Disclaimer: Me?  Own Trigun?!.....Pfft, as if……

Happy Hour at the Gunsmoke Saloon

Chapter Six: When the Author Runs Out of Ideas and Drags Herself into the Story

When we last left the Gunsmoke Saloon, Zazie had tried to prank Vash, but ended up pranking poor innocent (*cough, cough*) Legato. 

Legato sighed.  He was dripping wet and soaked.  He had no change of clothes, and he was going without boxers at the moment, considering they were stolen off his bare bottom by a reviewer……but that is a lovely image, is it not?  ^_^

Anyway, he was walking upstairs when he was suddenly pulled aside into a broom closet.

"What the fu--"

"NO INTENSE SWEARING!  This fanfic has a PG rating, you moron!" The person snapped at him. 

"…who are you?" He asked suspiciously.  As his eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness he let out a gasp.

"YOU!!" He yelled, pointing a finger at the person. 

"Ok, ok, its me.  I'm assuming you're pissed off at what I had Zazie do to you?"

"Just…..hmm, I don't know…… A LOT!!" Legato yelled, about to tackle this person, who is, yes, you guessed it, Pyro herself! (gotta love the self-inserts…..^_^)

"Hang on, psycho-boy," she said, smacking Legato with a mop.  "I pulled you in here for a reason."  Legato pulled the mop off his head and glared at her.

"Oh?  And whats that?" He asked suspiciously.  He wasn't about to trust someone who let Zazie drop him in a barrel full of yogurt.

"Since I pick on you so much, I'll let you choose someone else to get pranked, attacked by Meryl, mauled by rabbits, etc….Any ideas?" She asked.

"Hang on.  Let me get this straight.  You'll let me pick anyone?" He asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Anyone but Knives and Wolfwood." She said.  Legato smirked.

"How about Zazie?" He asked hopefully.  Pyro shook her head.

"I dunno, Legato….he's just a kid….I mean, I've got some pretty cruel stuff planned…"  Legato twitched.

"Are you SERIOUS?!  That's not a kid! IT'S A MONSTER!!  No kid has the word BEAST in their name!  No kid could plan and carry out such devious plots!  No kid could fill a barrel full of yogurt on his own!  And it wasn't even good yogurt!  It was that nasty, gross, cheap store brand that no one ever buys!!" He yelled, looking somewhat deranged.  He grabbed Pyro by the shoulders.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!" He yelled, shaking her.  "NO ONE EVER BUYS IT FOR A REASON!!!!"

"Le-ga-to!! Stop-Sha-king-mee-ee-ee-ee!!!" Pyro yelled, smacking him in the back of the head.  Legato twitched.

"….thanks, I needed that."

"Anytime." She muttered.  "I guess I could do you a favor just this once….ok, Zazie it is."  Legato grinned psychotically.  As he walked out of the closet, he muttered to himself,

"This is pay back, midget…..payback…….MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"Riiiiight…." Pyro muttered, shaking her head.  Just then a loud crash echoed downstairs, making her jump.  She ran downstairs and stopped dead. 

There on the floor was Vash, twitching insanely.  Knives was hopping around him energetically.  Everyone else was either hiding behind the bar or had fled the saloon altogether. 

"Knives what're y--" Pyro began, but Knives cut her off by tackling her.

"VashsaidyougavehimthisreallyreallygooddonutsoIsaidgimmebuthesaidnosoIstoleitandateitandnowIcantstopjumping!!!!" He said, grinning and bouncing around more.  Pyro smacked Vash.

(Translation: Vash said you gave him this really, really good donut so I said gimme, but he said no.  So I stole it and I ate it and now I can't stop jumping!)

"Owwww!" Vash whined, rubbing the back of his poor injured skull.

"Vash, I told you only you could handle that donut!!!.....and perhaps Legato…." Pyro said.

"….I could…." Legato muttered.

"You think so?" Pyro asked, standing up.  Legato nodded.

"All right then," She said, handing him a chocolate covered, cream filled, sugar coated, caffeine filled donut.  Legato looked at her oddly.

"…What, you just carry those around with you?..." He asked.

"….I get hungry, ok?!" She replied, twitching slightly. 

"…All right…" Legato said, backing away slightly.  He sat down to enjoy his delicious meal.

~*~*~*~Five Minutes Later~*~*~*~

"WowthatdonutwasreallygoodcanIhavesomemorepleasepleasepleeeeaaasseee?!" Legato asked, jumping up and down.

(Translation: Wow that donut was really good.  Can I have some more? Please, please Pleeeeaaaassseee?!)

"I knew he couldn't handle it…" Pyro said, shaking her head sadly.

"….well….can I have one?...." Vash asked, drooling slightly.

"….I'm guessing if I say no, you'll probably freak out and go insane?..." Pyro muttered.  Vash nodded happily.  Pyro sighed and handed him one of the sacred donuts.  Vash ran off to eat his treasured meal.

Knives danced around in the background to music only he could hear.  Legato, Dominique, Midvalley, and Caine were sitting behind the bar.  Legato was cheering and wearing a shirt that said "Shake It Knivesy!" and holding a sign that said "Donuts or Bust!"

Dominique and Midvalley were wearing "Shake It Knivesy!" t-shirts, and were also cheering along with Legato.  Zazie sat on top of the bar selling more t-shirts and drinking shots of tequila.

Caine was sitting on a stool behind the bar serving drinks to everyone, who at the moment was just Zazie.  Everyone else was either hiding in the broom closet upstairs, or in the corner of the room twitching.

Pyro was lying on a table, fast asleep, having had one too many sacred donuts with Vash, who was passed out on the floor.  Wolfwood tapped Pyro on the shoulder.

"Donuts!" She yelled, sitting up.  Vash jumped up.

"Donuts?!...Where?!" He yelled, looking around.  Wolfwood backed away slightly.

"Ohh….its you.  What do you want?" Pyro asked, massaging her skull. 

"….I was just wondering….who's writing the story….?" He asked.  Pyro muttered something incoherent and passed out on the table again.

"What'd she say?..." Wolfwood asked Vash, confused.

"She said something about squirrel…." Vash muttered.  Then he passed out on the floor again.  Wolfwood shook his head and walked off towards the bar to get a drink.

Ok….thats it for this chapter.  As you can tell by the title, my ideas are running low.  I'm not sure if this chapter is any good….I'm kind of in a rut, so to speak.  So, if anyone wants cameos or something, please give a short description of yourself, your name, and your personality. ^_^

Review, oh mighty reviewers!!!!!

Pyro