Boring author's notes:

First, a word of warning. Don't get too attached to this thing if you don't like reading a lot. I have currently written 73 pages about this and isn't done yet, so it's probably one of the longest unserious things evah! Second word of warning is that you should NOT take anything in this seriously. At all. Absolutely nothing. This is just for fun. The third word is that thou shalt not expect updates all too often, I only have access to internet during the week-ends now. That sucks.

Oh, right! Rated because of gayness, violence, cursing, religion,drug abuse andunserious attitudes towards alcoholism, British people,rape and drug-addictions. I know none of these things are to be joked about. If you find those things too serious to joke about, you might not want to read it. Ifyou are offended anyway, sorry. Remember that I don't mean any harm.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that appear in Tekken games.

Enjoy. :)

- - -

LEE'S BIRTHDAY!

PROLOGUE

(One week before Lee's birthday)

Gon gave the envelope on the floor a suspicious look. He leaned down, trying to see who it was from. He saw nothing special, just a Japanese stamp and "GON" scribbled on it. It looked like someone had tried writing with the wrong hand, which they most likely had. He tilted his head to the side while he considered whether the satisfaction of knowing what was inside was worth the effort of actually picking it up. He stretched his foot out and managed to tip the envelope over with surprising precision. He leaned down closer and inspected it. There was no return address, just some more text.

"DO NOT IGNORE!1"

Gon wondered who would actually write the 1 at the end. He spent a moment cursing the computers he shouldn't logically know anything about before he sat down. Then he lay down on his side and crawled as close as he could to the envelope. His humorously small hands wiggled helplessly just an inch above it. He sighed deeply, with feeling, and started all over again.

- - -

Bryan managed after a long while to open an eye. The horrid light attacked his brain mercilessly. He groaned and turned over. He wondered for a moment what had woken him up. He was pretty sure he had been either unconscious or hammered for days. What woke him up cut through the air. He covered his ears, screamed in pain and surprise and fell off the bed. After a while he managed to get up again, completely disoriented.

"What the hell was that…?" he muttered. The sound returned, this time he managed to remain standing. He muttered various unrelated curses while he stumbled out into the hallway. He looked at the door and frowned slowly.

"So I have a doorbell?"

Someone rang it again and began to pound on the door impatiently. Bryan opened the door and grunted at whoever was there.

"Hello Bryan Fury!" said a sickeningly cheerful voice with an obviously British accent. The person then gasped. "Good lord, man! You're hung-over!"

"No kidding…?" Bryan muttered and managed to open his eyes again. They would have widened in surprise if that wouldn't kill him.

"Steve… Fox?"

Steve grinned in the same sickeningly happy way.

"That's right! Good evening, sunshine! I've been sent here because of a special request from Lee Chaolan, to make a proper man out of you!"

"I've already been in the navy. Or the air-force…" He thought about it for a while and finally decided it didn't matter. "…I've shot people. Now go away."

Bryan tried to close the door, but Steve blocked it with his foot. Instinctively Bryan reached for the shotgun that used to be right there by the door. He got an old, sickening mop and smashed Steve's toes with it. He didn't seem to care. Bryan had to accept defeat.

"Good shoes." He noted.

"Why thank you. But what I meant…" Steve forced the door open and kept smiling at Bryan. "…is that I'm here to teach you some manners."

Bryan looked at a point beside Steve's head for a while before he finally understood what he had just said. He grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards himself.

"Now you listen to me you soft-skinned, teasippin' brit!" he snarled. "I'm an American, dammit! I don't have to be polite!"

"But everyone would like you so much more if you could act civilized!"

"I don't care if people like me or not! Just give me one reason why I shouldn't press you through the mail slot!"

"Because you will find that women always have had a liking for the true intellectuals with linguistic skills that goes beyond the level of Neanderthal which seems to be common among the men nowadays and…"

Steve noticed Bryan had that blank look on his face again. He gave up and sighed.

"Chicks dig the nice guys."

Bryan gave him a surprised look.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Just look at James Bond!"

Bryan let go of Steve's shirt and considered the possibility. He finally nodded slowly, a smile appearing slowly on his face.

"So they dig it…?" he mumbled. He realized one thing and the smile disappeared.

"You said chicks, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, it has been a while since one of those became so desperate. Alright. What's the first lesson?"

"The first lesson is language."

"What the hell is wrong with the way I talk, huh?"

Steve rolled his eyes.

"This is obviously going to take a while." He muttered and entered Bryan's dungeon of a home.

- - -

Lee cleared his throat and looked at the small crowd of his employees in front of him. He slowly walked up to them. One of them spotted him.

"It's our lunch-break!" he yelled with obvious Scottish accent.

Lee stopped in front of them with a smug smile.

"That's not why I'm here. Don't you guys have something you must ask me?"

The men gathered in a ring, whispering loudly. Finally they seemed to agree about something and split up. One began counting down from three.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" they roared when they reached one in the countdown. One of them added "laddie" at the end. Lee rolled his eyes.
"Yes, thank you, but that's not what I meant. Haven't you noticed?"

All the men began to look around frantically.

"I bought a new watch!" Lee hissed at them.

"Oooooh."

Everyone was quiet for a while.

"So?"

"So don't you want to know what time it is?"

"No offence, laddie, but we all know what time it is."

"That doesn't matter. This…" he patted his wrist with two fingers. The sleeve of his jacket covered the watch.

"…this is a BRAND-NEW-ROLEX! This kind of time is superior to all kinds of non-Rolex time! It will enlighten you about time in ways you never thought possible! Don't you want to know what Rolex-time it is?"

One of the men sighed deeply.

"Aye then. What time is it?"

"You're very kind to ask." Lee replied softly and his arm shot out to the side. He dramatically brought his hand towards his face in a long arc, making sure everyone saw the extremely shiny watch.

"It's…" All colour disappeared from Lee's face and he made a strange whimper. "…broken. But it doesn't matter! It's expeeeeeennnnnsive!"

The Scots gave each other puzzled looks. Lee's left eyelid twitched slightly.

"Excuse me." He whispered, turned around and ran away.

- - -

Gon's eyes were watering and his throat was dry from the inhuman treatment the stupid envelope had given him. Nevertheless, he had finally got it. The sun had just risen again. Carefully he brought it up towards his mouth, bit down on the very edge and tore it off. He spat the small piece of paper out and fished the letter out. He took the risk and spat it out, hoping to catch it before it was too late. To his great surprise and relief, he succeeded. He unfolded the letter with slightly shaking hands and read it. After reading it three times, he finally burst out into tears and dropped the letter on the floor. With a red marker, it was written:

"Party Invitation!

YOU'RE NOT INVITED! Have a nice day."

There was a happy little smiley at the bottom.