Gentleman…prepare for…CHAPTER FIVE! Sorry for the long wait, but I've been working on other pieces lately.
Zim's New Slave
By Sanoon
Chapter 5: More Freaking Aliens!
It was another rainy, storming day on the South Jersey Shore. The large, blank castle that housed the maniacal madman named Dr. Weird was, as always, dark and gloomy. But we aren't concerned with the castle today, because Dr. Weird and Steve went somewhere else.
They were in a lovely city. A city filled with happy people. But…the two weren't in the city, they were a mile below it. The Raccoon City Umbrella Research Center, aka the Hive.
"Gentlemen…behold," Dr. Weird said in a serious tone. "We are re-opening the Hive!" Dr. Weird shook his fist in the air after he said this.
"Ahh, Dr. Weird," Steve said, trying to interrupt Dr. Weird's soon-to-be horrible mistake. "Are you sure we should…ya know…be doin' this? 'Cause ya know what happened the last time."
"Shut the fuck up Steve," Dr. Weird shouted, pointing his finger at his lab assistant. "Prof. Membrane told me this is REAL SCIENCE!"
"Well as long asProf. Membrane says so," Steve said sarcastically.
"Well…he did!" Dr. Weird shouted as he pressed the button to open the Hive security bulkhead doors.
The doors started to open as zombies started pouring out from the doors. "I'm outta here," Steve said, running off down the corridor.
"Gentleman behold, we are re-closing the Hive!" Dr. Weird quickly shouted as the zombies piled onto him and started eating his flesh.
It was still raining outside of the cave where Zim, GIR, and Meatwad were waiting. Zim was pacing the floor, extremely annoyed. "AHHH, My…Voot Runner is…AHHH…gone, and it's raining, and that…meat…FILTH…was a complete waste of time!" Zim shouted to himself.
Meatwad noticed Zim's unhappy mood, so he decided to try to cheer him up. He rolled up to Zim, and started talking as a calm, happy music started playing out of nowhere. "Listen camp lord. It's okay that dat everything isn't going your way. I mean…it probably isn't. You just have to think of all the good things, like…when the rain stops, a beautiful rainbow will appear, and it'll make everything better. People will be happy to see you, and you'll make some money, and gain social status, and get some pizza, and make your neighbors happy, and…get some…magical talking bunny's, and…some magical talking cats and other animals that I can't seem to remember right now. It just seems like that would be what you would get, because you already have a magical talking dog. But, the point is, that you will always be happy if you just try to see the bright side of everything." As soon as Meatwad stopped talking, the strange, soft music seemed to stop.
Zim stared at Meatwad, somewhat confused as to what he was even talking about, while GIR slowly said, "That was nice."
Zim continued to march around the cave muttering angrily to himself, as Meatwad and GIR talked about their favorite TV shows. This proceeded for about a half-an-hour before Zim finally started to calm down. Zim regained control of himself and decided to say something that would…hopefully…make Meatwad more obedient. Maybe, with a little conditioning, Meatwad would be a decent servant. He found a small rock that was inside the cave, and jumped on it to make himself a little taller. He got Meatwad and GIR's short attention, and cleared his throat. He opened his mouth to talk, but before he could say anything, the three were engulfed in a bright, white light.
The next thing the three saw were some bright red lasers that were circling them. Zim looked around the room and saw two large, and incredibly strange aliens. One, the shorter, fatter, orange looking one, was smiling evilly, while the other, skinny taller, green one was just smiling normally. The green one resembled an Irken almost, if he didn't have all those strange spikes, or if he had some antenna…or even arms and legs. Come to think of it, he didn't look like an Irken at all. Zim looked out one of the two windows in the room. They must have been in space, because he could see the Earth in the distance.
"Look Emory," Oglethorpe said casually in his Dutch accent. "Our prisoners have arrived." He turned his attention to the three in the laser circle prisons." You tell us all that you know about Earth so that we can capture it…and do stuff to it. And don't try to escape. Those lasers will cut you down."
"CAPTURE!" Zim shouted. "You can't capture it!"
"And vhy is that little green thing," Oglethorpe said, almost laughing. "You cannot escape our mighty prison."
"Prison or not, Earth is already claimed as a planet marked for capture by the Irken Armada," Zim said, removing his impressive disguise.
"Vee don't know vhat you're talking about…Irken…pfhh." Oglethorpe finally noticed something he should have noticed a few moments earlier. "Wait…EMORY," Oglethorpe shouted. "He isn't human! Our plan is foiled before it even began."
"I…I thought he looked strange," Emory said slowly.
"Well duh, Emory," Oglethorpe said angrily. "He's a freaking alien. He isn't human." Oglethorpe looked at the other two, the strange robot, and the ball of meat. "None of zhem are human! Now how vill vee conquer Earth! Our plan is ruined!"
