Alive, Just Shattered

Chapter 2: Belonging

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or YYH

All she saw was a sea of pitch black. Like someone had suddenly turned off the lights leaving you in the dark. Kagome felt alone, more alone than she had grown to be in the past year. From somewhere she could hear someone talking, though their words were mumbled. Why couldn't she see? Or for that matter, hear them like she should? Where was she, what was going on? These were some of the questions that were going through Kagome's mind as she tried to figure out what was going on.

Slowly things got a bit brighter as to where she could make out the outline on a figure. They must be the one that was talking. Kagome suddenly felt herself being shaken, who was shaking her?

The next thing she saw was gold. Inuyasha was over her, shaking her and calling out her name. Kagome was back on the grassy hill, a cold breeze hitting her from behind. Kikyo was kneeled down beside her saying something before smacking Inuyasha away.

What had happened to the demon, what about the village? Kagome's worries loosened once she saw the remains of the demon a little ways away behind Inuyasha. She looked off to the side to see the village was safe. Some of the villagers were looking around while others walked back inside to the warmth of their huts.

Kagome turned her head back to Inuyasha. She could see the worry in his eyes, though he tried to hide it even though it didn't work. He was saying something but all she could hear was mumbling. She then turned her attention to Kikyo. She like Inuyasha has the same look of worry and concern in her eyes. Suddenly everything snapped back to normal and she could hear them clearly.

"Kagome, are you alright?" Kikyo asked in worry.

"I think so." Kagome said.

Even though she said that she didn't really mean it. She was confused, that anxious feeling still coursed through her, and the pain from before was still there. Though she still had the pain it wasn't as intense. It was more of a dull ache that covered every inch of her.

There was just so much coursing through her that it was becoming to much for her. Se felt like everything would just burst like it had before. She was still confused as to how that happened. Hell, she didn't even understand how that portal or whatever it was appeared.

Why had all of those demons gone through it like that? What was on the other side that made them try to come here? Was it something horrible like hell? Or maybe there was someone like Naraku there that they were running from. If she had gone, what would she have found? Another world she could start over in? Maybe even a way to get back to her own time; where she belonged.

"What the hell happened!" Inuyasha demanded to know.

"I'm not sure. Who killed the demon?"

"What him? I did of course." Inuyasha said standing up right and crossing his arms.

"When we got back we noticed him and destroyed him before any harm could befall on the village." Kikyo said in a soft calm tone.

"Oh."

"That still doesn't explain what happened!" Inuyasha said in his usual manner.

"All I really know is somehow when I was training with my sword and some kind of portal appeared. That demon you killed came out of it. I had been trying to get rid of him when he through me into the portal where he came."

"That explains how the demon got here. But a portal just appearing like that?" Kikyo said in confusion.

"What happened in there?" Inuyasha asked.

"What?"

"I could feel a large amount of power from inside." Kikyo said.

"There were hoards of demons all heading here. I'm not sure where hey were coming from but I knew I couldn't let them get here. So I brought all my energy to the surface to destroy them all in one wave. I am still confused as to what happened."

"Well all that matters is the village and you are fine. Inuyasha carry her to Kaede's." Kikyo instructed.

"No, I'm fine. I can walk on my own, it's alright." Kagome said standing weakly.

"No you're not. You can barely stand." Inuyasha said receiving a heated glare from Kagome.

"I can walk on my own." She said heading towards Kaede's hut. Inuyasha moved to go after her but Kikyo held out her arm stopping him.

"Let her be." Kikyo said as she sadly gazed at Kagome's retreating form.

"She's to weak and can barely walk-."

"Kagome doesn't want your help or anyone's for that matter. It would be best to leave her alone." Kikyo said as she headed for her own hut. Inuyasha followed soon after looking back one last time sadly at Kagome.

In just one year she had changed completely. Kikyo was the one full of life where as Kagome was the silent darker one. Kagome had separated herself from everyone, it pained them all to see her like this. The reason why they were pained because they blamed themselves; when in reality it was that and their pity that disgusted Kagome to no end.

She didn't want their pity, something that would make her what she once was. She cared nothing of them anymore. Everything here was a reminder of what she had and lost. She lost Inuyasha, the only one she had ever loved. When it came down to it she would die for him if it meant he would live on and survive. In the end that is what happened and Inuyasha never saw it happen till it was already way too late.

