Author's note: This is a story that it's meant to explain why Becca freaked out when she lost her diary. Frankly, I think she totally overreacted in the show and I don't think that there was something really bad about in her diary…. It really annoyed me that people seemed SO concerned about the lost of the diary because, honestly, I don't think Becca's diary says about Mac anything else than "I hate my mother because she won't let me go out on school nights"… That's why I wrote this story where Becca's diary says something that is actually big. However, Becca and the diary won't be the important thing in this story… the story will be mostly from MAC's point of view… it will be focused mostly in Mac's feelings, thoughts and actions. The short entrance of Becca's diary included in the story is only for you to know that Becca knows everything and she wrote about it.
A lot of lines and scenes from The Pilot are used because this fanfic is basically the events of the Pilot seen through Mac's eyes and it's about a BIG choice she had to make while going through all that and how the events in the Pilot made her come to that decision.
Warning: It takes place mostly during The Pilot…. and it brings up a topic that might be sensitive for most people. I want to make clear that I didn't mean to offend anybody's believes… this is only a story and it's not meant to make any statement about the topic in question…
Disclaimer: I don't owe Commander in Chief…
Mackenzie's choiceFragments of Becca's Diary.
Dear diary: have you ever hear of King George the III? He was King of England when America declared independence in 1776. King George the III kept a diary. On July 4th he made an entry in it: "Nothing important happened today" isn't it really ironic? I mean… a revolution started… that's something really big, but even kings can miss them if they are not paying attention. Well… I certainly did not miss the important thing that happened today in my house (but I wish I had).
Today it was a really big day for the Calloway family… and, surprisingly enough, it wasn't only because my mother became the first female President of the United States of America. It was because of the huge choice she had to made in order to be President… the big sacrifice she is willing made and the horrible (at least to me) secret she is bounded to carry in her heart forever…. A secret she certainly didn't share with me… she doesn't even know that I know her secret… I found out about it by overhearing a conversation she had with her doctor. And I guess it all started the day Teddy Bridges passed away….
Inside some French Theater…. A play is going on
Mac's point of view.
Ironically, I was in France the day in which my life changed forever. I remember that day vividly… as Vice President of the United States I had gone to France because I wanted to see if I could get the French's cooperation with the situation in Nigeria… It turned out that I couldn't. I would have to save a woman from an incredibly brutal and unfair execution without France's help. Well… that was certainly no piece of cake but I could do it. Anyway… In the exact moment that the real problem began I was in a theater with my husband watching a play. A children's chorus was singing "America the Beautiful" in French. But I couldn't really focus on that… I couldn't even focus properly in the situation in Nigeria. My mind was in a much personal and private problem: for the third morning a row I had woken up feeling really sick and, according to a home pregnancy test, I was, in fact, pregnant at the age of 45. I had made an appointment to see my doctor the next day and confirm the big news but I was already freaking out. How could I manage to be Vice President with a fourth child on the way? I would have to cope with a pregnancy and then take care of I small baby while dealing with a vice-presidency. Could I pull that off? I had not idea that pretty soon I would have to face a much bigger problem.
I was thinking that I would have to tell Rod about the baby soon, when Vince Taylor (My personal assistant) interrupted my thoughts telling me that Jim Gardner needed to talk to me urgently… I apologized and left the performance. I asked Vince what was going on but he had no idea, so I walked out to meet Jim Gardner (the White House Chief of staff) and Melanie Blackston (U.S. Attorney General). They came to give me personally terrible news: the President had a bleeding aneurysm in his brain. Rod joined us and I explained the situation to him. Immediately, Rod putted a red coat around my shoulders and asked…
Rod- how bad is it?
Jim- even if he does recover from the stroke… it will mean months of rehabilitation.
Melanie started listing everything that the President would have to go through if he survived. It all could be summed up neatly as "a lot of bad shit". At that moment, I didn't know what would happen to the President and didn't know for sure if I was pregnant… but I knew one thing for certain: no matter what the 25th Amendment of the Constitution was going to kick in. As usual, I went straight to the point and ask…
Mac- Melanie, um, what happens now? Do I take the oath, or...?
I noticed them staring at me in a weird way and, for one second, I actually thought they knew (somehow) about my possible pregnancy and, therefore, that there was no way I could be the President. I simply looked at them confused….
Mac- What?
Jim- We need you to resign, Mac.
"Crap! They know I'm pregnant" was my first thought. But then Melanie jumped in…
Melanie- You see, if you resign, Nathan Templeton could move into office.
