Scabbed Wings
Hermione was tense on the rough, wooden chair. She exchanged a glance with Lupin as Ron jumped headfirst into deciphering Harry. Though she was anxious about his lack of tact, Harry clearly being sensitive about saying anything, she had decided against saying anything as her own curiosity got the best of her.
'How're you doing it? I mean, we all knew you were powerful, but some of the stuff I've heard seems impossible,' Ron had asked. Hermione bit her tongue; she didn't want to press him into saying anything he didn't want to.
'I think we'd all like to know that,' Lupin said darkly.
Harry looked nervous; he glanced to the curtain-hidden windows then paused for a moment. Hermione realized how amazing it was that he could battle Death Eaters without the blink of an eye but seemed almost angry and somewhat ashamed when he was asked what he had been doing and how. She also noticed for the first time, he wasn't wearing his glasses.
It couldn't have been that bad, she rationalized, this was Harry after all. She'd known Harry for years and also knew his emotions and liability gauge were somewhat skewed after years of living with the Dursleys.
'…It doesn't really matter though, does it?' Harry said finally, his eyes resting with Hermione's. Ginny had slipped her hand into his.
'Harry, we're your friends, there's nothing you could do that would cause us to turn against you,' Ginny said. Hermione got the distinct impression Ginny had been thinking about how to phrase her words.
'Sure,' said Harry, cracking a smile. Hermione looked at Ron, who was completely puzzled. 'I bet there was a time you could have said that to Peter,' Harry said to Lupin.
'You're not Peter,' Lupin said flatly, 'you never good be. Peter was always a dangerous, deceiving person. You're not.'
Harry looked up at Lupin. This seemed to comfort him immensely and the wall Hermione could feel around Harry dissolved.
'Alright…So what have you been up to lately?'
'Harry…' Hermione began.
'Come on. Then I'll talk, I promise,' Harry said. Possibility because Harry always was unknowingly charming or just because she was so happy to see the new intense-Harry disappear for a moment, she decided it would be best to tell him everything.
'The school reopened because there was a public outcry at the idea of it closing. Most seem more afraid of Hogwarts closing then staying open. But the ministry now has aurors stationed here and in Hogsmeade- but you already knew that,' Hermione said.
'Slughorn came back teaching Potions and The Other Professor McGonagall came to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts-' Ginny began.
'McGonagall's cousin? Is he any good?' Harry asked.
'He's alright. He mostly teaches us practical stuff in case of Death Eater attacks and stuff we might be able to use. He used to be an auror but I don't think he has much hope for us,' Ginny continued.
'He's depressing,' Ron said, 'thinks we'll all die if we aren't in the company of a ministry-trained auror.'
'Sam's a good man. He's just had too much experience seeing civilians completely unable to defend themselves against Death Eaters. They learn not to trust that anyone can do anything themselves,' said Lupin.
Hermione had been disappointed that Lupin didn't get the Defence Against the Dark Arts job but werewolves were being treated particularly maliciously recently because of the rise in attacks and it was hard enough for him to simply be living in Hogsmeade. Werewolves were a real threat recently, bite numbers had doubled, and Lupin had to live very quietly or literally face a torch yielding mob.
'Anyway,' Ginny continued, 'most classes are like that now. Survival stuff. I think that's the real reason it reopened, to teach us to survive, not get N.E.W.Ts or O.W.Ls.'
'Even McGonagall isn't giving written tests anymore,' said Ron.
'McGonagall's a decent Headmistress. She seems really distracted and stressed out though,' Ginny said, 'Slughorn is head of Slytherin now. The Slytherins-'
'It's great!' said Ron.
Hermione shot Ron a dirty look.
'They're being treated really badly-'
'Finally getting what they deserve-' Ron said.
'They're not all bad,' Hermione interrupted. Though Hermione had always avoided being alone with a Slytherin, she knew some Slytherins were suffering just as badly with Voldemort back and wanted nothing more then for him to be destroyed.
'But most of them are-'
'No, they aren't! I saw-'
'Malfoy let-'
'Malfoy,' Lupin stopped their argument, 'isn't the only Slytherin. Some Slytherins do have Death Eater ties, but so do some Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and, yes Ron, Gryffindors. We're all on the same side.'