Kagome gave everything to him and got nothing in return. The only thing that made her happy what so ever was that. Inuyasha was happy, alive, and with Kikyo. She was suffering but he wasn't. Kagome couldn't deny she didn't love him anymore, if she did that would be a lie.

The pain she would get at the thought of him with another was no longer there really. Kagome ignored that pain till the point it was like it wasn't there. Like someone had turned the switch for her to feel off or something. Everything was just so confusing but that didn't matter because the only one who would ever have to try and understand it was Kagome.

Every day she slowly fell apart even more it seemed, if that was even possible. Would she continue to fall apart till there was nothing left? Why was she even here still? Was she being punished for their deaths? For the deaths of all that suffered and died when that jewel came back? After all, the jewel was brought back because of her. Maybe a god somewhere hated her and was making sure she suffered.

'I have to get out… somewhere a way from here.' Kagome thought as she slowly made her way in the direction of Kaede's hut.

Through all the pain, sorrow, and confusion all she knew is she had to get out. Run away as far as she could. The only problem was running to somewhere that wouldn't bring her memories. All over there were memories, after all they had traveled all over. A place where they had fought for their lives, spent a happy moment or sad; she would run into them everywhere.

Was there any way to be free of this? Somewhere where she could run and hide or just sleep the rest of her life away. Maybe she could have been trapped in that 'void' or whatever it was. She was sure that any one of those demons that passed her could have killed her. Why couldn't they have?

'Will death just not accept me? Am I forbidden to die, because there is no way that there is something left for me here. Sango and the others deserved to live not someone as worthless as me.' Kagome thought in bitter anger as she walked to the old hut in the cold darkness.

It seemed to be getting darker by the second as any trace of light was erased from sight. The darker it got the colder it seemed to get for some reason. If Kagome looked she could probably see her own breath now. Hopefully it would snow soon. Maybe the cold of the snow would consume her and freeze her, and she would finally be brought to her demise.

It was truly sad when you could feel the change within yourself. Kagome could feel a bitter hate growing within herself. She wondered if this was what Kikyo had felt when she had been resurrected from the dead, if so had that hate gone to her?

This hate within her was odd. She hated it, it stood for everything that had happened and everything she had lost. It reminded her of the change within her over the past year. But strangely she loved it. Kagome wanted to be consumed by this hate for some reason. Because even though it was hate that she was feeling, she WAS feeling something. It let her know she was alive if she could feel, then again she hated that feeling. Because inside she didn't want to be alive at all.

It was so confusing; she wanted to die and be alive it seemed at times all at once. That seemed impossible to want the same things at once. She was selfish, yes she was. She didn't deserve to be alive when so many were suffering and people so much greater than herself had died. Maybe that is why she wanted to die, because it was out of guilt. Well that and other things.

When you are living and you have lost everything you have ever known all you know is pain, a pain that will never vanish from your being. During this time you kind of know you wont die and you accept that. But it doesn't help the fact the pain is still there and you are doing everything to try and loosen it, even if by a little.

When Kagome walked in Kaede was already fast asleep. The fire still burned, but you could tell by its constant flickering it would be out soon enough if more wood wasn't added to it. The pot that held the stew Kaede had made was still over the flickering flame. It almost made Kagome smile at the old women's thoughtfulness.

Tiredly Kagome walked over sitting down, fixing herself a bowl. Kagome quickly ate before cleaning things up. Everyday seemed to be so dull. Everything seemed so… pointless. Kagome couldn't see how Inuyasha could take such a dull life. Then again this must seem all to familiar to him, seeing as this is how things used to be for him.

Kirara mewed quietly as she walked over to Kagome in her smaller form. Kagome managed a small smile - though it was barely noticeable - as she picked the fire cat up. Was Kirara just as bored with this life style as she was? Kirara had always lived an eventful life. From when she was with the demon slayers till the little jewel shard hunting group, even before that things had been more eventful for the fire cat.

Maybe it was time that she left, maybe things would get better if she did. If they didn't oh well but she knew she could no longer stay here, in this place. Kirara looked up and mewed, as if she knew what she was thinking about. Where would she go?

