Disclaimer:I do not own any dbz ,wish i did tho!

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CHAPTER 1

Bulma's Diary:25/5/2005

Life isn't as great as it's been made out to be..I know this from experiance like almost every person on Earth.

Oneday you could be walking down the street, not a care on your shoulders. The next day you could be walking down the street wishing that a car would come soon so you could jump infront of it.

The main disapointment is when you are betrayed by you loved ones. It doesn't matter if they are family, friends or partners because it still hurts.

God it hurts, it's a feeling you can't control, you can bottle it up and it will still come back at you.

It's the gut wrenching feeling and you can feel it rip through you, raw anger, disbelief and others mixed up wanting to burst out.

Sometimes it is so bad you double over and want to scream out "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?"

It can happen to everyone, and it's something that takes a long time to get over, sometimes it doesn't go away and you feel helpless.

I can still remember when i first felt it, who couldn't, the sick dread and the feeling of bile bubbling up and trying to come out.

All because someone i loved and cared about betrayed me in the worst way.

Yamcha...That bastard, my stomach turns at the mention of that name.

He was my first love, it was such a wonderful and warm feeling. I havn't felt it for a long time, 1 year to be exact, not even from my own parents.

He said he loved me, it felt so real and amazing.

It probably felt the same for the other girl too.

Yes you guessed it, he cheated on me, i found the disgusting messages on his cellphone.

He even had the nerve to say she was making the moves on him!

I couldn't say anything, my voice up and left me there. I sat there red with anger and choking in disbelief.

I decided then that i would never see him again and i didn't.

For the last year i have tryed to have a relationship and felt nothing.

Guy after guy walked away dejected and confused . I walked away hurt but not from them, hurt by how i couldn't feel anything when they worshiped the ground i walked on.

With my family it was the same, i couldn't feel love for anything or anyone.

I realised this when my mother and i argued. She asked me a question that i did not expect and already knew the answer to.

"Bulma, do you love us at all?"

I stared at her and thought about it for atleast 5 minutes till i realised my true answer.

"No"

That weekend i looked all around the house to find something that i had feelings for, some object or anything!

Finding nothing i walked back to my room as a devistated mess.

Curling up in a ball on the bed , crying and hugging a toy dinosaur called Spike.

After i had settled down i got up and looked into the mirror and felt better, this was a sign and ignored it.

But after time i started to realise that i did love something, myself.

Obsessed with myself i would stare into my own eyes, in love with the feeling of safety and understanding, i was loosing control and sence of reality as i sliped into my own little world.

I ignored the people around me and they were confused.

One boy in my technology class must have noticed this because he did everything to snap me out of it.

He would make random conversation and poke me in the back to get attention, ask me for help on something i know he knew already.

Oneday i felt really bad and practically dragged myself into class and he pulled out a chair for me.

That one gesture lightened the pain from my shoulders and helped me smile, only a small one but it was there, twitching at the corners of my lips.

It's taking some time for me to get some more expressions onto my face as i usually scowled and sneered at everyone.

My friends are helping me out alot and getting me more involved in everything! I owe it to them for making me smile in the dark times.

Their hugs make me feel warm, warmer than i can ever remember, i feel alive for once.

I'm not going to go find a boyfriend yet, i'm going to wait till he comes find me. Hopefully then i will be back to my normal self again and know the feeling of love.

I can't wait to feel whole again, I wish for it almost every night, to find my soulmate.

Who knows maybe it will come true?

I wonder what he is like, will he care for the real me,Where is he?

Where is my knight in shining armour, where is my prince...?

Ohwell it's getting late and i have an exam tomorow, math , lucky me.

Wish me luck diary im going to give it my all!

The mending star in deep darkness.

Bulma

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Author's note:

Plz people if you like please review my story. I wrote it when i was depressed and it is based on my own life ..dont worry it gets better

Oh and in real life my ex boyfriend did that and stalked me so i went to the police. Remember DONT let anyone make you scared! Be strong and fight back.