A/N: I know, I know. I apologize for the delay. I usually update earlier. But, see, I keep all my stuff on a laptop, and my darling little brother broke it when he was having a tantrum. Then I got grounded because he was somehow trapped out in the rain. Then I was mourning over the seven or eight chapters I had done of the fic I was waiting to publish until I was finished. You know, so I could update really fast. I'm going to update everything as quickly as possible, but its gonna take some time.

Lesson Two: Smile!

Artemis walked into the guest room for the second day in a row. His back and arms were sore from being strapped to a wood chair, but he was in a pretty good mood. In his mind, things couldn't be much worse then yesterday.

"...Alright," Tiff was saying. She was brushing her hair and looking into a mirror. "Name the guy you regret dating most and why."

"Leon Preston," Genny replied, digging through her duffle bag for something. "Because he was a terrible kisser."

"Terrence Sarlington," Alex muttered darkly. She was holding a screwdriver and attempting to tighten the straps on the chair without much luck. "Because he was a jerk and a moron and I hate him."

Artemis glanced at the chair and began wondering weather it was too late to sneak out and pretend his alarm clock hadn't gone off.

Alex looked up and grinned. "Hello Artemis!" She walked over to him and hugged him. "Good morning!"

Artemis was shocked by this action, but before he could react she had grabbed his arm and was leading him over to the chair.

She pushed him lightly into the chair and walked over to a corner to grab something. Tiff began strapping his arms down.

"Eh...Miss Tiffany, might I ask if..."

Tiff looked outraged. She hit him with surprising force in the stomach, knocking the air from his lungs. She finished strapping him in, sprayed him twice with her spray bottle, and stalked over to her bed, grumbling.

Alex returned, watching her friend with her eyebrows raised. "Sorry about that," She murmured. "She hates being called Tiffany. She got expelled from her old public school for beating a guy to a pulp because he called her it."

Artemis blinked. "Is she unstable?"

Alex smiled. "Oh no. She isn't. Just violent and a little crazy. But I can make it up to you."

He looked up at her and smirked slightly. "How? Another kiss would suffice." (A/N: Was that OOC? Oh well, he's a pervert in this!)

She went pink, and glared at him. She grabbed Tiff's spray bottle and sprayed him in the face. "No! Bad boy!"

He shook the water off his head. "Would you mind not using that? And don't talk to me like that! I am not a dog!"

She glared at him. "Well then, stop drooling like one." She set the thing she was holding onto his lap and began playing with projector.

He glanced down and it, and saw that it was a small clear box filled with an assortment of tiny spray bottles. "What is this supposed to be?"

"Its different types of laughing gas." Genny said brightly. She and Tiff had walked over to the chair. Tiff was still grumbling. "And since I seem to be the only one who doesn't want to kill you at the moment, I'm going to be giving them to you."

Artemis glanced at the other two girls. Tiff had her arms crossed and was staring at the ceiling, and Alex was muttering and flipping viciously through the slides. "Perhaps that would be best."

"Of course it would!" Genny giggled. She cleared her throat and, just like the day before, adopted the tone of a flight attendant. "Welcome to day two of your Hottie Training. Today we will be working on your smile and laughter. You see, to be a perfect guy, you have to smile. So we're going to show you some slides of funny things and try to make you smile and/or laugh. If all else fails, I'll be giving you laughing gas. Got it?"

Artemis held his tongue and replied with a quick nod.

"Great!" She walked over to the wall and flicked off the lights.

Alex and Tiff exchanged a meaningful look as Alex found her place behind the projector and Tiff picked up her clip board.

Genny returned and took sat down in the chair next to him. "Okay. We ready?"

Alex nodded and turned on the projector. On the wall appeared a picture of two kittens wearing shorts. One was holding a sword. (A/N: This and all the following pics are real. If you would like to see them, please Email me at frowned. "Why would I find animal cruelty amusing?"

Tiff ground her teeth and Genny folded her arms. Alex, however, smiled slightly. She pressed the button, and the picture was replaced with one of a girl's head with blonde hair. Her skin and tongue were green, there was blood on her lips and eyebrow, and her eyes were pure white.

Artemis's eyes grew wide. "That's appalling, not amusing."

Tiff scribbled something down on her clipboard and Genny glared at him. Alex seemed to be holding back laughter.

The next picture was of a baby. His mouth seemed to be stretched into a huge smile, but his mouth was amazingly huge.

Artemis smiled slightly. "Well, perhaps this is a bit amusing. But it is obviously fake."

Alex beamed at him as she pressed the button again. The next picture was of a squirrel. It was hanging off of a bird feeder, eating the bird seed inside.

Artemis smiled wider. "Intelligent." He commented.

It continued on for several hours. Each time Artemis found something amusing, Alex would smile at him. Tiff slowly stopped frowning as she wrote things on her clipboard, and after a while she was smiling and chatting normally.

"That was great!" She said enthusiastically. "We almost got you to laugh, Art."

"Its Artemis." He replied, as Alex unstrapped his arms. "And what does any of this has to do with the opposite sex being attracted to me?"

"Everything." Replied Genny. "Trust us."

Alex grabbed his arm. "I'll...uh...walk you to your room. Come on."

They walked down the hall, Alex talking happily. "Thank you Artemis. This project is really important, even if we did make it up."

He frowned slightly. "Why is it so important? Its only extra credit."

She sighed and linked their arms together. "Well, all of us are failing science. The Dean says that if we don't pull up our grades, he's gonna kick us out. And, we've been kicked out of every other school in Dublin, public and private. If we get kicked out of this school, our parents are going to send us all away. Tiff will go to Germany to live with her grandmother, Genny will go to England to live with her Uncle, and me...I'll be going to Spain. To live with my older sister." She sighed again and rested her head on his shoulder.

He felt himself start to sweat. "Why were you three expelled from the other schools?"

She smiled. "Tiff got into too many fights, Genny failed too many classes, and I...well...lets just say I had a few problems with boys."

Artemis had a distinct impression he didn't want to know much more about it. They stopped outside his room. "Well, thank you for the lovely conversation. I will try to be a bit more complacent."

She beamed at him. "Thank you."

"Can I ask you something?"

She cocked her head slightly. "Sure. What?"

He went slightly red. "Um...what's first base?"

Alex giggled slightly. She stood on her toes and kissed him gently. Only this time, it was a bit different. After a few moments, her tongue slid into her mouth and touched his own tongue briefly.

He closed his eyes happily, but she pulled away after only a few moments. He opened his eyes again and stared at her in amazement.

She was smiling at him, her cheeks slightly pink. "That's first base." She murmured, and before he could answer she had ran off.

He stood there for several moments, then retreated to his room to ponder the mysteries of women.

A/N: Okay, I apologize for it being so short and without Holly. I promise next chapter will have tons of Miss Short. I also promise to have the next chapter out by next weekend. Thank you and don't forget to review.

Oh and one more thing. I feel really n00bish asking this but...what does AU stand for? o.0