Emily talks...
Disclaimer: Neither Gilmore Girls nor any of the characters belong to me.
AN: I'll write down some, in my opinion, "missing scenes" from some episodes. All will conclude Emily, since she is my favorite character on the show. The characters she is talking to or thinking about change.
This Chapter : Scenes from 4.16 "The reigning Lorelai"
I'm looking at myself in the bathroom mirror and pull a face. I don't look too good. Yesterday's event still has it's effect on me. I hate funerals. Well, who doesn't hate them, I think. Sweetie' s death was a loss for me. She was a real friend, one you don't have-to often in our social circIes.
"Emily?" Richard calls me from downstairs.
"Yes?" I shout as I make my way down to him.
"Just wanted to say goodbye"he says, already in his coat. He's leaving for New Jersey today and won't come back for one week, again. I'm still a bit disappointed in him for not accompanying me to the funeral. Of course business was important,but I have the impression that he forgets other important things over it, for example his wife.
Still I lean in to kiss him,wouldn't ever want him to leave without me saying goodbye properly.
"Goodbye" I whisper softly before our lips meet and to my surprise his kiss is hungry. Is he trying to make it up to me, does he know I am disappointed? He gently parts my lips and my tongue meets his.I love his way to kiss, so tender yet passionate. The phone rings. Great. I break the kiss, immediately regretting that I have to leave the warmth and security he provides.
"Go ahead darling, you're already late" I tell him and he takes his suitcase while I answer the phone.
"Gilmore? ... I'm his wife, yes Emily Gilmore" Richard is nearly out of the door but turns once again to wave to me. "Richard,wait a minute please" I call to him, hearing some sad news from his mother's lawyer. He stands still,lookking at me impatiently."Thank you, yes, I'll tell him and we'll call you again, goodbye"I end the phone talk and look at my husband, trying to figure out how to tell him his beloved mother died. "Darling," I begin, "I think you better take off your coat and call off your trip, something bad happened."
He pales immediately."Is something wrong with Rory? Or Lorelai?" He asks.
"No Richard, they're OK" I can see his relief. "It's your mother. She had a heart attack. The maid found her in the morning. She...is dead, Richard."His shoulders slump.He closes the door and takes off his coat slowly.Then he looks at me, helplessly and I go to him and put my arms around his neck. He pulls me close and holds on to me. It takes me by surprise when he begins to cry. I haven't seen him cry very often in our marriage. When his father died, as Lorelai left, I think, although he tried to hide it from me back then. He had cried a few tears of joy when he first saw me and Lorelai after her birth but that was it. Neither Richard nor I were persons to show their emotions openly. I was however very glad that he had still been here when the news came, I wouldn't wanna to have him tell that over the phone and not be able to comfort him as I did now.
"Richard lets sit down, OK?" I ask him and feel him nod. I lead him to his office and sit with him on the couch. He calms down a little but after a moment, realisation hits him."The last time I saw her, we fought." He says and again begins to cry. I let him put his head on my chest and stroke his head, his grey hair which once had been as dark as my daughter's. I feel guilty for encouraging the fight. I didn't ever get along with his mother and she did humiliate me quite frequently but she was an old woman, it shouldn't have mattered."Shh, darling, I'm sure it didn't matter to her you always had such a good relationship", I smile, "and you know how much she appreciated it when someone stood his ground."
I can feel him smile into my chest. We sit like that for while and he again calms down.Then it begins to dawn on me that there has to be a funeral here and that Richard's mother had planned all this an eternity ago. "Richard, I don't want to leave you alone, but there are many things to be done..." His head comes up and he wipes away his tears. "Yes of course, Emily, wait, I'll help you."
"No darling, you stay here, turn on some music and restthat's alright, I don't need your help."He would be no help in the state he's in anyway."Can I do anything for you? Wait, I'll bring yousome tissues."
"Turtleneck soup." He says.
"What?"
"My mother used to make it for me when I was a small boy, can you bring me turtleneck soup? Yes, I want turtleneck soup."
"OK, fine I'll organise it." I got to ask Lorelai if she knows what the hell turtleneck soup is.
That night, when I make myself ready to go to bed, I ean feel the exhaustion taking over. When I come into to our bedroom I see my husband already sleeping in bed. He'd been exhausted too, mainly from all the crying. I had called off his business trip, called Lorelai, organised most of the funeral and in between I checked on Richard again and again. Luckily, Sookie, Lorelai's friend had known how make whatever-turtle-soup and I even managed to get Richard to eat some of it in the evening.Now I go to the bathroom, change into my nightgown and lie next to my husband. When I woke up this morning I would have given a lot to have him lie beside me tonight but the circumstances which led to just this weren't certainly the best. I lie as close to him as I can without waking him and soon sleep overtakes me as well.