The land in the Makai that had been destroyed by the wave of energy was still the same sight. Everything looked dead and had a cold feeling to it. Whether it was because of the season's changing or the gloomy sight the ferry girl couldn't tell. High above the destruction she sat on her oar with wide eyes as she slowly made her way across the sky. The sight she saw went on for miles and not one demon, where usually there were many all around, were all gone.

It was only a few minutes before the radars back in Spirit World were going off like crazy. Spirit World was in an uproar right now with everyone rushing about in the hectic moment. What had scared them the most was the fact everyone in Spirit World could feel something, even without the radars.

Koenma had tried to pull up the site up on his screen but nothing showed up on the TV. All that showed up was a fuzzy screen. The moment the radars went off thousands of demon souls busted into Spirit World; what ever had happened wasn't good. Seeing as she had been there at the time and they didn't have time to get Yusuke and the others Botan had rushed off to Makai where the strong surge of energy had been detected; that is where Botan was now.

The once lush green, life full area was now a wasteland. As to what had caused this, she hadn't a clue. In only minutes so much had happened and now after seeing the destruction Botan was scared. She wanted nothing more than to get out of there as soon as she could.

"Dear god, what happened?" Botan whispered with a look of horror on her face.

It was early morning, all of the villagers were still asleep. On top of the hill looking over the village Kagome stood with Kirara on her shoulder. The sun was beginning its journey up the sky, just enough light was out giving you the ability to see. The ground was covered in frost and the air was cold. It was cloudy out saying that it would rain soon, maybe even snow.

Kagome looked over the village one more time, this would be her last time. She had left a letter inside Kaede's hut explaining that she had left to be on her own so that they hopefully wouldn't worry and come after her. She could handle everything on her own. This was for the best, it had to be.

'Farewell.'

There was no word to describe Spirit World and the current time. Everyone was running around in a crazed frenzy. They all seemed to be panicking. Papers covered the floor but that seemed to go unnoticed in all the rush.

"Botan! Hurry up!" Koenma said as he panicked; even though Lady Death wasn't there to hear his words.

"Koenma sir, we still haven't been able to find out what happened but demon souls are still keep coming in." George said just before Botan appeared back in Koenma's office.

"Were you able to find anything out?" Koenma asked.

"E-everything…all the demons…they are.. gone." Botan said, her face pale white still from the shock of what she had just saw.

"What?"

"All the demons for miles around are all gone. There is no trace that any had even been there. Everything has been… destroyed."

"What caused it?"

"I don't know."

"Contact Yusuke and the others and bring them in." Koenma said in a serious tone.

It was about mid afternoon and Kagome had been walking for awhile now. It was cold, the freezing winds blowing against her back didn't help either. But strangely Kagome liked it. The bitter cold seemed to numb her. Kirara had been walking along with her when she suddenly stopped and transformed, motioning for Kagome to get on.

"Thank you." Kagome said quietly giving the fire cat a smile. A smile that was full of sadness and inflicted the same sadness into those who saw it.

Kirara mewed as Kagome went and got on her back. Kirara might not be able to really talk or at least in a way that Kagome could understand and talk back but she understood and knew what was going on, more than people realized. Slowly, bit by bit Kagome was dying. The empty sadness had consumed her long ago. Regret, loneliness, hate, anger, sorrow; these were some of the emotions that were consuming her.

These things are what drove her into the cold, where she was now. It was obvious she cared nothing for her self, so she cared not if she died. She would walk through a blizzard and not stop to find shelter to keep warm, that is if she could even feel it.

Kirara often wondered if Kagome could even feel anything anymore. Like now she showed nothing that would tell she was cold what so ever. It wouldn't surprise the fire neko if Kagome couldn't. Kagome seemed worse than Kikyo had ever been. Kagome was far to quiet than Kikyo was after she had been brought back from the dead. Kagome seemed… empty. It was like she had become Kanna, minus the white hair along with the young incarnation's appearance.

"Land at the next village." Kagome instructed in her empty, monotone voice.

It had only just begun to snow and it was already sticking to the grounds. Kikyo and Inuyasha walked into Kaede's hut shivering a bit. Kaede was sitting next to the stew pot cooking some warm food to share with the others. A sad look graced the old miko's features.

"Where is Kagome?" Kikyo asked as she and Inuyasha sat down next to the warm fire warming up.