They were quiet for a moment. Ron looked slightly upset but Hermione didn't care. He needed to grow up and realize things weren't simply good or bad.
'They've started dating, in case you couldn't tell,' Ginny said. Hermione blushed but a smile tugged at her lips and any annoyance with Ron was forgotten. She was pleased to see Harry was smiling too.
'Finally,' Harry said, breaking another silence.
'Romilda started a Harry Potter fan club,' Ginny said, changing the subject.
'And she keeps trying to poison Ginny,' Ron said.
'She doesn't?' Harry asked.
'Not fatally. She thought you might come back if I got sick or was in trouble,' Ginny said.
'She was right,' Harry said to Ginny. She smiled and nuzzled him. Hermione wished Ron would say something about her like that sometime, he was sweet, just a little oblivious most of the time.
Hermione noticed Lupin was peaking out the window of Hagrid's cabin, the expression on his face clearly meant something was wrong. She happened to glance at Harry and noticed he had the same expression, as though he knew something they didn't even though he couldn't see out the window from his seat. Lupin looked from the window to Harry; Harry said nothing but nodded slightly.
'What's wrong?' Hermione asked them.
'Minerva's coming,' Lupin said, Ron and Ginny noticed the dilemma; Lupin said to Harry, 'are you going to run?'
Harry looked to Ginny, 'No,' he said, 'don't know if there's much point. I'm here now anyway,' Harry finished.
Apparently McGonagall had reached the door because Hermione heard a knocking at the door a moment later. She didn't wait for anyone to answer, though Lupin was about to. McGonagall pushed the door open and her eyes searched for a second before falling on Harry and Ginny.
'Mister Potter,' she brought a hand to her head and sighed with relief, 'and Miss Weasley,' she said a second later.
'Sorry for any trouble, Minerva, I needed to borrow them for a moment,' Lupin said.
She didn't look like she believed them, but she didn't look upset either. Her expression was almost worried.
''Lo, Professor,' Harry said. He didn't appear distressed in the least, he smiled.
McGonagall struggled with what she was going to say for a moment before smiling, 'I'm glad we have you to continue what Albus started…' she said kindly, then, as though surprised by herself, added, 'though I wish you would have considered your education more thoroughly.'
'Thanks, Professor,' Harry said.
Hermione smiled too. His defences were crashing to the ground. The wall he built around himself was crumbling and he became less distant. There was still obviously something he was struggling with and Hermione hoped he would tell her eventually. She wished it. To take some of the pain away, like she had before.
'Though, you should know, the Ministry was alerted to your presence and is coming. They want to talk to you,' McGonagall said to Harry.
'The Ministry?' Lupin asked, 'Who? Aurors?'
'The Minister himself, I believe.'
'Blimey,' Ron said.
'Harry,' Hermione said, 'be careful around him. There are a lot of cover-up rumours going around about the Ministry. People disagreeing with the way they're doing things are going to Azkaban for conspiracy.'
'I know,' Harry said his eyes downcast.
'Will you-'
'Run?' Harry said, 'no. Like I already said. I can't stay, and will leave soon, but not just yet…'
Lupin was looking out the window again.
'News must have travelled fast,' he said.
The Minister didn't even bother knock, he simply opened the door. Scrimgeour looked surprised for a moment to find every occupant of the cabin expecting him, then smiled and two other Ministry aurors with sweeping cloaks entered behind him.
'Harry Potter,' Scrimgeour said shaking his hand, 'we've been following you, impressive…very impressive. Let's go for a walk,' the Minister offered.
Harry got up to go but Lupin stopped him.
'Harry's just fine here.'
Hermione was secretly glad Lupin did this. She didn't like the idea of Harry being alone with a man he'd likely completely annoyed by undermining the Ministry's ability, the Ministry's aurors, his love for Dumbledore, and refusal to publicly support the Ministry the year previous.
The Minister's face fell slightly, but wanted to continue appearing friendly though the tension in the air was tangible. Harry sat back down.
'Well, Harry, we were hoping to get you into London to talk to you.'
'Why would he have to go in?' Hermione said before Lupin could.
Lupin's very existence as a werewolf put his freedom in jeopardy. Hermione knew he was protective of Harry but if he continued to offend the Minister he could get himself thrown in Azkaban. She seriously doubted even he would consider putting a 17-year-old Muggle-born witch with a nearly perfect record and Head girl at Hogwarts in jail.
