Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Sailor Moon, American Airlines, the Sharpie marker company, Ringu, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and other items you might recognize from the world around you do not belong to me, so don't sue. But, this story is mine, so don't copy. If you want to use something in my story in your own fic, please make sure you have my permission first.

Warning: Some profanity and innuendo in this chapter. Also references to Satanism, vampires, demons, and the occult. Don't read if you know it'll offend you and then complain about it in your review.

OOOPS!
Chapter Five
—The Shopping Spree From Hell—

-Tsukino Usagi-

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a little old man, who'd obviously heard my little outburst, hurry away, muttering about teenagers these days and hallucinogens under his breath. I was starting to wonder if Mamoru and Motoki would soon follow suit. They were staring at me as if they couldn't quite figure out what they were looking at, and frankly, I couldn't blame them. After all, it wasn't everyday I said something that made it sound like I was on crack…okay…not everyday I said something that made it sound like I was on crack, LSD, and sniffing glue every chance I got.

Behind me, I sensed my friends shifting nervously, probably wondering if I had taken a particularly hard hit to the head last night. I figured I should hurry it up before Rei decided to take it upon herself to hit me over the head with her shoe, claim that she had slipped, and blame my crazy behavior on my finding Luna's secret stash of catnip.

I folded my arms across my chest and continued to look at Motoki and Mamoru. After a minute of my eyes flitting back and forth between the two, I let my gaze settle on Motoki. Something told me he was easier to manipulate.

'I'm not a something, I'm a someone,' a voice that I had been trying to ignore for the past few minutes snapped inside my head. I groaned mentally. Unfortunately, Serenity didn't take the hint. 'And for the record, someone who hasn't been locked inside a closet with you is much more likely to buy your "innocent" act. Speaking of which, you may want to turn it up. I think the unblinking stare is freaking him out.'

Sighing inwardly, I uncrossed my arms, relaxed my shoulders, and softened my gaze, opening my eyes wider and inclining my head slightly. Motoki bought it hook, line, and sinker.

His eyes lost their confused quality, and he grinned at me easily. "Cute, Usagi," he commented.

I shrugged playfully, breathing an inaudible sigh of relief. He'd just cancelled the public beheading Rei had undoubtedly been planning.

"Well," I said brightly, "Now that we all agree that I have no reason to lie about last night, you'll have to excuse us, boys. There's a mall downtown calling our names." I turned to go but didn't get farther than a couple of feet.

"Hold on," Mamoru called after me. Shit. Reluctantly, I stopped and turned.

"What?" I asked, praying that he wasn't very familiar with the tell-the-truth-and-hope-it-sounds-so-crazy-that-no-one-believes-you technique.

"We'll go with you." I blinked.

"What?"

"Motoki and I, we'll go with you, to the mall."

"Why?" He shrugged.

"Why not? We've got nothing better to do anyway, right? Motoki's dad is inside with the window guy, checking to make sure nothing's missing—"

"Don't worry," I interrupted him. "Sailor Moon put a force field keyed to the Furuhata family on the Arcade before she left. It would have prevented anyone but them from going inside."

"Good," Motoki murmured. "Thanks, Usagi." I nodded. After all, it wasn't as if I was lying.

Meanwhile, Mamoru continued getting on my nerves. "Even so, the Arcade won't be open until Monday, the earliest, so Motoki's free and Unazuki's birthday is tomorrow, so he's got to get her a birthday present."

"All right, fine, but why are you coming along?" I snapped.

He gave me a lazy grin. "Well, it's Saturday and sadly, since I spent all of Friday night locked in a closet with you, I don't have any plans besides studying physics…which I really don't feel like doing at this moment."

"Then why don't the two of you go alone?" I snarled.

"You know what they say, Odango, the more the merrier. Unless of course, you have a good reason for not wanting us to come…" he trailed off, knowing that he'd won.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, picturing myself strangling him as I counted to ten. Meanwhile Ami, always the diplomat, put an end to their suspicions.

"I don't see any reason for you not to join us," she told them.

"Yeah," Mina added cheerfully, "it'll be fun. Hope you can stomach the girl talk though, because we won't be turning it off on your accounts."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll survive," Mamoru said off-handedly.

