Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.
Searching. Life was all about searching.
Searching for happiness. Searching for love. Searching for success. But these things could be elusive for many, which resulted in more searching for the unattainable. Yes, the things that were veiled, the things hardest to obtain, were usually the most desired. And that was the tragedy, that life was a giant search, a treasure hunt that became increasingly difficult with time.
Shigure wasn't suffering from this. At least not now.
"I'm so happy!" he cheered as he gazed at a copy of the literary genius residing in his hands. Words couldn't encompass what he was feeling. Every time he held or looked at his latest book, he experienced the same emotions he had felt the first time he held a copy of his first novel. In many ways, his books were like infants. He loved them as much as if they were innocuous newborns. The birthing process was always difficult, for his editor Mii anyway, but it was worth it.
"You've been standing there, saying that for the past half-hour," Hatori muttered. "We should get going. It's getting late."
Shigure swiveled around to face his cousin, lips involved in a mock-frown. "You wouldn't understand! This is an epoch in my life," he explained with emotion trembling in his voice. Eyes focused on the ceiling and fists raised to his chin, elbows bent, he continued, "Everything has come full circle. Years before, I stood in this same spot, reveling in the publishing of my first novel," he crooned in a self-satisfied tone. "Do you see it now, Hatori? Yes, I shall have... Children named after me! Flocks of fans wanting my autograph! A star-studded life!"
"There are already many children named Shigure," Hatori pointed out. "And don't become disillusioned. Your book is being considered--"
"Waves of Ocean-hued Desire," Shigure said.
Glaring at him, he said, "--That book is being considered for film adaptation."
He continued as if he hadn't heard the negativity in his tone. "Two weeks later, and it's getting rave reviews. The publishing company's CEO proposed that he'd arrange a meeting with some studio or something and discuss the movie thing. That doesn't just happen, especially after such a short period of time. I'm even gonna write the script! Aren't you proud of me?" he grinned.
"Not particularly. You're thinking ahead of what's going on in the present, as usual. Your level of fame isn't going to skyrocket, even if... that book becomes a movie, which I highly doubt. And it's not like you'll be an actor or anything."
"You're such a wet blanket!" Ayame complained as he wrapped his arms around Hatori's waist. His silver hair was pulled back in a silk blue ribbon and he was outfitted in a kimono of his creation decorated with small black canines. "You could congratulate him, you know!"
Hatori clapped twice. "I applaud you for your perverseness," he said sarcastically.
"Oh, c'mon! I'm not always perverted and I'm really talented when it comes to clever wordplay. Doesn't that count for something?" the insulted novelist whined with flailed arms.
"Let's celebrate, Shii-chan! It'll be fun! We'll go drinking and do karaoke. And I'll make up for Hatori's lack of enthusiasm... In my own way, hm?" Ayame proposed suggestively.
As they gave each other a thumb's up sign, Hatori did his trademark "shake his head in shame" thing.
"We really should leave. You two are making a scene." Taking their hands, Hatori dragged them to the sedate black car waiting outside.
"Everyone! I want your attention!" Ayame yelled into a megaphone.
The people jammed in his clothing shop held their ears.
"Your voice is loud enough without the megaphone," Yuki mentioned. He turned to Tohru and inquired about the state of her eardrums.
"Whatever you say, little brother Yuki-channn!" Ayame dropped the voice-projector and flourished his hands in a dramatic fashion. "Today is a special day for our Shii-chan. His fabulous book, which has received rave reviews by the way, will be made into a film! We're gonna watch it together," he squealed as he inclined his head toward the smiling Shigure standing beside him.
"It'll be sold out at every movie theater, naturally," Shigure boasted. "But I'm going to get three tickets courtesy of the publishing company! Get on my good side, and I might give one of you lucky people a ticket. I'm sure Ha'ri is looking forward to its release."
"Good luck, Shigure-kun, and congrats!" Ayame shouted. With a handful of confetti thrown in the air, Mine wheeled in a giant chocolate cake that was almost as tall as she was. "Let the party commence!"
Tons of food passed through the lips of the Sohmas and chatter emitted from the crowd. Shigure beamed as he oversaw the activity and accompanied Ayame in being silly. His mood had passed through the clouds into heaven tonight. Nothing could dampen his excitement!