She said that as if that was the most logical explanation in the world, and that made want to punch her so badly, but, of course, I didn't. The thing was that they didn't know I was pregnant… they just wanted Nathan to became the President because they liked him better. I managed to cover my anger and asked.
Mac- I know it would move Nathan Templeton into office; the question is, why would I want to move this Speaker of the House into office?
It's not a secret that Nathan Templeton and I are like oil and water… I mean… I give him the respect he deserves but I don't like him at all and I definitely didn't want to see him running my beloved country… Then Jim and Melanie explained to me what I was starting to realize: they wanted a Republican who shared President Teddy Bridges's ideas to succeed him. What they didn't want was ME to run the country (and they didn't even know about the pregnancy!). When he heard that, Rod got very indignant since, you would think, when Bridges picked ME as his running mate, it meant he picked ME to succeed him if anything went wrong. I cut my husband off to confirm something that was already really bothering me…
Mac- is this coming from the President?
Jim- This is the President's intent.
Now they lost me… I knew that, in case like that, the Constitution empowered me to succeed Teddy Bridges whether he liked it or not.
Mac- Jim, I have no idea what that means.
We were all waiting for Jim to explain himself when Melanie jumped in again…Melanie- Obviously, there was no major discussion; he was being wheeled into BRAIN surgery.
She didn't added "Duh" after saying that but I could tell she so wanted to. Then Jim listed all of the countries that were giving us problems at that moment, in other words, he summarized all the bad shit that was going on in the world and as soon as he said "We don't need the world..." I got his point and completed his sentence…
Mac- We don't need the world to see a soft, indecisive woman commanding the troops instead of Nathan 'Bloody Hell' Templeton.
Jim- Madame Vice-President, I really must insist that you...
Now he really pissed me off…
Mac- You're not in a position to insist how I take my coffee! That said...how would this work? I resign citing...
Rod interrupted me to tell me that I didn't have to do that, but Jim overrode him…Jim- Tell them that you could not, in good conscience, follow the socioeconomic ideals of this president.
Mac- Then what, I make a deal with Random House? Write a book?
By this point, I was just "deflated". It wasn't easy to learn that no one really wanted me to do the job I was prepared to do. Specially, when there was a reason for me to resign that was actually good, and they didn't even know it. At that moment it make me sick to think that my possible pregnancy could give them exactly what they wanted. I considered it really unfair.
Back in Washington… One Observatory Circle, Vice-Presidential residence.
I was in the kitchen with my husband and kids. We were having a family conference to discuss my possible Presidency… My son Horace was the first to speak after hearing the news…
Horace- You're next in line. That's the rule. That's the Constitution.
Mac- Well, it's a little more complicated than that…
What I didn't add is that it shouldn't be more complicated than that. It should be simple… there is a formula… a very simple formula: "If the President dies or resigns the Vice President takes over the office" Period. I don't recall any part of the Constitution that says: "In case that the President died or resigned and the Vice President were an independent woman who didn't share the President's ideas the Speaker of The House shall became The President". I barely heard when Rod explained to Horace that I would speak to the President directly when he got out of recovery. But I did hear Becca saying, in a very bad mood, that she would be dutiful…
Mac- I don't want you to be dutiful… I just want you not to be a hypocrite.
Of course… that comment immediately is used against me…
Becca- I think people voted for what the President believes in, and if you can't deliver, maybe you should step aside.
I couldn't believe it… not even my own daughter wanted me to be president? If people already disliked the idea of me running the country so much… What would happen when found out about my pregnancy? That's when a realization hit me… a realization that disgusted me and scared the hell out of me… if I wanted to be President I would have to get rid of the baby.
A couple of hours later…. National Naval Medical Center, Bethesda, Maryland.
President Teddy Bridges was awake and I could finally see him. By that point, I was very close to loosing my mind…. I had a big part of the army already mobilized to rescue Oria Madula and I had managed to see my personal doctor without people knowing the real reason and she confirmed my pregnancy… now there was only one question… the presidency or the baby? At that moment, I was pretty sure that I would end up choosing the baby (I didn't considered my self really capable of having an abortion) but I went to talk to the President anyway… At the door to Bridges's hospital room, I met Jim, who reported me that the President was doing pretty well, considering everything. I raised my eyebrows, clearly feeling a bit unsure about what would happen once I walked in. As I reached the door, Jim grabbed my hand.
Jim- I love this man.
I know exactly what he means by that. He is not just telling me that he cares a lot about his President and friend… he is begging me to respect his will. He didn't like at all what I did while Teddy was unconscious… I practically took over the army for the rescue mission and Jim hated that. But I knew I was right, specially because President Bridges knew that I would do it before getting sick and authorized me to do so… I nod and tell him.
