Author's notes: Yep, here you have another one. If I have time tomorrow you might get one more before the weekly pause. Here we make fun of chefs and clowns. And ourselves, to an extent. We're Swedish, for the record.

Anyway, keep those reviews comin'! And enjoy! ;)

- - -

All the guests of Lee's party were just standing around, chatting. Every now and then a short discussion would break out, followed by laughter and/or screaming. Ling and Julia stood talking to each other, for instance.

"So what have you been doing since the tournament ended?" Ling asked. Julia shrugged slightly.

"Nothing really. I continued my research, got a nervous breakdown and spent most of my time since then taking an anger management course."

Ling gave her a disbelieving look.

"Anger management? You? But you must be the least likely person in the world to…"

"I said I took it, alright!" Julia roared at her. Then she smiled again.

"I blame the nervous breakdown. I have some… mood swings."

"Ah…" Ling breathed and nodded slowly with complete understanding. She then looked over Julia's shoulder and grinned happily.

"Oh! Lee hired a clown! Hooray!"

Julia turned around and looked at the clown.

"He's got the make up, but why is he wearing casual clothing?"

The clown came over to them. Beneath the happy facial paint there was an incredibly sad man. He gave them a sad look and sighed.

"Hi girls." He said quietly. Julia frowned and leaned closer to him.

"Bruce Irvin?" she asked. Bruce nodded slowly.

"Why are you wearing make up? And why are you so sad?"

"I realized one day that my life has gone into a rut. You know, work out, kill people, get money, drink, work out, kill people, date chicks…" he sighed. "So I thought I'd try something new and went to clown college. I just wanted to make kids and childish adults happy."

"Aaaw, isn't that nice?" Ling cooed.

"I failed miserably."

"Oh…"

"The test was yesterday. I thought I'd surprise Lee by throwing pies or something. I failed at everything, even the balloon animals! I'm sorry, but I simply didn't have the energy to remove the make up yesterday night."

"Oh…" Ling put her arm around his shoulders. "Aw, cheer up big guy! You don't have to be a clown to be happy, right? I mean, making children happy isn't as easy as it looks."

He glared at her.

"Other people can make them laugh until they cry by jiggling car keys."

"Yeeess… I guess you could too, someday. Maybe you simply aren't meant to make people happy."

"No." he sighed.

"Maybe you could, um… travel!"

"I'm a mercenary. It's practically everything I do."

"Oh… but have you been to, um… Malaysia?"

"No, not yet."

"Then go there, my clownish friend, and find happiness."

His face lit up as he realized something.

"Yeah!" he said with a grin. "I can marry a Malaysian whore!"

Ling nodded thoughtfully.

"Yes, you could, I guess, if you can find any Malaysian prostitutes who'd marry a big, black, sad clown."

His shoulders immediately slumped down again and he sighed deeply.

"No, there's no such thing…" he moaned. Ling gave Julia a questioning look. Julia shrugged. Ling took up a lollipop from her pocket and offered it to Bruce. Julia gave it an amused look.

"Ah, that takes me back…" she mumbled and stared up at the ceiling with a dreamy smile on her face as she remembered the night three years before. She wandered off, still daydreaming about it.

"Here you go…" Ling purred and patted Bruce's head as he accepted it. "Cheer up, big guy."

He held it between his thumb and index finger and sighed.

"Yeah, thanks… I guess I can choke on it or something."

"Sure you can! Uh… but you shouldn't. That's right." She added the last part quickly.

"And if I eat 200 of these things, I guess they'd kill me… do you have 199 more?"

They looked at each other quietly. Ling said "aw!" again, hugged him and hurried away. Bruce looked after her a little while before he removed the plastic from the lollipop and put it in his mouth. He rolled it around a bit.

"Mmm…" he mumbled sadly. "Raspberry."

- - -

Lee went up on the incredibly small stage in the dining room. He patted the microphone and looked around.

"Is this thing on?" he asked. "1, 2, 3… hello?"

Someone rose quickly from her seat.