"Shigure!" A female cried as she rushed to him. "Have you seen Kyou?"
"Oh, I see." Cowering in a corner, he sobbed, "You only want to see Kyou-kun. What about me? You didn't even congratulate me!"
"I did, don't you remember?" Kagura said. "I did as soon as you got here, and I gave you a big hug!"
"Where's my kiss though?" he asked through puckered lips.
"Okay," she assented quickly as if eager to get away from him. On the tips of her toes, she gave him a peck on his lowered cheek.
"Lovely, now here," he said, a wicked gleam in his eye as he pointed to his mouth.
A fist slammed into the side of his head told him that the issue wasn't to be considered. "Perv! No way!" She closed her eyes as a finger as soft as silk touched her lips. "Only for Kyou-kun!" An orange blur caught her eye. "Kyou!" With a yell, she was after him at lightning speed.
"Everything's for him," he commented somberly.
"Huh? Something wrong, Shigure?" Ayame asked.
He shook his head with a smile. "Nothing."
It was around midnight or eleven o'clock. He exited the store, citing lethargy as his reason for his early farewell. Only after promising Ayame they'd go drinking tomorrow night was he granted the ability to leave (Ayame had him in a chokehold Shigure suspected he had learned from his feisty cousin Kagura).
"That was a wonderful party. Congratulations, Shigure-san," Tohru beamed.
"Whatever. It was too noisy."
"But you should like noise," Yuki said contemptuously. "You're noisy yourself."
"Why don't you just SHUT UP? No one asked for your little side comments!" Kyou shrieked.
Shigure tuned the arguing boys out, a skill he had acquired and honed to perfection over the space of time they had lived with him. And anyway, the matter on hismind needed complete attention. There was something clinging to the edges of his mind, chewing relentlessly…
"I'm going to take a walk," Shigure said without thought.
"A—A walk? But it's so late… Ah!" Tohru struck the side of her head with her hand. "I'm sorry! I'm not your mom and you don't need to answer to me-- But-- Are you going to be okay?" she stammered.
He smiled benevolently. "Yes. Of course! I just need to think a bit."
"When do you ever think?"
Ignoring Kyou, he continued, "So, Yuki-kun, Kyou-kun, escort Tohru-chan home. I'll be out for awhile." Smiling suggestively, "But a lot can happen in awhile, huh." He walked away from the trio. "Take turns, you two. Don't hog her for too long. Share!"
"Share?" Tohru gave the two a quizzical look. "What does he mean?"
"He's just being SICK, as usual!" the tangerine-haired teen said.
He left to mutterings from both Yuki and Kyou about Shigure's perverseness. They went in the direction of home and he went in the opposite route. The wind chased him, chilling him along with the realization that something in his life was missing.
Kagu-chan. His Kagu-chan.
He had been side-stepping it for years. When they were younger, they were at least involved in each other's lives. But so much had occurred in such a short time. Kagura had always been in love with Kyou to the point of obsession, but she at one time had always had time for Shigure. What happened to the juggling act between expressing her love for Kyou and being with him?
But Shigure shouldn't complain. He knew that. He was lucky they even spoke at all. And they did see each other. Just in passing, and usually, she was so intoxicated on her favorite person that she barely threw any type of greeting at him.
Even his shoji was getting more action than he was.
Non-perverse action, of course.
Well Ayame and Yuki aren't close, and he tries to mend their broken relationship, right? I should do the same.
Unintelligible shrieks punctuated with curses filled the crisp nighttime air.
"My papperrrr! Monday's a day away and I don't have it!"
"Kagura-chan?" He turned the corner to see a woman on the verge of exploding. Her eyebrows were angry slashes over her eyes, her irises abundant in anxiety. Kagura frowned as she regarded the vocalist.
"Have you seen it?" she demanded loudly.
"Ah!" he gave a small cry of surprise as the proximity between them lessened considerably.
"My floppy disk! I ran around and... I think I may've dropped it!" A firm grip with the front of his yukata. "You have to help me find it! I'll get a bad grade if I don't turn my thesis in!"
"But you're the one who lost--"
A glare meant to be chilling made Shigure feel as if he were in flames. Sweatdropping, he assented by taking her hand. "We'll see if it's in the store."