When I wake up the next morning, Richard had put an arm around me during sleep and had pressed me even closer to him. I look at the alarmclock behind him. 7.30, I have to stand up to go to Richard mother's house and organise everything there. I don't want to wake Richard but when I try to free myself of his arm, he wakes up anyway. "Emily, don't go." He murmurs sleepily and pulls me close to him again. "Darling, I must." I say softly and kiss his cheek. He doesn't let go of me. "Richard, I have to go to your mother's house." I can see realisation hit him and again feel sorry for him. "Of course, Emily,wait I will stand up as well."
"No darling you stay in bed a bit longer, you're still tired, I'll see you later." I give him a soft kiss on the lips and make myself ready for the day.
Well, this was definitely one of the worst days of my life. I learned that my mother-in-law wanted my husband to marry another woman and wrote him that on the evening of our wedding. And he didn't ever tell me! I'm so angry, I don't care if there is a funeral or how it's going to take place. Richard's still a wreck, I don't think he realised how angry I am. Well I don't care if he doesn't care, I'm going to fix myself a drink, grab a book and before that I'll look for cigarettes, I think I still have some in my nightstand. I haven't smoked in eternity, didn't want the hause to smell but now it doesn't matter to me, since I'm obviously not even the woman who's supposed to live here. I feel a bit guilty for Lorelai, she has to organise everything all by herself now, but if she's in trouble she better asks not me,but this bitch Pennylin Lott to help her!
The funeral is over,all went well and Richard and I ready ourselves to go to bed. He decided to let his mother's ashes be buried next to his father' s and I'll be eternally grateful for that. As I come out of the bathroom, Richard already sits in bed. For a moment I look at him, pondering if I should tell him that I know about the letter. "Emily,what's up? You've been so quiet all night" He asks me and I curse that he seems able to look right through me sometimes.
"It's nothing really" I try but he continues to stare at me.
"Really."He pauses. "Emily come here." He opens his arms for me and I move into them, snuggle my head into his chest and just listen to his steady heartbeat for a few minutes. "I know about the letter" I finally say.
"Which letter?" He asks, confused. "The letter your mother wrote to you, the night before our wedding. She saved a copy and I found it. Afterwards I was to angry to plan anything and Lorelai had to do it all by herself" She had been so darling, asking how I felt and saying that Richard chose me, after all and all I had to say was a remark about her shoes. Well I didn't want to admit how stupid Iwas and her shoes were quite unfitting. She must have digged up the whole graveyard with that heels. Nevertheless I have to thank her tomorrow.
Richard sighs. "Oh, I remember that letter. I couldn't believe she would write something like that to me, and right before my wedding! I told her how ridiculous it was, that I would certainly not rethink my decision and if I remember correctly even my father told her his piece of mind that day. I'm sorry that you found the letter, though. It was not for you to read it."
I nod into his chest and think for awhile if I should really ask the question. After a few minutes I decide I should. "Richard,did you ever...I mean do you wish sometimes,that you...married...her?"He gasps and puts his fingers under my chin to make me look at him.
"Emily, no, what makes you think that?"
I shrug. "I don't know but I can be so stubborn and egoistic and our situation with Lorelai... maybe it would have been different, if you had a child with her." I say and the words hurt me, even if I'm saying them myself. I'd always been good at hurting myself, especially with words.
He looks at me, incredulously."Emily that idea is ridiculous.I wouldn't ever want to be married to any other woman than you, not to Pennylin Lott, not to anyone else. I chose you and I know why I did it.And I always will be dissapointed that my mother just couldn't see how good you are for me. I guess she was just jealous, Emily, that she wasn't my number one anymore." He gently strokes my cheek and I feel tears sting in my eyes, tears of relief I think. "I just want you Emily,because you're stubborn and smart and witty and beautiful and perfect for me. And I wouldn't ever want another woman to be the mother of my child, because then Lorelai wouldn't be the stubborn, smart, witty, beautiful and perfect daughter she is. Our relationship with her could be better but that's my fault as much as yours if not even more. Don't ever have those thoughts again, Emily, promise me you won't have them."
"I promise" I say and he wipes away the tears which are running down my cheek.
"I love you" He tells me and kisses me tenderly. .
"I love you too" I whisper against his mouth and kiss him back.
Then I lie my head on his chest again and he lets his fingers run through my hair. We can't sleep but we're too tired to do anything...else.
"Tell me about her" I say suddenly.
"What?" He asks.
"Tell me about your mother. I haven't known her the way you did but I want to. I don't want to think of her as the woman she was towards me but as the loving mother of my loving husband."
"Ok" Richard says and as he begins to tell me about his childhood, I feel as near to him as I haven't felt for a long time and silently make my peace with that woman, the woman who gave birth to the best husband any woman could have.
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