Alive, Just Shattered

Chapter 4: Trials and Tribulations

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or YYH.

A dark red vast of nothingness surrounded her on all sides. An eerie vibe crawled up her skin, and oddly she liked it. It was empty and dark, as though it were a mirror reflecting her inner self. There was no one here but Kirara who appeared to be knocked out on the ground somehow. Here she was safe somehow for there was no one here to cause her more pain; then again causing her more was impossible. After a certain point when she had completely 'shattered' pain no longer affected her.

Pain was only a memory of the past now. She was now far beyond pain and agony, she now could only feel a never ending emptiness that could never be filled. Nothing that went on effected her and she felt nothing. No emotion graced her being and her face forever showed the same plain expression; because there was no expression on her face.

Like a blank white sheet of paper. There was nothing on it leaving it plain. It was dull and had nothing to it, it was just…there. Just like her, she was just there. Had no purpose or reason yet she remained; why she did not know. Everything was just so far away now and at times Kagome really wondered if she was actually here and not dead completely. Though she wasn't dead neither was she alive, she was just there stuck in the middle somehow. Though she supposed she liked it like this, this is what she had became accustomed to. She felt nothing so she couldn't be hurt and that somehow made everything better. She wasn't running around always in tears over someone she would never be able to have only to watch them with another.

It was some time after the final battle after she had discovered she was stuck here or well there in the past that Sesshomaru had showed up. As always him and Inuyasha fought only this time it was Kikyo fighting along side of him. Her arrows and attacks were useless on him though she tried her best to help Inuyasha all the while not getting in his way. The two siblings fought like usual, Sesshomaru for the blade he had decided was still his birth right after so long of no longer caring.

As the fight went on Kagome sat on a tree limb on the edge of the clearing giving her a perfect view. For the first time she did not move to help Inuyasha nor would she. Sometime along the way Kikyo was knocked out when she didn't move quick enough to evade the attack that was aimed for Inuyasha. In his rage Inuyasha became careless and was soon knocked out from loss of blood. As he walked over to his prized possession he had longed to bring back to the lands his father had protected years past Sesshomaru finally noticed Kagome.

"How is it that I have not been able to sense you till now?" Sesshomaru asked not turning around to face her as he stood before the ragged sword projecting out of the ground.

When Kagome never answered he finally turned around. She had managed to catch him off guard. He was a bit curious to know how he couldn't sense her. She seemed to have no sent, aura, or anything. It was like she wasn't even there unless you saw her. The only way he realized she was there was from the feeling of her eyes watching him.

There was a slight breeze out making it cool and refreshing, thankfully the wind was blowing away from him so that he did not have to smell the stench of blood. The breeze swayed the small branched, the leaves shadowing her face from him.

"Tell me, why is it that you did not help him? I've known you to interfere, why is it you did not this time?"

"It is pointless." Her voice emotionless all the while sending a slight eerie feeling his way, there was something different about her.

"Do you not care for him?"

"That is within the past. I wanted something I could never have."

"You have given up?"

"It is fruitless to run after something you can never catch. Even if you could, would it really matter." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I see." He said stepping away from the ragged blade. "What has happened to change you in such a short time?" Sesshomaru inquired.

"It is the events that take place that shape us, I am sure you know that." Kagome said landing down on the ground, raising her head to Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru was caught off guard once again, this time by her appearance. This was not the girl had had known. A sword at her side and clothes that were nothing like what he had grown accustomed to her wearing. It was her eyes though that had him taken back. They were cold, dark, and so empty now. They seemed to draw you into their dark depths allowing you to truly see what she had within her soul, there was nothing there.

That had been the first and only time she had seen an emotion on the western lords face. After that he had left, leaving the blade behind. It was something about what she had said that made him change his mind and realize he didn't need it.

Kagome was brought back out of her thoughts and back to where she was, where ever this place; where she had no clue. She had somehow gotten her because of the sword Totosai had made for her but now she wasn't sure how to get back. Before she had woken up back from where she had came but now she was still here. Then again, did she really want to go back to that world. This was her way out, though she still didn't know what this was or where it led.

It must go somewhere because all those demons must have come from somewhere. Maybe she could go to where they had come from, some other world that didn't have Inuyasha and the constant memories of all she had lost. She couldn't stay here for forever, the question was how to get out?

Chills went up the teams spines as they entered Makai, even Hiei was getting an odd chill. Kuwabara who had the highest spiritual awareness out of them all had it the worse. Botan stayed with them up till the point where Yusuke demanded she go back seeing as she still wasn't well. It felt odd not having demons charge at you trying to take your life. The group didn't want to be there any longer than they had to that was except for Yusuke who wanted a good fight.

"Well this appears to be the place." Kurama said as they came to a stop.

"Yeah there's demon or whatever." Yusuke said walking over to the corpse.

"I don't want to have to fight whatever did this." Kuwabara said kneeling down next to the corpse poking the body. The moment he touched the dead body it fell into dust that was quickly blown away by a gust of wind that came along with a high pitched scream that had the hairs on their skin crawling.

