Nine: He Says

Disclaimer: I have no intention of challenging Kishimoto-san in mortal combat so I guess owning Naruto will just be a dream for me…

A/N: Your votes decided. It's a romance fic you'll have. But I have to warn you, I've never written anything that resembles a romance in my life.

Ever had a dream you wished you never woke up from? One where you feel like everything's just perfect, like you don't even want things to end?

What's that like?

……………

Okay, okay. It's kind of hard for me to get serious on anything. I've been using humor as a defense mechanism for nearly every major thing that happened to me. It helps me keep the tears from falling. Believe you me, I've had more tragedy in my life than any amount of psychotherapy might even begin to deal with. I've been broken far too many times for there not to be any scars in my psyche.

But how do you deal with something that doesn't break you? What if you're on the verge of something fantastic, something that would make you jump out of bed every morning, poke your head out the window and scream at the top of your lungs "life is great and nothing's ever going to change that!"

Oi. What am I saying?

I'm practically turning into one of those sappy bastards who keep spouting all that mush about how love supposedly makes the world go round. But then again, what would I know?

It's not like I've ever been loved before.

The Sandaime? He'd like to think he treated me like one of his own children. But when I think long and hard on it I realize that he did what he did because he felt somehow responsible for keeping me alive because another kage everybody thought was the bomb asked him and the rest of the bloody village to.

What about Iruka-sensei? No, not even close. He sees someone in me who could possibly understand what it's like not to have people to call family. Both of us are pretty much alone, really. He figures that if he can just find someone else to share the misery, he might not feel as bad for himself as he would otherwise. It helps sometimes, you know. When there's someone else you know who's as alone as you are, you tend to get the feeling that somehow things aren't as bad as you'd think there'd be.

But his heart's in the right place, I'd give him that.

Kakashi? Hell, that guy's stewing in his own miserable existence for as long as we'd known him. Try as he might to hide behind that porno or that mask of his he'll never truly hide the tearstains in his eyes. Underneath the underneath indeed. The guy has issues I don't even want to touch with a ten-foot pole.

Tsunade-baachan? Nope. I just remind her of two precious people she lost. I'm her link to the past, if anything. I don't know if it's fate or whatever, but I just don't like to see the way she looks at me and sees someone else entirely. I don't know the reason I was born, but I'll bet it wasn't so some fifty year old who wants to pretend to be some twenty year old blonde hussy with a boob job can project her id on me.

Jiraiya? Actually, I don't think I even want to know…

Hinata? Actually I don't have much of a say in that. It's kind of cute though, the way she pokes her fingers together and stutters when she's around me. But I think the only thing she sees in me is an ideal she can reach out for. Someone who can show her how to get out of the shell she kept herself locked behind her entire life, someone to show her just how to tell her psycho family off. She doesn't love me.

She wants to become me.

Sakura's even worse. She just sees me as the third member of the team, i.e. Sasuke, her and other guy. I hate being the other guy. At one point I even ignored all that cause I thought I loved her. It'll be fun to watch her heart break when the bastard finally leaves to pursue his revenge on his brother though. I guess it's sadistic, but if I'm going to talk to myself I might as well be honest, right?

Probably the hardest thing to accept is the fact that there is someone who'd ignore what everyone else thought of me and like me just because of…me. How do you deal with that?

I. Don't. Know.

It's funny how things ended up. I mean, I barely know the girl and here I am contemplating on whether I love her or not. Sweet kami-sama, she's four years older than I am and has a bigger fan club than that bastard Sasuke'll ever have in his life. So there, Sasuke-aho. Uchiha avenger my ass…

Oh kami-sama.

Was I rambling?

I must have been hit in the head harder that I thought…

Exactly what is love anyway? What is it about it that makes smart people complete idiots and ordinarily far-sighted and calculating people into messy puddles of mush too googly-eyed to see straight?

Mad love indeed. Temporary insanity is more like it. That's why they call it falling in love. When you fall, you could get yourself injured, maimed, or worse.

"I was walking along the corner one day and I fell in love. My friends tried to pull me out but I got all tangled up with sticks and couldn't get up." Accurate assessment, don't you think? All it takes is a pretty face, then BOOM! You're done.

Damn it. Stupid adolescence and stupid hormones. I'm sounding like some manic-depressive emo guy. Must think of something else.

………………..

………………..

…Nope. Sure wish I had some ramen to help me think some more.

Wonder how long 'til breakfast?

A/N: In case you're wondering, the "falling in love" thing was taken from a monologue by Chris Rock. The "love is temporary insanity" thing is from a writer in the Philippines named Jessica Zafra.

Jiraiya: Hey brat! What did you mean about not wanting to know how I feel for you?

Naruto: Exactly that, ero-baka. No way do I want to be the object of one of your perverted fantasies.

Jiraiya: Why you—

Naruto: points Look! Feminist protesters!

Jiraiya: Argh! My one weakness! melts into a crack

Naruto: Ass….