A/N: Well, I hope I get reviews soon. C'mon, you know you want to!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7, 8, 9, or 10.

"Here we are!" Zidane said. He neatly landed the Invincible on the barren ground outside Midgar. They all gathered on the little pad in the center of the ship and the high-tech airship transported them to the ground.

"Hey, Zidane?" Irvine asked.

"What?"

"Well, how do we know all the FF 7 people are still here? I mean, would you live in Midgar if you didn't have to?"

"Well," Zidane began, "Tifa runs a bar in Midgar, and Scarlet and Elena both work for Shinra, which is based here."

"How do you know all this?" Tidus asked.

"I have my sources," Zidane said slyly.

"You just pay Reno to tell you all this, right?" Irvine guessed.

"I didn't give him money, I gave him alcoholic beverages!" Zidane yelled. "Anyway, why do you care? Would you rather fly around this whole world looking for each girl, only to discover that they were all lived in the same spot? No, and you'd get mad and start shooting people, and we'd all have to show up in court as witnesses!"

Zidane turned and started walking toward the entrance to the midgar slums. Tidus leaned over and whispered, "I didn't catch a single word of that, did you?"

Irvine shook his head. "I only caught two words, and that was, 'shooting people'."

"Think Zidane is packing?" Tidus suggested.

"Well Tidus, I thought we were gonna leave that for our female friends to decide," Irvine began, but was cut off by Tidus sprinting away to find a trashcan. He ran back to Irvine, having been unsuccessful in his hunt, and promptly wretched all over Irvine's boots.

Tidus wiped his mouth and began to speak. "I meant do you think he has a gun you pervert! Aw man, that's beyond sick! I mean, if Reno stringed together some incredibly racy comment while in a drunken fury, I don't think it could be worse than that! This isn't one of those slash stories! Look at the summary!"

Irvine looked at his friend quizzically. "Summary? Story? You been puffing some magic dragons Tidus?"

The blonde blitzer merely let out a sigh and followed Zidane through the gates of the slums with Irvine close behind him. They all walked in silence for some time, before Tidus asked something that neither Zidane, Irvine, or Reno, their now sloshed informant, had thought of.

"Didn't Scarlet die?"

Zidane stopped in his tracks and wheeled on Tidus. "What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean ya numbskull? She and Heidegger were piloting that giant robot right? But then, Cloud and company killed that robot, right? So, the robot would've exploded, and Scarlet and Heidegger should have died from said explosion. C'mon, they aren't Seymour," Tidus explained. Suddenly, a small pyrefly darted in front of his face.

"I heard that! Remember Tidus I will have the last laugh! You may have sent me to the Farplane, but I will still triumph! And you're supposed to be here too! How in the hell did you get out of here before me, you blonde little airhead…" the pyrefly, or actually Seymour continued to ramble in his angry little voice, which now came out in a comical squeak.

"Wow, there are way too many long speaking parts in here. Bye Seymour!" Tidus said cheerfully as he grabbed the guado and carried him over to the nearest sewer opening, where he dropped the enraged Yevonite. Slums aren't necessarily famous for their fully functional sewer systems, either. Actually, Tidus had just dropped Seymour in the communal hole in the center of the sector.

Finally, they reached Tifa's bar in Sector 5 (it had to be rebuilt after the plate collapse).

"Alright! We'll do Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who goes in first!" Zidane shouted.

"What?" the other two asked.

Zidane sighed. "We each go in and hit on her one by one, got it?"

Tidus and Irvine both nodded exuberantly. They raised their hands into the air and began.

"Woo hoo! I win!" Irvine shouted joyfully.

"I didn't even know there was a symbol for shotgun," Tidus grumbled.

"Kiss your hopes and aspirations goodbye, for this is the beginning of my streak!" Irvine shouted as he turned and walked into the bar door.

He looked around the bar, looking for anything that might help him. However, he noticed something wrong in his survey. Tifa wasn't there. Only a little girl stood behind the counter.

"How may I help you?" she asked.

Irvine walked over hesitantly at first, until he remembered that it was a 6-year-old girl who he was addressing. "Um, actually, you can. Do you know where Tifa went?"

Irvine winced. Little children hardly ever knew any other adult's first name aside from their parent's names! However, to his great surprise, the toddler answered him.

"Mommy isn't here right now. She's helping Cloud and Daddy kill monsters!" she said.

Irvine's first thought before all else was, of course, "Aw shit!" Then, he started thinking more reasonably. Tifa didn't have a kid, and furthermore, wasn't married. Also, she had said Cloud and Daddy. That meant…

"Ah, screw it. I'll make it look like I got rejected and see what happens to the others. Might as well get a good prank out of this thing." The conspiring cowboy smashed his head against the pinball machine and threw himself out the door.

Tidus and Zidane rushed over to their badly bruised friend and started to laugh like this was the funniest thing since they saw that Internet picture of the frightened kitty at Tidus's house. His was the only one that had a hookup, since he lived in a gigantic mass of machines that was called a city. Anyway…

"Whoa, you should've seen yourself fly! Your skid mark in the dirt is at least 10 feet long!" Tidus shouted.

"Yeah, so much for your grapefruit of love!" Zidane teased.

Once Tidus had regained his composure, he cracked his knuckles and walked inside. The first thing he noticed was a pinball machine. Pinball was fun! He soon saw the little girl behind the counter and walked over.

"Have you seen Mrs. Lockhart?" he asked, being a little smarter about the minds of the young than Irvine.

This didn't give him a different answer, however. "Mommy's out killing monster's with Cloud and Daddy!"

"Oh, okay." Tidus shrugged and walked over to the pinball machine. He put in his quarter and began to play. About 10 quarters and 20 free-games later, Tidus walked out of the bar. This caused immediate alarm for Zidane. He hadn't been thrown. Had he won?

"Well?" Irvine asked, already knowing the answer.

"I won 60 tickets!" Tidus announced proudly, having completely forgotten everything else that had happened in that bar, except for the montage to "Pinball Wizard" he had made.

"Looks like I get to go last and still win! You guys must really suck," Zidane said over his shoulder as he disappeared into the bar.

Two minutes later, Zidane came running back out, clearly panicking. He reached his comrades and shouted, "Tifa's not there!"

"Relax," said Irvine, who was grinning broadly. "I know where she is."

Relief took control of Zidane's once panicking face. "Really?" he asked.

"Yep. She's outside killing monsters with Cloud and some other guy. Follow me!" Irvine led the group away from the bar and out of Midgar.

Marlene heard a flush from the bathroom. She walked over as Tifa, or her "Mommy" walked out.

"Did anyone come while I was in the bathroom?" Tifa asked.

"Three funny lookin' guys came in. Two of asked where you were, the other one just looked around, screamed, and ran out the door," Marlene replied.

"What did you tell the other two?" Tifa asked warily.

"The monster one."

Tifa sighed with relief. She was glad she didn't have to put up with random men hitting on her any more.

"What were you doing so long in the bathroom?" Marlene asked.

"Taxes. I needed to set the papers somewhere, and the toilet seat was actually cleaner than the counter-top out here," Tifa explained. Marlene quickly took her hands from the counter when this was said and frantically washed them.

A/N: Told you it would be longer. The illiteration happened by accident in the story. I welcome all reviews, including flames!