"Well there appears to be no sign of what may have caused this." Kurama said stepping back from where the body had been a moment ago and looked around at the surrounding area.

"Whatever it was will show again." Hiei said glancing over the area.

"For now there is nothing we can do." Kurama said with a tired sigh.

"So we came out here for nothing?" Yusuke asked.

"Appears so." Kurama said. "All we can do now is report back to Koenma, maybe he has something."

"I highly doubt that." Hiei said as Yusuke worked on contacting Koenma to get a way back. "There is something not right about this and I am sure Koenma wont be getting answers so easily."

Make it go away, make it all just go away! The screaming the laughing was caving in around her and this empty world only made it seem to echo around her. What has going on? Why and how was this happening to herself. Where had her broken form gone? Why was she feeling this heart filled pain that had her wanting to scream at the top of her lungs? It was eating away at her, everything she had been through. Why was she suddenly screaming for him, his touch… his love.

It finally came out in an ear piercing scream that left her breathless. Words, distant whispers echoed in her mind. They suddenly had her in a rage; anger. These words telling her that no one would ever love her and she would forever remain alone and useless. Useless just like Inuyasha had told her many times.

'Something's not right…'

This wasn't her, she shouldn't be like this. This wasn't like her, or what she had become. Maybe it was this place…this void that she was in. Somehow it was effecting her and she didn't like it at all. Like everything that had gone pass her when she cracked, her pain and anguish was somehow in this place; surrounding her, suffocating her. Kagome glared at the surrounding area around her. As though some unknown foe was out there waiting for its chance to attack.

This place was quite odd, she had never heard of any place like this. Not in any of the old books her grandfather had or at any time in Inuyasha's time. Though she had been places and done things that were unheard of before. Who ever heard of a girl being able to time travel? Still, this place was odd. It was nothing but a great vast of… nothingness. Like the dark empty eyes of 'the void' otherwise known or had been known as Kanna.

It still puzzled her as to how she got here to this place in the first place. How she somehow stumbled upon this place. How long would she be here? She couldn't stay here forever. Sadly she still needed things like food and water, though it was odd that in the time she had been here she had never had the need to eat or drink anything.

'Home… I want to go home, but where is my home; do I even have one anymore?'

The sun hung low in the sky as the sky was painted in violets and reds. The air was still with an ominous feeling hanging about like a thick fog in the early morning. The large clear blue river flowed quietly and there was no movement in the trees along the river bank. Even the waters shooting off the cliffs forming a waterfall seemed to be quiet, which was odd and something not really seen. It was like all life had stopped waiting, waiting for something to happen.

One swift breeze blew, swaying the strands of grass and tree branches to its will; whistling in the air like a soft charm. Strangely what sounded like someone exhaling soon followed after, the sound could be heard as though someone were whispering in your ear. That's when it sounded, cries. Not painful cries but more like battle cries, as though an army were charging into battle.

Men, no more like dead beings came out. Their skin that darkest of blacks, their bodies bone and where their eyes should have been were silver flames. These… beings had rotted teeth, though you could tell they were razor sharp and could tear flesh with ease. Thousands of these dead beings came rushing down the rushing waters, covering the entire width of the river and as far as the eye could see. The once clear blue rivers were now flowing with these dead beings that seemed to be out to take the life and devour any they came across. The blue waters were now corrupted by rich, warm, dark crimson blood. Yes the waters had now changed into blood as these 'beings' rushed across the land in search of life that they would in turn kill like savage beasts.

Thick warm blood flowed swiftly between her legs as the once dead rushed past her, never once acknowledging she was there. Why; shouldn't they be attacking her or something? What was going on? Maybe she was with them, just as dead and empty minded. Maybe like them, she wanted the taste of blood. Alone she stood surrounded by blood, alone she screamed.

Kagome took in a sharp breath shooting straight up, eyes wide meeting the same empty space as before. What kind of dream was that?

"Yes that's right I'm here." Her voice was as empty as her soul and spirit.

Through all of this the fire that had burned within her very being had flickered and eventually it burned out leaving the cold empty being that she was today. That fire was what separated her from Kikyo, what made her stand out, and what gave her that will to fight to save her friends. It was that burning fire that made her who she was and without it and that heat it provided she had become cold and distant. Now she was all alone, alone in a place she may never even get out of.

Over the past year Inuyasha had grown and matured, or at least more than he was before. Though he was right there along with Kagome in the final battle, it was easy to see that Kagome was effected more than he had by it. In the end she had lost all her friends, though he had to though in a slightly different way. Even after all she had lost, Kagome was there when he wished for Kikyo and him to remain together. Somewhere in him he knew of Kagome's feelings and how this would effect her. He remembered that day, the day he watched his friends die and Kikyo was brought back to life fully…

Inuyasha was covered in sweat and the blood of both himself and others. Some of it the ones he had slain that day and some was even the blood of his dead friends. His silver hair was tangled and in a mess, clinging to his face due to all the sweat. Crimson blood stained some parts of it, almost blinding into his now torn red clothing. His fire rat coat was torn, dirty, and somewhat ragged; though it could easily be fixed to the point it looked brand new.

