Title: Only Me Now
Author: Jinhito
Summary: Never one to back down from the challenge, he did the only thing he could do... brood needlessly and childishly all the while formulating excuses for such sad behaviors. Naruto made a face when he remembered his current situation.
Author's Note: You asked for more, so this you get... enjoy. Also, thank you Sel for beta-reading!
Disclaimer: Own nothing except my deluded yaoi-filled mind
He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, mostly nude save for the meager bath towel he'd swiped in a blind haze. And the bed had stopped feeling uncomfortably wet some time ago too as his body had managed to dry from the temperate early evening's heat. Konoha was known for being a moderate degree year round; they were still technically in Fire Country so not much had changed weather wise.
It seemed like a smart enough idea at the time to open a window, allowing some fresh air to be let in. Naruto wasn't yet regretting his decision.
Yamato had actually opted to pay for an inn tonight since this was still part of their "team bonding" experience. Greedy bastard had only paid for three rooms though to accommodate their four party members.
That meant everything had to be divvied accordingly. The following equation did not result in a pleased Naruto.
Yamato got his own room, figuring he would need a quite place to meditate or sleep or whatever the hell it was he did in his private time. Sakura would also have to have her own room too. A girl her age should not be allowed to sleep alone with two other boys (who were more than likely hormonally challenged), and not to mention that she liked her own privacy (and beauty sleep as Naruto had come to learn over the many years team seven had been sent out on missions). Leaving last but not least, one room to be shared by the two remaining aforementioned boys, Sai and Naruto.
Honestly he didn't believe their special jounin instructor one bit. Naturally assuming their leader was just a stingy grump who was making up lame excuses like how "they had the most trouble getting along" so "exposure to one another in close quarters would do them some good, one way or the other" just to save himself some cash.
Sakura had paled at that remark, an expression of slight shock with the wording their instructor had chosen as the answer to a certain blonde shinobi's grouching. What had been the other way, she meant to ask, but the look those haunted dark eyes shot at her was something she didn't want to read too much into - all teammates held their tongues. Upon a truce or death... that's what his look meant to say.
Oh did he get the point across with only one precise glare...
Selfish bastard, upsetting him and Sakura like that for no good reason. Hell, he'd rather have Sai at his throat than the awkward situations their close proximity was currently causing... that weird beyond description of what had just transpired in the bathes.
Some fucked up shi-
He shuddered at the unwanted memory, not entirely sure what it was from though. Disgust at the thought of who had been behind it all along or the fact that amongst the repulsion, he'd enjoyed it. That little bit of him believing wholeheartedly that it really had been Sasuke doing those things to him.
... his touches, his kisses...
Naruto smacked himself soundly on the forehead in the sunsets faded light. It was entering a window gently, almost gone but still waning in an effort to make one last stance before night won the battle.
Their room was located on the second floor of this decently sized inn. The balcony had been part of the care package Yamato had thrown in for them since he must have figured the room would already seem small enough between two arch enemies. It did however present a nice view... Naruto found he couldn't stay angry at the older man for at least being somewhat considerate.
He was now noting with mild amusement that he conveniently had a place to kick Sai's sorry ass out onto tonight if he felt like it and not feel all that guilty about afterwards.
Besides, it wasn't so bad out. Sai would survive; an ANBU easily could. And he would be damned if it was going to be him sleeping out in the night air on an uncomfortable wooden ledge... not when there was a nice warm bed to be had indoors. Yeah, that sounded pretty good.
The next thought that flashed through his conscious mind however, almost had him flipping out and falling none too gracefully onto the lacquered wood floor. There were two beds in this room right? Hadn't guest services provided them with an extra cot or futon or something? Yamato definitely hadn't meant that kind of "bonding" had he?
Naruto gulped audibly suddenly feeling very helpless... more helpless than he had felt previously in the bathes... this was crap. Sai was acting more perverted and strange than usual and Yamato was just being plain creepy and...