'Yes, the castle is perfectly suitable for talking,' McGonagall said.
She was thinking along the same lines as Hermione. It would be much easier for them to force the truth out of him or arrest him if he was at the Ministry. Harry was very reluctant to talk and definitely had something he didn't want to share with them, though she couldn't decide whether his secrets were bad enough to land him in Azkaban.
'Well we'd prefer to talk with him at the Ministry.'
'You can't arrest him, he's the only reason V-Voldemort hasn't completely taken over,' Hermione said, loosing control briefly.
'Young lady, you'd be best to remember how complex the matters are. As for arresting Harry, well, I doubt that will be necessary-'
'He hasn't done anything wrong,' Lupin said. If Harry wants to talk with you, it will be on his terms-'
'This matter,' Scrimgeour said loudly, 'is between the Ministry and Harry, and some of the incidents we have witnessed require an explanation-'
'You need an explanation for why he's done the Min-'
'If it's an arrestable offence-'
'You-'
'Stop!' Harry said finally, 'I'll go to the Ministry.'
After leaving Little Hangleton, Harry and Regulus travelled to 12 Grimmauld Place. As Harry already knew from the summer, the Order had vacated it after Dumbledore's death. The laws of the Fidelius Charm became very complicated after the death of the secret keeper and they had preferred to find a new place instead of renew the charm.
Harry crept in quietly, though it was empty. Regulus took the opposite approach. Touching everything and looking around, commenting on every change and new smell in the old house. He paused in front of the Black Family Tree and traced the blackened edges of some of the burn marks.
'I liked Uncle Alphard, even if he was disappointed to have me as a namesake,' Regulus said more to himself then to Harry, 'and dear Bella…don't worry Harry,' he said to him, smiling bizarrely, 'we'll get back at her soon.'
Harry began digging through the objects they'd cleaned out of the cabinet. His heart panged as he remembered Sirius helping them. He found the long chain attached to the locket and extracted it. Just as it was in the memory, Harry almost smiled realizing this was definitely the correct locket. Thankfully neither Mundungus Fletcher nor Kreacher had taken it.
'Found it, have you? Trust me yet?' Regulus said, noticing Harry.
'Is it still a Horcrux? I mean, is a piece of his soul still in it?' Harry asked.
'No, did the thing properly myself. Just a trinket now. Well, we should get started.'
'Doing what?' Harry asked. He was dimly aware that the pain in his chest in memory of Sirius lessened when he looked at Regulus.
'Getting you ready. Planning to destroy the rest, aren't you?'
'Well, yes, but-'
'Then it's best to start with your pitiful Occlumency and Legilimency skills.'
'Legimency? I was never supposed to learn that,' Harry said surprised.
'You'll need it. We should start tonight. I can sense from here how bad you are at protecting your mind and I can barely do magic these days. Who taught you?'
'Severus Snape,' Harry spat.
Regulus didn't reply for a moment, 'A talented Legilimens…he saved my life.'
'A Death Eater who took Dumbledore's,' Harry retorted. Though he found it incredibly odd to be arguing with Sirius about Snape's merit…no…wait…it wasn't Sirius.
'…Well…no time to waste. Let's start tonight. I believe I can still teach it.'
'Why would I need to learn Legilimency?' Harry asked.
'You're kidding, right?' Regulus said almost laughing, 'you can't think of any reason why it would be beneficial to be able to look into the Dark Lord's mind?'
'…To block curses?' Harry said.
Regulus started to laugh, 'Well I do understand why Dumbledore wouldn't want you to. He's always been afraid of the dark side-'
'He wasn't afraid!'
'Right, sure. But you do need Legilimency for blocking curses. You also need it because the Dark Lord knows more about magic then any other wizard on this earth at the moment. You have the advantage of a constant connection.'
'So…what?'
'Some wizards accumulate knowledge by absorbing everything in another person's mind. The Dark Lord was a natural at Legilimency and probably took knowledge from every teacher and person he looked at, but he could only do it while he was looking at them. You don't need eye contact, when you're able to get past the Dark Lord's shield, you'll be able to absorb his knowledge of magic as long as you're concentrating.'
