Didn't get as many reviews as I would've like last time. Let's remedy that. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun, but I do own the WORLD. (Not really, don't sue me.)
Chapter Twelve: Telekinesis and Wisconsin!
When we last left the scene, evil plans were being plotted. Villains were being villainous and heroes were being tied to chairs and walls…and such. Oh. And Legato was giving out invitations. Two sets of invitations, actually.
"Rai-Dei, this is from Master Knives," Legato said, handing him a plain white envelope. He was carrying a sack on his back full of letters and, for some odd reason….hotdogs.
"What is it?" Rai-Dei asked, starting to open it. Legato tackled him, letters and hotdogs flying everywhere.
"You fool! Don't open it here! It's a secret…." Legato whispered…loudly. "If you opened it here, you could unravel the plots of Master Knives…"
"Why can't you just say Knives' plans? You have to go all superior? You can't just be a henchman? You have to be the number one henchman, don't you? Don't you!" Rai-Dei practically screamed at the loveable telekinetic henchman.
"I…uh…I don't really know what to say…" Legato began uncomfortably.
"Well I do!" Rai-Dei yelled. "You've been like this ever since day one! You always have to be the best, just because you're telekinetic! Ooooh. Big DEAL! I have a sword! A sword that's also a GUN! You don't! It's not FAIR! I should be number one! And would you GET OFF OF ME!"
Legato jumped up, dusting himself off. He looked at Rai-Dei, his depressing look of utter sadness turning into a maniacal grin…of DOOM!
"Well, Rai-Dei, I'm sorry you feel that way," Legato said, staring at Rai-Dei and still grinning all creepy like. Suddenly Rai-Dei started to move by himself.
"Damn it, Legato! Stop it! Stop doing that! Hey! Don't make me put that tutu on! HEY don't make me jump in that barrel of honey! HEY! You better not make me dance around all embarrassing and what not!"
"Well, I didn't think of the dancing bit, but good idea," Legato smirked. And gathering his letters and hotdogs, he walked off to deliver more invitations while the enraged Rai-Dei danced around in a tutu, covered in honey.
"Damn it, Legato! I will have my revenge!" Legato, however, was too busy delivering invitations to care.
Back to the dark corner of the room…
"Knives, I finished the cookies," Vash said. He looked around and noticed (for the first time, mind you) Wolfwood handcuffed to the wall, Millie tied to a chair, and Meryl in a cage with Kuroneko.
"Hey…what's going on?" Vash asked. "And how long have that chair and that desk been there?" He was, of course, referring to the newly constructed leather chair and wooden desk ensemble sitting in front of him.
"I'm glad you asked, dear brother." The chair spun around slowly to reveal Knives sitting there, smirking evilly and…well, no, that's it.
"Knives!"
"Vash."
"Knives?"
"…Vash."
"KNIVES!"
"Vash, shut up."
"…sorry. What are you doing?"
"Well you see, oh brother of mine, I've taken your gun and I'm going to use both of our guns to rid this saloon of all the fangirls. And nothing you say or do can stop me!" Knives laughed maniacally.
"..is that all you were going to do?" Meryl asked, slightly annoyed.
"What do you mean 'all I was gonna do'. It's a great evil plan!" Knives said, annoyed at her…spidery-ness.
"Of course it is!" Wolfwood said. "Don't let us stop you. These fangirls are annoying."
"Yeah!"
"Yeah! Just do it!"
And so Wolfwood, Millie, and Meryl all started chanting 'do it' over and over again, and if anyone had walked in on the scene, it would've gotten awkward; questions would be asked and conclusions would be leapt to. It would've all been a messy business. BUT FORTUNATELY…
"Shut UP!" Knives yelled. "This is between Vash and me."
"I agree," Vash said. And together the two brothers walked off to discuss things.
BACK TO LEGATO!
Legato had delivered all the invitations except one. He gulped as he walked up to Sadie, knowing this could very well be his last breath of air. Kinda.
"M-master Knives wants you to have this…" He said. Cringing slightly, he handed her a black envelope. Sadie squealed in delight and hugged him around the neck profusely.
"Ok…ok let go….let goooo….you can let GO NOW!" Legato yelled. He made her go away with his mind. Well, he tried. But she clung to him anyway.
"What the…could you just let go?" Legato asked.
"Nope!" She grinned happily. Legato thought for a moment, then came up with an idea. Using his fun telekinesis again, he dragged Pyro over.
"Heeeey! Legato…I was just about to win a game of pin the tail on the Zazie!"
"And as amusing as that would've been, I've got more pressing matters for you to attend to."
"What's more important than that?"
"This," Legato said, pointing to the happy and slightly crazy fangirl. "Could you get this thing off of me? Please?" He asked, almost desperately. Almost. He has dignity, you know.
