Thank you everyone for the positive reactions! I apologise for writing Swedish kilos instead of pounds, hope you don't mind…

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Chapter 3 – Bridget Darcy?

Sunday 19 Mars

Dinner at Magda and Jeremy's tonight. This time I don't have to be the poor spinster though so it will probably be lots more fun. Soon I will also be one of these smug married couples. However it will only be the four of us tonight so I don't get so show everyone how happy I am. Must stop doing that! I'm not marrying Marc only to brag. That's just a bonus!

Phone rings.

"Bridget Jones, soon to be Darcy!" Ugh, I could never get used to Darcy. I mean, it was great, as long as my name wasn't in front of it…

"Hi Sweetie." How nice, dad called.

"Hi dad, how's it going?"

"Just fine."

"Great!" Silence "Well, I'm fine too…And Marc also. We've found a place for the wedding!"

"That's wonderful." Silence. "Your mum wants to talk to you, bye." He's not much of a talker my dad.

"Hello dumpling! I was just at the Alconbury's and you can never guess what they've just bought - a new plasma TV! As if they don't' sit around on their asses too much already. I mean what's the point really? Your father and I were thinking about visiting your sister after the wedding. By the way, how come you haven't set the place for the wedding yet? What were you thinking? You know there's a long waitlist for these things…" Probably cause my mother talked enough for both.

"We have decided and booked the church now mum. But I haven't really got time to talk to you right now. Marc and I are having dinner with some friends. I have to get ready."

"Oh, how nice. Listen, don't wear that purple sweatshirt only – it makes you look plump. We don't want that man of yours to change his mind do we? Kiss." Great. Now I had to change my sweater! Why did she always have to make me feel bad about myself? Maybe because she was jealous of something I had! But no, what would that be? She had done this long before Marc so it couldn't be him. Maybe it was my lank hair or my flattering rump fat… Maybe it was just her way of saying she cared. There's no way I'm going to treat my children that way! Also something I should discuss with Marc. And that thing about sending the kids of to boarding school – not happening! These were probably things that we should discuss before the marriage, or not. I mean I don't want him to change his mind do I? Fuck, that was mums words. Okay then…I will talk to him…I'll do it tomorrow, or the next day.

Marc brought me a rose when he came to pick me up. A little cliché I admit, but still, very sweet. When we arrived to Magda and Jeremy's it took a whole lot of time until someone actually opened the door. And they looked as if they had been doing something very breathtaking just seconds before. Hmmm. Marc took the words out of my mouth asking (while they went into kitchen and we hang up our jackets);

"So, do you think they had sex just now or what? I grinned back at him.

"Maybe they have. You know I've always seen them as the perfect couple. One of those who never falls into just routine."

"Then that is what we should do. Every time someone's coming over, we should have sex just before."

"Yes. We should do that." I laughed and kissed him gently on the mouth. Magda stepped into the hall.

"So are you coming or what?" She said, a bit irritated, I think.

Later after dinner when we had told them all about or upcoming wedding, I asked them how it was like to be married. If it was any different from being engaged except for on papers of course. They looked stunned really.

"Oh, well… You know, it's great!" Jeremy said talking to his empty plate. Magda got up and started to clear the table.

"Everybody's eaten? No point of having the plates still here then. I'll just take it out to the kitchen."

"I'll help you!" I offered. She nodded and gave me a hardly noticeable smile.

When in kitchen she avoided looking at me.

"So you liked the salmon?" She asked.

"Yes. Magda, what is going on?"

"What do you mean?" She said in a heartily tone I could tell was fake.

"Stop talking to the floor! What's wrong?" She finally looked up at me. But she looked too worried for me to feel good about my accomplishment.

"Jeremy and I are thinking about separating." Oh, no – trouble in paradise. "We- well we argue all the time. Like just now before you came. And I don't think I can handle it anymore." So that's what they were doing, and I though they were having sex!

"Magda, I'm so sorry." I said and hugged her. This was horrible. They couldn't separate! They were the only couple I knew who was happy. Or so I had thought. Maybe it wasn't possible to be happy after all? Both Jude and Magda were having troubles – and big ones to. Why should I be different from them? I was only kidding myself. There was no way I could handle this marriage thing.

"Forgive me Bridge, I'm totally spoiling this dinner. Let's get back out there with the dessert. I can be polite to Jeremy for one night, right?" She smiled at me. God I was so stupid. She tried to be strong and needed my support now and all I could do was think about myself.

"Yes, let's!" I said, trying not to sound too heartily but supportive at the same time. At least no one can call me a bad friend!

Rest of the evening went by in snail's pace. Marc kept throwing me perplexed glances and Magda and Jeremy asked us all kinds of questions to avoid having to answer any themselves.

We left early, and once outside Marc asked me what just happened.

"They have some troubles, I think." I said. This time I was the one talking to the floor, (or ground if you'd rather.)

"Hmm." Was Marc's response. "Hope they'll work it out." Oh, he so didn't understand the seriousness of the situation!

"Some things you cannot just work out!" I started to walk faster.

"And why are you so upset?" He answered calmly. Did he not get this was gonna happen to us in a couple of years?

"Because she's one of my best friends that's why. I don't see how you can care so little. But on the other hand you're good at that." Okay, that's overdoing it but he did have some strange ideas about some things.

"Excuse me." He really didn't get it.

"You want to send our children of to boarding school for once, and you couldn't respect my feelings now but had to play upper class bitch. How will that be when we're married? If you always going to patronise me then there's no point in us getting married cause I'd always feel bad about myself. I'm already doing it tanks to my mum so I don't need it from you to." Marc stopped walking. I turned around.

"What?"

"So you're saying I'm a self-centred ass and that you don't want to marry me anymore?" NO!

"Yes…maybe." He got to know it's not true. Talk me out of it now. This is the way females work, we have to be sure that they'd fight for us. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"You know what Bridget, I'm sick of this. I have proved my love to you over and over again." True. "I couldn't wait to marry you and I thought that you felt the same way." I did. I do. "So I don't understand why you have to keep making up problems all the time. You obviously don't want to marry me." That's not it! " So I guess I don't think we should get through with this either then. I don't want to be the only on at the altar saying yes." I just stood there looking at him. Was that it? No, please-forgive-me-I-promise-we'll-never-turn-into-one-of-those-couples, thing?

"Well if that's how you feel than I won't take up any more of your time." He said, looking honestly sad. Say something Bridge! Tell him that you love him and don't want to loose him again, even if you're not sure this'll work. Tell him you overreacted or at least tell him something, but don't let him walk away! He turned around and started walking the other way. I couldn't move but just stood there, waiting for him to change his mind and come running back. He didn't. Damn my stupid pride, it had never kept me from doing idiotic things before. Why was it so hard to admit I couldn't live without him?

"I love you." I said quiet to the falling snow and watched the back of my future walk away.