Mac- I know
I finally made it to the room to see Teddy Bridges, who was lying in bed, with gauze around his head and tubes sticking out of his nose. He looked terrible and it broke my heart to see him in such a terrible state. I tried to act casual…
Mac- Hey boss, how are you feeling?
Bridges- Like crap...It finally took God to nail me.
I was really concerned, but I was also trying to be strong for him. He eventually brought up the uncomfortable topic…
Bridges- I hear you reorganized the sixth fleet while I was napping.
I know that I had done the right thing and that I had his permission… but I really couldn't tell if he was mad at me for actually doing it. So I tried to break the tension with a joke.
Mac- I was bored. I'd already read all the magazines on the plane.
Bridges- You're going to pluck her out, huh?
At that moment, I wanted so much to leave the room and yell: "Did you hear that, Jim? He knew exactly what I was doing!" Of course, I didn't do that. I just said…
Mac- If given the opportunity...
Bridges- It's a mistake. You gave Jim Gardner a coronary.
We shared a chuckle. Then Bridges got very serious… he breathed heavily and said….
Bridges- I want you to hear this from me. I want...I NEED you to resign.
I got very up set. That was the ultimate punch. He had really asked me that… and it hurt. Until this point, I wasn't convinced that those were really his wishes. I simply said…
Mac- Sir, would you really rather have Nathan Templeton...?
He interrupted me.
Bridges- You and I, Mac, we just see a different America. Templeton's a sob and a liar and he cheats at poker, but he shares my vision, supports my will. Can you tell me, in your heart, that you would do the same?
The truth was…I couldn't. Bridges grunted in discomfort but managed to add…
Bridges- I will not resign until you do.
And that just made me feel sad. There is no other word to describe how I felt in that moment. I knew I didn't need his approval to become The President, and that I couldn't actually become the President because of my pregnancy… but it felt really bad not having Teddy's support and knowing that he actually didn't appreciated me, or my work as VP, at all. All he saw in me was my ability to get him the women's vote. His request made that very clear.
Later on… Vice-presidential residence.So… I asked Kelly to write my resignation speech. I had decided to do what everybody wanted me to do: step down. In my mind I knew I had made the right decision. I would find another job and I would become a mother again. My mind was telling me that it was the right thing. Having and racing my children was my biggest accomplishment and it was what made me the happiest woman on earth. And I would definitely enjoy doing it again. In my head I knew a new baby would be great but I didn't feel so good. What was wrong with me? Why didn't I want this fourth baby as much and I had wanted having the others? Maybe I would get exited about this pregnancy when I finally tell Rod… but when would that be? In that moment I wasn't even close to telling him. All he knew was that I had decided to resign and he was reading my speech… clearly unhappy he asked me…
Rod- Are you sure?
At least that is a question I could ask to honestly.
Mac- of course I'm not sure, but the President himself asked me to resign… If you could have just heard him.
I couldn't tell him the other reason then. I couldn't tell him about the baby. The words couldn't get out my mouth and I didn't understand why… I had already decided to keep it, I could have as well told Rod about it. I should have told Rod. He deserved to know. I realize that now… I try to focus on Rod again instead of being lost in my own thoughts. I listened to his point…
Rod- I wasn't there. And that's the point. So I can look at this thing objectively. Look, this is what we do. We do the right thing. You have a country full of people who believe in you.
Mac- Well, I have a President who doesn't, a cabinet who doesn't, a daughter who'd rather see Pat Buchanan in office than her old lady.
"And a baby who will need my undivided attention" Why couldn't I just say that? Honestly, by that point I was starting to really hate my self because of my attitude towards the fourth baby. When I was pregnant with the twins I had been over the moon, 10 years after that Amy came along and it was just perfect… a real blessing. Now I was pregnant again and not at all happy about it. Seriously… what was wrong with me? I didn't have time to think about it… because at that moment they called us to tell us that Theodore Roosevelt Bridges had passed away. Half an hour later…. The White House.I entered in the White House and greeted Jim sadly, and then we somberly greet other arrivals. After that we saw Nathan Templeton, I greeted him and he said to me…
Nathan- I'm devastated.
I knew that was the truth. He really loved Teddy Bridges like a brother and I'm sure he took it pretty hard when he died…. so I tried my best to be nice to him… and then we gathered with the others who had come to discuss the next step for the nation. Melanie speed things up by going straight to the point and addressing to me…
Melanie- at this point… Ma'am, you are technically the President of the United States. Unless, of course, that you choose to resign.
