A/N- Yes..hope you like this chapter..its really dramatic..keep reviewing and thanks soo much for the reviews! I'm soo happy! Enjoy!

Just stay where I could see you.

Douse the lights.

We sure are in for a show tonight.

-Panic! At The Disco

Ellie's POV

We woke up 2 hours later. I really didn't want to go to school. I hadn't even slept, I just stayed awake, thinking about everything. Plus, I was going to wear a skirt, but it's way too cold. Yeah, I know. Me – Ellie Nash – wanting to wear a skirt. I really liked this one though, so I just wore it with jeans underneath.

I'm really glad that Ashley's house is so close to the school. It must have been like 2 degrees outside. If I had walked for 2 more minutes, I would have turned into an ice cube.

Sean came up to me when I was at my locker.

"Hey, where were you? I called this morning, but no one picked up. You forgot this at my house." He handed me my chemistry book. I threw it in my locker, over the pile of books and lunches and binders that was starting to build up.

"Thanks. And about that, I'm not staying with my mom anymore." There was a puzzled look on his face.

"Well, after you left, my mom wanted me to move back with her. I didn't want to, but she promised me that she wouldn't drink anymore. But last night I came home and I saw my same old mom. It's like she didn't even care. So I'm staying with Ashley for a couple of days." I said

"And after that?"

"What?"

"After the 'couple of days'?"

"Oh… I don't know." I replied.

"El… you know you could move back in with me…"

Move back in with him? I don't know. I mean, I love him, I really do. But moving in?

"Sean…I don't know." The bell rang. "I have to go." I said. I turned around to walk but he grabbed my hand.

"I promised." He said. I kissed him.

"I'll see you later."

I walked home with Ash. It was pretty cool to have someone to talk to. Like a sister. I've always wanted a sister. I haven't talk to Marco in a long, long time. But that's just because he's coming back from his trip to Africa in January.

"Ash…do you think it's a bad idea for me to move back in with Sean?"

"Well, do you love him?" she asked.

"Yeah, a lot."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know…"

"Ellie, what's been with you lately? You seem kinda off."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah… I'm just… tired."

We basically got home and collapsed on the couch. Neither of us had slept the night before. I still couldn't sleep. I could never sleep during the day. I don't know why. I tried to, but I couldn't so I just decided to write in my journal. I've kept it since grade 9 – when I started cutting. Ms. Sauvé said it would be good for me to express my feelings. I don't know about that…I just like it because it's an outlet for me. You wouldn't believe how many entries I've written about my mom and Sean and practically everything.

I think I've figured it out. The reason I'm afraid to move in with him is because I feel like the closer I get to him, the more things are gonna go back the way they used to be, and I'm gonna lose him again. I guess you could say that the shooting messed up everyone. Paige, Hazel, Craig. But I never thought that it would mess me up. I don't even know what to think anymore. I feel like I'm going to break down soon. Everyone's noticed it. I just need sometime with nothing to worry about. No school, no stress. Just some time to myself.

As soon as I finished writing, Ashley woke up.

"Hey El, what are you doing?"

"Just journaling." I replied.

"Oh that's cool. Listen, I was thinking…maybe we should go up to Montreal this weekend since we don't have school on Monday. I sure know that I need a vacation. It'll be fun. Just like back in grade nine." That's why she's my best friend…it's like she can read my mind sometimes.

I laughed. "Ash…do you remember what happened last time we went to Montreal?"

"Haha…hey, you better be careful of what Sean does this weekend." I laughed again. This was perfect. A weekend with my best friend was definitely what I needed.

Sean's POV

I was having the worst possible day ever. First, I come in late because I oversleep, then some shrink takes me out of class to talk to me about why I came back to T.O., some crap about me returning to find my old feelings, people still staring at me when I walk down the hallway. You figure they'd get over it after the first week, but it's been 3 freaking months.

All I wanted was to go home, but it was only 4th period. She came to my locker on my way to Media Immersion.

"Hey" she said.

"Hey." Great, this is the last thing I need, me screwing up our relationship because i'm pissed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…it's just been a crappy day."

"Sorry" She said and she kissed me. I could tell she had to go, but I wanted to stay there forever.

"Sean…I have to go" she laughed.

"What are you doing on Saturday?"

"Uh, me and Ashley are thinking about going to Montreal this weekend."

"Great…" I said.

"Sean…I'm coming back on Monday. I just need some time to get away for a while. I've been so stressed lately, I need some time to relax. I promise, I'll come over on Monday…and maybe we could relax too." She said with a smirk.