"I already told you that you can't conquer Earth!" Zim shouted angrily, waving his fist in the air.
"Ohh, and vhy is zhat Mr. Alien," Oglethorpe said mockingly, stretching out the last word.
"I already told you why you can't conquer it," Zim said, extremely annoyed.
"Dude, I…I think he said that already," Emory said calmly.
"I know Emory," Oglethorpe said, annoyed. "I have ears. I can hear him."
"Hey, is this camp?" Meatwad asked rolling across the lasers, prompting an immediate remark from both Zim and Oglethorpe.
"ZEH RIIIIIINGS!" Oglethorpe shouted. "You should be DEEEEEAAD!"
"The rings don't work," Zim said to himself. He pushed GIR through the rings. Nothing happened, except GIR took that as a sign to start running around the room screaming like a madman.
Meatwad looked at the laser rings, and then looked back at the two aliens. "Dem rings…dem rings don't work, 'cause I done went through 'em, and they didn't do nothin'. Dey's crap. You might wanna talk to a customer service rep about that."
During this, GIR jumped on Zims head, screaming something. "GIR!" Zim shouted, "Get off my head!"
"But I'm boooooored," GIR said sadly.
"Then…I don't know…go push some buttons or something," Zim said unenthusiastically.
"BUTTONS!" GIR shouted as he ran off into the ship to cause unimaginable havoc.
"Ja," Oglethorpe said slowly, looking at the floor, as if the small robot didn't say anything. "Vell, zhey were supposed to work."
"But…they…they didn't…again," Emory said calmly.
" I…know, Emory," Oglethorpe said angrily, as GIR's voice faded out in the distance. "Zhey never work, I though you talked to zeh installer about those?"
"I did," Emory said, raising his voice, "and he said that…that he couldn't do anything with it because we already used it to take over a planet, and that we might as well throw it out the window."
"Vell why didn't you remove it and throw it out zeh window zhen?" Oglethorpe said angrily.
"Because you said to keep it there," Emory said. "You said we could use it again, and that it would work."
"Well this time you remove it," Oglethorpe said angrily. "How many times must we go through with this before you realize zhat I don't know what's going on?"
"I…I thought you said…that…you knew what was going on?" Emory asked.
"Ja," Oglethorpe said casually. "Of cooouuurse I know vwhat's going on, Emory. I am zeh all knowing leader."
"But…you just said you don't know what's going on," Emory said, somewhat annoyed and confused.
"Nein," Oglethorpe said casually. "I know what I said Emory. You don't need to repeat it to me."
The whole time that the two were arguing, Zim got a good chance to take a look around the room. He immediately noticed a control panel, and walked over to it. He observed all of the bright buttons and switches that were labeled in a dialect he couldn't understand. He had an idea, but it all rested on a complete guess. "Hey, alien guys," Zim said, gaining the attention of Oglethorpe and Emory.
"Vhat is it?" Oglethorpe asked. "Can't you zee zhat vee are having an important discussion here?"
"Yeah," Zim said slowly. "Which one of these buttons activates the teleporter and sends us anywhere we want?"
"Ohh, zhat button is located right over zere," Oglethorpe said, pointing his spikes at the control panel. "Let me do it, you might mess it up and destroy our great technology." Oglethorpe moved Zim out of the way and told messed with the buttons. "Vere do you vount to go?" He asked. Zim told him where his house was, and Oglethorpe said, "Ja, stand over zere, in zeh teleporter circle." Zim and Meatwad stood within the circle as Oglethorpe prepared to teleport them away. Zim looked around, but didn't see GIR anywhere.
"GIR!" Zim shouted. GIR's head came out of one of the wall panels with some wires in his mouth.
"They have colored noodles here," GIR said, swallowing the wires.
"GIR, come here," Zim ordered, after which, GIR quickly ran to the circle. Oglethorpe pressed the switch, and the three disappeared in a flash of light. After which, Oglethorpe noticed what he just did, and shouted, "DAMMIIIIIIIIT, THEY ESCAAAAAAAPED!"
"Well you let them out," Emory said calmly.
"Ja," Oglethorpe said to himself. "Vell maybe vee should find someone else who vould be villing to help us."
"I don't think anyone would help us capture a planet," Emory said sadly.
"Vell someone vill," Oglethorpe said, looking at who would be perfect to gain knowledge from.
"Why don't we just cut our losses, before we get any, and just go home?" Emory asked calmly.
"Nein!" Oglethorpe shouted as he pressed the button. "Vee just got some new prisoners!"
"…and I would've had perfect evidence if the counselor didn't get on the ship with those aliens," Dib said, hitting his hand with his fist.
"I don't freaking care," Carl said for the third time.
"But this is important stuff Carl," Did said, annoyed. "We have to know our enemy before we can beat him."
