Author's powerful, powerful voice: Another week has passed and I return, and I must say that I was devastated to find my inbow completely lacking any review mails. Why, people, why?
Anyway, hope you like this. The craziness starts.
- - -
The dinner was over with and now everyone was just going around, chatting to each other again. Lee stepped up on the stage, where some guys were setting up instruments. He patted the microphone.
"Hello?"
Everyone cheered right away, various people screamed 'happy birthday' at the top of their lungs. Lee smiled at them and motioned they should calm down.
"Did everyone like the dinner?"
No one said anything. A few people looked at Heihachi, who was still at the table and unable to move. He raised a hand.
"Yes…" he moaned. Lee nodded.
"Alright. There really isn't anything else planned. I hired a band for tonight that will be playing until I tell them to stop, there are refreshments on the table and…"
"Is there booze!" Christie yelled at him. Eddy mumbled something to her and looked around.
"No, Christie, there is no booze. Nothing. Not even anything that looks remotely like booze. Do you understand?"
She stared at him, chocked. Her mouth hung open.
"No… booze!" she repeated in disbelief. "What kind of a birthday party is this! You sick, twisted… man!"
"It's an intelligent birthday party, Christie! I heard the stories and you shouldn't think I'll expose my darling Ship to a bunch of sauced martial arts masters who have sex all over the place! No way!"
"But that's what makes parties funny! Drunk people!" Paul complained.
"No drunken people, do you hear me! I'll keelhaul anyone I see drunk here!"
There were mutters and angry, quiet complaints. Ling raised her hand.
"What's in the punch bowl?"
"Raspberry-flavoured lemonade."
"Ew."
"I know. It was the best I could find on such short notice."
There was a short silence. Someone tried the lemonade and had a short coughing fit.
"Well. Have a nice night and thank you all for coming." Lee finished and stepped off the stage. People glared at him and muttered among each other. Lei walked up to him.
"I don't care what they say, it's a great idea to keep it dry."
"I know. I heard the horror story."
"About last time? Actually, that was kind of funny… except the thing with the cactus. And Kuma." He looked up at the ceiling. "And of course, Yoshimitsu attacked me because he likes Iron Maiden. And Julia laughed at me after Kuma had punched me…"
He fell silent for a while and finally shook his head.
"Never mind, it was horrible."
"I can only imagine."
No one said anything for a while. Lee smiled to himself and glanced at Lei.
"Hey, Jin told me something funny about that."
"About what?"
Lee chuckled.
"Did you really wear a cat woman suit?"
"WHAT! Who told you that! I mean, uh… no."
"But…"
"Absolutely not. It's a damn lie."
"Jin said he…"
"Shut up, Lee! I've never worn a cat woman suit, okay?"
Forest Law was walking by, but stopped when he heard that phrase. He turned towards Lei with a huge, evil grin.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the cat queen himself." He said, giggled and made a scratching move with his hand. "Meow! Meeeeoooow!"
Lei stared at him, then glanced at Lee. Lee grinned just as evilly.
"So it is true, huh?"
"No! No, it's not, it's a damn lie! A lie, I tell you!"
Ling appeared out of nowhere.
"Hey, what's going on here?"
"Do you know Lei wore a cat woman suit on the last party?"
Ling gave him a surprised look.
"You did?"
"NO!"
Baek and Asuka stopped next to them.
"He did?"
"Really?"
"No, damn it!"
Within minutes, everyone in the room was standing in a semi-circle around Lei, talking about the supposed suit. Jin came by and gave Lee a picture.
"See? He did wear that thing, I have proof!"
Lei stared at the picture.
"You told me you didn't keep that one."
"I knew I'd get to use this some day."
Lee looked at it, still grinning.
"Wow… he's got whiskers and everything."
Ling looked over his shoulder.
"Aaw, isn't that cute?"
Everyone gathered around Lee to look at the picture. Lei stood next to them, looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground and die. Baek grinned at him.
"Lei, this really shows your masculine side, doesn't it?"
"Is that leash really pink?"
"Isn't that King behind him?"
"Hey, you can't see it in the picture, but he wore high heels too!"
