AN: Greetings all! I haven't updated anything at all for, oh, I guess…at least three months. But now I'm back! For a little while, at least. And if you would like to see Tidus's brown eyes, go to the sphere theater in Luca, and watch the movie where Tidus is looking out at Zanarkand from Mt. Gagazet. And now, on with the chapter!

Zidane smoothly guided the Invincible into the Lindblum airship dock, and the three companions filed out into the castle. As they walked, a guard approached them and said to Zidane, "Master Zidane, Princess Garnet is currently in the Guest Room. Shall I alert her of your arrival?"

"Yeah, sure," Zidane answered, and the guard went off running.

"Master Zidane?" Irvine asked amusedly.

"They've been doing that since I beat Kuja. Now," he continued, "if any of you so much as look at Dagger, you'll find this knife in a particularly uncomfortable place, got it?" he hissed venomously.

"What about that Beatrix? Is she fair game?" Tidus asked.

"Yes, though I wouldn't recommend going after her." With that final warning, Zidane separated from the other two and headed off towards the guest room.

When Tidus and Irvine went their own ways, they had to very different plans in mind. Tidus was going to heed Zidane's warning and go into town. Irvine, on the other hand, was going after Beatrix. She was fair game, and he planned to take full advantage of this "opportunity." Little did he know what was about to happen.

Irvine located her on the second floor, patrolling the hallways. "Why hello there," he said politely, "what are you doing around here? Oh, and may I say, that weird metal eye-patch suits you."

Beatrix eyed him skeptically. She had dealt with too many of these kinds of men in Alexandria. But her patrol was almost up, so she decided to wait for a particular spastic knight who was taking her shift.

"And what are you doing here, Mr…"

"Kinneas, though you can call me Irvine," he said.

Just then, Irvine was very rudely interrupted by the Captain of the Pluto Knights, Adelbert Steiner. Steiner was had been in a very pleasant mood because he had successfully gotten back to the castle without getting lost. Now, however, the rusty knight's mood had turned very sour at the sight of this scoundrel.

"What, pray tell, do you think you're doing with that lady?" he screamed, outraged. "Why, I should take you away right now, or at least crush you myself! Who knows what kind of sinister scheme you have on your mind! Perhaps you are going to try and abduct the queen, hmm?"

Crap, Irvine thought, that's gotta be her boyfriend! "Look man," Irvine said in a reasonable voice, eyeing Steiner's broadsword nervously, "I wasn't going to try and abduct the queen, and I'm sorry for hitting on your girlfriend."

"What!" Steiner was now positively livid with anger at this oddly dressed miscreant. "Never mind, I should crush you myself!"

"Uh, dude, I have a gun," Irvine explained, "you'd be lucky to get two feet from me."

Nevertheless, Steiner lowered his head and bellowed a war cry before charging the sharpshooter. Irvine didn't want to really kill the guy, so he pulled out the tazer from the previous chapter and pulled the trigger, only to be greeted by a short "click." Irvine looked up at the large man charging him.

"Sh-" was all he managed to say before his breath was driven out of him and he slumped against the wall. A couple of Lindblum guards, finally noticing the situation down the hall, jumped on Steiner before he could lay into Irvine any more.

Tidus, being a bit more on the cautious side, decided to take both of Zidane's warnings seriously, and wandered into Lindblum Castle Town. He then decided to go to the Theater District and see if there were any women there. Girls liked theater, and he was almost guaranteed to end up better than Irvine, though he didn't know it.

Tidus came across a girl by the steps down to the theater. "So, do you like plays?" he asked casually.

The girl looked at him in disgust. "Eww, get away from me. You're not Lowell."

So Tidus took the hint and moved on. But every single time, it was the same answer. Each and every one he talked to, they just looked at him with that same weird look and stated his non-Lowell-ness. "Why can't I be Lowell?" he yelled exasperatedly after the tenth time it happened.

From the alley behind him, someone whispered, "Hey, you, come over hear. I got an offer for you."

Tidus turned and looked at what was speaking to him, and then almost fell over in surprise. Standing there in plain sight was what appeared to be a large-sized version of a moogle doll.