"I don't know…what's in it for me? Hmm?"
"…a…cookie?"
"Ok!" Suddenly, Sadie was at the bar and handcuffed to one of the seats, trying to figure out how the hell that happened. Legato shook his head.
"You are obviously unaware of the power you possess…"
"Nah. Power comes with heavy responsibility," Pyro said. "After all, if I wanted, I could do this." The lights suddenly flickered on and off and a high pitched voice made 'oooooh' noises.
"…um…Pyro.." Legato said. "I can see you at the light switch." The lights stopped flickering and the voice went away. Pyro walked back over to him.
"Yes, but I got to the light switch super fast. So fast you couldn't even see me."
"Not really. I saw you run over and trip on that chair…"
"…"
"…"
"…shut up and give me a cookie."
"Sure. Just come with me…" Legato said, in his creepy monotonous voice. And so the unsuspecting author followed the psycho to the corner of the room.
Speaking of the corner of the room….
"Vash, join me in my crusade to destroy the fangirls and take back what is rightfully ours!"
"The saloon is ours?"
"…well, no. BUT! I really don't want them here anymore…they're converting my henchmen into something…awful." Knives shuddered.
"…what could be worse than a Gung ho Gun?" Vash asked, obviously surprised by the statement of is lunatic brother.
Suddenly, Dominic and Midvalley tackled Knives to the ground. They both started shrieking in high-pitched voices and fighting over him.
"He's MINE!" Dominic screamed, pulling on Knives' arm. Midvalley tugged on his other arm screaming, "No, he's MINE!"
"I TOLD YOU TWO TO CUT IT OUT ALREADY!" Knives yelled, snapping his two henchmen out of their fangirl-ish tirade.
"Sorry, Master," they said in unison. And with that, they scampered off together.
"And you haven't even seen what's happened to Monev yet…" Knives said. Vash cowered in fear behind his brother.
"No! No more!" He yelled, shaking in what could only be assumed as fear, or perhaps it was the lack of donuts today. Either way, he was freaked out. "Why us? Why is this happening to us? These fangirls really DO have an influential evil over all of us! And…and why do they like you more than me?"
"Well Rem did always say I got the looks in the family."
"No she didn't! She never said that! She called me handsome!"
"So? She said I was…wait. Who cares about the nonsensical dealings of that madwoman?"
"HEY! I love that madwoman!"
"Well that explains a lot…"
"What are you getting at?"
"Ohhh nothing," Knives said innocently. "That just explains your odd attraction to that wrathful spider…"
"Meryl?" Vash yelled. "I don't like Meryl…you….You're crazy!"
"So what? You're crazier!"
"Well you're the craziest!"
"DAMN IT! I can't believe I fell for that again!…well, you like the spider!"
"DO NOT!"
"DO TOO!"
And so the brothers continued to bicker. Meanwhile…
"Hey Legato, this is a nice little setup you have here," Pyro said, spinning around on Knives' fun leather chair.
"Master Knives won't like that very much…"
"So?"
"Good point."
"Anywho. Gimme my cookies--"
"Cookie," he corrected.
"Right. Cookie." Pyro said, nodding. SUDDENLY! Legato grabbed a conveniently placed crowbar and clocked the author over the head. He stole her box of crazy sacred donuts and handcuffed her to the wall as well. Yes. They do have a lot of handcuffs. And don't you go getting any creepy thoughts in your brain.
"I wonder where Master Knives is," Legato thought aloud, eating a donut.
Back to the bickering duo…
"Vash and Meryl, sitting in a tree…K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
"Shut UP!"
"First comes loooove, second comes marriaaage…"
"I'm WARNING you Knives!"
"Then comes--hurk!" Vash tackled Knives to the ground and began smacking him upside the skull with a conveniently placed Knives plushie. Apparently, it was some sort of irony, be it cruel or just sick and twisted. Suddenly, Legato pulled Vash off Knives, and a million incest-yaoi fans cried a little.
"Legato! Did you send all of the invitations?" Knives asked.
"What invitations?" Vash interjected.
"Yes, Master. Black to the fangirls...and I don't really think the males are fanboys, but they got black as well…and white to everyone else."
"What about fangirls?" Vash asked.
"Excellent!" Knives yelled.
"Guuuuys, what are you taaaaalking aboooout?" Vash whined. Knives and Legato glanced at each other.
"The fangirl thing I was talking to you about. Speaking of which, are you in or not?" Knives said, staring at his brother intently. Vash looked at Legato, then back at Knives.
"Yes."
"Really?" Knives asked, unable to believe what he had just heard.
"Yes. BUT!"
"But what?"
"You can't kill anyone," Vash said.
"Oh, I'm not going to," Knives said…back.
"Well then why do you need the angel arms?" Vash asked, perplexed.
