Sup everyone, and prepare… for extreme craziness. (Actually, you guys are lucky. I was originally going to have the ATHF intro song in every chapter. I decided against it.) R&R. Sorry about the long wait, but I got in trouble with the site so I had to wait before I could post anything. I bumped up the rating because of what will be said in this chapter.
Disclaimer – I don't own Invader Zim or Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Same old, same old.
"See these medals on my chest? They all say, "I'm better than you"." – Me
Zim's New Slave
By Sanoon
Chapter 3: The Search Party and the Crash
It was another rainy, storming day on the South Jersey Shore. The large, blank castle that housed the maniacal madman named Dr. Weird was, as always, dark and gloomy. (That's right, every chapter will start just like this.)
"Gentlemen, behold. Even more corn!" Dr. Weird said as the giant garage door opened up, revealing a table with corn on it.
"You're kidding right?" Steve asked.
"Ahh…no. C'mon Steve, eat up," Dr. Weird said with a fake smile.
"I remember what happened the last two times," Steve said, backing away from the table.
"But this time will be different," Dr. Weird said, with the same fake smile on his face.
"Ahh…no. I'm pretty sure this will be the same,' Steve said, remembering the previous two times.
"But this time, it will be different," Dr. Weird said, laughing.
"Ahh…screw that," Steve said as he left the room.
"NO! Steve, come back," Dr. Weird shouted at the door that Steve left through.
"You said he would fall for it again," said a voice that originated from the corn pile.
"Who are you?" Dr. Weird said, surprised. After he said that, four pieces of corn impaled Dr. Weird and threw him against the back wall.
"Let the mating begin!" The voice said.
"Have you seen a small green boy named Zim?" Dib shouted after he got out of the cab.
"A small green boy," Carl said. "Yea, he just left, in his 'frickin spaceship, or whatever."
"NOOO!" Dib yelled. "I'm too late."
"Shake, Meatwad," Frylock said when he got home. "Shake…Meatwad. Where are you?"
"I'm in your room Frylock," Shake said from the other room.
"I thought I told you not to go in my room," Frylock said to Shake while he floated over to his room. Just as always, Frylock was annoyed that Shake went into his room without permission.
"Hey, while you're here, can you tell me your account name for Ebay?" Shake said casually.
"W-Why?" Frylock asked.
"Well, I need to sell all of Meatwad's things," Shake said while picking upMeatwad's boom box.
"What!" Frylock shouted. "No, those are Meatwad's things, not yours. Where is Meatwad anyway?"
"He's at camp," Shake said casually without looking away from the computer.
"What do you mean camp, because last time you said he went to camp, you sold him to a circus," Frylock said angrily.
"Frylock…come on…that's not important," Shake said, laughing casually.
"Where is he?" Frylock yelled. He wasn't completely shocked. This obviously wasn't the first time Shake did something like this to Meatwad.
"He's…somewhere," Shake said, uncaringly.
"WHERE?" Frylock shouted.
"I sold him," Shake said uncaringly.
"WHAT?" Frylock shouted in surprise. "Again?"
"You heard me," Shake said throwing the boom box on the ground. It exploded upon impact, as everything that Shake throws does. "Don't act like you didn't. You have ears. Use 'em."
"Who'd you sell him to, Shake?" Frylock asked Shake with anger in his voice.
"I don't know," Shake said uncaringly.
"Shake," Frylock said angrily, "Who did you sell him to?"
"I said I don't know!" Shake shouted, finally getting annoyed at Frylock's questions.
"You wait here," Frylock said. "I'm going to talk to Carl." Frylock floated over to his door, and stopped to turn to Shake. "I'll deal with you later."
"Wait, Frylock," Shake said as Frylock turned to leave the room.
"What, Shake?" Frylock asked, extremely annoyed.
"You didn't tell me what your password is," Shake said calmly.
"Fuck you, Shake," Frylock said as he left his room.
"…And that's when Zim shot me at the slowly exploding explosion," Dib explained to Carl.
"You're pretty weird, little man," Carl said as Frylock floated into his yard. Dib freaked out once he saw Frylock.
"What is that thing?" Dib shouted, pointing at the floating box of fries.
"Ohh, he's just my annoying neighbor," Carl said casually. "He's only freaky as hell."
"Hey Carl," Frylock said. "Who's this?" Frylock asked as Dib pulled out his camera and took a few pictures of the floating box of fries in front of him. Frylock ignored that Dib was taking snapshots of him.
"I…I…I'm…Dib," Dib said slowly, putting away the camera he took a few seconds to regain his composure. "I'm trying to stop Zim from taking over the world."
"Yeah," Carl said, "he's even more freakier than you."
"Ugh-huh," Frylock said, ignoring Carl's comment. "My name is Frylock," he said to Dib. He extended one of his fries, and waited for Dib to shake it. Dib looked at his fry in amazement. After a few seconds, he shook the fry. Frylock turned his attention towards Carl. "Have you seen Meatwad?"
