Poke: A week has passed and I bring you my brainvomit once more. Heheheh... Anyway, this chapter isn't great, but it sort of kicks things off for real. Oh, andthanks to you commenters, seeing mail in my inbox brightens my day. :)

Before you ask, I have no idea if Lee'slast name is Chaolan or not. Enjoy it then.

- - -

Lee's actual birthday!

Lee stood by the docks, smoking and looking generally bored. Every now and then he gave his watch admiring glance. He looked up at the yacht. It was a pretty sight. It was named 'M/S Ship'. A banner had been put up on the side of the ship, proudly saying 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHaWLAn!'

He hated that banner and had fired the Scotsman who made it.

"Oh, why hello Mr. Chaolan!" a disturbingly cheerful voice called out. Lee turned around and stared. His face was motionless, but his eyes expressed fear. And, to a certain extent, amusement. Steve approached him with a huge grin on his face. He was dressed in a nice tuxedo with a top hat. He had a flyswatter stuck inside his belt, like a sword. He patted it now and then. Next to him walked Bryan. He was also dressed in a tuxedo and a top hat, but with some strange accessories. Namely a cane with a silver knob, a monocle and a fake, thin moustache. He looked deeply ashamed.

"Hi... guys?" Lee finally replied, very slowly. He was afraid to laugh.

"Yes, hello again Mr. Chaolan. Very nice weather we're having, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, sure… is that… Bryan Fury?"

Bryan gave Steve an almost begging look.

"Please, Steve… I can handle the gentleman thing, but this is too much! Can I at least take off the moustache?"

"Now, now, Bryan. That's not the gentleman way, now is it?"

Bryan looked like he was about to say something, but sighed.

"No, no I guess it's not."

"And Mr. Chaolan just asked you a question, didn't he?"

"Yes…" Bryan cleared his throat and put on a huge, incredibly fake grin. "Why yes, Mr. Chaolan, I am Bryan Fury. It is such a pleasure to meet you!" he said with a strange, fake, British accent. Lee stared in amazement.

"And, uh… how are you, Bryan?"

"Why I am just fine, good sir! And how are you?"

"Incredible…" Lee mumbled and stared at Steve. "You actually did it."

"I said I would, didn't I?"

"Because I was pretty much joking about it but this is great! Just great! You don't expect any…" he coughed loudly. "…payment?"

"I sure do." Steve replied with a smirk. Lee muttered something, took his wallet out and gave Steve a huge wad of cash. Bryan observed the exchange with the fake grin still on his face.

"Oh, I must say, Lee, have I caused you some sort of monetary trouble? Because if I have, I sincerely assure you it was not at all my meaning."

Lee remembered to close his mouth again after a long while.

"Um… here you go, Steve. For the trouble."

"Why thank you. I had to spend a lot of my money on beer. To keep him happy. You know."

"Was he very hard to deal with?"

"Not after I introduced him to little Betty here." Steve purred and patted the flyswatter hanging from his belt. Bryan's smile immediately widened to the point where it must have been painful. His eyes expressed deep, deep fear.

"Alright then. Welcome onboard. Please, wipe your shoes before entering the dining room."

He looked after them when they walked up the land board.

"Better yet, take them off!" he called after them. He turned around and was surprised by Raven. Lee took a startled leap back with a very feminine yelp. Raven didn't move. Lee clutched his chest with his left hand.

"Damn it! How many times do I have to tell you not to do that!"

"Nine."

No one said anything for a while.

"Oh. Okay, then. Hi Raven."

"Hello."

"Please, go into the dining room, as soon as everyone arrives we're leaving shore."

He turned around, pointing at a door.

"You go through there and…"

He turned back to check that Raven was looking, just to find that he was gone. He heard a surprised yelp on deck and turned around to see a Scotsman staring at Raven.

"Ye gave me quite a fright, laddie!" he gasped. Raven nodded shortly.

"I am a ninja, a warrior of darkness. It's what I do."

"Scare Scotsmen?"

"No. I disappear from sight as if I was nothing but mist."

"Aye, I can do that!"

The Scotsman grabbed his beard.

"Now ye see me…" he said before covering his face with his beard. "…now ye don't!"

He split the beard with his fingers and peeked out of the hole.

"Eh? Whatcha think, laddie? Pretty darn impressive, nay?"

Raven didn't move a muscle.

"I've never been happier that I can't see a thing." He said and patted the sunglasses with a finger. "Extra dark."

"Oh…" the Scotsman said with a disappointed tone of voice. He then waved his hand in front of Raven's eyes. When he noticed that he didn't appear to see it, he stuck his tongue out at him. Raven immediately punched him in the face.

"Hah! I sensed the disturbance in my aura!"

The Scotsman got up, looked at a point behind him and snickered.

"Are you saying you don't believe me!" Raven growled. The Scotsman still snickered at his friend, who was standing behind Raven, mimicking that he was eating out of his head with a fork and knife.

"Nay, laddie."

Raven nodded, pleased, and calmly walked away.