There was no doubt that she was dieing for me to do that. I turned to talk to Nathan…
Mac- Is that why you're here, Nathan? Ready to take the oath as soon as I do the right thing and step aside?
I touched my resignation speech that was folded in a table next to me. No one in that room knew what it was. I took the speech in my hands… and just when I was about to tell everybody that I was, after all, stepping down, Templeton asked for a moment alone with me. We are left alone and he started talking… he attempted to begin sincerely, but it came off as patronizing…
Nathan- It's going fast, isn't it? That's what I resent. I resent that I don't have time to mourn my friend. Ship of state just sails on, regardless…. They told me that he asked you to step down, and I think you should.
I couldn't believe that he actually had the nerve to say that in my face and I couldn't believe that he was actually trying to act like he wasn't saying that because my resignation would give HIM the office. I tried to cover the impotence I was feeling knowing that he was about to get his way and I simply said….
Mac- I'm sure that you do.
Nathan- No, I'm not telling you to do it out of respect for his wishes and certainly not because of anything I might want for myself. The world's in turmoil, Mac. Things could go any which way. This is not the time for social advances made for the sake of social advances.
There were two options: whether he really was doing that for the sake of the country he loves, or just because he was totally drooling over the office. I suppose both options are correct. But at that moment it looked like it was only the second. I started to feel even more irritated. And even when I had already decided to resign because of the baby I decided to play along with Nathan a little bit…
Mac- Meaning a woman in the Oval Office.
Nathan- No, meaning a woman as the leader of the free world. How many Islamic states do you think would follow the edict of a woman? Very few, I fear.
Sexist as that sounded, it was, sadly, true. And I knew it. But I also knew that a woman could handle that problem if she had to… dam it! I could handle that problem. Instead of saying that I answered with a joke…
Mac- Well, not only that, Nathan, but we have that whole, once a month, will she or won't she press the button thing.
Templeton chuckled and got right back in the game…Templeton- Well, in a couple of years you won't have to worry about that anymore.
I still can believe I was able to keep a straight face while he said that. "If only he knew!" I thought. He continued talking, this time more seriously…
Nathan- You know that your vice-presidency was never, ever, intended to be a presidency. It was done as a stunt. I mean, you can see that. You're a female, you're an Independent. You're a teacher...
I don't think Nathan had ever pissed me off so much until that moment. I rushed to correct him…
Mac- University chancellor.
That couldn't matter less to him… who continued talking and annoying me more than any other human been on this earth.
Nathan- Well, philosopher-queen! The point is, it was all done as pure theater, and you got great reviews! But now you should get off the stage while the audience still loves you and before they figure out that your vice-presidency was a whole lot of nothing. Because when they figure out that go-away mission he sent you on to Al...Nigeria for...what's her name?
Mac- Oria Madula...
Using all my will power I stop my self before adding "You asshole!" and he continued saying one irritating thing after the other…
Nathan- It was supposed to be another piece of theater! But then you up and went to France to ask them for assistance. France? You asked guys who can't get elected without the Muslim vote to intercede in the verdict of Nigeria's Sharia court? Come on Mac, we're going to end up looking silly and ineffectual because you're never going to be able to save her and you're going to lose face. And for whom? A lady who wouldn't keep her legs together.
That was it… At that moment I decided that I had enough. I couldn't let that guy be President. I couldn't give him the satisfaction. Plus… I knew this was bigger than me, it was bigger than my family and it was bigger than Templeton. This was about ALL women. I couldn't just throw away the amazing opportunity I had in my hands… so, I changed my mind and made another choice. I folded the speech and put it in my pocked… it would never be used. Nathan's face dropped as he realized what was going on. And I said, with a lot of satisfaction…
Mac- Nate, I'm gonna go out there, and I'm gonna take the oath of office. I'm gonna run this government. And if some Islamic nations can't tolerate a female president, then I promise you, it will be more their problem than mine!
Nathan was incredulous, and angrily demanded to know why I wanted to be president. I thought it was very obvious, but I answered him anyway…
Mac- For the same reason Teddy Bridges did.
Actually, the answer I should have given him was: "Because I would be crazy if I let a jerk like you run this country". But I didn't think saying that would help. So I added…
Mac- Because I believe the people of America deserve to have a president...
I couldn't finish the sentence… He interrupted clearly up set.
Nathan- No. No. In this room, where it's just you and me, just the two of us, the answer that you should be giving me is that you want to be president because you want the power. You want the power to control the universe.
I was offended by the insinuation. So I said very seriously…
Mac- That's not me.
That seemed to prove exactly his point, because he didn't hesitated before saying…
Nathan- Well, that's the problem. That's what I'm telling you. People who don't want power have no idea WHAT TO DO WITH IT. They have no idea how to use it when they have it.
