching the innocent beauty of the moment in front of him. "Do you ever think they will work it out?" Abbey finally asked.

"I don't know." Jed shrugged. "God willing."

"C'mon Jethro. I've seen what I need to, it's time we were in bed."

"In a minute." Jed left his wife's side and moved silently across to the sleeping forms on the bed. Taking a folded coverlet from the foot of the bed Jed gently placed it over Donna's sleeping form. Now closer up Jed could see the looks on both his staffers' faces. He smiled; no one who saw what he was seeing would be able to do anything else. Donna, her porcelain features radiant in the light held an ageless wisdom. And Josh, on Josh's face, for the first time in a long time, Jed saw nothing of the burdens of the job that he usually carried. Jed only saw a young man, full of hope, brimming with potential, dreaming of a better future. They weren't just right for each other… they were 'perfect' for each other. Glancing down Jed noticed one final thing. Letting out a deep sigh he moved silently back to his wife.

Abbey reached up and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"What was that for?"

"For being you."

He snaked his arm around Abbeys waist and they stepped out of the room, closing the door behind them.

Wrapped in each others arms they started walking back to their own rooms. "Do you know where her hand was?" Jed asked.

Abbey looked up at him. "No."

"It was on top of his scar."

"Oh."

"Do you know where his hand was?"

She smiled. She didn't know, but she could have a good guess. "On top of hers?"

Jed sighed. "God willing, Abbey, God willing."

"I wouldn't sweat it, God know what he's doing Jed." Abbey smiled as she opened their bedroom door. "Even if the rest of us don't." Smiling enigmatically she stepped over the threshold.

"Yeah but how long will we have to wait?" Jed replied as he followed her and closed the door behind him. How long?

How long indeed!