Boy, I can't wait until Monday. Well, no, it's not like that. I don't think about sex all the time. Okay, more like 95 of the time. But I'm a guy…what else am I supposed to think about?

What was I going to do this weekend? I wasn't exactly friends with everyone. God knows where Jay is. I heard he got kicked out, but I don't know what he's doing now. Probably in some jail downtown. I wasn't even paying attention when I felt someone tap my shoulder. It was Emma.

"Hey, I was thinking, if you wanted to hang out with me, Manny, and Craig this weekend. I'm babysitting on Saturday and Sunday, so is Monday good?" she asked.

"Uh, it depends. What time?"

"Around 2…is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks."

"No problem. We're probably just going to the dot or something, but I'll call you later."

"Ok." I said.

Mr. Simpson started talking when it hit me. Sean, you have a girlfriend, and you just practically made a date with Emma. No, it's just friends hanging out. Craig and Manny will be there too. Seriously, sometimes I feel like there are two sides in my head, arguing all the time. But it's just friends hanging out, right? Given the fact that Craig and Manny will probably ditch us to go makeout somewhere. So it'll just be me and Emma. But we're friends. Me and Emma are over. I have a girlfriend that I love a lot.

All I know is that I spent my Saturday at home watching TV. The whole day. Yeah, I'm pretty pathetic. Sunday was the same, except I went to do some food shopping for the week. When I cam back home, Emma had left a message.

"Hey, well tomorrow we're going to meet at the dot around 2ish…so see ya tomorrow."

That would work out; Ellie said she was coming back in the evening, so it was enough time.

Monday I got up, took a shower, ate and got ready. By the time I was done, it was already 2 o'clock, so I just walked out of the house. The dot wasn't too far away. When I got there, no one was there, so I just got a table and waited for everyone to come. I saw Spinner, but I didn't even look his way. I can't believe that they let him back into the school. What he did, there's no excuse for it. None.

Craig and Manny showed up first. I hadn't talked to either of them in a while so it was cool to catch up with them. Emma came in 10 minutes later.

"Sorry guys, mom was late at the salon, so I had to babysit."

Lucky us, Spinner was going to take our orders. Craig didn't even look at him, Emma ignored him, Manny looked kinda upset, and I didn't even care. After a while, he got the hint and we got another waiter.

It was actually pretty fun. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I left. And how much they've all changed. Craig and Manny left early, so me and Emma walked home. Her house is just a couple of blocks down from my apartment.

"Wow…its cold outside." she said.

"Um, do you want to come in?"

"Sure" she said stepping inside.

I turned on the lights and took off my jacket. Emma sat on the couch and just looked around.

"Yeah, I know, it's a mess here" I said.

"Haha, no it's not that, it's changed. Something's different. I don't know."

I sat on the couch next to her and I saw her looking at a picture of me and Ellie on the table.

"So, do you wanna watch a movie or something?" I asked.

"I don't care."

She moved closer to me. I just continued looking for something good to watch on TV, when she took the remote out of my hand and turned of the TV. I looked into her eyes and she leaned in and kissed me. I pulled away.

"Emma, I can't do this. I have a girlfriend."

"I can keep a secret."

She kissed me again. I really didn't want to kiss her. My heart sank into my stomach when I saw Ellie standing at the doorway.

"Nice to know you missed me." she said and left. I ran after her.
"Ellie…Ellie. Please, wait."

"Sean, I don't even want to talk about it. It's over, we're over."

"Can you just listen to me?" I said. She turned around.

"I didn't want to kiss Emma, she kissed me. I didn't even want to."

"It takes two people to kiss. If you didn't want to then you shouldn't have done it."

"I'm sorry." I replied.

"I don't care. You promised me. You're breaking a promise. Why the hell would you do that to me?"

I tried to hug her but she just pulled away.
"Like I said, its over." and she walked away. Way to go, asshole, I thought.

I went back to my house and Emma was still sitting on my couch.

"What the fuck is your problem? You know I'm with Ellie!" I said.

"Oh, come on, Sean. You don't need her."

"Yeah, actually, I do. Get out of here, Emma. I guess after being friends with Manny, some of her traits start to rub off on you." She left and I could tell she was pissed at what I said. Screw her, you breaking up everything you had with Ellie, I thought. I was so mad that I think I could have killed somebody. Or made them deaf in one ear. Ha ha.

I tried calling Ellie's phone but she wouldn't pick up. I don't blame her. I mean, I did kiss my ex-girlfriend almost in front of her. If I saw her kissing someone else, I'd be pretty pissed too. But the least she could do is listen to what really happened. I didn't want to kiss Emma. I don't even like her, but I don't think Ellie's ever going to talk to me again.

