Out of Darkness Comes the Light - Chapter 5
Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone you may recognize. I don't even own the title. If you think I have ripped you off, sorry. This came purely from my own imagination, such as it is. I don't even claim that my story is any good...
blueskiesrusty: Dude! You are so right. But no kissing and making up as of yet. Tristan is about to have a giant bombshell dropped onto his gorgeaus head.
dmitchell: Thank you for your view on the Saxons. I feel sort of better with what I'm about to do. Sort of.
Cardeia: I still think of your words 'What you create is yours alone and the possibilities are endless.' But, I'm still not so sure that dark is good. Hence the reason I sat on this for a few days. Just so you know, I treasure your responses to this thing. I feel as thought you have been honest in your reviews. And know that I use your reviews to help better my story.
A/N: Some have mentioned that it's moving to fast. No, it's not, really. Remember that they were only about a day out from the fort. And so far, they've only been back for a day. I purposely leave out some stuff because, hey if you're reading or writing this stuff, you've all got one heck of an imagination. Use these 'holes' to insert your own scenes, your own dialogue, your own feelings.
That said, keep in mind that these first few chapters have only covered a few days. And this one covers about five, maybe six days. And I've hinted big-time, maybe you all can guess.
0o0o0o
Tristan was the last one to enter the fortress hall. Today, he didn't want to be around his fellow knights. Today, he wanted to be alone. Oh, he was alone most of the time. But this time would be different. Today, there would be pity glances. Pity words designed to comfort him.
Tristan didn't want pity. Tristan didn't want his friends telling them they were sorry that things hadn't gone the way it had been planned. Nothing ever went as planned in Tristan's life anyway. Finally, he gave up trying.
No, Tristan didn't want pity. He wanted answers. And if he wanted answers, he'd have to be patient. And that was one thing Tristan wasn't anymore. Patient.
As he entered the hall, it became silent. Deathly silent. Even the breathing stilled.
Ignoring the silence around him, he quickly glanced around the room, mentally seeing who was present.
And who wasn't.
"You don't have to stop talking about me just because I walked into the room." He muttered as he grabbed a hunk of bread from the buffet and taking his seat.
Everyone present eyed him warily, most wondering what the scout was thinking. No one ever knew what he was thinking. He was that hard to read. Even today. And after the events of the past few days, one would think that Tristan would show some emotion, even anger. He did not.
Lancelot was one of those who didn't even want to know what Tristan was thinking about. Knowing him, it could be anything. From the weather, to his next meal, to Teagan. Not necessarily in that order.
Lancelot let out a ragged sigh. He had wished she would take to things better than she had. They had spent the remainder of last night talking. Talking about what he had done while she was away. How he felt about being back at the fort.
Teagan hadn't said much about her captivity. She mentioned how she had been captured, how long she thought she had been with that band of Saxons. She even talked about the various beatings she had endured. Teagan had even talked a little about Cassandra. He had been telling Arthur and the rest when Tristan walked in.
But, Lancelot knew she had left out bigger parts of her story. She wasn't telling the whole thing.
Arthur cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention.
"Now that we're all here, we've got a report of an unidentified group pestering some villages northeast of here."
Lancelot took a bite of the bread he had been holding. "What do you mean 'pestering'?" He said, his mouth full.
Arthur addressed the room. "Attacking. But not killing. Stealing provisions mostly. And cattle."
"Do you know who they are?" This from Galahad, who finally got his mind off Tristan.
Gawain cuffed him on the back of the head. Which was telling of his arm reach as there was a chair separating the two. "He said unidentified, you stupid git."
"Ow! Stop that." Galahad said as glared at his friend.
Most of the rest of the room just ignored the exchange. This was common enough for them.
Even Bors was silent. His mind wasn't on the men in this room. And he was tired. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. Vanora had kept him up most of the night. He just grunted at them, taking another drink of his warm ale.
Arthur shook his head. He truly felt that he was babysitting children at times. Not grown men.
"I was thinking that maybe we should go and check it out. Since Lancelot, Dagonet, Gawain and Tristan just returned yesterday, it leaves Bors and Galahad to go. And myself. We need the let the others rest."
Galahad was silent, staring at Arthur. He didn't really want to go, but would if asked.
Bors' eyes twinkled. It would do him good to get away. His wife was driving him crazy. Taking another pull from his cup, he was about to speak up when he was interrupted by another voice.
"I'll go."
All eyes turned to Tristan, who was pulling apart his piece of bread, his gazed focused on the table. His bread lay uneaten in several tiny bits. Feeling all eyes on him, he looked up and shrugged.
Tristan knew that he was the only one who could do this mission. He was faster and quieter. He could get in, assess the damage and report back to Arthur without letting anyone know he had been there.
