Disclaimer: the standard 'don't own don't sue'
Warning: HikaAki Shonen-ai (slightly one-sided); Hikaru POV; not so fluffy, a bit angst maybe; not beta-ed; apologies for any grammatical and spelling mistakes blah blah blah…
A/N: Wow I'm actually updating in less than a day! I should give myself a pat on the head, especially when I have a Chinese exam tomorrow and I'm putting this as my priority (sweat). Let's hope that I can keep up this pace (although it's very unlikely...) Again, criticism and suggestions are welcome! Enjoy!
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The Shape of Love 愛のかたち
by Rebbi
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Chapter Two: A Game ゲーム
It was Waya and Nase's coming-of-age celebration. We decided to throw a big party for the two at Isumi's place, since his apartment had the largest living room. A lot of pros around our age were invited, along with some friends from our insei days. Akari got invited as well because she was my girlfriend. We got Waya's favorite sushi and some other finger food; Saeki-san even brought beer and wine, although a lot of us were not old enough to drink yet. The party was great and everyone was in high spirit. I even coaxed Touya into sipping some wine, since he protested that beer was too bitter. Just as I was pressing another glass into Touya's protesting hands, Nase and some other girls proposed playing Ousama-game and handed each of us a chopstick. Reading Touya's confused expression, I asked:
'Never played before?'
'No. Why are they giving us chopsticks?'
'See, there's a number on each chopstick and one that says 'Ousama', the King. Whoever gets the 'King' can order whatever they like from any 'number'. Don't worry, it's easy. Much easier than Go anyway.' I grinned and earned a faint smile back.
After the first round Touya had grasped the basic of it. The game turned out to be quite fun. We watched Komiya ordering number 14, Ochi, to drink a disgusting mixture of orange juice, vinegar and sake. I mentally punched myself for forgetting to take a picture of Ochi's expression – it was definitely worth a million yen. After several rounds including Saeki giving Nase a piggyback and Iijima and Fuku singing the national anthem 'Kimi ga Yo' while matching around the room, Waya, who was already slightly drunk, got to be the King.
'Ha! Now let's have some real fun!' Swaying slightly as he got up from his cusion, Waya grinned evilly to the crowd. 'Hmm…let's see…Number 5 and Number 7 have to kiss each other!'
'EHHHH!' the guys looked at Waya in disbelief while the girls giggled and peaked at each other's number nervously. Isumi looked like he was restraining himself from hitting the drunken boy on the head. If it weren't for the fact that I was number 5, it would have been an amusing task to watch. Just as I was about to hit Waya on the head myself, I felt Touya twitched slightly next to me, staring at his chopstick in utter horror. Suddenly I changed my mind: 5 was my lucky number after all! I grabbed Touya's wrist and exclaimed loudly: 'Touya, you're number 7!'
The whole room now stared at the perplexed dark-haired boy. Waya's grin became more evil as several people cheered asking who number 5 was, eager to see the ever so emotionless prodigy getting a kiss. Touya tried to free his hand from mine desperately in an attempt to hide away his chopstick. A surge of heating rushed to my head as I felt the smoothness of his delicate skin under my grasp. Everything was a blur and the next thing I knew, my other hand had snaked its way up the back of his head and my lips were pressed on his. All of my senses had ceased to function. I felt only the softness and warmth of his lips and the loud pounding of my own heart. When I finally pulled away, I suddenly realized everyone had goneveryquiet. His eyes slightly unfocused, a blank expression on his face, Touya's creamy white cheek was shaded with a faint tinge of pink.
'Ow, Shindou's number 5!' Honda, who was sitting next to me, broke the silence as he took a look at my chopstick. People started to laugh and treated the whole thing a prank I had pulled off. As the party had returned to full volume again and people began to chat animatedly, I caught Touya's eyes. I could sense the presence of something unfamiliar behind those dark blue crystals, but he soon broke the contact and looked away. Feeling someone else's gaze on me, I look around only to discover Akari's unreadable hazel eyes; shock, sorrow and bitterness contorting her face. The mirages I had convinced myself for reality faded away; my façade had been ripped off. All of a sudden I felt naked and vulnerable.
The confrontation wasn't as bad as I had expected. I walked her home in complete silence. She did not question me, nor did she cry or shout, but I knew it was time give her an explanation, for once and all. When we reached the front of her house, I gathered all the courage I could muster and turned to face her.
'Akari. I...I think I fell in love with someone else. I'm sorry.' I could not see her face in the dark as it was covered by the shadow of her bang.
'I know.' Her voice was slightly shaking and almost inaudible. 'I knew…'
'You knew?' Was I that obvious? 'When? How?'
