A/N: This is a companion piece to "Il l'aime" and maybe it'll provide some more clues for those who read that piece and are wondering who I had in mind when I wrote it. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the French language, Stargate Atlantis or any of the characters associated with it.
She loves him. It might not seem obvious to the casual observer, but she does. How do I know this? Well, you could say I have a kind of sixth sense about this sort of thing; plus there's the little looks she gives and he returns, the fact she always laughs at his jokes no matter how lame they are, and the way her whole face lights up when he enters the room.
I guess I should have seen it coming. They're so similar, those two, whether they see it or not; and from the beginning they forged a bond. The many perils and trials we've faced have only served to strengthen that bond, hardening it to the point where it's nearly unbreakable; and to tell you the truth, it kind of bothers me. Not because I dislike either one of them, far from it. As much as I hate to say it, I'm jealous. I never thought it would happen, but I fell in love with her.
Looking back I realize it would have been difficult not to. I suppose just about everyone in Atlantis loves her in one way or another. The women respect and admire her, and almost all of the men are to some extent infatuated with her; but what I feel goes beyond respect and infatuation, though a healthy dose of those emotions certainly exist. I cherish and adore her. She is my light, my touchstone, my closest companion. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about her, and I'll never fell this way about anyone else ever again.
I know logically that he probably cares for her with the same intensity as I do (How could he not?), that he's a better man than I could ever be, and that they are far better suited for each other than she and I are, but there are times when I'd like to thrash the living daylights out of him. I recognize that this is an extremely flawed line of reasoning. After all, it's not like she'd instantly fall for me the second I beat him up; but sometimes the male psyche works in strange ways.
It's getting harder and harder to suppress the way I feel about her, though I think I've done an admirable job restraining myself thus far. I've never given anyone reason to think I care about her as anything more than a friend. Well, let me rephrase, I haven't given many reasons for anyone to think I care about her as anything more than a friend; and I'm almost positive no one suspects how deep my feelings run. I'm glad they don't, because if they did word would eventually get around to her and then she'd probably start to act uncomfortable around me or even worse, she'd give me that pitying look I've occasionally seen her use toward those she feels sorry for. Either way the easy camaraderie we've developed would be lost, perhaps forever. I can't, I won't lose what I have with her now, even if that means keeping silent forever. It would be useless for me to tell her anyway because she doesn't love me, not the way I love her, because she's in love with him.