'…You want me to learn from Voldemort? To look in his mind? I-I-'
'Don't worry; he wouldn't try to possess you.'
'He already tried, it didn't work.'
'Perfect!' he said hysterically, 'after that there's something else you can learn from him that we'll try-'
'What?' Harry said, not liking Regulus's tone at all.
'Not yet. After that, we'll track down the last Horcrux.'
'There are two more,' Harry said.
'What?'
'The ring, the locket, the diary, the cup, that leaves two more. Nagini and something that belonged to Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. We'll need to find two. Plus Voldemort himself.'
'Oh, right,' Regulus said, but there was a distinct and disturbed gleam in his eye when he said it.
Harry's agreeing to go to the Ministry caught Hermione completely off guard. Even as she and Ron half heartedly started their homework in the prefect's lounge, she couldn't help but wonder what was going on in London. It was one of the few times in her life when she believed they shouldn't be doing homework, but there was little else to be done with Harry gone again and the school was buzzing. At least very few people were allowed in the lounge and it was currently empty.
She felt Ron's foot kick her foot around under the table. She looked up at him.
'What?' she asked.
'How can you work?'
'I…can't,' she gave up on an essay, 'what do you think is going on?'
'Don't know,' Ron said, 'I can't figure out why Scrimgeour would want to arrest him.'
'Think about it, Ron. The amount of power Harry must have is-'
'Impossible,' he finished her sentence.
'No, not impossible. Just nearly impossible, I think,' she hoped desperately, 'They think he must have had to use the dark arts.'
'Oh,' Ron said, '…you don't think…he wouldn't?'
'No,' Hermione said quickly, unnaturally, 'Harry would never use the dark arts. It's just, strange, is all. Even Dumbledore couldn't have…never mind.'
'You think Harry is more powerful then Dumbledore?' Ron said.
'No,' she said too quickly again, 'well…'
Hermione couldn't keep this up, she was worried, and she looked back to her essay.
'There's definitely something bothering him,' Ron said.
Hermione closed her eyes for a moment. When she looked back up at Ron, her eyes were lined with tears.
'What if…he did use the dark arts…what if all this pressure and the prophecy finally got to him and…' she couldn't continue. She muffled a small sob.
Ron looked surprised and awkward for a moment, then got up and sat down on the bench beside Hermione. He put his arm around her shoulders, she turned into him. Hermione pressed her burning face against his warm chest. She clutched him as she shook and her tears began to soak his robes.
'Harry wouldn't do that,' Ron said soothingly, 'we know him…he hates the dark arts. He's never used them before-'
'Yes he has,' she cried, 'Sectumsempra.'
'But he didn't mean to.'
'He's used Cruciatus too…on Bella Lestrange at the Ministry. I heard him…I thought I might have heard wrong at first…but I didn't.'
'It's ok…even if he did use…it…he's still Harry.'
'Y-you don't understand,' she said, letting go of him and wiping her eyes, 'I've looked it up a dozen times this year. It's almost impossible without the dark arts. Dark magic doesn't work like normal magic. It changes a person…it could change him…'
Hermione collapsed back onto Ron's chest. He kissed her forehead. His thumb traced comforting circles on her neck. She felt him breathe, this, for some reason, calmed her.
'He was in Albania…' she said. Hermione finally got rid of all the guilt and dread she'd been accumulating for months.
'…Maybe he went for the beaches.' Ron said.
Hermione smiled. She dried her eyes.
'I love you, Ron,' she said. Infinitely glad for him at that moment.
'I love you too,' Hermione kissed him softly on the lips, pausing there for a moment, lost in it, 'Hermione,' Ron said, breaking the kiss, 'whatever Harry has done, where ever he's gone, I think we should be strong for him.'
It was one of the wisest things Ron had ever said.
Later that evening, Hermione found herself walking towards Headmistress's office. She had heard no word on Harry and curiosity had got the best of her.
'Queerditch Marsh,' she told the gargoyle. Hermione made her way up the circular staircase, noting there must be someone in the office at the moment. She could hear voices. She paused just outside the door, it sounded like McGonagall talking to her cousin, the Other Professor McGonagall.
'…He hadn't told them anything by the time I got there. It was a full on interrogation but Harry wasn't speaking, he's back now. I told him he could use one of the extra teacher's suites.' McGonagall said.