Wounds marred his body, blood still flowed from them but they would soon begin to heal due to his demon blood. He continued to breath heavily, his body weak from battle. The tetsusaiga slipped from his grasp landing on the ground with a clatter. Across from him Kikyo stood still in a regal pose, though it was easy to see she herself was tired. Her clothes were stained with dirt and blood. Her bow in her hand as she gazed about scanning the area, then over to Kagome.

Kagome was off to his left, at some point she collapsed to her knees, her head bowed down, and her hair cascading down like a curtain hiding her face from view. Her bow laid on the ground before her. In the palm of her hand the jewel they and all fought so hard for laid ever so innocently. There was a sad aura about her. Right then she looked more fragile than he had ever seen her. Her clothing torn and seemed to just fall apart, the rest of it was covered in blood. Her hair clung to her form as sweat rolled down her face. Her face pale making the bloody cuts stand out more on her.

Kagome clutched the jewel in her hand, her nails digging into the palm of her hand as she look up and around at the carnage around her. Kikyo walked over checking on Inuyasha before he brought her into an embrace. They had finally done it, Naraku was dead and they were free from his terror. They were both taken out of their celebration when Kagome walked over stopping in front f them. The two of them had forgotten about her in there moment of joy.

"Here, take it." Kagome's voice was weak and tired as she handed him the jewel.

"What? But -." Inuyasha was saying when Kagome stopped him.

"It's yours, I want nothing more to do with that thing. It is what you have wanted and have fought for, for so long so now its yours."

"Kagome you fought just as hard."

"Do with you want with it." Kagome said turning away, walking off.

"We could bring back the others." Inuyasha said making Kagome stop.

"No."

"What? I don't understand, I thought you would want that; I mean I do to."

"They would rather stay dead than come back now having to relive everything. I told you to do what you wanted."

"What about you?" Inuyasha said.

"Inuyasha-." Kagome said wierly lowering her head. "Do what you want, don't worry bout me. I think we both know what you want."

"Then I wish for Kikyo to come back to life and live again."

Kagome looked back at him, her aura seemed to flicker before fading away. Her eyes sad, though she knew that was what he wanted all along. At least now he could be happy, even if it meant he wasn't with her…

While she lost him when Kikyo was brought back he had lost her as she broke and began to die from the inside. True he was happy with Kikyo and they and finally after so long were able to start their life together. Though having to see Kagome fall apart as she did was painful all the same.

Kikyo was grateful for what Kagome did, because if it wasn't for her she wouldn't have been able to have a chance at a second life or a chance at a life with Inuyasha. Kagome's action was selfless and because of it Kikyo had grown to see her in a new light. She had grown to see Kagome as a friend, something she never had many of due to her position as a priestess and protector of the jewel of four souls. But because of Kagome's action Kikyo ended up watching her fall apart and into something far beyond what she had once been. They both threw their own happiness sadly had to watch their friend fall into a state where it pained them both to see her like that. The Kagome they had known had died and it was partly their part.

They both knew somewhere within that she would fall, though they never imagined that it would become this severe. Who would have ever thought she would become this way, they were to blame. None of them ever dreamed that this would be how things turned out. Not even the thought that some of them might end up dead. Sure they all knew that there was the chance that they could die, all of their lives were dangerous and they could have died at any point in time. Though none of them had ever thought of their little group would ever be broken apart like this, maybe the thought of losing even more after everything would be to much for them.

The memory of having to watch the only people you have ever called friend before your eyes isn't something that you could just forget. That is something that made a permanent imprint on your mind. The guilt of not being able to save them weighed down on Inuyasha and it seemed to push Kagome down farther. If only he had tried harder he may have been able to save them. Kikyo herself felt guilty because of it. Even though they weren't her friends necessarily she could have tried to save them, they were the friends of the one she loved. They might have been brought back to life if it was not for her.

Kagome laid there, there was nothing else she really could do in this 'place'. She had come to the conclusion there was no way out, this would be her 'prison'. Half the time she seemed to be in a daze. Her mind half here and the remaining part stuck within herself. She was trapped within memories, memories that couldn't harm her no longer. She was far to damaged now that nothing could harm her, she was already swallowed whole by something she couldn't describe.

Kirara hadn't moved since they had arrived it seemed, she remained asleep for some unknown reason to her. Sleep… it had been way to long since she had a peaceful one. One where she knew when she woke up everything would be fine. Where she wouldn't have to worry about attacking demons or the plaguing memories and reminders of her life. That was something she only knew as a child where her mind had been clueless as to what was around her.

Sleep… something she wanted desperately. Maybe in sleep she would somehow gain something. At least then she could be taken away from this place and the thoughts that consumed her mind. ….Sleep; so she did and she would for years to come.