"I ain't beatin' no one, 'kay," Carl said quickly. "I'm just gettin' Meatwad back so I can get $100."
"You don't care that Zims and alien, do you?" Dib asked, somewhat annoyed and downhearted.
"No, no I don't," Carl said quickly.
Dib sighed, and stared out the window. The forests along the highway were extensive. But then…he noticed something…something unusual. Something that told the paranormal investigator in him to explore. A pillar of smoke was coming through the treetops. Then, Dib knew what the smoke was about, as GIR came flying over the highway.
Sitting in the truck going in the opposite direction, were two middle-aged men. They both were listening to country music, when the passenger pointed at the flying dog in the air. "Jimmy," the man said. "Take a look over there. It's an alien dog."
"Shoot, Mark," Jimmy said shaking his head. "That ain't no alien dog. It's one of them new flyin' dogs. I've heard all about 'em."
"Really?" Mark asked as he pulled out a cigarette from his shirt pocket. "Well I'll be darned. The world sure is gettin' all advanced."
"Carl!" Dib shouted, grabbing Carl's hairy shoulder. "Stop!"
The car swerved in the road as Carl tried to regain control from the shock of Dib's sudden outburst. Carl managed to pull over to the side of the road without causing too much of a disturbance in the traffic. "Why did you frickin' do that?" Carl shouted at Dib.
"Zim's in the woods!" Dib shouted. "He has to be! There's no other reason why GIR would be flying around a busy highway!"
"He could just be as fricken' dumb as hell like everyone else," Carl said as raindrops started to hit the windshield.
"Rain!" Dib shouted exuberantly. "Water is his weakness. He's vulnerable. We can get him."
"Not if he stays in his ship," Carl said, eyeing the rain clouds.
"Yes, but…if we can…get him out of his ship…then we can beat him," Dib said slowly.
"I told you," Carl said, pointing his finger at Dib. "I ain't beatin' no frickin' green alien."
"Fine…" Dib said slowly, "We won't beat him, but we have to at least save Meatwad, right?"
"Yes we do," Carl said quickly, and then quietly added to himself, "Because those girls love big tippers."
"What was that?" Dib asked. "What girls?"
"Ehh, you wouldn't know," Carl said, reaching into his back seat to pick up an umbrella.
"I probably don't," Dib said, getting out of the car. He didn't grab an umbrella, mostly because he didn't care if he got wet. It made him feel superior to Zim when he was soaked in normal water, when Zim's skin would burn under it. That, and Carl only had one umbrella. The two proceeded into the woods, and it didn't take them very long to find the crashed Voot runner. At the least, it took them ten minutes to find the pieces that were lying everywhere. No one could miss this. The two started searching the area for any sign of footprints, but the rain had started to wash away all of their tracks. Plus, Dib was having a hard time paying attention to the search when all that Irken technology was just strewn about on the forest floor, and Carl…didn't really care.
Carl found a nice dry spot under a large tree, and started looking for any two-foot high giant balls of meat that might be in the area. He was getting pretty annoyed at Dib's constant muttering as he picked up and examined the various pieces of junk lying around the ground.
Dib looked around for Carl. He saw him standing under a tree, not really doing much. He was about to say something when he noticed a bright, white light out of the corner of his eye. He turned, and noticed something he hadn't before. There was a cave along the cliff wall. "How did I not notice that," Dib said to himself as he started to run over to the cave. He yelled for Carl to follow, and, reluctantly, Carl followed Dib.
Dib stood at the cave entrance as Carl slowly caught up with him. "Now Zim, Dib said sadistically happy, stretching out Zim's name. "It's time to put an end to your destructive reign of…destructive…reigny reign."
"Reigny? Is that even a freakin' word?" Carl asked as Dib stared into the cave after waiting a few moments for Zim's reply.
Dib started to run into the cave, expecting to finally capture Zim, and end his Earth-menacing reign of destructive terror. Unfortunately for Dib, and Carl's wallet, the cave was empty. Although, as Carl pointed out, there were meat lines everywhere, which was a sure-fire indication that Meatwad was once here.
Annoyed with his results, Carl walked back to his car, while Dib trudged sullenly back with him. As the two were walking back, the rain seemed to stop, and the sun showed its face over the water-soaked lands. The two reached the car, and Carl became very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, pissed off at what he saw. Dib just stared at the metallic carnage before him.
Carl's car was a wreck. The entire roof of the car was gone. It looked like someone ripped it right off the metal. The hood was ripped off and thrown on the ground. The wheels were melted, and the doors were ripped off and thrown into the highway. The rear axel was sticking out of the motor, and the stereo system was scattered across the back seats. The car's interior was soaked from all the rain. The steering wheel became the new Frisbee for two very 2-D aliens.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY FREAKIN' CAR?" Carl shouted in pure rage at the two standing by his car.