'Why did he decide to go then?' her cousin, Professor Samuel McGonagall asked.
'He wanted to warn them about some attacks You-Know-Who is planning. He's just lucky I got there in time,' Minerva McGonagall said.
'Why?' asked Samuel McGonagall.
'Because they were planning to use Veritaserum, I alerted the Wizengamot in time for them to put it into the proper approval process, which won't be finished for a few days. The truth will still be the truth then, they said. Harry has really frightened them.'
'Course. Got me a little worried too,' Samuel McGonagall said, 'not many people realize it, probably for the best, let them have their hero for now, but from what I've heard about his appearances over the last few months, it looks like we might soon have another Tom Riddle on our hands.'
'Don't say that,' Minerva McGonagall said, 'I knew him in passing forty years ago and they're nothing alike.'
'Forty years ago, Tom Riddle was already completely immersed in the dark arts. Potter probably just isn't at that stage yet.'
There was a silence, 'I still don't believe it. Harry's lost so much to the dark arts-'
'He's lost nothing to the dark arts. His parents died because of a prophecy, his Godfather because of his own inability to see through a trap-'
Hermione felt a stab of anger towards Samuel McGonagall. She felt horribly guilty for being right about Harry's hero-complex before they left for the Ministry.
'-Dumbledore because of his trusting nature and the desire to protect him. Potter will find a scapegoat for all these things, but it won't be the dark arts. He'll hate himself until he thinks he doesn't have anything to lose and that's when dark magic will suddenly become very appealing. I've seen it happen a thousand times.'
There was another silence, 'What about You-Know-Who? Harry hates him.'
'He thinks he does. He thinks Voldemort is the reason he's so angry at himself, but he's wrong. And one of three things will soon happen. He might destroy Voldemort, and realize the dark arts are still there and he still has hate, that's what Tom Riddle realized. Voldemort might destroy him and then any hope for a peaceful future will be hard to come by. Or, Voldemort might get to him first, talk to him, trick him into combining forces and he'll have won. None of them sound too appealing.'
Minerva McGonagall didn't answer.
'But,' Samuel said, 'I've been wrong about these things before. You never really know…'
Hermione quietly sneaked down the circular staircase. She didn't have any desire to know they'd heard her talking. Once she was safely out of sight, Hermione pulled out Marauder's Map and activated it. She began scanning the teacher's apartments, which were found in clusters in every corner of the castle and mostly on the 7th floor.
She found Harry stationary in one Hermione had never seen anyone in before. She paused to gather her thoughts before deciding to go to him. She really had no idea what she was planning to say; only that she had to make sure he was still the Harry she knew. And to make sure he knew he would always have her.
The corridors were quiet as she walked. And the door she knew Harry was behind was unassuming and quite dull. She glanced down at the Map, Harry still hadn't moved. There was still time to turn around and go back…but she couldn't…Hermione raised her hand and knocked quietly, three small knocks.
Harry's position on the map didn't change, but she heard the doorknob click, as though it had been unlocked. She turned the knob and slipped in the door, putting the map in her pocket quickly.
He was sitting with his head in his hands on a grey settee in the sitting room of the teacher's suite. Hermione couldn't see his face but he was clearly upset.
'…Harry? It's me,' she said.
'Yeah, I know,' he said, from behind a curtain of black hair, his voice was cracked.
'Are you ok?' she said tenderly, closing the door and making her way closer to him.
'I'm fi-' he began then stopped himself, 'no…I'm not.'
Harry looked up, his face was white and Hermione was shocked to see his green eyes were watery.
'Harry,' she gasped she sat down on the sofa next to him.
'Hermione…I've screwed up really badly…'
'No…Harry…It's ok…' she said. She slowly pulled his shoulder down till Harry's head was resting on her lap. His eyes avoided hers, he turned on his side.
'I should never have trusted him…' Harry said.
'Who? Not…Voldemort?' she said, recalling the conversation between the McGongalls.
'Regulus Black.'
'…I thought… isn't he… dead?'
'No, not dead.'
'Harry,' Hermione said, 'what happened to you?'
He didn't speak for a moment, '…I-I…'
'Start from the beginning,' she suggested.