"Yeah, Fry man," Carl said, "a little green alien and his small green dog took him away."
"WHAT?" Dib and Frylock said at the same time.
"And you just let Ignignot and Err take him away?" Frylock asked, extremely annoyed
"No Fry man," Carl said. "It wasn't those two. These guys had more than two dimensions."
"Zim," Dib said slowly. "I was too late."
"What do you mean, 'too late'?" Frylock asked."
"Don't get him started," Carl said, "I asked him the same question, and he started to tell me his 'frickin life story."
"I have a condensed version," Dib said.
"A condensed version," Carl said, annoyed that he had to sit through Dib's life story. "Why didn't you tell me the condensed version?"
"I don't know," Dib said slowly. "It just didn't occur to me."
"Super," Carl said, rubbing his forehead.
"Dib," Frylock said, "what did you say about being too late."
"Well," Dib started, happy that he finally had an audience, "Zim is an alien who came here to take over the world. He has made many attempts to conquer the planet, but I managed to foil all of his plans. But when I was scavenging through his trash, I found a letter from someone named Master Shake, probably a code name."
"No, that's his real name," Frylock said, interrupting Dib.
"Anyway," Dib said after staring at Frylock for a few seconds, "The letter said that Master Shake was selling a slave for $12.00."
"$12.00!" Frylock shouted as Carl said,
"12.00 bucks! Meat man isn't even worth 2.00."
"Anyway," Dib continued, "I came here as fast as I could. Zim already has a robot servant named GIR, but he's too incompetent to do anything properly. So I figured Zim was trying to find someone who was better."
Carl laughed and said, "Well he made the wrong choice. Meat man is incompetent."
"I hate to agree, but he's right," Frylock said. "Meatwad won't be able to help him. In fact, he might mess things up even more."
"Well that's good," Dib said with a sigh of relief.
"Will they hurt him?" Frylock asked.
"Hopefully," Carl said, laughing.
"I'm not sure," Dib said, rubbing his chin. "Based on what I know about Zim, and I know a lot, he might kill him if he disobeys."
"Ohh, crap," Frylock said, resting one of his fry's on his forehead. "He's a goner." Frylock turned to Carl, and grabbed his shoulders.
"Fry man, what the hell are you doing?" Carl questioned.
"Carl, I really need you to do me a big favor!" Frylock said quickly
"Lemme guess," Carl said, "you want me to go find Meatwad?"
"Yes Carl, please?" Frylock asked. He smiled as he removed his fry's from Carl's shoulders.
"Ahh…let me think…ahhhh…no," Carl said calmly
"Carl please…I'll give you $10.00," Frylock said, pulling out a 10-dollar bill
"Ahhh…no," Carl said after thinking for a few seconds
"How about 20?" Frylock asked, pulling out another 10-dollar bill.
"No," Carl said quickly. "Why don't you go?"
"Because I need to deal with Shake," Frylock said. "Plus, you're the only one with a car. We have the Danger Cart, but with Meatwad gone…it just doesn't work out."
"You'll have to take me," Dib added. "Only I know where Zim's secret base is."
"I'm not going to rescue that 'frickin ball of meat, 'kay," Carl said angrily. "So just forget about it."
"100?" Frylock asked.
"You got yourself a deal," Carl said, snatching up the offer to gain $100.
"Great, good luck you two," Frylock said happily, and then frowned, "I'm going to take care of Shake." Frylock turned around and floated towards the ATHF house.
"Sooo," Dib said slowly, "Are we taking that red car parked in the street," Dib said pointing to Carl's car.
"Yeah, little man," Carl said. "We are."
"Sweet," Dib said happily.
"Yeah," Carl said, rubbing his baldhead. "I gotta call the 'frickin zoo. You wanna come in while you wait."
"Sure," Dib said. "While we're waiting, I can tell you all about Zim and his weaknesses."
"Super," Carl said as they walked into his house.
Prof. Membrane walked up from the basement, and looked around. He hadn't seen or heard from Dib in a few days, not that he paid any attention. "Gaz, where's your brother?" He asked Gaz, who was playing her Gameslave 2 on the couch.
"He went to New Jersey to stop Zim from doing something evil," Gaz answered.
"You mean he went into the world all alone?" Prof. Membrane asked. Gaz nodded her head. "Why didn't you go with him?"
"Because I like it when he's gone," Gaz answered. "It's more peaceful around here."
"Ohh well, hopefully this excursion into society will make him LESS INSANE," Pros. Membrane said, shaking his fist. He turned around, and headed back into his lab
Time for the low-down, Boxy Brown style. I was mindin my own business, sitting in the back of the alien ship, when Meatwad came back to ask me if I wanted anything. So I says, "Boy, don't you ever take Boxy Brown into some strange alien ship without my permission! I'll rip yer guts out if ya do it again."
So he says, "I'm sorry Boxy, I was just wonderin if ya wanted anything."
And I says, "Bitch, I will tell you if I want somethin."
So he says, "Boxy, I'm sorry, just please, don't rip me guts out."