Ellie's POV

I walked into Ashley's house crying. I knew one solution. One solution to all life's problems. I paced around the room a little bit, figuring out if I should do it or not. But at the end, I went into my backpack and took out a black cd case. I walked into Ashley's bathroom. Staying here all this time, I had never been in Ash's bathroom. But Ash and her mom had gone out that night, thinking that I would still be over Sean's. They'd be back and second. I pulled out a silver blade and looked at it for a while. I didn't want to do it, but I realized it's what I need. I pulled it across my arm and all the stress left my mind as I pulled it more. I could hear Ash calling my name, but I wasn't even paying attention. It was like I was conscious and unconscious at the same time.

"Ellie! What are you doing?" Ash said.

"Please, it's what I need."

"It's not what you need. You may think that, but its not. You're hurting yourself. Why are you doing this?" She said as she put away my cd case.

"He, he was with her."

"Who?"

"Sean and Emma."

"I'll kick his ass." I just cried harder. It's like I had no control to stop myself from crying. I couldn't face the fact that he was with Emma. After all this, he was with her.

"Okay, I'm gonna talk to him. You, take this." she said and handed me a rubber band.

"Thanks Ash." I hugged her.

"Your welcome, now come out of here."

I got up and looked at myself in the mirror and I looked horrible. I started washing off my arm while Ashley was calling him. I'll just stay in the bathroom, I thought, I don't even want to hear his voice. But Ash called me to come out of the bathroom. I walked out the bathroom and sat on her bed. The good this is that she knows exactly how I feel.

Ashley's POV

I can't believe that Sean would do that to her. I thought he really loved her. I know that she sure loves him.

I remember how I felt when I saw Manny with that bracelet on her wrist that I had found in Craig's garage. And I remember how I felt when Manny told me that Craig wanted to move on, while we were still together. I felt like I wanted to die. Like I wanted to kill Craig and anyone who was like him. I didn't think Sean was like that, though.

I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hey Sean, its Ashley."

"Ashley…is she okay?"

"Uh, not really. What happened?" I asked.

"Okay, well today I hung out with Craig and Manny and Emma. And later Craig and Manny went home, so Emma walked over to my house. She came inside, I was trying to find something to watch on TV and she kissed me. I didn't even want to kiss Emma. I told that I had a girlfriend, but she didn't really care. I would never hurt Ellie, I care about her. But she hates me."

"Okay, well at least you didn't want to kiss Emma…you didn't, right?"

"Of course I didn't want to."

"You know what, I'm gonna put you on speaker phone. Is that okay?"

"I doubt that she wants to talk to me, but yeah whatever, it's fine." He replied.

I got up and put the cordless on the machine and pressed the speaker button.

Ellie mouthed 'I don't want to talk to him.'

"Okay now Sean, tell Ellie what you just told me."

"I didn't want to kiss Emma." Everyone was silent for a while.

"Ellie, come on. You have to talk to him sometime." I said.

"I'm sorry, El. It was stupid of me to do. But please, just talk to me."

"Fine, go ahead. It's not going to change what I think of you." She said.

"Well, what do you think of me?"

"That you're a lying asshole.

"I guess I deserved that. But I really didn't want to kiss her."

"But you did." She replied.

"Ellie, you don't understand. Who do I have in my life that I can depend on? Not my parents, and I don't have millions of friends that I can count on either. That leaves you. And I wouldn't give that up for the world. So why would I ruin that trust between us?"

"But there's a difference. You and Emma have history. I wouldn't care as much if it was Manny or something."

"I don't like her. What can't you understand that?"

"Ok, I understand that you don't like her. But you still kissed her. You could have stopped, but you didn't." she said.

"Ellie, what's wrong with you? What happened to the Ellie that I used to be able to talk to? The Ellie that understood me?"

She walked up to the phone and picked up cordless.

"You want to know what happened, Sean? That Ellie left the same day you did. That Ellie realized that you weren't coming back, as much as she cared about. That Ellie was heartbroken and she's not coming back."

Ellie's POV

I can't take much more of this anymore. Sooner or later I'm going to break down. The fact that I've only gotten 10 hours of sleep this week and that I have midterms coming up just makes everything worse. All I wanted to do is just go somewhere and never have to worry about all this. Away from my mom, Sean, school and everything else. I just kept snapping my rubber band.

Ash came and sat next to me.

"Come on, El. Cheer up. He's an asshole, you don't need him."

But I do need him. I haven't cut myself since he came back, only that one time. Only that one time did I feel like I needed to cut myself to make the pain go away. And now this time. Facing the fact that I'm this close to loosing him. I've come up with a conclusion.

I need him.