As Mamoru and Motoki fell into step behind us, I got closer to Makoto, who had been grinning evilly for the last five minutes.

"Get rid of them," I whispered urgently.

Her grin widened as she looked at me. "No."

I groaned and hit my forehead with the palm of my hand.

Beside me, Rei stayed silent, but her face told me that I should expect a tongue-lashing once we got back to the temple.

(X)(X)(X)
-Chiba Mamoru-

"Are you out of your mind?" Motoki hissed.

"Look, with all due respect, mate, you locked me in a closet with her. You owe me one," I replied quietly.

Motoki rolled his eyes. "You know, technically, you could have used that to your advantage."

I glared at him. "If that's what you think, then you've obviously never been locked in a closet with Odango. It is not a situation that can be taken advantage of."

"Of course it can be. Anything around you can be used to your advantage, Mamoru. Unless…" he looked at me suspiciously, "you didn't try anything stupid, did you?"

"Don't be ridiculous," I snapped. "I simply lost control of the direction our little adventure was taking us."

"Really? What happened?"

"I was yelled at, attacked, had my fashion sense and personality insulted, got yelled at some more, and was left to come to my senses on a stone-cold floor."

"Oh, so nothing you didn't deserve, then."

I narrowed my eyes. "You have no idea what she's really like. All you see is this bouncy, clumsy blonde. But I know better. She's dangerous. And she's hiding something."

"Bloody drama queen," Motoki snorted.

I laughed along, but part of me remained uneasy. I had seen plenty of movies where the FBI agent husband tells his wife that he's been working for the government ever since he got out of school and she laughs in his face, only to be kidnapped in the next fifteen minutes and then rescued within an hour or two (depending on how creative the director/producer was).

'You planning on getting yourself kidnapped, princess?'

Ha ha, I replied and pictured an animated chibi-sized me hitting an animated, equally chibi-sized Endymion over the head with a heavy physics textbook repeatedly, without any qualms at all about the matter. Not surprisingly, that made me feel loads better. I was probably just being silly, anyway. Usagi couldn't possibly be Sailor Moon. That was the end of that.

I was startled out of my reverie by a loud snap only to see a small, pale hand waving in front of my face.

"Hello! Mamoru-baka! Are you coming inside, or are you going to stand at the door all day?" We were standing in front of the sliding, glass, double doors of one of Tokyo's many shopping centers. I looked at Usagi, the owner of the aforementioned hand and grinned.

"I didn't know you cared, darling." She immediately took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest, a scowl forming on her heart-shaped face.

"Don't flatter yourself, Chiba," she said coldly. "I would have had no problem leaving you here, something you would have realized had you thought back to last night, but lucky for you, Motoki is better than that."

"Ah yes, last night…" I wriggled my eyebrows suggestively. "Leave a lasting impression did it?"

Usagi rolled her eyes and stormed into the mall. Her friends followed, looking puzzled.

(X)(X)(X)
-Tsukino Usagi-

My stomach churned, and my breath came in short, rapid gasps as I stared at the mirror with a mixture of fear and confusion. The dark green blouse I had chosen to try on hung slackly about my body, making me seem small and gaunt, and the jeans were so loose that I felt they would fall off if I didn't hold them up with my hand. Trying to calm myself, I unbuttoned the blouse and checked the label. I breathed out a sigh of relief. It was a size larger than what I usually wore.

"Hey you guys," Mako called from the fitting booth next to mine. "Either my boobs are getting bigger or someone has my blouse."

"It's me," I replied, tossing the garment to her. The blouse that I had actually picked out came flying over the side a few seconds later. I reached up to catch it, and the jeans slipped down even further. I wondered if I had mixed up clothes with one of the other girls again or if I had simply taken the wrong size. Impatiently, I pulled them off and checked. I frowned at no one in particular. The jeans were the size I usually bought.

Some companies made the sizes larger than others, I reminded myself and proceeded to try on all the other bottoms that I had taken into the fitting room with me. The only thing that fit was the sweat pants and only because they were on a draw string.

"Hey guys," I called softly, "anybody else having weight problems?"

"What'd you pork out on this time?" Rei asked irritably.

"I don't mean gaining weight. I mean losing it. Really suddenly."