'I left the Burrow and went to Godric's Hallow; I saw the house…the graves. There nursery…the room it happened in…it was like stepping into a curse, a nightmare,' he shuttered, 'there was a cabinet there too…it had powerful objects in it…' he paused, 'after, I went to Little Hangleton, to search for Horcruxes. That's where I found Regulus, in the Riddle House. He's R.A.B; he had already destroyed the locket and Hufflepuff's goblet. I told him about the diary and the ring. And I told him about Dumbledore and Sirius. He just reminded me so much of him.'
'Sirius?'
'Yeah,' Harry said quietly, 'and he told me the locket was at Grimmauld Place. We went there after and found it, but he had already destroyed the Horcrux,' Harry's tone changed, 'he told me we'd get back at Bella that day, I didn't think anything of it at that time,' he paused, 'he said he was going to help me.'
'I thought he was a Death Eater?'
'He was. He tried to get out and Voldemort thought he killed him, but Snape had saved him. Then he disappeared for seventeen years and woke up two years ago. He's been trying to destroy Voldemort too.'
'How? I mean, how did Snape save him?' Hermione said.
'I don't know,' Harry said genuinely, 'he doesn't know either.'
'Oh. So he said he was going to help you?'
'He said I would need to learn Occlumency and Legilimency…so I could use the connection between us to go into Voldemort's mind…so I would know what he knew.'
'And did you?'
'Yeah,' Harry said quietly, 'I saw that…I also saw bits of his childhood…it…it reminded me a lot of mine…with the Dursleys. I understood some of it…sometimes…I couldn't figure out whether it was something he had felt or I had…I think that's the reason Dumbledore didn't want me taught Legimency…because he would know that.'
'Is that what you're worried about?' Hermione said softly.
'No,' Harry said darkly.
There was a moment of silence.
'Do you know what an Agoncrux is?' Harry asked.
'No,' Hermione said, scouring her brains for the word, 'it sounds like-'
'It's not a Horcrux. It's kind of the opposite. It's combining your soul with another object…'
Hermione stifled a gasp. Her hands fell still (she had been running her hands mindlessly through his hair).
'Harry…you didn't…'
'I-I had to,' his voice was cracking again, 'it was the only way. Voldemort never did it…he couldn't…he didn't have enough of a soul left…and when he did, he wasn't sure if it would have worked. Regulus said only certain wizards can do it.'
'It worked?' Hermione whispered. She felt tears sting her own eyes.
'Yeah.'
Hermione felt her heart drop and shatter.
'When we came back, I was different, everything was different. I trusted him… he looked so much like Sirius… he… I… we went to Bella's… she was sleeping but woke up… she threw a knife… I didn't mean to kill her… I don't think I did at least…'
'Bella's dead?'
Harry didn't answer. Tears were pouring down Hermione's face now. One slid off her cheek and landed on Harry's neck. He turned and looked up at her tearstained face. Harry sat up.
'I'm sorry, Hermione,' he said.
'No, it's ok, continue,' she said through tears.
'I didn't mean to make you… I'm so sorry.'
'Harry, it's ok, it's going to be ok.'
'I shouldn't have made you come here,' he said.
'You didn't, I came here on my own, I wanted to see you. I missed you. I miss you. I don't care what you've done, Harry…'
'You don't deserve this, you don't-'
'You don't deserve this, Harry!' she half shouted as Harry stood up, 'you're a good person! You're the best wizard I've ever known! You still are! You-' she had reached up to touch his cheek. Harry grabbed her wrist tightly, almost painfully.
'I don't want to hurt you again.'
'…You can't…the only thing you can do to hurt me is to push me away…' Hermione said, her wrist still tightly clenched.
His grip loosened. He fell to his knees.
'I just don't know what to do…'
AN: sorry for the wait beloved reviewers. I've just got a lot going on right now, it's slightly longer then usual though so be happy! I love you all so much for all the reviews, it's just amazing. My internet is messed up and I'm going to have to post this from a café so I can't do replies, but that doesn't mean I don't love you all.
But whatever. Tell me what you thought of the chapter (if it's so bad if gave you eye cancer- tell me!) and remember to…
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07/29/05- edit, scrapped the slash idea
07/29/05- apparently, Harry studying 'Occumency' and 'Legimency' wouldn't get him very far, so I'm getting him started on 'Occlumency' and 'Legilimency'