Lancelot looked at his friend, concerned. "Tristan." He was met by an angry glance.
"You just came back. Are you sure you want to do this?" The scout really was the best for this. Arthur just hated to see him pushing himself so much. He knew for a fact that he hadn't slept last night. He didn't tell the others, but Tristan had spent the entire night at the cemetery.
Tristan nodded to his commander, getting up from his seat. "I'm ready."
All eyes watched in silence as he strode out the hall's door.
0o0o0o
It was Lancelot who found Tristan. He wasgetting ready, leaving within the hour. He stood leaning against the stable wall, watching the scout.
Tristan had glanced up as Lancelot walked into the stable, them promptly ignored the man, getting his gear ready. He didn't want pity, much less this man's. Out of all the knights, Lancelot was the one he had been closest to. He understood Tristan's need for solitude and his blood lust and never questioned it. Oh, Lancelot joked about it, but not to the point where Tristan wanted to beat him.
It was Lancelot to whom he had talked about his childhood, his home. It was with Lancelot that Tristan had spent many hours on watch with. It was through Lancelot that he began to trust his fellow knights all those years ago.
It was Lancelot to whom he had confided in about Teagan.
It was Lancelot to whom Teagan had gone to.
No, he didn't want Lancelot's pity.
Lancelot grabbed a piece of straw, chewing on it as he watched his friend. Things certainly weren't going well for him. And as usual, Tristan wasn't talking about it. He was pushing himself to the breaking point. And if Tristan did break, it would me one hell of a mess.
Lancelot didn't want Tristan to reach that point. It had happened once before and they nearly lost him.
He stopped chewing on the straw. "Tristan, you don't have to go."
"Someone has to." He didn't even look up.
Lancelot's eyes flashed concern. "Bors was willing to go. Don't do this to yourself."
Now Tristan did look up. His face unreadable. "Do what?"
"Run."
"I'm not running." He turned back to his horse, adjusting the strap. He wasn't running. Just doing what needed to be done. His job.
Lancelot snorted. "Do not lie to yourself."
"I'm not." The indifference was heavy in his voice.
Now Lancelot was starting to get angry. He shoved himself away from the wall. "You are. And so is Teagan."
At the mention of Teagan's name, Tristan stiffened.
Lancelot didn't miss it. "Give it time. It's only beena fewdays."
Tristan pulled the strap on his horse's saddle tight. Too tight as the animal reached around and butted him in the chest.
"She's afraid of me." Lancelot could hear the defeat in his voice. He quietly mounted his horse and left the stables, not saying another word.
0o0o0o
It was past midday when Teagan woke up. Looking over to the other bed, she noticed that Cassandra wasn't there. Not worried, she got up, pulling on a loose fitting gown over her shift. Her breeches and tunic would have to wait until her ribs either healed or she could bend enough to put them on.
When she left the fort, she had left all her belongings with Gawain. And being the good friend that he was, had kept it for her. For this, Teagan was grateful, she didn't need to buy anything really new. He had even had the good sense to put it back into her old room. Which had been made available to her upon her arrival at the fort. And she didn't mind sharing with Cass.
Actually, no one knew just what to do with Cassandra. She didn't really want to be left alone. In the end, it was decided she share a room with Teagan. 'To get the young woman accustomed with fort life.' Well, that's what Teagan tried to tell herself anyway. In truth, she didn't want to be alone either.
Her first trip out of her room, she decided to visit Vanora.
Vanora was happy to see her. Again wanting her to work at he tavern. Teagan agreed, but only a few nights a week. Though she missed the work, she knew Dagonet would be furious with her should she start work right away, while she was still injured. And truthfully, she wasn't ready for that just yet.
As she wandered to the armory to fetch her bow, her mind ran through the events of the past few days.
On one hand she was happy to have been rescued from those Saxons. It had been a brutal few months. Daily beatings. And when they realized that she was pregnant...Teagan shivered, trying to push back memories of her capture. Steeling her mind, she refused to go there. She wanted to forget.
But, Teagan wondered if she would be able to forget that event, here at the fort where she was reminded of it every day.
Forcing her mind off those events, they strayed to those of her friends she had thought perished. And one other. Again Teagan tried to push back thoughts, but they just wouldn't go. Tristan's face kept coming back to her.
Tristan. Teagan was having a hard time accepting that he was truly back. Lancelot had died that same day and he was back. This she had no trouble accepting. But when Tristan had died? Well, something had died within her also. Part of her soul was gone. She felt her heart constrict with the memory of his face when she pushed away from him. He had looked so hurt. She pushed that thought out of her mind.