"We were merely trying to figure out what made your primitive Earth cars run," Ignignot said defensively, yet, uncaringly. He tossed the steering wheel to Err.
"Yeah, and we also wanted a new Frisbee," Err added laughing.
"I am going to so frikin' kill you little bastards!" Carl shouted as Dib slowly slid away from Carl.
"And what makes you think you can just kill us? Ignignot said calmly.
"Ohh, uhhh, I don't know. I think I'll just…ahhh…BASH YOUR FUCKING SKULLS IN WITH MY FISTS!" Carl shouted, as he ran towards Ignignot and Err. The two Mooninites ran towards their ship and jumped in. The ship almost immediately lifted off the ground.
"You couldn't hurt us Carl," Igningnot said calmly as the ship floated into space. "We're far too superior to even get hurt by your pathetic punches."
"Yeah fatty," Err said, laughing. "We're immune. Enjoy you're new car."
Carl and Dib watched as the ship disappeared into the sky. Carl rubbed his forehead, trying to clear his head so he could think clearly. Dib started to stare in amazement, as everyone on the highway seemed to ignore the aliens that once laid waste to Carl's car…and how no one seemed to care that two people were stranded by the side of the road with a destroyed car. "Wonderful," Carl said after a few minutes of thinking.
"So," Dib said slowly and carefully, trying not to set off the volcano. "What are we going to do?"
"I have no freaking idea," Carl said.
The two stood there, unable to do much as they stared at the once usable car. Out of nowhere, they heard police sirens. They both turned to see a police car pull up behind the wreckage.
"Somebody does care," Dib said enthusiastically. The highway patrolman stepped out of his car, and slowly walked over to the destroyed car.
"Good afternoon sir," the officer said to Carl. "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"Yeah, it is a good afternoon there, and…ugh…I was already on the side of the road," Carl said, somewhat annoyed.
"I pulled you over because you seem to be a litter bug," The officer said.
"What are you talkin' about?" Carl asked, slightly confused.
"Do you see that construction zone over there?" The officer asked. Carl looked over the room, and nodded his head. "Do you enjoy throwing your car doors on every construction zone you find? I'm going to have to write you up for that."
"You have got to be freaking kidding me," Carl almost shouted.
"Sir, I'm just doin' my job, don't get angry with me," The officer said motioning for him to calm down.
"You wanna, maybe frikin' help us?" Carl asked angrily.
"Don't get angry with me sir!" The officer said, pulling out his pepper spray. "Don't make me use this."
"Okay, okay, calm do-" Carl began to say, before he was interrupted when the officer sprayed a large amount of pepper spray into his eyes. Carl shouted in pain as he started to fall over. As he was falling though, Carl's hand accidentally touched the officer's arm.
The cop quickly handcuffed Carl, and Dib said in protest, "Wait officer, you don't understan-" Dib was cut-off as he too got a nice amount of pepper spray, and was then handcuffed. The officer ran to his car to call backup. Dib could hear him from his car.
"Station, this officer Parker. I have two violent suspects and I need backup. One is a large, hairy, bald, man in his fifties."
"I'm 44," Carl said from the ground.
"The other is small boy with a large head."
"My head's not big," Dib said from the wet cement. There was a short pause, which must have been a reply from the station. Before the cop received his backup, Carl and Dib were engulfed in a white light…
Far above the earth, the small ship left for a distant body. Two creatures manned this small craft. The tallest of the two was looking at Earth, flipping it off. "Take this, Earth," Ignignot said calmly. "You'll take my punishment, and you'll take it well."
"Now let's throw eggs at 'em," Err said, picking up a carton of eggs. He opened the carton to reveal that it was empty. "Hey, what the fuck!" Err shouted. "We're out of eggs!"
"Impossible," Ignignot said, turning his attention to Err. "We just got eggs on Earth."
"No we didn't," Err said, throwing the empty carton on the ground. "We only insulted the losers of the planet."
"Yes, Err, I know that," Ignignot said, turning to look at the planet. "Then we'll go back, and we'll get those eggs."
There ya go. Hope you enjoyed it. Now review. Poor Carl, and poor Dib. Ohh, and I don't know Oglethorpe's real accent. I'm just saying it's Dutch…it might be, it might not be. I'm not the only one who is writing this. My friends throw me small bits and scenes. The whole cop thing was my friend's idea. It started with the small question, 'What would happen if a cop came by?' The cop was a cross between Super Troopers, and the large amount of people in Invader Zim who daon't care.
Next chapter: Carl and Dib discover how to get to Zim's house, and Zim shows off his new 'servant' to the Tallest.
C'mon people, review. It'll make me write the next chapter faster. Those of you who put this on their alert list, and you know who you are, review please. Please. I enjoy your comments on my work. It keeps me going.
Posted 1/13/06