"What?"
"No way!"
"He sure did!"
"That's really gay."
"Wow, look at the tight…!"
"Everything about that situation is gay."
"I think he looks good in black leather…"
"So did Lei and King… you know…?"
"Rawr!" King growled angrily.
"Alright, alright, fine…"
"Just how did that happen, anyway?"
"He said he loved kitty-cats or something, so I don't know if he and King really…"
"RAWR!"
"So, Lei, how was it…?"
Everyone looked up at Lei. He made some stuttering noises.
"No, I… well… that… eeeh… well, I… um… you see… um… don't look at me!" he cried and ran away. Ling looked after him.
"Maybe we were too mean to poor Lei."
Forest took the picture and looked at it a while. He then shoved it in Hwoarang's face.
"So, doesn't this turn you on?"
Hwoarang stared at it.
"Um… no?"
"Really? Because I thought everything turned you on."
"Most things do, but not this." He gave the picture back. "I'm not gay."
Paul, Forest and Jin stared at him. Paul laughed.
"Oh, come on. You? Not gay! I don't think so!"
Hwoarang shrugged.
"I'm just not gay, okay?"
"Hwoarang…" Jin said slowly, as if he feared a fit of rage from him. "You are gay. You are very, very gay. I don't know much about you, but I know that. You. Are. Gay!"
"He's right." Forest agreed.
"Listen, guys. I might've done some gay things a while back, but I was confused. It was just a phase. I'm not gay."
"Who are you trying to convince?"
"Yeah!"
"We all know you're gay!"
"I'm not gay!" Hwoarang shrieked. "I can't be! I LOVE BOOBIES!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
"No, you don't."
"We all know that."
"I'm not gay!"
"But…"
"I'm not gay, dammit!"
"Hwoarang!" Jin interrupted him. "We all know. Take Paul, for instance. You had sex with him. You liked it. Every time. You are gay. Get used to it, like we are."
"But…" Hwoarang looked like he was close to tears. "I was in jail! It didn't have a choice! It was either Paul or the weird mass murderer."
"Or you just could have chosen not to have sex, right?"
"Hah! Explain that!"
"I…" Hwoarang fell silent again. He pointed at Forest with an angry look on his face. "I'll prove I'm not gay! I am the least gay person on this boat right now!" he hissed. Baek joined the conversation.
"No, that would be me."
"Oh, yeah? How come?" Jin asked him.
"Well, it could be because I am the only one on this boat who is actually MARRIED!" he yelled the last part at Heihachi. Heihachi glared at him.
"Hey, I can't be blamed for my wife's death."
There was a moment's silence. His shoulders slumped down.
"Alright, fine, I murdered that bitch. There, are you happy now?"
"Yes." Baek nodded. Just a bit away from him, Marshall raised his hand. Baek pointed at him.
"And you don't count, your son's gay!"
Marshall gave him a surprised look.
"No, he's not." He glanced at Forest. "Right?"
Forest's cell phone rang. He held his hand up in front of Marshall's face.
"Hang on a minute, dad, I have to take this… hello? Oh, hello Johnny." He said and after a while he giggled slightly. "Yeah… rawr, RAWR, I'm gonna maul you!" he purred and giggled again. Marshall stared blankly in front of himself with tears in his eyes. He sobbed and patted Forest's head carefully.
"Daddy's boy…" he whimpered. Hwoarang ignored the sad scene and glared at Baek and Jin.
"I'll prove I'm not gay! Somehow!" he growled and ran away. Baek grinned.
"That was number two." He mumbled and took a small notepad out of his pocket. He scribbled 'Hwoarang' right under 'Lei'. After thinking a moment, he added 'Marshall?'. He then put the notepad back in his pocket and glanced at Ganryu with an evil smirk.
- - -
Yoshimitsu stood a bit away, just observing everything. Lee came up to him.
"How come everyone is gay here?" he asked with a sigh.
"Not everyone. I'm not. What about you?"
"Not as far as I know, anyway."
"So you're not sure?"
"That means no."