No one would be so cruel as to force him to share a bed with a perfect(ly hated) stranger like Sai right? Right?
"Dammit..." he rubbed vigorously at the space between his eyes and nose. There was a headache brewing up there but it was something he didn't want to acknowledge right now. Thinking had never been his forte; he was a man of action. Right now getting up and getting dressed, proving to everyone else except himself, that he could move on and pretend nothing had ever happened seemed like the best idea he'd had all day.
With a heavy sigh he picked himself up off the floor, padding over to the only bathroom and noted idly the squeaks that cried out under his weight. He was tired, they were all tired. As long as he slept it off in a true Naruto fashion everything would be fine again.
At last that's what he hoped. No freaky ANBU with messed up intentions would get the better of him. Naruto locked the door just to be extra safe, knowing full well it wouldn't stop the dark haired boy if he really wanted in anyway... It just made him feel a little more at ease... and that reason alone was as good as any.
Sometime between relieving his bladder and finding a clean pair of sleeping clothes, Naruto had displaced himself out on the balcony with the sliding door propped open. Saying you were going to bed and actually catching some ever elusive z's were two very different things.
He'd just ruefully given up about fifteen minutes prior.
It couldn't have been any later than nine 'o clock he supposed, but his body just wasn't tired enough as to let him turn in for the rest of the night. He'd never had issues getting to sleep before...
So instead of continuing the slow battle of feigning unconsciousness, he had gotten up to make himself comfortable elsewhere. The balcony seemed inviting somehow.
There was a gentle breeze rustling through the trees outside. It would occasionally pass by his face offering a light touch of comfort in this serene evening. Feeling it run through his hair as softly as ever gave him the only sign he needed to relax a little. Being a full-time ninja rarely, if ever, gave him such an opportunity. He'd take advantage of it for as long as he could.
Naruto released a quiet breath. Not quite a sigh - not really a yawn... just a long drawn out puff from deep within his lungs. Breathing like this was something Sakura had told him to do if he ever got too crazy to think straight. It was all part of the relaxation process she said. Also adding that in time, and a few breaths later, it would allow his mind to catch up to the rest of his body.
Jogging and running was normally an important aspect of his stamina training. He rather enjoyed the sport if he did say so himself... but tonight it only overlapped the stress in his muddled thoughts.
Sai... no last surname given... he hadn't returned to their room yet. Not like he was complaining or anything... It was just that Naruto had run out of the bathes a good two hours before, but he wouldn't care if the boy never showed up again.
Okay... so that was a little bit of a lie. He should care. He would care because if he had to explain to both their leader and the Hokage that his partner's sudden disappearance was an accident - well, the outcome just didn't sound pleasant enough to even want to think about it.
Besides, Sakura might get mad... even if it wasn't entirely sincere, she cared enough about Sai that she could cause bodily harm to her other irresponsible teammate. Hell, she might even think less of Naruto for not living up to his ninja way by not even bothering to care a smidgen about one of Konoha's citizens... he would never let anyone down like that.
Hadn't he promised long ago to protect the whole village? Even the Sasuke bast-
He promptly stopped that train of thought. Dammit, everything led back to his damnable ex-teammate. This was as frustrating as it was ridiculous.
The more he didn't want to think of something, anything that had to do with that distant boy of the past, the more his mind just happened to stumble into him. He kept resurfacing, that damn smug face of his, in almost every topic Naruto could manage to come up with to block him out. Annoying... highly...
What crap... complete and utter shit. He grit his teeth and tried not to over-react to his own subconscious' stupidity. He wasn't the one who was supposed to be annoyed by anyone else, it was always the other way around - no, had always been and would always be.
He hated his mind for adding that last bit of information.
For more distractive purposes he shifted his eyes up to the stars. They were all out tonight, the sky was clear enough where he could pin-point even the faintest glows. He had always liked stargazing...
Dammit.
Finally accepting the fact that he could no longer pretend Sasuke wasn't on his mind, stuck perpetually in his head; he willingly submitted to the broody thoughts of his stoic partner.
