A/N: First and foremost, THANK YOU ALL for your reviews! They make me so very, very happy! Very!
Keep them reviews coming, peoples!
- - -
Marduk looked down into the cup of tea, swirled it around and drank some. He then made a happy little humming noise before putting the cup down on the saucer again. In his gigantic ape-hands the fine china looked very, very troubled. He looked around. He had managed to gather quite a crowd. Beside him sat King, his mask still glaring angrily at everything and everyone around him. Marshall stood a bit away, looking generally bored. Feng stood next to him, looking in a strangely curious way at the fine china in Marduk's hands. Baek and Asuka were forcing small talk. It was very forced.
"Alright." Marduk began and cleared his throat. "I have gathered you all here today to discuss something very serious with you. We must re-Americanize Bryan!"
He looked very, very serious about it.
"What!" Feng asked loudly. "Why? I've only met him once or twice, and I'd rather see him as a British wuss than have him going psychopath on me any more."
Asuka grimaced slightly.
"I agree. He was a maniac, you know. Now all he does is to dress funny and discuss tea."
"Rawr." King added. No one knew for sure whether he agreed or not. Marduk looked around, staring at the young speakers in disbelief.
"Are you guys serious! He's not supposed to be like that! I know, I don't like the painful stuff either, but that snob-guy he's acting like now is not the Bryan he's supposed to be, right? Why is he trying to be something he's not, anyway?"
"I heard it was because he's trying to get laid." Baek replied. Paul, who was just walking by, stopped abruptly. He turned to them with an excited look on his face.
"Who's trying to get laid!" he asked loudly and quickly. The small group stared at him.
"Bryan." Baek repeated.
"Oh." Paul sighed in disappointment. He took a short step back. "Never mind."
He then continued on his way, shuddering in disgust every now and then. Marduk turned his attention back to the group, shaking his head slowly.
"That man is going to burn in hell." He stated. "Now, about the…"
"Why?" Asuka interrupted him. He gave her a surprised look.
"What?"
"Why is Paul going to burn in hell?"
"Because he is a sexual deviant, that's why. That stuff he's done makes Jesus sad in the eye."
Asuka considered it for a while.
"Do you mean that he's going to be punished just for being a bisexual?"
"He's not bisexual!" Marshall corrected her. "He is just a guy who sleeps with everything that has a hole!"
"Hear, hear!" Baek agreed. Feng looked after Paul, looking extremely disturbed.
"He's sick…" he whispered. Marshall patted his shoulder in sympathy. King shook his head slowly. Marduk looked around at them, looking increasingly chocked.
"Wait… how do you know this stuff?"
The four men glanced at each other. Asuka looked confused.
"Weeell…" Marshall began.
"Um… you see…" Feng tried to continue, but couldn't think of anything better. Baek just stared down on the floor, his shoulders slumped down. King made weak, growling noises. Marduk waited for someone to say something. Baek began scraping his foot against the floor. Marduk then finally got it.
"Oh… wait, you all have…?"
There was a short silence before Marshall, blushing, finally cleared his throat and nodded, looking down at the floor. Asuka gave him a surprised look.
"All of you!" Marduk gasped. Marshall nodded again. Asuka gave the four guilty ones equally surprised looks, before finally staring at Baek. She frowned and crossed her arms.
"And when had you planned to tell me this!" she snarled at him. He sighed and gave her an annoyed look.
"For the last time, Asuka, I'm not available!"
Marduk ignored them.
"But… don't you know homosexuality is a sin!"
Marshall and Feng glanced at each other.
"I'm not gay." Feng said.
"Me neither." Marshall agreed.
"Definitely not." Baek added.
"Rawr!"
"That doesn't matter!" Marduk roared at them, making everyone in the room look at him. Even the band stopped. "You three had sex with a man! You're going to BURN for that!"
Almost everyone in the room gasped simultaneously. The band looked around curiously. Marduk stared in disbelief at the large crowd.
