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Chapter 5 – emotional stupidity (or whatever the name is in english ;P)

Saturday 15 April

Chances of me staying on this health thing and chances of me ever getting married both minimal

Had rental movie night with ice cream and friends.

"So you're sure about this thing Bridget?" Tom asked.

"What thing?" I scooped a big spoon of ice cream into my mouth. I finally had my appetite back.

"Leaving Marc." Oh, we were going to talk about that now. I swallowed and it felt like razors down my throat. Maybe I wasn't over him after all.

"I'm not the one leaving, remember?"

Shaz jumped in, "Yeah, but what I think he meant is; are you sure it's fuckin' worth this just to keep your pride?"

"I thought you guys were on my side?"

"We are!" Jude said. "We just don't want you doing something you'll regret. You should really think about this…"

"And you don't think I have?" Christ, they were supposed to be supportive right now. "And who are you to talk?" I said to Jude. "If you want my opinion; you think about things way too thoroughly instead. If I were you, I would have left that cheating husband of yours a long time ago!" Jude was flushing.

"Actually Bridge….I didn't want to tell you because you've been so down about Marc, but it turned out he wasn't cheating. I was only overreacting, the only thing he was guilty of was surprising me with a trip to France next month." Typical! There's that timing again, I was now at such a good place that I could talk about Marc, but I still needed to wallow! And as always, there was no one to do it with.

"Good for you." I said, maybe just a little grumpy. "So should we look at the movie or not?"

"Yes!" Tom said and held up our choice for tonight. "This one always does the trick." It was 'Pride and Prejudice'.

00:47. Maybe I could wallow together with Magda? She was still unhappy about her marriage thing, I was pretty sure of it at least. Why hadn't I thought about this before? Would call her first thing tomorrow! Now will get some sleep…

01:10. How come Jude has better man than I did? Marc never surprised me with trip to France.

01:32. The movie was good though, you got to love Mr Darcy…How come Marc never bathed with white shirt on just for my pleasure? Wish I could marry Colin Firth instead! But wait, Bridget Firth didn't work either. Why did I have to have such a crappy name that didn't fit with anything? Bridget Gable was awful, Bridget Pitt didn't work, Bridget Ledger was definitely wrong (not to mention child-kidnapping!) and Bridget Cleaver was….oh, shit! Of all the perverts in this world why did my name have to fit with his? I am so screwed…

02:02. Ugh, can't stop thinking about Cleaver being my husband… would that be a total disaster or what? Ridiculous really…

02:18. Come to think of it… How many times hadn't I fantasised about Mr Darcy being my husband? And how many of those times have I actually dismissed it because of name matches? I would so not turn a certain Pitt down either because of some name issue. Ha! I read somewhere it means 'dick' in Swedish! Is that hilarious or what? Anyway Bridget Darcy wasn't as bad as the rest of the celebrity weddings….Not that it mattered. Marc hated my guts, and I didn't blame him. How often do you hear of people turning down true love because of his/ her name? I so needed to sleep now, maybe I would be able to think straight in the morning….without hoping too much…

Sunday 16 April

Weight 60 (muscles plus ice cream) calories 2054, cigarettes 14, alcohol units 3, brain cells none whatsoever.

Oh, God. Have just talked to Magda.

"So what did he do really?" I asked her.

"Who? Jeremy?" I nodded with a look of compassion. "Oh, he didn't do anything really… we're just falling apart." I looked at her completely stunned.

"But, if he didn't do anything… what's wrong then?"

"Oh, Bridge. You have so much to learn about marriage. It's absolutely not his fault, if anything it's mine. You know how paranoid we women get sometimes?"

"Yes." I said, wishing I wouldn't be as familiar with it as I was.

"And I think that's what started it. We didn't understand each other all the time. I mean, we loved each other and that was more important so we lived on. I don't know why really, but now it's not enough anymore." Holy crap. I had hoped so much that it would be all his fault so that I could continue blaming everything on men. Maybe this whole Marc-thing was my entire fault? And now Magda wouldn't even wallow with me because she was very mature about this. She said she would take the day as it came and that it was best what happened. Very grown-up like. I wonder how she does that.

"So it was actually unnecessary marrying him, right?" I was grasping at thin air here, getting pretty desperate by now.

"Oh, no! I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It has been some wonderful years. We'll divorce as friends."

"Good for you!" Magda looked at me in horror. I guess I didn't succeed in my attempt of looking indifferent.

"Oh, honey I'm so sorry. Of course this doesn't always happen. When you're as perfect for each other as you and Marc there's really no need to worry." Great.

"Uhm, there's something I have to tell you…"

So trip to the gym then! Maybe some beats on the sack and then a muffin to calm down. (You need carbohydrates after a workout session to build up the strength, right?)

I know it's not happening anything interesting but I hope you'll think so soon enough. However, it might take me some time to update now, have a lot of things to do…sorry