Then she smiled. Lancelot.
Being with Lancelot was like putting on an old pair of boots. Worn and comfortable. That's what Lancelot was. Comfortable. It was only a matter of time before he tried to con her into his bed.
Still smiling, she realized that she was at the armory. In her haste to find her bow, she failed to notice the sword as it stood propped up against the wall, nearly hidden by the straw.
Teagan had grabbed her bow and quiver of arrows to head to the practice area. Running into Cassandra, she decided to give her a short tour of the fort ontheir way.
It didn't take long, Teagan pointing out the various areas along the way. Neither woman failed to notice the looks that the forts various occupants were giving them. There were many faces that Teagan did not recognize. Many people whom Arthur had welcomed into his home.
Shaking her head at Arthur's generosity and thinking that one day it would be his undoing, they found themselves at the practice area at the back of the fort.
Teagan should have realized that she wouldn't be able to practice when she had to have Cass adjust her quiver on her back. But she wasn't going to let that stop her. 'Pain was good. It let you know you were alive.' Now where did that thought come from?
"Teagan, you shouldn't be doing this. Weren't you told to rest?" There was concern inCassandra's voice.
Teagan smiled at Cass, a genuine smile. "Of course, but I never listen to that lot."
"You'll see." Was all Cassandra said, sitting on the nearest bench.
Teagan took a stance, facing the target which was only fifty paces away. For her, it was an easy shot.
Or would have been if she could raise her bow past her waist.
Cursing loudly, Teagan rested her bow, then tried again. Only to find that her arms would not raise any higher than her waist.
Letting out more colorful curses, Teagan plopped down next to a laughing Cassandra.
"See? I told you."
"Oh shut up." Muttered Teagan as the two woman sat and watched Gawain and Galahad practice sparring.
0o0o0o
They weren't evenly matched, these two. Gawain towered above Galahad standing, so he was at an advantage over the younger man at the start. And Gawain was stronger. Being the more muscled of the two, he often used it against Galahad while sparring. Or wrestling.
And right now, Gawain was in the process of pissing off Galahad. He had been teasing him unmercifully about Sage for weeks. Sage wanted more from Galahad, but he just wasn't biting. So being the good friend that he was, Gawain decided to goad him into action.
"So, how is the little woman?" Gawainasked as he swung at Galahad.
Galahad blocked the attack, pushing his friend away. "She is not a little woman."
Gawain chuckled, rubbing his beard with thought. "No. You're right. Sage has got some nice, rounded curves."
Galahad attacked again, but Gawain was waiting to block. He never had to work hard when sparring with Galahad. He was bigger, stronger and faster than the younger man.
Galahad was angry. Using his anger, he spun around, lifting his sword. This time, Gawain wasn't ready and the tip of the blade caught his arm.
"Watch what you say man." He sneered as Gawain stopped to inspect the cut on his arm.
But he wasn't angry, in fact, he was still laughing. "Tell me why I shouldn't. You don't bother with her." Gawain said poking his new wound. 'Another trip to Dag's.' He thought wryly.
Movement caught his eye. Looking up he saw the two women move towards them. They must have seen the whole thing.
Gawain poked Galahad in the chest, bringing his attention to the women."Then there's Teagan." He waggled he eyebrows.
Galahad stopped dead. His arms fell to his sides, his mouth open. "You must have a death wish."
Gawain didn't have a chance to respond as Cassandra and Teagan were upon them. Teagan taking his arm to inspect the cut.
Her face broke into a grin. "Galahad, if you wanted to do some damage, you need put more into your swing." She said, poking Gawain's arm, making him twitch.
"Ow! Woman." Gawain laughed over her head. "Yeah, pup, put more umph into it."
Galahad moved to attack Gawain, but was stilled by Cassandra as she put her hand on his chest.
"Now you two stop acting like children."
Everyone stood still, even Teagan, at the tone of the blonde woman's voice. It was firm, commanding. It held a strength belittling the size of her body. She surprised everybody.
Quietly, Cassandra took Gawain's hand, leading him out of the practice area.
As the two were leaving, they met Sage carrying Briac into the area. Turning, Gawain gave an exaggerated kissing movement at Galahad, earning him a slap in the arm from Cass.
Teagan watched as Galahad's face lit up at the sight of his son. Lancelot had said that he was warming up to being a father. And the look on his face told Teagan that he was indeed. Lancelot had said that Galahad had taken to doing things with Briac, even taking the boy for a ride on his warhorse. Lancelot had said that they were gone most of the day, just the two of them.
"Hello Teagan." Sage said as she handed the baby off to Galahad. "It's good to have you back. This lot is insufferable. I don't know how you did it." Though she was smiling as she said it.