"Wait… ALL of you had sex with Paul?" he asked loudly enough for everyone to hear. No one really said anything. There were some ashamed mutters. Marduk moaned in a desperate way.
"Even Ganryu?" he whined, pointing at the sumo wrestler. Ganryu looked down and nodded almost unnoticeably. There were some people making disgusted noises. Marduk looked back at Asuka, who shrugged. He looked back at the crowd.
"Okay…" he said to himself, trying to calm down, before addressing the people again. "Who here has ever had a homosexual relationship or affair of any kind!"
Every man in the room raised a hand in shame. Heihachi and Jack-5 did nothing. To everyone's surprise, Christie raised a hand after a while. Marduk sobbed and pointed at the crowd, letting his index-finger of judgement sweep back and forth over them.
"You're all going to be sorry! All you men in here!" he cried. No one said anything.
"And Christie!" he added after a short while.
"But…" Kazuya began, raising his hand hesitantly again. Marduk sighed and pointed at him, giving him permission to speak.
"I was raped." He explained. The majority of the men in the room immediately pointed at him, nodding quickly, all trying to explain the situation at the same time, causing chaos. Marduk looked around, trying to calm everyone down at once. Finally, after a few attempts with shouting, whistling and dancing, he managed to make them all shut up.
"Okay." He began. "So you were all raped?"
Everyone nodded quickly, agreeing.
"By Paul?"
Nods.
"Oh. Well, in that case…"
He cleared his throat and again whipped out his index-finger of judgement.
"All of you in here who had homosexual relationships by your own free will shall burn for it! ESPECIALLY Paul!"
Most people in there cheered wholeheartedly. There were some, like Paul, who weren't quite so happy. Asuka leant closer to Feng.
"Why did Paul rape everyone?" she whispered. Feng shrugged. She frowned slightly.
"And how come he hasn't tried me yet? I'm cute enough for unwanted attention, right?"
"Yeah, sure." Feng replied. "But I heard he don't try underage women anymore since Ling slapped that lawsuit on him the moment she turned 18. Haven't you ever wondered where she got the cash and the motorcycle from?"
"Oh." Asuka said, nodding slowly. "Makes sense."
The cheering soon came to a stop. With that little problem settled, Marduk and the small group of re-Americanizers went back to more serious matters.
"Now…" Marduk began, pausing to think. He thought for a long, long time. "Um… where was I?"
- - -
Ling slowly stepped up to the table where Lee and Heihachi sat. She walked very slowly, with one hand pressed against her stomach. She stopped a bit away from Lee. He had stopped crying and moping, he was just glaring angrily at everyone present at his party, still wearing the hilarious party hat, drinking his cognac. He had a bandage tied around the hand Eddy had stabbed. Heihachi gave Ling a puzzled look.
"Hey, why are you so pale?" he asked. She stared at a point above Lee's left ear and cleared her throat quietly.
"I went upstairs…" she said weakly. "And… I saw a kitty, and it was nice, so I petted it, and… and then it scratched me, so I went back down."
Lee and Heihachi stared at her for a while, before glancing at each other.
"Um… Ling, the only thing close to a 'kitty' upstairs is the French guy's lioness he adopted during my trip to Africa." Lee explained. Heihachi gave him a surprised look.
"You went to Africa?" he asked.
"You don't know anything about me." Lee muttered darkly and took a mouthful of cognac. Ling still stared straight ahead of herself.
"Oh…" She finally said, her right eyelid twitching slightly. "…that explains this…"
With that said, she removed her hand from her stomach. Lee and Heihachi gave horrified yelps and stared at the wounds for a while.
"My GOD!" Lee finally exclaimed. "How do you manage to stay in one piece!"
"Or on your feet?" Heihachi added.
"Mother said…" Ling began again. "…don't ever complain… be nice… be good… behave…"
Lee and Heihachi glanced at each other again, worriedly.