- - -

Lee looked at the road, expecting cars to arrive at any moment. One did. Namely, a huge limo. Lee sighed and checked the list.

"It's either Eddy or Heihachi…" he muttered to himself. It came to a stop right in front of him and the front door swung open, hitting him on his knee. He hissed a curse and rubbed it. There was a sadistic laugh from inside.

"Oh, sorry Lee. I didn't see you there." Kazuya said with a grin as he stepped out of the limo.

"Shut up."

"Yeah, Kazuya, shut up." Heihachi muttered and he got out and stretched his back. "That was one long trip!"

Lee gave the two of them a surprised look.

"You came here together? You?"

"We decided it would be smarter." Kazuya said with a shrug.

"Not to mention more interesting." Heihachi added.

Kazuya turned around and looked into the limo with a sigh.

"Hey! Jin! Wake up, we're here now!"

Lee heard a disoriented mumble from inside and Jin stepped out, correcting his hair.

"Hi Lee. Happy birthday…" he yawned and scratched his head. One of the Scotsmen ran to the railing on deck.

"Oi, laddie! There's some sorta iron man up 'ere!" he called.

"It's just Jack-5!" Lee yelled back. "Show him to the dining room!"

"Alright!"

Lee turned back to continue the pointless conversation with his family when he noticed a strange woman walking towards them. He frowned, trying to place where he had seen her before.

"Hey, guys. Do you recognize her?" he asked and pointed at her. Everyone turned around and gasped in chock, except Jin.

"Jun!" Kazuya asked in disbelief. "I thought you were dead! I mean, really dead!"

Jun stopped in front of him and rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, like YOU would think death is something final. Please… " she scoffed and looked at Jin.

"Hi honey."

"Hi mom."

"Jin, aren't you a little bit surprised to suddenly find your long dead mother coming to your uncle's birthday party!" Kazuya asked him. Jin shrugged.

"I half expected this to happen sooner or later. People can't seem to stay dead for long in our family."

"I hear that." Heihachi grumbled with a dark look at Kazuya. Kazuya shook his head, confused.

"How did you come back to life?"

"Satanists brought me back to life when they tried to summon the Devil. I killed them all and drank their blood." She replied coldly. Jin stared at her in chock. She burst out into laughter and patted his shoulder.

"No, no I didn't. I just beat them up. It was easy."

"You had just been raised from the dead! How was it easy?" Jin asked.

"I was naked, of course, so they didn't really look at what I was doing."

Kazuya gave her an angry glare.

"Oh, right, I haven't seen you naked in 20 years and the first thing you do is to show off in front of some Satanists?"

Kazuya leaned closer to her with a suspicious look on his face.

"Did you let them touch you?"

"Of course not."

"And you're not a zombie, right?"

"Not as far as I know."

Lee rolled his eyes.

"Okay, so my brother's little sweetheart is back, woo and yay. Now get on the boat. We don't have all day."

The strange family left Lee standing there. Lee noticed that Jun gave Kazuya a quick smack on his butt, something that didn't appear to surprise him. Lee shook his head with a sigh. He looked at the road again when he heard a strange noise. The noise just grew stronger, but nothing seemed to come. He looked around, trying to see what it was, and was almost crushed by Yoshimitsu, landing right next to him. He groaned and stretched his back. It cracked in a sickening way.

"Oh! That'll ache in the morning…"

"Hello Yoshimitsu, good to see you and all that. Just get on the boat." Lee greeted him and pointed at the door.

"Alright…" Yoshimitsu mumbled. He gasped and with a chocked look on his face he pointed at the sky. "What is that thing!"

Lee turned around quickly, trying to see what he meant.

"What? What? I can't see anything…"

He turned back just to see that he was gone. He heard another surprised yelp from a Scotsman on deck, but didn't bother to turn around. He sighed and rubbed his temples.

"I hate ninjas…" he muttered.

He looked up again when he heard a huge vehicle approach. A huge bus stopped next to the limo. The doors opened slowly and revealed a grumpy old bus driver. He turned back and yelled:

"Wake up people! We're here!"

Lee heard some grumbles and various other noises and people started to get out of the bus. The bus then just turned around and left. Most of the guests just passed Lee by and greeted him in various ways before getting on the boat. Baek, however, stopped in front of Lee.

"So, birthday boy." Baek said with a smile. "Are you ready for the worst day of your life?"

Lee shrugged.

"I don't think it'll be that bad. Jin told me pretty much what to avoid here."

Baek didn't say anything for a while. He finally shook his head slowly with a frown.

"Who's Jin?"

"Sort of like my nephew. Sort of."

"Oh, right. So what have you avoided?"

"Oh…" Lee said slowly with a grin. "You'll see."

They turned around when yet another car came. A very, very small thing. It stopped next to the limo and somehow Ganryu managed to squeeze out of it. He took a deep breath and brushed some imaginary dust off his stomach. He then smiled at Baek and Lee, who were staring at him in horror.

"Hi guys!"

"Ganryu…" Lee started and cleared his throat. "Why are you wearing a thong and no pants?"