"Well, we've all been more in-shape since we started this whole saving-the-world business," Mina murmured.

"Yes, but I've been doing this for about a year, and I've never lost this much weight before."

"Perhaps you're just stressed," Ami suggested.

"Maybe," I mumbled and changed back to my original outfit.

"Where're you going?" Mako called as I stepped out of the small space.

"I'm going to go put these back," I replied. "I have enough clothes."

I sighed; so much for a worry-free shopping spree. I needed a vacation.

As I neared Motoki and Mamoru, a bit of their conversation reached me.

"That's a brilliant idea," Motoki was saying.

"Ah, yes, thank you. You know, sometimes I amaze even myself," Mamoru replied exaggeratedly.

"That doesn't sound too hard," I commented as Mamoru glared. "What are you two talking about, anyway?"

"Mamoru was just suggesting that I get Unazuki the Three Lights' newest CD and frame it. It's her favorite band."

I nodded distractedly. "Yeah, I've heard a couple of their songs. They're pretty good."

"Sure, for a pop band," Mamoru replied.

"What d'you have against pop?"

He made a face. "It's too sweet."

"Okay, so what kind of music do you listen to?" I was surprised at how undiscriminating I was being.

"Heavy metal, punk," he shrugged.

It was my turn to grimace. "Heavy metal? Isn't that where there's a lot of screaming?"

Motoki grinned and clapped Mamoru on the shoulder. "He's angry."

I laughed, and we continued making nonsensical conversation while we waited for Mina, Mako, Rei, and Ami to finish. Half an hour later, we'd established that the weather was unusually warm, that Mamoru thought my top was too skimpy ("Are you sure you don't want my jacket? You look cold."), that Motoki thought that the aforementioned top looked nice, that university wasn't easy to get into, and that the current prime minister was in fact, a very nice man. I wanted to hit something.

Shopping just wasn't as much fun when you were making small talk with two guys you had almost nothing in common with instead of trying on clothes that you'd never buy with your friends.

Just as I was thinking about what I could possibly do to get myself kicked out of the store by a security guard, the girls found us, their arms laden with shopping bags.

"So where to next?" Ami asked.

"We could—" Mamoru began.

"The food court," I put in firmly and led the way, ignoring the comments about my bottomless pit of a stomach that resonated behind me.

Once we had all ordered and settled ourselves comfortably around a table, Mina had an idea.

"Let's play a game."

"What kind of game?" I asked carefully. I'd had experience with Mina's games before, and they usually resulted in someone's shampoo getting switched with neon green hair dye, or someone admitting that they'd tried to seduce a teacher.

"It's called Acronym Antics, and it's pretty simple. I played it at a party back in England a couple of years ago. Basically, you go around in a circle finding acronyms for four-letter words. For example, I say 'left', then Usagi has to think of a noun for 'L', Ami has to think of a verb for 'E' Motoki has to think of an adjective for 'F' and Mamoru has to think of another noun for 'T'."

"Er…all right," Mamoru murmured, and we began.

I had to hand it to Mina, I decided twenty minutes later, as I laughed along with everyone else at the acronym we had found for "ring" (Robert Ingested Naughty Gophers). It was a silly and pointless game, but it lightened the mood, and I no longer wanted to poke Mamoru in the eye for all the lewd comments he had been making that day.

We had long finished eating and were now picking at Rei's left-over French Fries, which she had coated with ketchup and soy sauce an hour earlier in an effort to keep us away.

"Tarts," I said when my turn came, completing the acronym for "aunts" (Andrew United Naked Tarts). We had been gradually getting louder ever since we got to the food court until you could hear us over the din of the other customers. The waitresses and bus boys had taken to shooting us dirty looks repeatedly over the past thirty minutes, and I had a feeling we'd be getting kicked out soon. Apparently, Rei shared my sentiments on the subject.

She pushed away the soggy French Fries and stood up. "Come on guys, let's go. I want to leave before I get banned from ever coming to this mall again."

We nodded our agreement and followed her to the section of the mall where the pharmacy was located. Mina was out of band-aids, and Mako wanted to refill her medicine cabinet.