"SPEECH!" Julia roared angrily at him before correcting her hair and sitting down again. Lee, and everyone else in the room, stared at her.

"Uh… I'll take that as a yes, then. Welcome onboard my pride and joy, Ship!"

There were some few people applauding. Most of them just gave each other puzzled glances. Someone whispered 'Ship' questioningly.

"Yes, thank you… but I'm sure you all know why you're here."

No one said a word. Lee waited. After a while he got sick of it.

"No one knows?"

Silence.

"No one at all? Not even you, Heihachi!"

Heihachi looked up at him and shrugged.

"Uuum… you graduated?"

Lee looked around in disbelief.

"Oh come on! It was on the invitation! Didn't anyone see it! Anyone!"

A few people were squirming in their seats. Lee rolled his eyes.

"Okay, I want to see hands in the air here. How many of you actually read the invitation!"

Ling raised her hand hesitantly.

"Okay. And how did the rest of you find out about this thing?"

"I called Asuka just to chat, and I must've mentioned it to her."

Asuka stood up quickly.

"Alright! I admit it! I'm a gossiper! I love to gossip!" she shrieked.

"How many did you tell?"

"Let's see… I lost count after I managed to get hold of Eddy's phone number, but 12 before him."

Christie stood up, swaying slightly.

"My man calls everyone about everything… except me!"

"So you found out over phone. Every single one of you except Ling here?"

Everyone nodded.

"Okay… I see. So much for spending money on fancy invitations, I would… IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" he yelled the last part frantically and uncomfortably close to the microphone. Everyone was quiet a while afterwards, and then massive applause and cheering broke out. Lee looked around the room angrily, then calmed down and cleared his throat.

"Right, thank you…"

"So how old are you anyway?" Marduk asked. Lee smiled happily. Fergus came walking by, carrying a bag of potatoes for the kitchen.

"Well, I am no more than…" Lee began, but Fergus managed to trip over the microphone cord, pulling it out. He quickly got up and plugged it back in.

"…just how old I am. That's right."

Marduk shrugged and sat down again.

"And now, without further ado, let's just begin with dinner. Bring out the French guy!" Lee exclaimed and went to his table. Out of the kitchen came a heavy built man with a typical chef's hat and a thin curvy moustache. He grinned happily at everyone.

"Fried snails!" he yelled with an unmistakable French accent and the kitchen staff came out with the plates. Most of the guests just poked at them, not even wanting to try snails, but a few tried them. Jin just glared angrily at the honey-covered slugs and took a piece of bread from a brown bag he had brought with him. He muttered about cholesterol while he forced the dry bread down. Heihachi poked a snail with a disgusted look and simply pushed the plate away. He turned to Lee.

"What's the chef's name?"

"I don't know. I've just called him French guy all this time."

"You don't even have the courtesy to call him French chef?"

"Nope. He doesn't seem to mind though."

Heihachi rolled his eyes and raised his hand.

"Hey! Chef!" he called. The French Guy immediately came over.

"Oui?" he asked.

"Why did you make snails? Honestly? You must've known no one here would eat anything that spent all of its life drooling on plants and dragging dirt around."

"Ah, but snails et un French delicacy!"

"I just don't get it. They're disgusting little mushy critters! Who in their right mind would eat this?"

Everyone at Heihachi's table turned their heads towards Feng, sitting just a short distance away. He swallowed one of the snails and noticed they were looking at him.

"It's not that bad… I once had to survive a whole week on my own cooking. Since that I could eat anything."

Heihachi ignored him.

"By the way, what is your name?" Kazuya asked the French guy. He smiled happily.

"Ah, je m'appelle Jean-Christian Beauregard-Baptise de la Chauvelle!"

Some puzzled glances were exchanged at the table.

"Jeen-Christan…" Kazuya began hesitantly. Heihachi pointed at the chef with an encouraging look on his face.

"French guy!" he exclaimed happily. The French guy just nodded and smiled. The table was cleared and the French guy returned into the kitchen. A really tall, blonde guy came out instead. He looked a bit nervous.

