Happy Hour At The Gunsmoke Saloon

Chapter Eight: More Confusion and Atomic Wedgies

Disclaimer:….well, this is getting redundant. But, I own nothing from Trigun or any other things I put in here that are already copyrighted.

"………Ninety-nine…..one hundred! Ready or not, here I come!!!" Rachel yelled and ran off in search of everyone. She dragged Vash behind her.

"But….I wanted to hide!!!…" he said, crossing his arms and pouting. Rachel ignored him and ran over to the bar, pulling Legato out from behind it.

"….no fair…" Legato muttered. Rachel ignored him too and ran over to the jukebox. She pulled Knives out from behind it.

Then she ran some MORE over to the bar again. She pushed Zazie off his stool and grabbed the glass of Tequila he had been drinking.

"What the hell?!" He yelled. She pulled Pyro out of the glass. Zazie stared at Pyro then the glass then Pyro again.

"………that's disturbing." He muttered and walked off to find some more tequila, getting struck by lightning in the process. Pyro looked at Knives and Legato oddly.

"Well, two of the greatest villains, and you pick the most obvious places to hide? You have no style….." Legato and Knives hung their heads in shame.

Rachel kept running around pulling people out of the oddest places. SaZ had been hiding in E.G's armor shell thingy, Sadie was hiding under a laundry basket…how a laundry basket got in a saloon….well….who knows, Caine was hiding under a huge pile of Knives plushies, and Wolfwood was just running around in circles for some odd and unexplained reason.

"Ok, I found everyone. Now I piiiiiick…….Legato!" Rachel said. Legato glared at her and was just about to make her run off a cliff with his mind when SUDDENLY he was tackled to the ground.

"…..ow…..who dares tackle me, Legato Bluesummers, master of pain and--" But, of course, he was cut off by a sharp smack to the head. The person who had dared tackle and smack him was, of course, a girl! But she wasn't exactly a human girl. In fact, she was a cat and dog demon. She had red dog ears on top of her head, and a black and red lion tail which kept hitting Zazie in the face. Her hair was black with red streaks and she wore black baggy pants and a red t-shirt.

"I dared tackle you and I'll do it again!" She said. And to prove her point, she got up and tackled Legato a second time, hugging him tightly. Legato twitched.

"T9, stop squeezing the life out of Legato! It's really odd." A girl with blue fox ears and a fluffy fox tail said. She was, of course, a fox demon. She had blue hair and was wearing dark blue baggy pants and a black t-shirt. Her name was Blu. She was followed by a boy who resembled Link from the Legend of Zelda. He had pointed elf ears and blondish hair. His name, you ask? Why it was TK.

"There're more of them?" Wolfwood asked, approaching the new comers cautiously. Blu twitched and immediately latched onto the unsuspecting priest. Knives tapped Wolfwood on the shoulder.

"….there's a……thing…..on your arm…." Wolfwood looked down at Blu, who was attached to his arm, then back at Knives.

"That's not a thing. It's a fangirl. Duh." He said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world….which it was.

"Ohhh…well, that explains this then." Knives said, pointing to Sadie, who was in the middle of hugging/crushing him. Meanwhile, Pyro was checking off names on a list. She looked around.

"Hey, isn't Hikari supposed to be with you?..." Pyro asked T9. T9, who was still on top of Legato, just shrugged. Not that kind of on top……you pervs. Just then, another girl walked into the saloon. She had red hair that was up in a ponytail and fuzzy dog ears. Her eyes were violet, which was kind of creepy, but cool nonetheless, and she wore a shirt that said, "Knives sucks Zazie!"

"Do not! That's considered an act of pedophilia!! Which is illegal…." Knives said, glaring.

"….only in some states….." Monev said. Everyone looked at him.

"…What?...." Everyone backed away a few feet. "No…really? What?...." Pyro turned to the newcomers.

"….uh, Welcome to the Gunsmoke Saloon. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask someone other than me. Also, don't even try to back out of this. You signed up for it." Pyro said, skipping off happily to get some donuts. Legato looked at T9.

"….um….could you….maybe….loosen your grip?...." He asked, his face turning a lovely shade of blue.

"Hm. Let me think about that one. How about…..NO!" T9 yelled at her husband, hugging him even tighter. Legato flinched. "….yes dear…"

TK turned to Blu, who was still hugging Wolfwood.

"…..why did you drag me here?....." He asked, looking at Wolfwood with the deepest sympathy. And by sympathy, I meant he was pointing and laughing.

"I dunno, I figured watching you suffer would be fun." Blu answered, smiling happily.

"Why me?..." TK asked, glaring at the author with nothing but HATRED.

