Thanks to those of you who have given list ideas
--
Strolling down the corridor past the Mess Hall John stopped to take a look at his handy work. It had been almost two weeks since he'd first posted the list of rules thinking it would give people a nice laugh for a day or two and that would be that. Little had he known at the time that it would mutate from a little joke to what lay before him now. The wall was almost completely covered with pieces of paper listing all kinds of different rules.
21.) Coffee and chocolate are your best friend when dealing with...
-- Scientists
-- Women during that time of the month. (John smirked seeing that this last one had been typed out and pasted to the list, whoever posted it was a smart man).
22.) Getting into the enemies mind is a big no no.
-- The Wraith have damn scary and confusing minds
-- It hurts!
-- It can come back to bite you in the ass.
23.) Bug spray, always carry bug spray.
-- Iratus bug, 'nough said.
24.) If your mission off world is going well, odds are you're walking into an ambush.
-- For the right price even supposed allies will sell you out to the enemy. (See Genii coup mission report).
25.) The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
-- See above mission report.
26.)If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
-- Again see above mission report
27.) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
-- Observe McKay
28.) When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
-- See Zelenka for lessons.
29.) You are not Superman.
-- Would certain personnel in this city - McKay, Sheppard - please take note of this rule.
30.) The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions; -when they're ready. -when you're not.
-- The wraith attack against Atlantis.
31.) Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
-- Stupid Genii grunts shooting at valuable Ancient equipment needed to save Atlantis from a super storm from hell. (Side note has anyone else noticed how often the Genii seem to be used as examples on this list?)
32.) The one item you need is always in short supply.
-- ZPMs
33.) The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
-- Observe Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay.
34.) Walking point - sniper bait.
-- The one on point is always hit with the Wraith stunner blast first.
35.) If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
-- Hoffans.
-- Ellia
-- Michael
36.) When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.
--Kolya
--Wraith
37.) In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.
-- What were the Ancients thinking building an outpost on top of a super-volcano?
38.) Friendly fire - Isn't
-- Even if minds of alien beings have temporarily taken them over you do not shoot at your own people - unless it is with a Wraith stunner or something as equally non life threatening.
39.) KISS...Keep It Simple, Stupid.
-- Do you really need this one spelled out for you?
40.) Any problem can be solved with the right amount of high explosives.
-- Killing a 10,000 year old Wraith
-- Capturing a Wraith.
-- Trade negotiations.
-- Blowing up Wraith Hive ships.
-- Over throwing you planet's government.
With a satisfied grin on his face John started strolling down the corridor again, wondering what people would come up with next. It was kind of amazing the things one learned while living in another galaxy.