No one asked at the time.

No one was interested in the details, expect for the results – a demon was brought down, and the report was turned in.

All he could think of was how he killed a twelve-year-old boy.

It was no longer trauma. It was a living hell.

Kakashi woke up suddenly, gasping for breath. The clock on the nightstand showed 2:39 AM. He sat and stretched his hand to reach the glass of water that was on his nightstand. He had prepared it beforehand, as nights like this one became a regular thing for the past two months.

He was not able to even drink properly, gasping and barely swallowing the water. It took a few more minutes until his breath returned to normal. Still, he was not so eager to get back to sleep.

It has been nearly two months since the war in the Land of Waves ended. Nearly two months of sleepless nights, nightmares, and uncontrolled tears.

A shinobi never cries, a shinobi never shows emotions.

That was the lesson, the mantra, the rule every shinobi was living by.

No matter what, no matter who you killed in battle, who you have lost, no matter how empty the house you are returning to.

Sometimes, he wondered how that would be if he did not return. Kakashi was logical, considered and in no way suicidal, but he knew that someday, he would not return.

He was a survivor and a fighter and somehow (quite surprisingly) optimistic. However, he knew the deal. Every shinobi lives to protect his friends, his family…

Kakashi was every bit of a shinobi and more, even though, everyone who was dear to him was long gone. Well, that was not completely true. He did gain his students, his three students, who he cherish and would protect, as much as he could, in this harsh reality.

But who would protect him?

For the longest time, he thought he did not need protection. He was skilled and sharp and has gone by for almost 27 years with no one by his side.

This time, however, he needed someone. Although he still would not admit it to himself. He couldn't go to his students, though. He just hoped they will get by without some serious trauma until they are full-pledged shinobis.

He could always go to Gai, but the last thing he needed was some cheerful speech about friendship and youth. After all, he just ripped one twelve-years-old from his. Exactly as he ripped Rin and Obito from theirs.

He lied in his bed, eyes closed, while Haku, Obito and Rin pass through his mind. He lost track of time, wishing for the morning to come.

. . .

A knock on the door woke him up at once. He must have passed out – the sun was already high in the morning sky.

Kakashi sighed and got up. He stumbled on his books on the way to the entrance. He tried to distract himself, but even his precious novels did not work this time.

'Must be Naruto', he thought to himself. His reckless student was known for coming by anytime of the day, to convince Kakashi to train him.

He opened the door just slightly and catch a glimpse the familiar Jōnin uniforms.

It was Izumo. Kakashi was surprised, as he could be, considering his lack of sleep. He was not used to see Izumo outside of the little cabin in the village entrance, where he usually was guarding all those entering and exiting the village.

"Kakashi-san", Izumo said, sounding rather formal.

"Izumo-kun." Kakashi said softly. "Come in."

"Y-yes. Thank you!"

Izumo entered the door. Kakashi was not so comfortable having guests over in this time, especially when the house was not so tidy as it used to, but Izumo did not seemed to care. And he figured it was important, as Izumo came all the way to his house.

He followed Kakashi to the only chair in the room and sat slowly. It seemed as he was trying to relax.

Kakashi sat on the bed, facing the chūnin. Izumo looked a bit intimidated as Kakashi was staring at him, waiting for him to talk. Finally, Kakashi decided to start.

"It's a Sunday morning, Izumo-kun."

"I know, I was unsure I should come, I'm sorry if I woke you up…"

Actually, it was 10:00 AM. And Izumo knew that there is no way Kakashi would sleep until so late, even on his days off. However, the bags under his eyes, his (even more than usual) messy hair and his overall appearance gave it up. Either he slept in, or it was a really, really bad day.

Kakashi frowned slightly. "No, you didn't", Well, that was technically true. He cleared his throat and continued, "How it's going, Izumo? Is there something wrong?"

Izumo straighten up in his chair, as though he finally made his mind up.

"No, I don't know… I know we are not so close, Kakashi-san. I mean, you are not really close to anyone…"

Kakashi just stared at him.