If the mall had been crowded before, it was nothing compared to what it was now. People walked about, some in groups of friends, some in couples, holding hands. Many window-shopped; others read advertisements. As we entered the pharmacy, one in particular caught my eye. It was an American Airlines poster that bragged "Breakfast in New York, Lunch in Paris" and scrawled underneath it in what looked like a black Sharpie marker, it proclaimed "Baggage in Hong Kong." I giggled quietly as we walked inside.

Motoki and Mamoru had gone into the music store next door and returned as we were looking for the last item on Makoto's list. Once we got everything, we got in line at the cash register. Yes, that's right. All seven of us got in line at the cash register and had a good time of annoying the hell out of the people around us.

A woman in front of us was talking to her friend about the evils of Harry Potter and how it corrupted young children. In reply, Ami, who I had always been sure had not a mischievous bone in her body responded by talking of our plans for that evening, which apparently involved dressing all in black, putting in fake teeth, popping some pills, and then dancing around a fire starkers while praising Satan.

At the green look on the woman's face, I felt a twinge of sympathy for her, but she managed to disperse it by changing her rant to revolve around teenagers these days and how they went against everything they had ever been taught. She used the Sailor Senshi as an example and called them/us demon-worshipping vigilantes that we could all do without.

"Demon-worshipping vigilantes indeed," I muttered under my breath. "I'd like to see how she'd fare without u-them."

Rei took the more direct approach. She tapped the woman on the shoulder as she was bitching about how short our skirts were and proceeded to very politely tell her that she was a jealous, ungrateful bitch who would have been dead long ago if it hadn't been for the Senshi and that she'd personally make sure that the next time they saw her screaming for help, they wouldn't do a damn thing about it. She was a Shinto priestess. She had connections.

The woman pursed her lips and stormed away to another cash register.

(X)(X)(X)
-Chiba Mamoru-

I have never been fond of the mall. I don't like the crowds or the noise or the dirt. It all annoys the hell out of me and tends to give me a splitting headache. Perhaps that's why I've been wearing the same green jacket for two years. But that's not the point. The point is that surprisingly, up to till now, I had actually been enjoying myself.

I had pushed the doubts about Usagi's proclamation in front of the Arcade to the back of my mind and had tried to flirt. Unsuccessfully. Apparently suggestive comments no longer counted as flirting. I wondered if I was really that out of practice (I couldn't remember the last time I had made an effort to get a date with a girl) or if Usagi was really that stubborn. I hoped that it was the latter.

Still, things seemed to be going better now that I'd stopped trying so hard. Until, that is, a bunch of crazy thirteen-year-olds decided that Minako was Sailor V.

"Oh my gosh!" squealed a raven-haired girl in the classic school-girl outfit. Apparently no one had told her that you didn't have to wear them when school wasn't in session.

"It's Sailor V," yelled annoying thirteen-year-old number two.

"Why aren't you in costume, Sailor V?" asked annoying thirteen-year-old number three.

"See, I told you she'd be here," stated annoying thirteen-year-old number four haughtily.

"I though you lived in London," murmured annoying thirteen-year-old number five.

"She can use magic to go wherever she wants, stupid. Right, Sailor V?" Annoying thirteen-year-old number four.

"Can I have your autograph Sailor V? Can I? Please?" begged annoying thirteen-year-old number three.

Within minutes, the half of the mall was crowding around Minako, and the other half was rushing to get to her. One particularly rude fan pushed Usagi out of the way and into me. Without thinking, I put my arms around her and pulled her closer.

"Let go," she hissed.

"Shh," I whispered, steering her away from the crowd.

"Let go, please."

"Don't get excited."

"Chiba, being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."

"Sorry, darling. I haven't got time for anything else," I teased.

She put the palms of her hands on my chest and shoved me away. A girl in a dark blue cap and sun glasses tapped her on the shoulder.

"Come on, let's get out of here," she said. Her voice sounded familiar. It was then I noticed the locks of blonde hair beneath the cap and Rei, Makoto, Ami, and Motoki behind her. Apparently, Minako had been mistaken for Sailor V before.

"Where are we going?" Usagi asked.

"Let's go see a movie," Makoto proposed. "No one will recognize Mina in a dark theater." I frowned. She'd almost made it sound as if Minako was Sailor V.

"Which one?" asked Rei.

"How about Ringu? I heard that it was good," Motoki suggested.