"Hi everyone. My name is Lars. You can call me chef."

No one said anything for a while. Feng took a mouthful of his drink.

"Or kock." Lars added.

Feng suddenly broke out into hysterical giggling like a little girl. He couldn't swallow his drink because of the giggling, but didn't really seem to mind. He finally calmed down enough to swallow the drink and, to everyone's surprise, he continued to giggle. A few minutes passed, he didn't show any signs of finding it any less amusing.

"I don't get it." Wang mumbled to himself.

Feng finally calmed down, just chuckling every now and then.

"No, I mean it." Lars said quietly, which just made Feng break out giggling again. Everyone grumbled about it and sighed. He didn't giggle for quite as long anymore. Kazuya glared at him.

"Feng." He began, then covered his mouth with three fingers and giggled loudly. The fake giggle died down as soon as it had begun. He patted his forehead and motioned at him. "What the fuck."

Feng cleared his throat and looked at Lars.

"Sorry. Carry on…"

"Right…" Lars said and smiled at the crowd. "I decided to make a dish native to my country. So enjoy it, everyone."

The very exotic dish was called pot barley and fried pork. Everyone stared at it with various levels of disgust on their face. Jin tore off another piece of bread and muttered while he struggled to chew it. No one dared to take the first bite. Marshall finally picked his fork up, took extremely little of the pot barley on it and put it in his mouth. Everyone who noticed looked at him curiously. He shrugged.

"It's okay… not really anything special."

Lars stood by the door looking like he was about to pass out. Most of the people now began to try it. Heihachi looked at the yellowish stuff and wrinkled his nose. He took some up and tasted it. His face lit up and he shoved more of it into his mouth. He looked up at the ceiling with a huge smile with he chewed it.

"MMmmm!" he mumbled. He took a deep breath. "HEAVEN!"

Jin stared openly at him. He finally tried to get his bearings.

"You… you can't mean you're going to EAT that! Look at it! It's bathing in its own grease, for heaven's sake!"

Heihachi ignored him and continued stuffing his face. Jin turned away with a disgusted little noise. A bit away, Bryan was staring at the food.

"Does he actually expect us to eat this? It looks like… something…"

His voice trailed off at the end as he met Steve's look. He nodded slowly.

"Okay. Not the gentleman way to mention disgusting things at the table. Got it."

"You could however politely ask the chef for a different dish."

"Alright." He raised his hand. "Excuse me! Mister Chef!"

Lars came over and waited for Bryan to say what he wanted.

"This food is…" he began, but paused and frowned slightly. "Wait, what country were you from again?"

"Sweden, sir."

"Really?" Bryan said with a grin. He looked at the food, then at Steve, then at Lars, the food again, Steve and Lars. He seemed to be a little unsure for a moment before grinning again. He looked up at Lars, quickly got up and banged his fist in the table.

"This load of crap isn't good enough to feed a bunch of goddamned pigs!" he roared at him. There was absolute silence in the dining room after that. Steve stared at Bryan with a chocked look on his face. After a while came Lars' response. He shrugged.

"Alright. Can I get you anything else?"

Bryan gave him a surprised look.

"What… that's it?"

"Yes?"

"No anger at all? Not even a little?"

"No. Why would I be mad? Not even I liked this the first time I tried it."

"But…" Bryan looked almost desperate. "Nothing at all? No 'rargh, in the name of Odin, I shall kill you'? No breaking the table? No pillaging! Not even raping Julia!"

Julia giggled slightly, and then slammed her fist in the table.

"I'm not a whore!" she screamed.

Lars just ignored her and looked back at Bryan.

"Why would I do that? It's just food."

Bryan looked around, almost a bit embarrassed. He sat down again.

"Can I get you something else then?"

"Um… do you have…" he began and glanced at Steve. He glared at him with his arms crossed. Bryan looked down on the floor and sighed. "…kidney pie?"

Lars nodded and took the plate of pot barley away. Bryan looked up on Steve slightly, and then looked down again.

"I am ever so disappointed." Steve finally said.