And then this robot shouts, "Rippin out the guts!" And he starts laughin some freaky shit, and then I said,
"Boy, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna haf ta bust a cap in your shiny metal ass," and then I pulled out my 9 mil automatic and waved in front of his messed up face.
And then Meatwad says, "Look out doggy, he's got a gun!"
And then that freaky alien at the controls turns around and stares at me. Then he says, "GIR, meat-thing, be quiet! Can't you see ZIM is flying?"
And I said, "Boy, you shut up to, before I blow your green head off!" after that, Meatwad and GIR went to the front of the small ship and didn't annoy me any more. Then that messed up waste of cardboard, Dewey, looks at me strangely. I says, "You turn your ugly face around before I burn it off, bitch."
"What's this button do?" Meatwad asked Zim for the tenth time as the Voot Runner flew above the clouds.
"I already told you what it does," Zim said extremely annoyed. He couldn't take much more of this. It was like having a second GIR.
"I'm gonna press it," Meatwad said happily.
"PRESS IT!" GIR shouted, laughing the whole tome. "PRESS IT!"
"NO, DON'T!" Zim shouted flailing his arms. "It'll take down the ship."
"Is that bad?" Meatwad asked as he reached out his meat arm towards the button
"YES," Zim shouted as he hit Meatwad's arm away from the button console. A very miniscule amount of smoke rose from Zim's hand.
"PRESS THE BUTTON! GIR shouted again as he dove into Meatwad. GIR disappeared into Meatwad's meaty…flesh meat.
"I'm gonna press it," Meatwad said happily.
"NO!" Zim shouted. Unfortunately, Zim was too late, as Meatwad's meat arm pressed the button.
"What? Was I not supposed to press it?" Meatwad asked after he pressed the button.
The Voot Runner took an extreme nosedive as the engines turned off. Zim and Meatwad were screaming for their lives, while GIR laughed as he stuck his head out of Meatwad's body. The small Irken craft closed the distance to the ground very quickly as Zim tried everything in his knowledge to restart the engines. After they flew through the clouds, they could see a very large forest, with a large lake. A large highway ran along the forests edge. Zim guessed that they would crash along the edge of the forests, based on the current path of the Voot Runner, that is, if they didn't hit the giant cliff that was in they way. Zim tried to turn the ship to avoid the cliff. He barely clipped the side off the cliff when he flew past it. Because of this, the ship started to barrel roll for a few seconds before Zim could stop it.
"Hey, camp lord," Meatwad asked after he stopped screaming.
"What. IS...IT. MEAT...FILTH?" Zim said, spitting out the last word. "Can't you see that ZIM is bussssy?" He asked, possibly the most annoyed he has ever been in his long life.
"When are we going to get to camp?" Meatwad asked casually, as if they weren't falling towards the ground.
Zim started screaming again as he continued to press any combination of buttons he could think of to restart the engines. He couldn't take it. Meatwad was another GIR. He had to be. There was no other possible explanation.
Zim got the correct combination right before the voot runner slammed into the tree line. Even though the engines were thrown in reverse for only a few seconds, they managed to slow the craft down enough to save the occupants. The Voot Runner crashed along the dirt surface. Luckily, the ship didn't hit any trees as itslidacross the ground. After a few seconds of shaking, the Voot Runner remained motionless.
The window to the Voot Runner fell off, making a small thud noise when it hit the dirt. The window rocked back and forth, and then shattered. Zim and Meatwad crawled out. Zim has a small cut on his forehead, and his wig and both of his contacts fell out. They were lost somewhere in the wreckage. Meatwad was untouched, although, GIR fell out of Meatwad in the process of the crash.
"Boy, that was fun," Meatwad said as Zim found a rock to support himself on. "Let's do that again."
GIR jumped out of a small hole in the side of the craft, and started to run circles around Zim and Meatwad screaming in laughter. "LETS DO IT AGAIN…AGAIN…AGAAAAAIN!" GIR stopped running for a minute to walk over to Zim. GIR grabbed his face and put it right up to his so that he was staring directly into Zim's eyes, drawing confusion from the little Irken, until he shouted, "Can I have a taco?" into Zim's face.
"Ohh yea boy," Meatwad said, rolling up to Zim. "I want a beef supreme. Make it deep rolled, and sauce grilled. I don't eat stuff that isn't sauce rolled...deep grilled…wait…hold on…yea, that's right."
"Hey, who's the asshole that crashed this ship and woke me up?" Came a voice from the bushes. Zim looked up from the rock he was supporting himself on, and saw another strange sight.
End of chapter three. Evil, aren't I, leaving you with so many unanswered questions. (Two, I think.) Maybe more.
Next Chapter: We find out who is in the woods, and Carl and Dib get a visit from everyone's favorite 2-D characters.
Ohh, I'm putting Irks Last Hope on hold for a while. I'm just not in the mood to write afighting/action adventure right now.
Posted 1/1/06
Thanks for reading, and a big thanks to everyone who reviewed.