"You see, I've modified the guns a bit. Instead of wiping them out, the blast will send them all to a specific destination.," Knives stated.
"How does that work?" Vash asked.
"Well you see, Vash, by taking the p--"
Somewhere in Chicago…
Pyro:NOW would be the perfect moment for an infomercial, or perhaps a presidential address, but I'm just not that cruel. I want you to know how such a feat could be achieved. It's very important for you to understand this. If you are the only one who never knows the answer, then you'll miss out on so much in life. So yeah. Just letting you know that I care about you, the reader, a whole bunch, so I will NOT interrupt any important material. Ok. Read on.
Back to the story…
"--and that's how I achieved such specific transportation with the blast," Knives finished.
"Wow. That explains so much. I now know where you go when you die. And I understand the meaning of life!" Vash said, amazed.
"I know. I'm a genius," Knives smirked. The two brothers shook hands and put Knives' evil plot in motion, while Legato went off to decorate for the party.
And so, during the evening hours in the saloon...
The bar was full of streamers and fun balloons were floating everywhere. Zazie was in the corner, nursing his…bottom, and Legato was putting the finishing touches on the food. In fact, the decorations and food were so lovely, that no one noticed the cage hanging from the ceiling. And no, Sadie was not still handcuffed to a stool.
In fact, all the fangirls and boys-who-weren't-really-fanboys…that is SaZ, Sadie, TK, T9, Blu, Matt-kun, and Kat…were gathered in one corner of the room. All the villainous villains…that is all the gung ho guns…were in front of the bar with Legato. All of a sudden a bunch of smoke filled the door to the saloon. When the smoke cleared, Vash and Knives were standing side-by-side. Together they marched through the doorway, looking as if they were about to rain apocalyptic doom upon the doomed heads of the doomed people on the DOOMED planet.
…
DOOM!
Instead, however, they both jumped on top of the bar and addressed the crowd together.
"ATTENTION ALL," Knives yelled.
"We've gathered you here--" said Vash.
"--for a celebration of sorts," Knives finished.
"Ah. I see you've arranged yourselves--"
"--in the correct manner already."
"Excellent!" The twins said together. Everyone was slightly creeped out by this new and odd behavior. Knives pulled a rope that was hanging from the ceiling, and the cage fell on the group of fangirls and boys-who-weren't-really-fanboys.
"Crap!" yelled SaZ.
"Yeah. You think this would've been rather obvious," Blu commented.
"Well, the food and decorations are pretty nice…" Kat said, nodding toward a four layer cake. Everyone nodded in agreement. Vash (who look kinda crazy at this point) jumped in front of the cage, pulling out his gun and standing in attack position.
"Prepare to meet your…your uh…" he turned to Knives. "…um…a little help here?..." Knives shook his head.
"Imminent doom?"
"IMMINENT DOOM!" Vash yelled. Then he stood and waited for his twin to say something. Knives sighed and sauntered over to his brother. He patted Vash's skull and addressed the group in the cage.
"You'll…have to forgive him. This is his first time trying the whole 'evil' thing." They all nodded casually. Knives pulled out his own gun and together, he and Vash triggered the mechanism for their angel arms.
In a flash of light and a huge sound blast, the fangirls and boys-who-weren't-really-fanboys were gone from the Gunsmoke Saloon.
In a galaxy far far away…
"HEY!" Kat yelled. "They sent us to Disney World!"
"Disney World?" SaZ asked. "Isn't that a bit…odd?"
"WHO CARES!" Sadie yelled. "Let's go on Space Mountain!" And so everyone ran over to Space Mountain. But it was broken down. In fact, every single ride was broken down.
"…no…NO! This must be…."
"You're right," said a random and kind of creepy park attendant. "This is…" Everyone stared in fear. "WISCONSIN! WAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
Back in the Gunsmoke Saloon…
Everyone was partying happily, glad to finally be rid of the menace that made them all cringe and even cry a little.
"Hey Knivesy, pass me some of that random and generic-looking alcoholic beverage!" Vash yelled to his brother.
"Only if you take that stupid tie off your head! It doesn't even match!" Knives yelled back.
"You know, we've had a lot of fun here tonight," Legato said. "But I've got a strange feeling we've forgotten something…"
Back in the corner of the room…
"…I really have to pee," Wolfwood muttered.
"No one's STOPPING you priest-man!" Pyro yelled, cranky because of the lack of sugar in her diet.
"Ew. I'm stopping him," Meryl said, disgusted. Pyro rolled her eyes.
"Shut up, you!" She yelled, snapping her fingers. Kuroneko went crazy.
"AHHHHHHH CAT!"
Ok. That's anotherchapter finished!
I want reviews...could you really deny me reviews?
Pyro :D