The habit had rubbed off on Naruto, no surprise there. Sasuke had never admitted it out loud, and Naruto was pretty sure he never would, that he enjoyed simply reclining back onto a hill to stare up into endless space. With arms crossed loosely behind your head and not a single important thought on your mind - why it almost seemed Shikamaru-esque.
But this was Sasuke, the unfeeling and icy Uchiha bastard. Clouds were for boring lazy boys and stars were for silly hopeful girls. But there was always something that he had let slip when the peace settled onto him in the fields at night.
Some sort of tranquil spell cast that almost made him seem human to the naked eye.
Those were nights when he never spoke a mean word or a harsh curse in the foxy blonde's direction. Addressed him as Naruto, someone to be seen as an equal, not just a dead-last dropout of a dobe that he very well could have been. Things were calm, it was peaceful. He had enjoyed those nights, again a guilty pleasure.
Naruto scrunched up his nose in remembrance. He had been happy then too, to sit by the other boy's side, silently enjoying his usually rotten company. They could be civil... he thought liked that the best.
Because there they weren't rivals - in that one moment they were friends. The best of friends... and maybe that's when it had all started.
When Naruto realized his feelings towards said rival had all but evolved into something bigger, scarier than the Kyuubi itself... Unbelievable, he knew it. Getting rid of the disbelief was the hardest part. Denial was such an easier route.
He was actually attracted to Sasuke... both physically (which he could understand because Sasuke was very handsome, no doubt there) and emotionally (where that came from he had no freaking idea).
Upon the final realization of such a discovery, he did what most stupid boy's his age did. He pushed harder. Only it wasn't in an effort to accept such feelings... at the time he thought he wanted nothing more to do with Sasuke than a simple teammate relation and maybe a casual friendship on the side.
So he started more fights, got meaner - or as mean as a normally happy-go-lucky teen could be. In the end it had only made the situation worse. He now wanted Sasuke even more; playing hard to get was a turn-on. Not like he'd fess up to being into that kinky shit but it was a hidden pleasure he could relish none the less.
Being in close contact all the time had its advantages all right. Every touch, every breath... every word that came from the other boy was now striking Naruto in a new way.
It sounded crazy yes, and at first Naruto thought himself a madman. It was insane! So pointless to vie for the pale boy's heart. Why should he bother when all of Konoha's single and eligible konouchi were his main competition?
But staying true to his fox-like nature, never to be out done and certainly not overlooked, he put on that same cheesy grin that had kept him sane until the start of his genin days. Final recognition would make him give it his all, but he would never dare to hope for anything in return.
Just accepting what came his way, never asking for more... and let him assure you that it didn't take long for that someone to notice.
Sasuke wasn't slow. Part of becoming solitary and more the intellectual type were the nasty little habits of constantly observing and always reading in between the lines of anything and everything that was directed at you.
Sure theories and suspicions were to be had, but he often kept those to himself. Everything safeguarded and under warps, left there permanently and never to be acted on. But call it just another part of their already dysfunctional friendship and troubled childhoods... one night it was acted on.
Ant that's when everything went to hell only to have Naruto stick his head in there and bring it back.
"They look lonely tonight." he commented, blue eyes squinting in the dark to make sure what he was seeing was really there. Yeah, any normal person might not have noticed but to him it was painfully obvious, especially after his latest hobby of watching stars under a clear sky with Sasuke had developed. They'd been out here many times before, not too much was different tonight, just enough.
Sasuke hmph'ed about it but disregarded the other's words in a typical cold manner. Part of him was left to wonder why, if he did in fact hate the boy like thought he did, he even bothered to put up with him in the first place.
It was just a silly game they played after all. Something that a better part of himself knew he should no longer be playing in at this age. But with the life he'd lead up until then, and the near future that was looming distantly over the darker horizon, it must have figured he deserved to be humored, if only just this once. So humor him it did, enough for both of them in fact.