"Because, you're the only one who can keep them off their bishounen! That's what you said!" Pyro said, eating a sacred donut. Wolfwood and Legato looked at TK hopefully.

"….if I have to suffer…so do they…" He muttered. Wolfwood and Legato both glared at TK. Pyro walked over to Hikari, who was looking around.

"Whatcha lookin' for?" Pyro asked, holding a box of sacred donuts, and munching on one happily. Hikari looked at the box, then Pyro, then the box again.

"Hey look! Something shiny!" She yelled, pointing at Zazie, who was holding an exceptionally shiny spoon. Pyro twitched.

"SHINY!" She dropped the box of donuts, and tackled Zazie, who screamed like a little girl. Hikari picked up the box of donuts.

"MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!" Knives looked at her oddly.

"Um…aren't I supposed to be the insane one here?" He asked.

"Hmm…let me think about that…." Hikari said, then grinning wickedly, gave Knives an ATOMIC wedgie. Knives twitched.

"….point….taken….GYAAAAHHH!!" He ran off, trying to…er…unwedgie himself. Just then Vash walked by with Rachel attached to his leg. Hikari glanced at the box of donuts then Vash, getting an idea. A terribly, wonderfully, awful idea, that is.

She pulled a cage seemingly out of nowhere. Then she placed the cage on the floor and put one of the sacred donuts in it. Then she waited.

Vash had just sat down at the bar, thinking of getting a drink (preferably anything with alcohol in it), when he spotted a sacred donut. He twitched and started to drool.

"Ew! Vash, you're drooling on me!" Said a very annoyed Knives, who was sitting next to his brother at the bar.

"DONUT!" Vash yelled. He sprinted over to the cage and dove in to retrieve his glorious donut. The cage door slammed shut behind him. Hikari cheered in triumph. Then she picked up the cage and dragged Vash off with her. He sat there, munching on his donut contentedly, unaware of the danger. Rachel mourned the loss of her Vash, and vowed to get him back. Knives shook his head, muttering something about insane fan girls. This caused Sadie to hug him more.

Meryl, Legato, T9, and Knives were sitting at the bar, eating food and drinking…uh…drinks.

"Legato, could you pass the salt?" Meryl asked him. Legato nodded and passed her the salt shaker. T9 smacked Legato.

"Ow! What did I do?!" He asked, rubbing the slap print on his face.

"Who was she?....Are….ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?!" T9 yelled at him, smacking him again.

"N-no! I would n-never cheat on y-you!! I don't have a death wish!" Legato practically cried, trying to avoid his wife's temper.

"….ok." T9 said, smiling happily. Then she smacked him again.

"Ow!! Now what?!" He asked, rubbing the back of his skull.

"I don't know. You looked like you needed a good smack." T9 said, glaring/smiling at him. Legato sat there, trying not to make eye contact with anyone and staring down at his food.

Meanwhile, Blu, Wolfwood, Millie, Hikari, Vash, Zazie, E.G, SaZ, and Monev were playing 'Spin the Bottle.' Of course, they didn't have a bottle, so they tied Zazie to a stick and used him instead. Blu spun and it landed on….

Monev! Blu's eyes widened, and she quickly pushed the 'bottle,' making it point to Wolfwood. She grinned and kissed Wolfwood. Wolfwood went all starry-eyed and murmured something about liking this game. Next Hikari spun! It landed on…

Monev again….? She ran off screaming, dragging the cage with Vash in it behind her. Monev ran off because he thought everyone hated him….which was true.

Knives walked up to Hikari, glaring.

"We have something to settle….you gave me a wedgie-"

"Atomic Wedgie."

"….atomic wedgie….allow me to return the favor!" He yelled, pulling out his gun. Hikari looked at him oddly. He noticed she wasn't cowering in fear and it unnerved him.

"…what?..." He asked, trying to maintain his 'evil villain' stance, and failing. She laughed.

"I was just thinking of what your face would look like when I did THIS!" She yelled and gave him another atomic wedgie. Knives shrieked.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!" He yelled, running off to unwedgie himself yet again.

As Knives ran off and Hikari fell to the floor laughing, Rachel took this moment to steal Vash back. Unfortunately, she tripped on a strategically placed stick and fell. Hikari quickly snatched the caged-up Vash out of her reach.

"Vash is mine!" Rachel yelled.

"Nuh-uh! Mine!" Hikari yelled back. Pyro jumped inbetween them.

"It seems we must settle this…" She said.

"We'll have a battle. And whoever wins will get to keep Vash!" She said, grinning. Hikari and Rachel nodded. Then they both stomped off into separate corners of the saloon to get ready for the match.

All righty, folks! It took me a while to update…its not that I couldn't think of anything…I'm just lazy. Xx

Review, please!

Pyro