"Do you see it anywhere, Kagu-chan?"
"No, no, NO! I DON'T! What kind of question is that?"
"Irritable, irritable... I'll have to remember to buy you some fish."
Both were stationed at other sides of the room. Shigure handled the space near the entrance while Kagura tackled the back. Seriously tackled. Everything in her path was subjected to a crude shove. Ayame's racks of the many clothes he had made lovingly were tipped over. She waddled in the debris no one had bothered cleaning up.
"Where's Ayame and Mine-san? They could help..."
"I think he escorted her home or something," he surmised.
Kagura sighed as she straightened her spine. "I didn't find my floppy. What about you?"
Silence.
"Shigure? Did you hear me? I said, what about you? Have any luck?" She took a few steps in his direction, eyes inquisitive at his silence. "Should I help look over there with you?"
A few erratic movements of him seeming to straighten out his yukata, then his smiling countenance resurfaced. "Nope. We should try somewhere else."
The next hour went on in this fashion. Kagura was getting increasingly irritable and took it out on poor Shigure. He asked her if she was menstruating. She told him to shut up and concentrate on the matter at hand while beating him senseless. He told her that if she continued to beat him senseless, he'd have no wits about him to be of any use to her. Grudgingly, she quit assaulting him, muttering of the few wits he had already.
"We've searched for too long," he pointed out gently. She steered her toward a bar. "Let's drink."
"Ah!" Kagura slammed her glass of sake on the wooden table in satisfaction. "It's been so long since I've had a good drink. I needed that."
"Oh no. My Kagu-chan's a recovering alcoholic! I should've never brought you here!"
"Shii-chan?"
"Hm?"
"Shut up." But a smile made her lips putty in its hands.
Shigure lifted his glass and took three consecutive gulps. But instead of feeling comforted, he became apprehensive with each swallow.
I shouldn't have done this, Shigure lamented. I really shouldn't have. Oh my. Is this that emotion called... guilt? Hm, interesting. But I really shouldn't have. Too bad I can't delete my decision. Looking at the woman getting more tipsy, he sighed.
It's easier to type a novel, or a thesis in Kagu-chan's case, than to revoke past decisions. You can save the things you've typed, lest you forget the words. You can delete any mistakes. You can create a new file altogether or delete one. You can undo any major crisis unfolding on your computer screen. Yes, typing is easier than living...
"You alone?" an intoxicated person inquired. Shigure faced a completely smashed man who couldn't have been older than 24 or 25. He tapped Kagura's shoulder, then let his hand fall at his side. He staggered from side to side. The pungent odor of cheap cologne struck his ultra-sensitive nose.
"Excuse me?" Kagura looked at him dazedly.
"She's with me," Shigure said in a voice meant to sound intimidating. He was, as Kyou would've so articulately put it, pissed off. This stranger wasn't about to hit on his cousin in front of him.
But the drunkard was persistent. He took her arm and made a motion of dragging her along, saying something in a slurred voice that may've been, "Come with me."
"Honestly, the youth of today have no class." He laughed breezily to keep up the unperturbed atmosphere he kept around him. Shigure grabbed Kagura's arm, still bewildered, towards his person. "She's mine. Let go."
Mumbling, he shuffled away. Shigure sighed in relief. He wasn't as martial arts-savvy as his two cousins. If the stranger had challenged him to a fight, he would've been useless in defending himself. He looked at Kagura, who had a smile spread over her face. So much for the heroic act. She hadn't even thanked him. He doubted she had even comprehended what happened. It might've made her forgive him more readily.
But right now, he had to stop thinking about saving his own ass and getting Kagura out of the bar. If someone else approached her, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from punching him in the face. He slung an arm around her shoulders and lifted her into his arms like an infant. Placing some money on the table, he exited the tavern.
"Kagura..."
"Yeah?" A note of insobriety flowed into the solitary syllable. But it was very faint. The fresh air had done her some good. Kagura's eyes had lost their previous confusion. But she was still drunk. Maybe her loose hold on her inhibitions would make her not punish him too severely! Or maybe she'd just forget the episode. It was a possibility...
He fidgeted on the freezing park bench with his arm around her waist. The novelist placed his hand inside his yukata. A dark green plastic object was placed in her lap.