"Maybe you should sit down?" Heihachi offered. Ling blinked.
"I… must use the fa…cilities… excuse me…"
She turned around and walked away, slowly. Zombie-slowly. Heihachi turned his head to Lee.
"Maybe you should call the first-aid guys?"
Lee glared at him.
"Did you bring your wallet? Those guys aren't free!"
"They're not?"
"No!"
"Okay, then screw it." Heihachi said and shrugged the concern off.
- - -
"For the last time!" Marduk snarled again. The re-Americanizers sat around a small, round table, still discussing the Bryan-matter. "We must remind him of who he really is! He is a maniacal killer cyborg and that's just what he likes to be!"
"But we don't like him to be that!" Feng snarled back. Asuka nodded quickly. Baek sat beside them, looking from talker to talker with an amused look on his face. King did the very same thing, but it wasn't possible to see if he was amused or not. "We like our faces intact, thank you very much!"
"But he's suffering!"
"He looks perfectly happy to me!"
"What if we just make sure he gets some action?" Asuka suggested. Marduk and Feng nodded slowly.
"Yes… but whom?" Marduk pondered.
"Asuka, would you?" Feng asked hopefully. She stared at him and wrinkled her nose in disgust.
"What… with Bryan? No way! I was thinking more of Anna or Jul… er, Hwoarang!"
Hwoarang, who was just standing a bit away, jerked his head up.
"I'm not gay!" he called. Baek got up from his chair and pointed at Hwoarang.
"YES, YOU ARE!" he shouted back at him. Marduk, Feng, King and Asuka stared at him in surprise.
"I had to train that brat." He explained. "I know."
Marduk shook his head.
"Whatever. Okay, so Asuka didn't want him and I'm pretty sure he's not gay. How about Christie then?"
Baek shook his head.
"Christie is Eddy's bitch. Bryan and Eddy's 'lovely' friendship was ruined because of her, I don't think he'll take her."
At this very moment, Christie came in through the door with Eddy leaning against her arm. They had somehow managed to hear exactly what he had said. Eddy left the safety of Christie's arm and poked his finger into Marduk's chest.
"'ey! Don't you be goin' spreading lies 'bout mah woman!"
"Yeah!" Christie added. Marduk gave the two of them puzzled looks.
"But I didn't say anything." He attempted to protest. Meanwhile, Wang stumbled by, looking for the men's room. Eddy put his arm around Christie's shoulders.
"You're damn right ya didn't! See here!" he said and pointed to her cleavage. "It's Eddy written all over her!"
Everyone around the table leant closer, trying to see something. They could make out the word 'Eddy's' tattooed on her left breast. It looked like it had been written by a drunk four-year old. The line on one of the D's stretched up almost to her armpit. Christie stared at it.
"You gave me a tattoo!" she shrieked. The group leant back, looking at each other.
"Strange that we never noticed that when Lei ripped her shirt off." Feng noted.
"Isn't it just?" Baek agreed. Eddy grinned at Christie.
"Yeah! When you were sleepin'!"
"You gave me a tattoo when I was sleeping! Were you drunk?"
"No…" Eddy replied, looking like a pouting kid. "I was high."
"That wasn't very bright." Marduk stated, grinning. Eddy turned around and raised his hand to punch him. Marduk leant back and reached out almost instinctively. He managed to hook Wang(who was justwalking by,aiming for the facilities)with his arm, pulling him close to himself while he pointed at Eddy.
"Get back! Or me and my…"
His mental voice acted up.
"Just say 'Christianity', you big stupid…"
"…Wang will hurt you!" Marduk finished. Eddy, Christie and the re-Americanizing group stared at him. The mental voice sighed.
"Idiot." Itsaid darklyand gave him a mental kick. Marduk didn't move a muscle. Wang looked around, confused. Eddy suddenly giggled.