"Ah. Nice philosophy." Yoshimitsu nodded. "But you know, this whole party is a bit gayish. I mean, more than 20 men and only 7 women?"
"Yeah, but there's no alcohol. I expect that the only one who'll manage to get someone in bed tonight is Nina."
"Or Anna."
"Nah, no one seems to be very interested anymore. Not even Paul." Lee said and poked Yoshimitsu's side with a grin. "So how was Julia?"
Yoshimitsu shrugged.
"I don't remember a thing of that night. You might want to ask Ling or something."
"Ooohkaaayy..." Lee said slowly with a puzzled glance at Yoshimitsu. Yoshimitsu looked at the glass in his hand and smelled the pinkish liquid.
"It smells like dead animals or something, Lee. How could you buy this?"
"It was the first thing I could find. And I thought everything with raspberry in it is good."
"Not lemonade."
"I got it now, thank you."
Yoshimitsu looked out of a window.
"Hm… it's getting dark. What time is it?"
Lee gasped happily and gave Yoshimitsu a thankful look.
"You really want to know?" he whispered.
"Yes?"
"Alright, it's…"
Again, Lee let his arm shoot out and brought it to his face in a dramatic arc. He stared at the watch.
"…broken again. Stupid junk!"
Yoshimitsu looked at it.
"Looks good though."
"It does, doesn't it? It's a genuine Rolex, you know."
Yoshimitsu gave it a closer look.
"Are you sure?" he asked with a doubtful tone of voice.
"Of course I'm sure! Don't you think I…"
"It's fake." Yoshimitsu interrupted him.
"I… wh-what?"
"It's as fake as Christie's breasts, Lee."
Lee stared out into nothing with a chocked look on his face.
"No… no, it can't be! NO! I bought this for 2000… it has to be real!"
"Who did you buy it from?"
"A Colombian guy…"
Yoshimitsu smiled and nodded.
"There you go. All the proof you need."
Lee pulled his hair and looked like he was close to tears.
"Damn it…"
Yoshimitsu patted his shoulder.
"Happy birthday…" he mumbled and left him alone. Lee slowly walked to the kitchen and threw the door open.
"I NEED COGNAC!" he roared at the workers in there before he stumbled away to Heihachi's table and sat down next to him, sobbing. He showed him the watch.
"It's… fake…" he whispered and burst into tears. Heihachi gave him a tormented look.
"It's… painful…" he whispered and sighed deeply, trying to find a way to sit to minimize the pain. Some Scotsmen came from the kitchen, carrying a lot of Cognac bottles. They put them down in front of Lee. He grabbed one, unscrewed the top and took a swig. He then wiped with mouth, coughed and burst into tears again.
"Hey, no fair, why does he get to drink?" Christie complained when she noticed. She pushed Eddy's shoulder to get his attention.
"Hey! Mr. Birthday boy is drinking!"
Eddy had trouble to focus his eyes. He frowned at her.
"Grandma…?" he mumbled quietly.
"Eddy, get over there and make sure to get his attention. I'm going to do everyone here a big, damn favour!"
"Alright, alright…!" Eddy muttered and walked a bit wobbly over to Lee. He raised his hand and smacked him on the back. Lee cried out in pain and surprise.
"Hello birthday duuude!" Eddy exclaimed happily and put a hilarious little party hat on Lee's head. "I like your, uh… hat!"
Lee accidentally smacked him in the face with his hand, trying to show him the watch. He took a deep breath.
"IT'S FAAAAAAKE!" he wailed. Eddy took his hand and looked at it.
"Looks real to me, dude… want me to check?" He said and took a dull, grease-covered little knife from the table. While Eddy raised the knife, Christie snuck under the table and snatched two Cognac bottles. She ran over to the punch bowl and poured them in, chuckling evilly.
"Everyone will thank me one day…" she giggled and took a glass of the foul-smelling liquid. She tasted it and sighed in relief.
"Booze…" she purred. "Finally."
She didn't care about Lee's pained scream.
- - -
A/N: Just realized something here. I didn't mean that Jin, Paul and Forest all are gay, I mean they had gotten used to the thought that Bob is. In case there were people wonderin' bout that. Now review, please!