Sydney sits cross-legged on the floor and bounces her three-month-old daughter on her knee. The young child laughs at her mother, her small brown eyes absorbing each detail on Sydney's smiling face. Leah is one of the few things that can make her smile these days. The baby continues to giggle, unaware of this quality she possesses and gnaws sloppily on her hands.
Of course, Sydney had known Vaughn was dead all along.
But how could she admit defeat to Arvin Sloane? How could she let go of the man whom sacrificed everything for her happiness? Had he not left behind his friends, his family, his precious belongings just for her? After everything they went through in Bern, how could she pick up the pieces of her old life as Sydney Bristow, and carry on completely sane? She admits to her dementia now, but before she was truly incapable of knowing now to live without him.
As a result, she conjured his image day after day, week after week, and pretended to hold on to a normal life, or as normal as the Vaughns could be. And until her father showed her the truth– revealing the full extent of her hallucinations –had she been able to live this false life; until he had threatened to take away what reality remained. She had already lost Vaughn, and in that moment, his phantom; she was not about to lose Leah.
Killing her father became necessary for a chance of normalcy, as ironic as it sounded. But now Sydney had an opportunity to raise Leah on her own, an opportunity Jack refused to give her, and an opportunity to return to stability. Her daughter will never be a victim of Project Christmas, forced into the life Sydney tried to desperately to escape.
She and Leah transported to Rome immediately, bringing with them very few items including clothing, the baby essentials, and a single photograph of the late Michael Vaughn. They found the nearest and cheapest hotel close to the airport, and for the first time Sydney broke down about Vaughn's death. She cried, she screamed his name, she threw things at the wall, she closed her eyes and opened them half-expecting Vaughn to appear, concern dripping off his furrowed brow, yet he would not. No longer would he appear when her mind requested of it; no longer could she feel his arms wrapped around her, just the blankets; no longer did the sound of his voice echo so easily in her ears.
Then her daughter would cry, and Sydney would hear it. She would take Leah into her arms and hold her, calm her, feed her, kiss her, wash her, play with her, love her…
Soon Sydney found an apartment off the Via del Corso. It is small, very small, but she possesses very little besides a baby. To earn her rent she watches the landlady's four-year-old daughter, Carina, until she gets a job. She has decided she wants to work at the University, possibly at in the library there, but also wants to wait a few months when Leah is older. As of now the little one is very wary of anyone outside of her mother, but is growing accustomed to Carina. The four-year-old tries to get Leah to speak her name, but she cannot understand that Leah is too young to talk. Sydney finds her attempts cute, however.
Sometimes during the day the three will venture through the city. They often sit on the Spanish steps, with Leah happily chewing her newly discovered hands in mother's lap while Carina jumps from step to step at their side. If she behaves well Sydney buys her candy, or gelato on occasion.
At times, it is difficult to know that she is moving on without Vaughn, but she must carry on for Leah's sake, the baby certainly showed her that. Leah sleeps longer at night now, partly because Carina's spunk is tiresome for a three-month-old, but it allows Sydney time to herself. Time to think, reminisce, plan. Sleep is hard at first, but it comes easier every night.
Thus far her plan is honesty with Leah. She will know the truth as she grows up. Not one aspect of Sydney's past will be made secret to her. She will know of her Grandmother's betrayal, how she rots in prison, how she took the life of her father's father. She will know of her Grandfather's fondness of her, his tiny look-a-like. She will know that Sydney killed him to give their family a chance of survival, a life free of lies, that his intentions were good but misguided. She will know of her father's devotion to his family, of his love for Sydney, of the love he had for Leah in the womb. She will see his picture every day; his green eyes, his wrinkled forehead. She will hear of their clandestine relationship in Los Angeles and their fairy-tale romance in Bern. She will know that Arvin Sloane chased them into hiding. She will know that Arvin Sloane is pure evil, a shadow on their souls. She will know that Arvin Sloane is responsible for her father's death.
Sometimes she wishes that Leah was the spitting image of Vaughn so she may still see him alive and well. Yet she does not yet resemble him; perhaps she will inherit her father's qualities as she ages, Sydney can only hope.
She lays Leah down to sleep, stopping to run her finger over Vaughn's picture next to the crib. Glancing back at Leah, she is at last certain she need not hallucinate his presence, for Vaughn is a part of them that no one being can take away. She knows he will always be with her.
Fin