I thought that was bullshit. But I refused to continue his game. For me, that subject was closed and being a parent had trained me well for standing my ground on that point.
Mac- Mr. Speaker, I would very much like an invitation to address a Joint Session of Congress tomorrow night.
Nathan- Before the funeral?
He seemed shocked by that… He made it seem like I wanted to "replace" Teddy Bridges like he were disposal before he was even buried… That wasn't my intention.
Mac- Before the markets open. We want to convince the world there's no crisis of leadership, right?
Yeah… I knew what I was doing. That was the right thing. There was only one thing I had to take care off. What I would have to do after the swearing-in was something that I considered completely necessary… but it would hunt me for the rest of my life.
The next day. Late at night. Right before the speech to a Joint Session of Congress.
I share a very brief moment together with my husband. He looks at me clearly overwhelmed for everything that happened in just 48 hours. I had the abortion that same morning and now he knew everything. I decided to tell him right before doing it. I really needed his support and, thank God, I had it. He wasn't happy about it, but he understood perfectly the reasons I had for doing it. And he was sure that I had made the right decision.
Rod- Mackenzie...
I look at him worriedly. Inside my heart was breaking…I still wasn't physically or emotionally recovered from the abortion, but I hold onto the idea that I had made the right choice and I was hoping I could count with Rod in every step of the way. I needed him more than ever.
Mac- So do you hate me?
Rod- No, I love you. Go win the country.
I felt incredibly relieved to hear those words. We shared a short but very heartfelt kiss before I had to go an address the Congress.
Inside the Joint Session of the Congress…A guard announced…
Guard - Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States!
As a walked in to a standing ovation, she shook General Pollack's hand and he leaned in, letting me know that the extraction of Oria Madula is proceeding as planned. I walked towards Nathan Templeton who was clapping unhappily, and then he shook my hand. I took a glance at Rod who was looking proud. That gave me the confidence I needed and began my speech…
I had barely said two sentences when suddenly the TelePrompter flickered and clicked off. My heart almost stopped… I tried my best to cover my nervousness but I felt like I could cry in any minute. At that moment, I noticed that Nathan seemed really pleased and suspiciously unsurprised so I realized that he had something to do with the TelePrompter clicking off… and that didn't shocked me. I made a pause and Templeton smiled at me as I sent a glare in his direction. Then, my desire to see him defeated and cursing the day he went against me gets stronger than everything else and I began my speech again, continuing flawlessly since I actually knew the speech by heart.
Mac- So I say to the people of this nation: I am humbled by your greatness. I am humbled by the history being made here today, humbled by the notion that I am the first woman to hold this office. I'm humbled by the responsibilities that rest with me.
At that point, Templeton looked unimpressed. Of course, I couldn't have cared less. I started feeling more and more happy about my decision and continued the speech with a regained confidence and strength that was unusual even for me.Mac- God knows you and I have shed tears these past days. And more tears are to come. But soon we must return to the future. And I will do my best to take you there. I am with you. I ask this Congress, I ask the Court, I ask my cabinet, I ask the people of the United States to stand with me now, unwavering, for in this house united, we will demonstrate our sovereignty of greatness. God bless Theodore Roosevelt Bridges and may his soul rest with the greatest of men. And God bless the United States of America. Thank you.
I held the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes as I received rousing applause. I was really overwhelmed with all the emotions I was feeling in that instant… I saw Kelly and Vince looking proud and then Nathan leaned and whispered in my ear…
Nathan- I will always be right behind you.
And I don't doubt for one second that he really meant that. I know he will be right behind me, waiting for me to stumble, for me to make a mistake so he could take the office he wants so much. I know that his comment was meant to scare me and add even more pressure to my situation… but somehow it encourages me. I smiled and nodded, and now he looked genuinely happy because he realized that I know what (and who) I'm dealing with. I was also very aware of the huge sacrifice I (and Rod too, I guess) had to make to get to where I was… Because people can talk all they want about the "Woman's right to choose", and I may feel that I did what I had to do… that it was the right thing… but the truth is that when you are putting you clothes back on after the doctor performed the procedure you know that you just left behind a piece of your soul that you will never get back. It wasn't easy. But after I finished my speech, I couldn't stop smiling… and I really knew I was about to face a huge responsibility, but when I looked at all the members of my family clapping and looking proud, I just felt happy. And I felt that everything I went through, every pain, every sacrifice I made and every tear I shared were all worth it.
The end…What do you think? PLEASE… review… tell me your honest opinion…