"Uh, what is it?" Tidus asked as he stepped into the alleyway.

"I want you to be me," said the moogle.

"No, I like being a person just fine, thanks!" Tidus backed away from the strange creature quickly.

"I'm not a moogle, I'm a man!" And with that, the moogle reached behind itself and pulled on something behind him. The costume fell away to reveal a pasty, blue-haired, rather scrawny man. Or, at least it looked like a man. Tidus wasn't entirely sure yet.

"Seriously, would you like to be me for a little while?" it had a high-pitched voice too.

"No thanks, I like being a dude," Tidus replied politely.

"You idiot! I am Lowell, the very man you just said you'd like to be!"

"Then why are you dressed in a moogle suit?" Tidus asked, puzzled.

"That is beside the point. Look, I wish to get away from all of these," he paused and waved his hand, trying to think of a word.

"Admirers? Fans? Girls? Fangirls?" Tidus suggested.

"That last one sounds oddly appropriate. Anyway, I seek a few moments of peace. My friend is an artist; he has the right tools for the job. What do you say?" Lowell held out his hand expectantly.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Tidus shrugged and shook Lowell's hand.

"Good. Now, if you'll follow me." He slipped the moogle suit back on and walked out of the alleyway, Tidus trailing behind him.

A very beat-up and somber Irvine was sitting in the Lindblum Castle guest room, waiting for judgment. He knew Zidane would not be very happy with him, and, to make matters worse, he couldn't leave the room. A voice from the other side of the door reached his swollen ears.

"You wait here Dagger, I have to deal with something first." The door slammed shut from somewhere below the stairwell, and a very angry thief came up the stairs. Once again, Irvine knew what was coming, but that didn't make it any easier.

"Didn't I tell you not to go after Beatrix? Didn't I warn you about what might happen? Weren't you born with a brain?" Zidane asked sharply.

"You didn't say what would happen if we tried," Irvine answered miserably.

"Is that your excuse? Yes, I suppose I didn't say what would happen, because I wasn't sure if she would kill you or if Steiner would! You're lucky he didn't lop your head off on the spot! I always thought you were smarter than Tidus, but I guess I know better now! At least he's smart enough to listen when I warn him about something!" the bandit ranted.

While Zidane was venting his spleen on Irvine, Tidus was in the theater district getting his hair dyed and flattened. When Michael was finished, Lowell stepped in front to view his look-alike.

"It's missing something," he said critically, eyeing the results of the artist's work.

"Your hat?" the artist suggested.

"Of course! That's it, thank you Michael." Lowell took of his hat and plunked it on Tidus's head. "There! That should do it. Meet back here in about two hours. That should be enough time for me to relax, and for you to do… whatever it is you need to." With that, the actor zipped his moogle suit back on went out of the door.

Tidus went back down the stone steps to the theater, where he had been before. He approached the first girl he had talked to, and asked, "So, do you like theater?" Tidus had also tried to imitate Lowell's weird, kind of whispery voice for authenticity.

The girl started to turn around. "I thought I told you to-" she stopped short when she saw that "Lowell" was standing right behind her.

She began to apologize immediately. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I thought you were this annoying blonde guy I saw earlier, I didn't know it was you, I'm so sorry!" she pleaded.

"That's quite alright," Tidus said, ignoring the comment of his annoyingness. "I know that some men can be," here, Tidus stopped to think of some of the things he had heard Lulu use, "thick-headed, loud, and positively piggish," he continued.

"Wow, that's exactly what I was thinking!" the girl said, amazed.

Tidus pushed further. "I, however, am not like those men. That being considered, would you grant me the honor of a night out with you?" Even he didn't know where that came from. Perhaps it was from being around Seymour. His thoughts were interrupted by an ear-splitting screech that had issued from the girl.

"Of course I will!" the girl said, and she let out another one of those screeches and ran off.

Tidus started to wander back to the artist's studio, only to realize he still had about two hours before he was supposed to meet Lowell. With nothing to do, he decided to wander off to the Industrial District.

"There's only one thing for you to do," Zidane said. "Go over and say you're sorry to Steiner."