"Don't you think so Sasuke?"
He never quit did he?
On any normal occasion that kind of ignorant questioning would have warranted a painful thwart to the head and a resigned dobe, but like before tonight was different enough that he let it slide.
There was also something more meaningful behind the simple words. An innocent curiosity he himself could not resist. It had caught his attention and was now holding his interest. Why he answered back was something he probably couldn't have explained later.
"Yeah..." It startled and confused him in a way only Naruto could. No more words followed after it.
Quiet reigned supreme once again. The tension wasn't broken until some time later either, it could have been an hour or mere seconds, he wasn't entirely sure... Risking a glance over to the other boy he saw something he had not been expecting to see.
Someone else... not Naruto, not the same Naruto he knew...
His eyes were glassy; maybe he would break if he were touched. That same vibrant blonde hair swaying gently in the delicate dusk's breeze just on a different head. Those whisker marks must have been fake too. This wasn't Naruto, not at all, not one little bit.
And no matter how concerned he was positive he was feeling in that instant, he just shrugged it off and returned to his usual mannerisms.
Sasuke looked away.
He didn't like that boy; the one who looked like, smelled like, could have been but was not Naruto all the same.
"Yeah." It continued to echo in the empty field.
"Hn."
"Heh, good thing we're not lonely like that ne?" A hand nudged his shoulder. "We should get back... mission tomorrow..." The foxy-grin was back, other persona suddenly forgotten.
Sasuke nodded and they reluctantly stood to walk separate ways. He'd never say it but for once he was grateful Naruto had that mask of forced cheerfulness. If they'd have stayed in silence a moment longer he might not have been able to deal.
'Fuck the stars... We're lonely too.'
"Yeah." Conviction was solid behind the words. The next day was Sasuke's last day in Konoha... his capture and sudden disappearance didn't go unnoticed. Nothing was ever the same again for either of them... for everyone else...
"Shouldn't you be asleep now?" broke into his thoughts as he was forced to leave the memories and turn once more into the present. Sai earned a glare and if looks could kill... Said boy raised his hands sheepishly in a surprising gesture of defense. Something awfully unusual for someone who had damn near had his way with the blonde no less than three hours before.
"It was honest concern, I swear." That tiny smile said otherwise.
Naruto mouthed a silent "Asshole" in the darkness. He didn't bother to question the new comer where he'd been the past couple hours; had he really been zoning out this entire time? Standing up smoothly, Naruto made sure to keep his pants secure around his waist in firm grip. No need to give the lecher any more bad ideas... But whatever it was Sai may have been thinking then was kept to himself.
Just the way Naruto liked it.
His secrets were not something he wanted to hear right about now. Naruto retreated to the bathroom in hopes that the other would leave him be for the rest of the night - pretend that he wasn't really there in the first place. Sai was like a bad dream; that was all, nothing more. If you acted like he didn't exist then he wouldn't. Or so he hoped.
Naruto made sure to stay behind the locked door a little longer than would have been considered normal. It was only to test his theory... yeah, just making sure was all. He wasn't paranoid or petrified in anyway by the other boy's presence.
He emerged fifteen minutes later and spotted a Sai-shaped mass under covers on the spare cot pushed against the opposite wall of where Naruto supposed he would sleep. He let out a small relived sigh. Least the jerk had some sort of common curtsey to give up the bed in mock apology for the stunts he'd pulled earlier today.
"Making sure you didn't lose an intestine after such a long shit?" came the response too soon for Naruto to even feel somewhat thankful. Why that smart-ass little twat...
"Fuck you." Naruto cursed as he calmly padded over the bed neither acknowledging nor denying such a rude accusation.
That night went on for the most part uneventfully. Sai kept the rest of his nasty comments (and most importantly his hands) to himself after the crude toilet joke; probably thought he was really funny too.
Sai was the first one to find sleep that night.
And Naruto slept with his eyes open just to be safe.
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