"You and your wang?" he repeated, giggling hysterically. Christie glared at him and took a step closer.
"Well, you might as well get started." She said, glancing every now and then at Eddy. "'cus my man here, he ain't got nothin' downtown!"
Eddy's giggling came to an abrupt stop. Feng broke out into giggling instead. Eddy gave Christie an embarrassed look.
"Why do you have to bring it up in public, hun?"
"Dontcha 'hun' me!" she hissed at him. She turned back to Marduk, looking at him with fake admiration. She took a step closer.
"He ain't so big, but I've worked wonders with smaller, trust me, babe."
Marduk stared at her. A big grin broke out on his face.
"Really? You want to…?"
"Oh sure! You and your… wang."
Feng's giggling increased in strength. Wang suddenly broke out of Marduk's grip, glaring at them all.
"You damn western people and your funny language! Wang is an ancient Chinese name with tradition and honour behind it. Of course, no one of you would know! Except giggly there." Wang paused to point at Feng, who didn't notice. "Now screw you all!"
He stormed off, muttering to himself in Chinese. Eddy glanced at Christie, who didn't look back.
"You didn't really mean all that." He said.
"No." she replied. "Now give me some sugar, bitch."
Eddy gave her a quick kiss, before they walked off together. The re-Americanizing group once again sat down and went back to business.
"Okay, where were we… oh, right. Where's Anna?" Marduk asked.
"I haven't seen her all night." Baek replied. Feng had stopped giggling by then.
"Nina?"
"Not her, either. Maybe they're dead!" he added hopefully.
"Dammit, why couldn't Lee just get some strippers?" Feng groaned in frustration. Marduk slapped the back of his head.
"No lustful thoughts about poor women who will never amount to anything else but sleazy ladies." He ordered. Feng rubbed the back of his head with a surprised glance at him.
"You Christian guys are all weird!" he said.
"Ling!" Baek exclaimed. "I'm sure she'll put out if we get her drunk enough!"
They looked around.
"Where is Ling, anyway?" Asuka asked.
- - -
Julia banged the booth-door again, hard and angrily.
"Hello? Have you DIED in there?" she snarled at whoever was inside. Jun came out of another booth.
"Julia, stop bothering the girl in there. Just use this one."
"No way, I was going for this one and I won't let whoever is sleeping in here stop me from using it!" she hissed back and tried to force the door open by throwing herself at it. Jun shook her head and washed her hands. When she turned around, she noticed something on the floor.
"Um, Julia. I really don't think you should use that booth."
"Why not?"
Jun pointed at the puddle of blood steadily growing from the other side of the locked door. Julia and Jun stared at it in horror before glancing at each other. They left the women's room quickly, alerting one of the cleaners outside about it. He quickly went inside and sighed about the puddle on the floor.
"Oh, great, blood on the stupid, white floor…" he mumbled and called the first-aid guys.
- - -
"Ah, I'm sure she's around here somewhere." Marduk dismissed it.
"Okay, that leaves Julia and Jun." Asuka said.
The group looked at each other.
"Julia's a nut job!" they all stated at the exact same time. Except King, of course, who made random, snarling noises.
"But so is Bryan…" Marduk added. There was a short silence as they considered it, everyone getting horrid, mental pictures of the two nut jobs together.
"Let's put that in the maybe-pile, okay?"
"What 'maybe-pile'?" Marshall asked.
"The one we just made up!" Marduk replied sharply. "And Jun is still Kazuya's little bitch. That leaves us with a woman who might as well scratch his eyes out as make out with him. See? We have to re-Americanize him some other way." Marduk concluded. Feng hid his face in his hands and gave a frustrated, hissing sigh.
"For the last time! We don't WANT to re-Americanize him some other way! We like the…" he paused to search for words. "…wussiness!"
Marduk looked over his shoulder and noticed that Bryan and Steve were standing just a while away, talking to each other. Marduk pointed in their direction.