Irvine began to protest. "Are you crazy? That guy's going to run me through with that sword of his before I can say a word! You just said yourself I'm lucky he didn't chop off my head, and now I'm supposed to apologize?"

"That's the idea. Don't worry about getting killed, I'll come with you. However, that doesn't mean he won't try and tear you limb from limb with his bare hands," Zidane said.

So Irvine followed him out of the room and down a couple hallways, until they came outside a large door. Zidane cautiously eased open the door and motioned for Irvine to follow. Inside the room, Beatrix, Steiner, and Dagger were sitting around a table.

"Steiner, I think Irvine has something he'd like to say to you." Zidane spoke slowly, so as not to excite him.

"It doesn't matter what he has to say!" yelled Steiner, throwing a temper tantrum and leaping up and down. "He is a scoundrel who does not deserve the company of civilized people! I was beginning to think some of your Tantalus friends had some honor in them, but I'm forced to reconsider after meeting him!"

"Hey, buddy, I ain't no spider!" Irvine shouted.

"He's not a Tantalus, Steiner, and he normally isn't that stupid," Zidane said. "His brain just took a little break. Now, what was it you were going to say Irvine?"

"I'm sorry for hitting on your girlfriend," Irvine said, kicking the floor with his shoe.

"Do you honestly think that simple words will undo what you did?" Steiner asked.

"That's what I was hoping for," Irvine answered honestly.

"Let him go Steiner," Beatrix said from her spot on the table. "I'm sure that he didn't know better, and that if he tries it again, he'll suffer a horribly painful death. Right?" she assumed.

"Darn right, sister," Irvine answered.

"Don't call me that."

"Right."

Tidus, meanwhile, had reached the Industrial District. He noticed one thing right away. The people of this district didn't seem to fawn over him as the ones in the Theater District. Except for the occasional teenage girl, no one greeted him, or even acknowledged him, for that matter. The hardworking folks here had little appreciation for the lazy, pansy boy actors of the neighboring district.

He entered the restaurant, remembering a story that Zidane had told him about the waitress there and how he mixed her up with Dagger. The waitress was easily recognizable, mostly because she was the only one, with exception to the bartender. So, he made his approach.

"Pardon me. Madam," he said, "but I couldn't help but take notice of you. Would you mind going to dinner later? By the way, my name's Lowell; yes, the Lowell." He looked at her expectantly.

"You're kidding right?" she asked him.

One of the bar patrons turned around and faced him. "Listen buddy," he slurred, "we don't want none of your effeminate good looks around here." Other customers nodded and voiced their agreement.

Then Tidus made a grave mistake. "What, I can't come here because I use shampoo and soap?"

For two seconds, there was complete silence. Then, every single person there got up in unison and slowly approached him. Tidus took one look at the mob and remembered he had seen faces like this before, although these people weren't Yevon-thumping monks. So he bolted out the door, and the mob gave chase. However, he managed to catch an aircab, and ducked back into the studio to wash the makeup off and change his clothes. When he left, however, the mob was still outside, each person glaring at him. He had forgotten to wash his hair. So he took off again, bowling over a couple of Burmecian children on the way.

"See?" Zidane said as he strolled down to the air cab station with Irvine, "I told you he wouldn't kill you."

"Look, I just want to forget about this thing, maybe pick someone up in the Industrial District, and go home," Irvine said miserably.

However, as they waited for a cab, another dropped off its lone passenger.

"Tidus, why's you hair blue?" Zidane asked warily.

"No time to explain, mob coming, must run now!" And with that, he ran off to the dock. Irvine started to follow, and yelled back, "Run first, ask questions later!" which got Zidane going as well, though he was in nodanger.

Zidane jumped into the pilot seat of the Invincible, punching flashing buttons and grabbing the wheel. "Honestly, can't we ever leave somewhere withouta mobcoming after us?" he asked as he looked at the bewildered massof peoplebelow.

"Probably not," the other two said in unison as they pulled out of the dock.

AN: Well, there you go, the first update in almost a year! Hope it was good, and please review. Even if you think it sucks, because mindless praise isn't good.