"No," the six of us chorused at once.

"Okay." He backed away. "We'll watch something else."

"Something funny," Makoto said decidedly. "I need a laugh."

"I need a vacation," Usagi mumbled tiredly under her breath.

(X)(X)(X)
-Chiba Mamoru
7:00pm, His Apartment-

I sat in the chair in front of my computer, my shoulders slightly hunched, my head tilted as I watched the screen fill with letters; letters I was putting there. A clicking of the keyboard resonated through the apartment as my fingers danced over the keys. Every once in a while, I'd stop and consult my text book for reference. I had been working on the paper for about an hour and the whole time, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

'Yeah, the essay's not due till Monday, and you're wasting your Saturday night writing it.'

Sure, that was strange in itself, but it wasn't the only thing.

'Is it Usagi?'

I nodded in agreement. It was Usagi, but then again, it wasn't. It was everything, and it was nothing. Maybe I was just overreacting, but it seemed as if the people I knew had changed and evolved, and I hadn't noticed it until now.

I remembered the first time I saw Usagi. She had been irritated because she had gotten a particularly low grade on an exam and had crumpled it up and thrown the paper away, only to have it hit me on the head. I'd teased her about that test mercilessly for days…and then she started hanging around with Ami and then, Rei and later, Makoto and finally, Minako.

I remembered my first impressions of her new friends. Ami was a bookworm; always ten chapters ahead in every subject, perfect grades, and extracurricular activities leaking out of her ears. Rei was the flirty, popular girl from the very center of the in-crowd, whose very existence seemed to have been shaken. She and Usagi fought constantly, never agreed on anything, and always found something wrong with the other. Makoto was the girl who mooned endlessly over ex-boyfriends and cute guys and fought for what was right. Minako had been a bouncy, happy girl who seemed to be in love with life and fun and games. A more unlikely group of friends I could never have imagined.

You wouldn't have noticed anything different about them hadn't you watched them like I did at the beginning. Rei had intrigued me then. She had seemed strong and independent and mature (when she wasn't around Usagi), and she and I had even dated a while before we realized that we didn't really have too much to talk about, and that we were better off being friends. But there were differences, no matter how subtle.

Ami, although still studious, no longer seemed like such a wet blanket. I thought back to the trick she had pulled in the mall. The shy, timid Ami of a year ago would have never allowed herself to do that. She had changed.

Rei was still flirty, still popular, and she still fought with Usagi, but the two of them seemed to have found some common ground. They were closer, they seemed to understand each other despite their differences, and Rei seemed to respect Usagi. She had changed.

Makoto, meanwhile, still fought bullies in the streets and still talked about her ex-boyfriends and current boyfriends incessantly, but something was different. She talked about boys less and fought more. I saw her at the gym everyday. She jogged in the mornings. It was as if she was preparing herself for something big, and no one but her knew what it was.

Minako was still cheerful, still Juuban's most respected matchmaker, but she no longer seemed as naïve as she used be. Sometimes I wondered if she had ever truly been naïve, if it hadn't been an act that had dissolved within a couple of months after her arrival. I wasn't sure if she had changed within the time that I knew her, or before, but the point was that not one of them was the same.

They all seemed tired, somehow. Their behavior seemed forced. I had seen it in Usagi Friday night and in the other girls earlier that day. They were hiding something, some part of themselves from the rest of the world, and occasionally their true selves leaked through and left those around them more confused than they had been before.

I wondered what could have possibly brought on such change. A tragedy in the family? I didn't think so. Usagi's words from earlier that day came back to me. Juggling school and normal lives by day and saving the world every night? Much more likely.

TBC

A/N # 2: Hey, I bet everyone thought it would take me another eight months to post the next chapter. . This one only took me about three weeks, although if you want to get technical, six days since I only have time to write on the weekends. I did my best to read it over and edit it, but I don't get along with commas so you might see errors there, and there might be a few typos.

Every time you don't leave a review, God kills a ferret. Those of you who are well-versed in other fandoms can go ahead and let me know that you know where I stole that from…in your review. Yes, that's right; that means you have to review. Come on, you know you want to. :P

/And God, I promise... no more sex with anybody... unless they really, really, need it./ -Rue Macalahan as Blanche, The Golden Girls