"I'm sorry. I just… I have heard about what happened, with the kid. In the Land of Waves."

Silence.

Izumo seemed unsure how to proceed. Kakashi, on the other hand, felt a need to escape. He certainly was in no mood to talk about this incident, for whatever reason. He got up, as though he remembered something.

"Izumo-kun, I'm sorry, I didn't offer you anything to drink. Would you like some coffee? Tea?", And before Izumo could answer, Kakashi was already on his way to the kitchen.

"Coffee would be fine, thanks…"

As Kakashi was back with the coffee and two glasses (he stalled as much as he could), Izumo was examining the books on the floor, avoiding eye contact. It seemed he realized he made Kakashi uncomfortable.

Kakashi sighed and sat back on the bed, handing Izumo a cup of coffee. Izumo muttered in gratitude.

"Continue." Kakashi said, looking directly at Izumo.

"I… I saw you, on your way back. You were beat, and bloody. The kids seemed upbeat, which is understandable. It was, after all, their first mission. But you, you looked so… tired. I never saw you like that, no matter how hard the mission was. And then I heard, about the kid from the Hidden Mist…"

Kakashi was in a bit of a shock.

"You know, I did not really notice you back there…" He said apologetically.

Izumo laughed, "I know. It's like we are part of the scenery by now."

Kakashi took a deep breath.

"You heard… just now?"

Izumo nodded, "I guess it was kept a secret. But even the best kept secret eventually goes out."

"Well, that's a relief." Kakashi answered, unable to hide his sarcasm.

"Not everyone knows," Izumo added quickly, "When you do the work we do, you hear a lot of things, including the things you don't want to know."

Kakashi smiled slightly under his mask.

"Anyway, like I said… I know we are not that close, and you are a higher ranked shinobi than me… But I guess, I kept seeing you wandering for the last months, and I guess… I wanted to check in."

I zumo finally looked at Kakashi, visible concerned in his eyes. Kakashi placed his hand on Izumo's shoulder. He could feel Izumo relaxing under his touch.

"Thank you, Izumo-kun. I am really glad…" Surprisingly, his voice broke.

He was not 'really glad', but rather touched, guilty… emotional? He barely knew the feeling.

"It means quite a lot. Thanks." It was all he could say.

Izumo looked relieved. He did not seem to mind Kakashi's short response. It was more than enough.

All this time, Kakashi's hand continued to lay on Izumo's shoulder, sightly grabbing it. He felt as if he would let go, he could break down completely."

"It was not all, actually." Izumo said suddenly.

"Something similar happened… a couple of years ago", he continued, "I was sent to scout the village borders, and this shinobi, this… kid… was there. He was part of some rouge squad that tried to break in."

Kakashi waited for him to continue.

"I tried to stop them, and suddenly this kid came right towards me, holding a knife. It was dark and I acted on instinct… by the time I saw who it was, it was too late. He was even…. He was probably even younger, than…"

Izumo's voice abated, as he was not able to talk anymore.

"I did not know that", It came as a complete surprise to him. Almost nothing that happened in the village went by without Kakashi knowing about it.

"I know", Izumo answered, "I tried my best to keep it between me and the Hokage, and as I'm not nearly as important as you, it never got out."

Kakashi raised one brow.

"Not as important as me?"

"You know. You are much high-ranked, much more known, respected…"

"So?"

"So… I was another guard that did my job. No one paid attention. You know how it is, there are no rules for that."

Kakashi sighed. He knew. He then said something he never said before – "There should be".

He continued, "We are, after all, given great power, developing great skill. But we are not always ready to face the consequences. There is not always… a guide."

He didn't even know he needed a guide.

Izumo nodded.

"I guess… I needed to share this with you."

"Yes, that… that makes sense." Kakashi said.

And maybe that's the problem in the Hidden Leaf, maybe that's the problem that drove his dad to do what he did or drove himself to nearly two months of sleepless nights. The problem – part of it at least – that will, later, drive Sasuke out of the village.

"I can't really sleep" Kakashi said, almost whispering.

Izumo smiled.

"I know, you look horrible."

7