"This isn't a thong. It's the traditional sumo wrestling outfit."

"No, it's a thong."

"Yeah, you're right, it's a thong. But it looks good, right?"

"Um… yeah. Do you have pants?"

"No."

"Then we better just wrap some bed sheets around you or something. There are women here!"

Ganryu obviously didn't get it.

"Yes." He finally said with a smile and a short nod. He then patted Lee on his head. "Happy birthday!"

He then slowly walked past them up on the land board. Baek and Lee turned around to walk up too when someone suddenly came running around the corner.

"WAIT!" Asuka cried out and ran up next to them, breathing hard.

"Weren't you on the bus?" Lee asked.

"Yeah... but I… went to the… bathroom and… the… bus left again." Asuka panted. She caught her breath again and smiled at Baek.

"Hi Baek." She said admiringly. He just nodded slightly.

"Well, everyone is here! Let's get on the boat and get out to sea." Lee purred and they moved onto the land board. Ganryu was still on it, in front of them. Lee, Baek and Asuka followed him up, walking slowly. Baek tapped the rail impatiently with a frustrated sigh.

"Hey, Ganryu! Move it already! Come on!" he growled. Ganryu glared at him over his shoulder.

"How fast would you move if you were me? Huh?"

"Well, I'd probably be dead…" Baek mumbled. Some Scotsmen walked by up on deck. One of them caught sight of Ganryu and covered his eyes with a frightened and slightly disgusted yelp.

"Oi! Cover yerself, lad!" one of them called to him before they all turned their gaze from him. Once he got up, one of them handed him a kilt while still staring in another direction.

"For the love of God almighty, lad, cover yerself!" the Scotsman hissed. Ganryu looked at it and grinned.

"I've always wanted to try one of these!" he squealed and put it on. He looked down admiringly.

"How does it look?"

"Better." The Scotsman replied.

"Aye. Ye remind me of Fergus' wife, ye does." One of them noted and laughed along with every other Scotsman except one, who apparently was Fergus. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head at them.

"Yer all bastards." He said calmly. Baek muttered something from behind Ganryu and simply climbed over him. He landed gracefully on deck, corrected his clothes and looked at Ganryu with a surprised little sound.

"My theory was correct! It actually IS faster to climb over Ganryu than to go around him." He said with a voice dripping of sarcasm. The Scotsmen looked at each other and nodded appreciatively with some comments about the insult. Asuka gasped in surprise behind Ganryu.

"Really!" she asked and climbed over him to. She looked from Ganryu to Baek.

"Wow, it actually was faster to climb over him!" she said with a smile before giving Baek an admiring look. "Oh, Baek. You're so smart."

"No, you're just stupid." He replied quickly.

The Scotsmen began to applaud him.

"Now that was beautiful, it was!"

"Aye. Classic."

She raised her hand as if to protest, but didn't manage to say anything. She tried again, but failed. Baek blinked slowly.

"Oh, my god. You can't even defend yourself. This must be the saddest thing I have ever seen."

Right after he said it, he looked back at Ganryu. Then at Asuka again.

"Actually, when you're both standing here, it's pretty hard to choose."

Ganryu gave a frustrated little sound.

"Enough with the fat guy jokes! I've only been here for five minutes and you've already been picking at me enough to last all night!"

Baek shrugged and simply walked away. Asuka waited for a few seconds and followed him. The Scotsmen gathered in a ring and discussed the certain event. Lee patted Ganryu's shoulder.

"Please, move."

Ganryu took a step to the side. Just at that moment, Steve and Bryan came along, walking towards them. Steve looked strangely arrogant. The duo stopped in front of them and Steve turned towards the Scotsman closest to Ganryu.

"I'm sorry sir, but you can't bring your walrus to – oh, sorry Ganryu, didn't see it was you." He said and chuckled. He turned to Bryan.

"Alright then, this is the advanced course. Dry British humour. Now you give it a shot!"

Bryan just stared at Ganryu.

"My GOD you're fat!" he managed to say after a while. Steve smacked Bryan in his face with the flyswatter with speed that could have shamed Zorro.

"NO! Bad Bryan, bad! Put effort into it!"

Bryan tried to wave the flyswatter away and finally Steve got sick of smacking him. Bryan glared angrily at him before turning back to Ganryu.

"Is that you, Bryan?" Ganryu asked. Bryan cleared his throat.

"If you were any fatter, Ganryu, lesser fat people would probably orbit around you." He said slowly with the weird accent again. Steve shook his head slowly but finally shrugged.

"Good enough for a first attempt, my good man! Now let's go get some tea!"

"Splendid!"

Ganryu looked at them sadly, then turned around and waved.

"Goodbye self-esteem!" he called. "Bye bye!"

The Scotsman looked at each other hesitantly, whispering amongst them, but then began waving as well.

"Bye!"

"Have a nice trip!"

"See ya!"

Lee patted Ganryu on his shoulder.

"There, there. Now let's just get into the dining room and start the stupid celebrations, okay?"

Ganryu sighed and nodded.