Happy Hour At The Gunsmoke Saloon

Chapter Nine: Hilarity Shall Ensue

Disclaimer: Once again. I don't own Trigun! Crazy! Wheehoo!

When we last left the Gunsmoke Saloon, a battle was about to begin…..A battle between two fangirls….each fighting for their bishounen……cough…well, this should be good, yes?

Knives took this opportunity to make some money and sell tickets to the crowd of people gathered in the saloon. As he sold some of his remaining tickets, two people walked in through the saloon doors. The first one was an EXACT replica of Vash, but instead of a red trench coat, he had on a black one. He also had 8 wings…yes, wings; four demon wings, and four angel wings. Two of the demon wings were black, the other two were white, and the same went for the angel wings. He was also radiating complete and utter weirdness, causing even Meryl to twitch slightly as he passed. His name was Matt-kun. The second person was a girl with long black hair tied in a ponytail and silver-blue eyes. She wore a red baseball cap that said "I brake for Donuts!" She also wore a black shirt that had Kuroneko's bright green eyes, dark blue flared jeans, black leather boots, an oversized black trench coat, AND a collar around her neck with about 50 Vash and Wolfwood key chains attached to it. (Vash and Wolfwood both glanced at each other nervously)

"It's Matt and Kat!" Pyro said, running up to the two newcomers and throwing a handful of confetti in the air. Then after a moments thinking, she said, "…..woah…that rhymed…." TK shook his head at the pathetic, easily amused author and also walked up to the newcomers.

"Since the author is, once again, being an idiot," he said, "Welcome to the Gunsmoke Saloon. You should have thought twice about coming here. Now there is no escape for you." And with that he walked off. Kat looked around happily, apparently not taking in a word of what TK had said….or at least not caring. Whichever. She skipped off toward the bar, looking around for something to eat.

Matt, meanwhile, went off looking for Caine. Caine was standing guard over Vash in the corner of the room. Vash was trying to bribe Caine into letting him out.

"Look, I'll give you ALL the money I have...if you'll just let me out."

"……?"

"No….I'm not scared…."

"…..o.o….."

"And what's that supposed to mean!"

"!"

"CAINE!...I hate you…."

"..-.-.."

"Long time no see, Caine," Matt said, walking up to the mime/gunman.

"…!"

"Yep."

" ?"

"Oh you know, same old things. What about you?"

"……"

"So you did decide to join Knives? How's that working out for you?"

"…o.o…"

"You die in episode 23?...Sorry to hear that…."

"……o.o?"

"Yeah, you can still come to the New Year's party."

"?"

"A drinking contest?...You're on!" And with that, Matt and Caine ran off toward the bar, leaving a confused, upset, and slightly disoriented Vash. Meanwhile, Kat was having a slight argument with the current bartender, a.k.a Zazie.

"I said I wanted Pepsi! PEPSI! THIS IS DIET!" Kat yelled to Zazie. Zazie, not used to seeing such scary hyperactive anger, trembled in fear.

"Th-that's all we have….." He stammered.

"And you call yourself a bartender!" She yelled.

"No! The…the author made me do it! I'm just a kid!"

"…..you will PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" Kat yelled, tackling Zazie. She grabbed—

Pyro: WARNING-looks around in a shifty fashion and pulls out a guitar and starts playing-

-sings quietly-

..Live without Warning…

Say warning…live without warning…

Without…alright…

Better homes and safety sealed communities….

Did you remember to pay the utili-

Rachel: What the hell are you doing?

Pyro-throws guitar somewhere anda random cat howls- Uh…NOTHING!

Rachel-smacks-

Pyro:…fine…I was singing a Green Day song….-.-..

Rachel: Get on with the story. I'm tired of your Green Day obsession! And no one wants to hear you try and sing!

Pyro-mutter mutter- As I was saying….-clears throat-

WARNING!

Too violent!

TOOOOOO VIOLENT!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHIELD YOUR EYES!

Zazie: MY LIVER! THAT'S MY LIVER YOUR STANDING ON!

Kat: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pyro: Alright. Warning over.….-looks around again sings quietly-

This was a public service announcement…this was only a—

Rachel: BACK TO THE STORY!

Pyro:…fine…resume…-.-...

As the dust settled Kat could be seen sitting on her stool drinking an ice cold Pepsi happily. Zazie was sitting in the corner, wide-eyed. He had two black eyes, a bloody nose, and his inside looked squished.

"Pepsi bad..." He muttered to himself, rocking back and forth all...twitchy, like.

Meanwhile, Matt and Caine were still drinking. They were each on their 74th mug of beer, and neither showed signs of relenting. Infact, others were getting drunk from watching.

"Hey…hey Caine," Knives hiccupped, grinning in a drunken manner, "you..you can take…him…." And he passed out. Sadie took this opportunity to steal his pants. And Hikari gave him another wedgie. Legato watched all this giggling to himself.

Wolfwood snuck over to Vash's unguarded cage quietly. He reached into his pants and pulled out…….

A cake!...geez, what did you think I was gonna say?...you sick little freak, you.

"…no thanks. I'm not hungry." Vash said miserably.

"You may find something…useful…inside…." Wolfwood said.

"I said I'm not hungry." Wolfwood rolled his eyes.

"Vash. Listen to me. Inside the cake. You may find something. USEFUL."

"And you listen to me. I'm. Not. Hungry." Vash said, getting a little annoyed.

"Damn it, Vash! There's a gun in the cake!" Wolfwood said.

"IT'S ARMED!" Vash shrieked, ducking on the floor of the cage. Wolfwood shook his head.

"…it would be understatement for me to tell you you're an idiot, Vash..." Pyro grabbed Vash's cage and began dragging it off.

"What are you doing?" Wolfwood asked, alarmed.

"Time for the battle!" Pyro said, grinning.

"WHAT!" Vash yelled. He attempted to break out of the cage by ramming his head against the bars. Unfortunately, he just managed to get his head stuck.

"This is so unfair!" He cried, trying to pull his head out of the bars. Wolfwood shook his head again and walked off to get a good seat for the upcoming match. Pyro handed the caged up Vash to Caine and also wandered off to get a good seat. Knives walked into the middle of the room, holding a microphone. He cleared his throat and looked around at the gathering crowd.

"Everyone take their seats now. The match for is about to start." When nobody did anything he tapped the microphone.

"…is….is this thing on? It's on, I can hear myself from the speakers. Hello…Hello? WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME!" He shouted angrily into the microphone. Hikari, who we all know (or at least shouldknow bynow)despises Knives, was desperate to begin the fight for Vash, so she ran up to Knives and kicked him in the shin.

"Take this!" She yelled.

"Ow!" Then she gave him yet another atomic wedgie, then picked up a stool and whacked him over the head with it. As Knives fell to the ground and passed out, Sadie took this moment to drag him off again.

All right. So….there's no actual battle yet. That will be next chapter. And I am so sorry this took so long. The next chapter is already in production. I PROMISE it will be up as soon as I can get it up. A week or so. Maybe more, maybe less. Again. I'm…really…sorry…Oh. And I changed my user name. Tis now Bethie The Homicidal Maniac! Though I still shall refer to myself as 'Pyro.'

Cheers!

Pyro -SEE?