"See? That can only lead to something very, very horrible. Can you live with the fact that you allowed that to continue on your conscience? Huh?"
The rest of the group looked at them.
"Yes." Baek said happily.
"Just wait." Marduk said. "It gets worse."
Bryan talked with exaggerated facial and bodily movements while he dipped a small biscuit into his cup of tea, his pinkie finger of course sticking out. Steve nodded every now and then, sipping his tea. He suddenly frowned at something Bryan had said and fingered the handle of the fancy fly-swatter, which made Bryan cower in a heartbreakingly wussy way. He then apologized to Steve and finally ate the tea-soaked biscuit before correcting his monocle. The group stared with their mouths hanging open at it. Feng wiped away a tear from the corner of his eye.
"That… was horrible…!" he whispered. Asuka looked stunned. King made weak, almost sad little purr-like noises. Baek suddenly covered his mouth with a disgusted noise, looking around. Marduk pointed at the wall.
"Over there, in the Scotsmen's bucket."
"Ah, it's what it's there for, laddie!" a Scotsman who was just walking by exclaimed happily. Baek ran over there. While he managed his horrible business, Marduk turned back to the rest of the group.
"So we are all agreed then? Bryan must be re-Americanized!"
"Yeah!"
"Rawr!"
"Good. Does…"
They were interrupted by a feminine hand being slammed down on the table. They looked up at Julia, who was glaring angrily at King. Beside her stood Ling with a bandage wired around her stomach, looking very, very weak.
"Did you scratch Ling?" Julia hissed at him. King put his hands on his chest.
"Rawr?" he asked. "Rawr!"
He showed her his hands. His nails had been chewed down to practically nothing.
"Rawr! Rawr-rawr? Raaaawr!"
Marduk began massagin his temple. Intensively.
"So you really didn't do it?"
"Rawr."
Julia glanced at Asuka.
"He really didn't. He's been here almost all night."
"Rawr."
Julia crossed her arms over her chest.
"Alright… sorry."
She took Ling's arm and led her away. King looked after them.
"Rawr!" he called. Marduk rolled his eyes and groaned.
"Argh, I can't take it anymore!" he growled. "Just take the damn mask off!"
"Rawr!"
"Goddammit, just knock it off, King!"
King glared at him for a while before he reached to the back of his head and flipped a little lever. The group heard a funny little click.
"You knock it off, Craig." King muttered, crossing his arms. "You big, stinking…"
The rest of the insult became slurring, catlike noises as Asuka played around with the small lever at the back of the mask. He had a thick, Mexican accent. Marduk nodded, finally happy. Baek returned, looking a little pale. He sat down again and turned to Marduk.
"So how are we going to do it?"
Marduk looked up at the roof, a strangely heroic look on his face. He raised a hand with the index-finger sticking up.
"Scotsman!" he called. A Scotsman appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
"Aye, sir?" he asked.
"Kidnapping-sack!"
"Aye, sir!"
He soon got the sack and raised it in the air.
"We are going to re-Americanize Bryan with this tool of… well, kidnapping."
The group applauded politely before getting up from their chairs, all turning towards Bryan. They advanced upon him with stern looks on their faces. As they approached, Steve noticed them and turned towards them with his trademark sickening grin.
"Why…"
"Shut up, brit-boy!" King interrupted him and pushed him to the side. Before Bryan could say anything, Marduk put the bag over his head, lifted him up and carelessly hung him over his shoulder. He then pointed forward.
"RUN!" he shouted. The re-Americanizing group ran off, all humming the Mission Impossible theme. Steve remained there, looking after them.
"Apologize for pushing me!" he called after them.
No one replied.
- - -
A/N: I might have to do more explaining here. In our first partying-fic, we made Paul a crazy rapist for fun's sake. He sort of still is, just not as much. Gigglies. Also, you will from now on be forced to read the word "re-Americanizers" quite often. Hur-hur-hur...