"I found your floppy. I just didn't tell you."
A blink. Another blink. Shigure sure felt lucky. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
He couldn't see her eyes, as her gaze had fallen to her legs. But once her head snapped up, it was easy to see that his luck, from the beginning, was rotten.
"You BASTARD! Super bastard jerk! I can't believe you'd stoop this low!" she howled as she assaulted her kin.
"Ow! Ow! Kagura, you have every right to be angry, but you're pounding me too hard--"
"Who's giving ME the right? You?" Her fists collided with his head, legs attacking his stomach. "Why would you do that to me? When did you find it? At Aya's store? Was that it? Hey!" She shook him rapidly, Shigure lounging in unconsciousness. "YOU CAN'T JUST PASS OUT CONVENIENTLY WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT!"
As quickly as Shigure had entered unconscious bliss, he awakened to hell. She threw him on the wooden bench in disgust.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not just saying that because-- Ow, my arm!" He winced. "I really am sorry."
"It was important to me." She stared at him. Shigure couldn't take the hurt in her eyes. "My grades have been crappy as it is. That thesis is supposed to raise my grade. I worked... so hard on it. I stayed up late writing it and was up all night sometimes. I agonized over which words to use. I... poured my heart into making it perfect. I broke my fingers typing that thing! And you..."
"Don't say anymore," a teary Shigure pleaded. "That was so sad!"
"I should be the one crying, not you! Show some backbone!" she fumed. "Jeez..."
"...I wasn't trying to inconvenience you, Kagu-chan."
"Then what were you doing? Playing some dumb joke on me?"
"Trying to spend time with you."
Neither spoke for several minutes. She sliced into the ribbon of silence tied around them.
"Spend time with me?"
"Well, yeah. It's always about Kyou-kun, Kyou-kun, Kyou-kun!" he complained. "You're so busy chasing him and telling him you love him that you barely hang out with me anymore. So when you lost your floppy disk, I found it as an opportunity." In a faster tone of voice, he proceeded, "I mean, it's all about me wanting to be with you, Kagu-chan, you understand, right? And when I found it-- it was under a potato chip bag, by the way--I thought, Well, that was too soon. I'll prolong this, because it's so nice that I'm with Kagura. Even though you were so irritable." He waited for the slap, punch, kick, or body slam he felt was coming his way.
Nothing.
Shigure looked at her, arms thrown atop his head, face averted. He was greeted with a solemn expression that reminded Shigure of Hatori. But there was a touch of sorrow here and there that made the look vary from his stoicism. Guilt made his heart sag. Why'd he have to do that to her?
Kagura threw herself into his arms. A surprised Shigure held her loosely.
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I... I never realized... Well, I should've, but I... That's all I can say, is that I'm sorry."
"I should've just said something instead of making you angry. I'm at fault here."
"No, I am."
"No, I am."
"We're gonna fight over who gets the blame now?" she joked.
The two laughed. She detached herself from his chest. "Let's figure out a way... to balance this. For us to spend more time together. Actually, I'm glad you took the initiative." With a laugh, "Even though you could've just said something instead of making me sprout gray hairs. But I'm at fault as well."
"Kagu-chan?"
"Hm?"
"Can we decide on this later? My head hurts!" he wailed. "It hurts to think."
"It always hurts for you to think, doesn't it, Shii-chan." She slung his arm over her neck and got up. "You have to help me out too! You're heavy!"
And they talked. Kagura told him about what was happening in school. Shigure bragged about the success of his newest novel ("It's been two weeks and it's already a best-seller! I don't' care what Ha'ri says, it's going to be made into a movie!"). In that space of time, he figured out the extent of how much he had missed her.
They made an agreement to try and hang out. Not everyday. That'd get exhausting and they'd get tired of each other easily. Even the closets of relatives and friends could tire of each other if they spent their lives as if they were adhered at the arm. Kagura had her own life. Shigure had his. They knew and respected that. But for, say that Saturday, they could bond over a movie or just talk. Sometimes they were able to see each other frequently. Sometimes whole weeks passed without them communicating. But that was what life was. A medley of successes and failures.
The file containing their relationship had been elusive for quite awhile. But it was saved right were it started. They could resume it now.
The search was over. At least for now.