'I knew there was someone else when you refused to kiss me, but I never thought it was Touya-kun.' Inwardly, I heaved a sign of relief but immediately felt guilty again hearing her broken voice. 'Remember once you were really upset for sometime and almost gave up Go? I thought you've lost someone you loved and could not get over it…'
I was amazed by her acute intuition. Things do indeed work in strange ways. Of all the people, I had not expected Akari, someone outside the world of Go, to discover the legendary player Sai's existence in my heart. 'Akari, hontto ni gomen…'
'I, I should get going now.' Her voice high-pitched with a note of fake cheeriness, she fumbled for key.
'Akari!' Just as she was turning away, I called her before I could stop myself. 'Why did you go out with me, even when you knew?'
I watched her back froze, then she turned and finally gazed me steadily in the eye: 'Because I can never give you up, because I have always loved you.' Her lower lip was trembling slightly, but her voice was quiet and steady.
Her eyes were determined yet gentle, but the more she forgave me, the more I hated myself for hurting her so selfishly. Wanting to escape the invisible overwhelming force that was crushing my conscience, I brought up one hand to my forehead and let out a shaky laugh: 'I bet you're really disgusted with me now, huh? Sorry Akari, I'm not worth your feelings. I'm just a disgustingly twisted homosexual who should be spit at.'
How pathetic. I laughed at myself bitterly. Yes, why hiding it? I am truly nothing than a pathetically depraving soul. I wanted to end this. I wanted all the uncontrollable feelings consuming and poisoning me to disappear, yet I couldn't. I felt suffocated and trapped in an eternal darkness.
Just as I was about to surrender to the overwhelming hysteria building up inside me, a strong grip clamped on my forearm, pulling it away from my face. Akari's piercing glare shot straight into my own pupils.
'You…Is that what you think? You know nothing!' I was bewildered at burst of rage. Was she mad at me after all? 'You don't even understand what it is to love! You don't fall in love because you want to, or because you think it's fun! You don't have any control on who, when, where, or how you fall for someone! It's not your fault, Hikaru!' She suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace and whispered: 'Don't ever, ever be ashamed of your feelings.'
She let go quickly and took a deep breath: 'Thank you for everything, Hikaru, I had a great time. Farewell.' before turning her heels and walked towards her apartment door, leaving me in a hazed stun.
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TBC --つづく—
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A/N: Wahhh can't believe I did this to poor Akari! Although I'm not a HikaAka fan, I do also hate the way Hikaru is using Akari here. So don't get me wrong and think that I'm just torturing our lovely Akari for fun (ducking from the flying daggers). As much as I love Hikaru, I do believe that there is an ugly side to every human being, and Hikaru is certainly not an exception. I do realize that this fic is getting a bit heavy, maybe it reflects my mental state: im currently under huge pressurefrom mid-year exams (flipping through a chemistry textbook). But I promise that this won't be as heartbreaking as Zetsuai/Bronze! Again, please review!
Reference:
(1) In Japan, people are officially adults when they are twenty (it's also the legal age to start drinking). The Coming-of-age Ceremony (成人式) takes place on January 9th every year. Therefore when the party took place, Waya and Nase are still 19, but would become twenty that year. So that makes Hikaru, Akira and Akari about 18.
(2) Ousama-game (王様ゲーム) is a popular game among teenagers in Japan. I had played it on several occasions and believe me, you should consider yourself lucky if you're just getting a harmless little kiss for the dare.xD So how do you like that little fluff there? I'm quite proud to say that this is the scene inspired by my dream, in which I was playing Ousama-game with several HikaGo characters (don't laugh at me!) I can't really remember the details of the dares though…
(3) 'Hontto ni Gomen' means 'I'm really sorry.'
(4) Sorry I forgot to mention this in the last chapter, but everything I've described about Yokohama, where Hikaru and Akari went on the date, is true because that's where I live! I love the city and I get a great view of Landmark Tower and Tokyo Gulf from my living room, too! If you ever get the chance to visit Japan, Yokohama is definitely a fantastic place to go! So ppl come and visit me!
Fayalargo Winterwoelfin 'I don't like what he's doing to Akari. I find it unfair towards her.' I agree. I found Akari really forgiving too! I might have strangled him, or myself more likely if I found my boyfriend cheating on me with a guy. Let's hope that some HikaAka writers out there will give Akari what she deserves.
LittleNK: 'I have a feeling that this fic will be sad.' Yes, this turned out to be a bit more depressing than I had originally planned.'I've something to read while I take a break' Now don't make the break too long, you know your faithful readers are waiting for the continuation of 'Be with me Always':D