"I thought it would be worth it..." Bryan mumbled and scratched the back of his head. Everyone returned to the meal, or at least the few who actually ate it. Heihachi was still stuffing his face, by now he had also taken Kazuya's and Jin's plate. He looked like he was high on some wonderful drug. Jin shook his head at him slowly.

"How can you eat that? Don't you care about your health at all!"

Kazyua looked at him. He had a strange look on his face.

"I mean, you could…"

"Die?" Kazuya interrupted him.

"Yeah, he could…"

"Die?"

"Yeah. you could…" he finally understood what Kazuya meant and nodded slowly with a slight grin. "…die."

Kazuya nodded and grinned back at him. He cleared his throat and stood up.

"I'll just go to the bathroom… be right back."

He took a few steps and stopped behind Heihachi's back. He looked at him and when he saw that Heihachi didn't notice he looked at Jin. He mimed picking up a chair from the floor and hitting Heihachi's head with it. Jin nodded slowly, and then shook his head quickly. He mimed that something was shooting out the side of his head. Then that he wiped his face clean of something with a chocked look. Kazuya nodded and thought for a while. He then mimed his hand was a gun and 'shot' Heihachi in his head. Jin shook his head and cupped his hand behind his ear with a curious look on his face before pointing on people in the room. Kazuya cursed silently and looked at the back of Heihachi's head with a thoughtful look on his face. He then mimed taking out some piano wire from his pocket and 'strangled' Heihachi with it. Jin nodded slowly and smiled. He then shook his head again and put his fingers in front of his eyes as if someone was wearing glasses or looking through binoculars. Kazuya mimed he had a drill and 'drilled' a hole in Heihachi's head. He then held an imaginary firecracker in his other hand and lit it, putting it in the hole. He mimed that Heihachi's head exploded and finally that he wiped stuff off his chest. Jin just gave him a my-god-you're-stupid-look. Kazuya rolled his eyes, waved his hand against Heihachi's head to make it clear he gave up and sat down again with a deep sigh. Jin shrugged slightly at him and glanced at Heihachi. He was still eating.

"Aren't you full yet?"

"Shut up, boy." Heihachi mumbled between two bites. Kazuya glanced at him and took Lee's plate.

"Here you go, Heihachi… have some more." He said and left the table.

Jin turned away.

"I don't think I can watch a man eat himself to death."

"It's his time." Kazuya said to Jin while putting King's and Ling's plate down in front of Heihachi. "Trust me."

Lars noticed Heihachi and sighed in relief. Obviously he was happy that at least one person loved it. He retreated into the kitchen and another chef came out. He was clearly oriental, was short and skinny, had a long moustache and a bandanna with the Japanese flag on was tied around his head. He nodded at the crowd without saying a word. Immediately the dessert was served by the legion of workers. Deep fried banana with cream and ice-cream, sprinkled with sugar and syrup. This time, no one complained. Except Jin, of course. He massaged his temples with a groan.

"Dad, please take that stuff away from him. I don't think it's humanly possible to actually eat anything more." He said and pointed at Heihachi, who somehow ate the pot barley and the banana at the same time. Kazuya shrugged.

"Meh. Let him eat it."

Jin got a salad from the chef, who had heard the French guy's stories about him. He looked happily at it and showed it to Heihachi.

"See? See this? This is GOOD food! Gooooood…" he mumbled the last part and began to eat it. Kazuya and Heihachi glanced at each other.

"Somehow we failed with him." Heihachi noted. Kazuya rolled his eyes.

"Don't blame me, I wasn't around."

They glared at Jun, who enjoyed the fried banana. She looked up at them.

"Oh shut up. We all know it wasn't my fault. I blame television."

Heihachi and Kazuya nodded and glanced at Jin, who appeared to really enjoy his salad. Jun rolled her eyes.

"Youth." She muttered.

- - -

A/N: "Kock" is the Swedish word for chef, if you wonder about that incredibly lame joke. It's not pronounced the same as the word you think about, but it's still pretty funny, right? ;)