"Knowing her she is probably up on that hill training with that stupid sword that Totosai just had to make her, even though its cold as hell out."

"It is cold and now it's snowing, she shouldn't be out side in this weather; she could get sick." Kikyo said, worry in her eyes.

Kikyo felt bad for Kagome. She knew how it felt to be in her position, or somewhat at least. The empty feeling, sorrow, and regret; now that she wasn't feeling it she had to watch Kagome suffer as she went through what she had only a year ago.

"Not like she cares if she gets sick or anything." Inuyasha said in his usual way only this time you could hear the sadness in his voice.

"There is something ye should know." Kaede said looking up from the steaming stew. "Kagome has left."

"Left?" Kikyo asked.

"She left early this morning before anyone was awake."

"I'll go after her." Inuyasha said standing up quickly.

"She left this letter." Kaede said handing him a letter.

"What does this say?" Inuyasha asked handing it to Kikyo who was now standing beside him.

"She said she's going and not to go after her. This is something she wants to do and she hopes we can understand." Kikyo said with a sad tone as she read the note.

"Sh-she left? But why?"

"Kagome must have known that it her time to leave." Kaede said sadly, her hands folded in her lap as she stared at the fire; a sad look upon her face.

"Her time to leave? She belongs here; she can't survive out there on her own." Inuyasha said objecting to something he had really no say so in.

"Inuyasha maybe it was for the best." Kikyo said sadly sitting down across from her sister.

"For the best! How can it be for the best if she's out there on her own? She'll go and get killed, Kagome wasn't born in this time."

"But she has gone through just as much as any of us has." Kikyo said, her eyes hardening some as she remembered the events that went on a year ago; what they all had gone through.

"But-." Inuyasha said when Kikyo cut him off.

"Inuyasha you must understand that Kagome was slowly killing herself by staying here. It was to painful for her. It is better she is out there. At least out there she has a chance."

"A chance?"

"After all that child has been through she deserves a chance to be happy and live again as much as any of us; she cant do that if she is here." Kaede said continuing.

"It's just hard - I mean after everything-."

"We can only wish for the best." Kikyo said placing a hand on Inuyasha's shoulder as he sat down next to her.

"What, and just hope she lives? Kagome has never been on her own in this time."

"I am sure after everything, the final battle, and this past year Kagome can protect herself. Over this past year… she has changed in more ways than one." Kikyo said sadly as she turned her gaze to the burning flames.

"But she can't and wont protect herself from herself." Inuyasha said sadly.

"That is her worst threat; something that ye can not save her from I'm afraid." Kaede said pouring some of the steaming stew into the bowls and handing them to Kikyo and Inuyasha, saving one for herself.

"That's why I have got to at least and bring her back here. Out there she will end up getting herself killed!" Inuyasha said in anger.

"It is to late now; she has gone."

"I'm not some human; I can find her a lot faster-."

"I'm human." Kikyo said narrowing her eyes at him for the 'insult'.

"Kikyo I didn't mean it like that! I'm just saying I can leave now and be back by tomorrow morning with her."

"Right." Kikyo said taking a bite of her food.

"Ye should respect Kagome's wishes. It was her choice to do this. If she were to die at least she may have found happiness outside of this nightmare she had been brought into." Kaede said silencing Inuyasha before he could say anything farther.

"Happiness?" Inuyasha said in thought.

"Inuyasha, you and I have found happiness and we have been happy in the past year; haven't we?" Kikyo asked looking Inuyasha in the eyes.

"Of course."

"Well is it to much to ask for her to be happy once again as well? It would be selfish for us to deny her that wish if we went after her bringing her back here to a place that will only continue farther to bring her pain." Kikyo said.

"It is my fault she became like this; I continued to bring her back here till it was to late for her. I can't just desert her now."

"You aren't in a way; just because she has left doesn't mean we wont see her again." Kikyo said with hope.

"Ye may see Kagome again; if not in this life time maybe in the next." Kaede said in agreement.

"Hopefully that wont have to happen where I can only see her in the next." Inuyasha said as he began his warm meal.

Kagome meant so much to him as a friend. These past few months she was dying more quickly, fading away to nothing. Inuyasha hoped he could find happiness somewhere out there. He prayed that something could save the girl from herself.