Teagan let out her own soft laugh, her eyes on the baby. Her heart clenching. "Lots of wine, Sage. Lots of wine."
Galahad noticed the look Teagan was giving the baby. Thinking that she wanted to hold Birac, he held the boy out to her. "Go Ahead, Teagan."
Teagan took an involuntary step backward. "No thank you." She whispered.
Galahad insisted. "Come on. It's been a while since you've held him."
Squelching her immediate fear, Teagan took the baby in her arms, resting her cheek on his head. She inhaled deeply, taking in the smell that was a baby. Gently, she rubbed her cheek over his head.
"I love the feel of a baby's hair. It's so soft." She whispered as tears fell unnoticed from her eyes.
0o0o0o
After a wile, Galahad and Sage took Briac away, to feed him supper. Teagan looked around, not sure of what to do. It was getting dark and she realized that she hadn't eaten all day. Thinking about it, she wasn't hungry.
Sinking to the ground, she let her mind go back. Go back to a place she didn't want to revisit. Letting the tears fall, she didn't hear Arthur as he sat next to her in the grass.
Carefully he pulled Teagan into his embrace. He held her as her tears fell and her body wracked with sobs. Gently he tried to soothe her. His voice low and gentle.
Arthur was sure she didn't even realize where she was, so wasn't surprised when she startled at his voice.
"It's okay, Teagan." He said into her hair. "It will be alright."
Teagan pulled away from Arthur, her face puffy, her eyes full of sadness. "No. It won't." Her body heaved with a sob. "I've done something awful." Was barely a whisper.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He voice still soft. He didn't want to frighten her off. He needed her to talk. He had already heard the entire story from Cassandra. But needed to hear it from her. That was why he sought her out this evening.
Arthur gave that tiny woman credit. First, she had come to him, telling her story. Telling Arthur that she was Saxon and asking to stay at the fort.
Then knowing that Teagan would be angry at her, she then told Arthur of how she met Teagan and the horrors that followed.
At first, Cassandra thought that Arthur would be angry or hateful because of the treatment that Cassandra's people had inflicted on this woman they called their sister. But Arthur assured her that he never punished the many for the deeds of the few. To which Cass was greatly relieved.
Now, as Arthur sat holding this sister of theirs, his heart was breaking. So, he was surprised when Teagan nodded at his question.
Very quietly, Teagan began her story, starting with the day she left the fort all those months ago, in the rain.
Again, as Arthur listened to Teagan, his anger grew at the men who could do this evil thing to such a person as she.
When Teagan finished her tale, Arthur completely understood why she avoided Tristan the way she had. He just prayed to God that she would find the strength to tell him herself.
It was not meant to be.
0o0o0o
It was late one night and Teagan again had trouble sleeping. She hadn't been sleeping right since she came back. In fact, she hadn't slept properly since the day she left the fort. Slipping her cloak over her shift, she slipped out her door and stood at her balcony, looking over the fort.
The sound of Teagan coming out of her door so late at night, alarmed Gawain, who had just come in form the tavern. Slipping on hisown cloak, he joined her at the balcony.
"What are you doing out here so late?" He said looking intently at her. She looked so tired, there were dark circles under her eyes.
"I'm fine, Gawain. I just can't sleep." She yawned. "Cass snores."
Gawain chuckled. Both were silent for a while, just looking out over the wall.
"Gawain?"
"Hmmm?"
"How did they come back?" This was no more than a whisper.
He shrugged his broad shoulders. "No one knows for sure. They just showed up at the gate one night. Some say Merlin had his hand in it. And Guinevere isn't talking."
Teagan had heard of the mighty Woad, Merlin. She had heard tales of his dark magic. She could believe that he had brought her friends back. She thought that she would have to speak to Guinevere find out how it came to be that they came back.
Gawain let out a laugh, startling her. "You should have see them. It was raining. And here are these three men, naked, standing at the font gate. Lancelot shouting to be let in." He laughed harder at the memory. "I thought Galahad was going to wet himself."
"Why do you pick on Galahad so?"
"Ah, I just like to tease him. He's been acting like he's got a stick up his arse for a while."
"What about Sage?"
"Pretty girl she is."
"Gawain." There was warning in her voice.
"I'm not after her if that's what you think. Galahad just won't admit to himself that he fancies her."
"That's good. I wouldn't want to hurt you. And Galahad is a big boy. He can take care of himself." Teagan stepped closer to Gawain, enjoying the warmth his body gave. She hooked her arm into his.
"Tell me what's going on with Guinevere. I thought she was Arthur's woman."
He nodded. "Arthur married her. Lancelot doesn't know quite what to do. He's attracted to her, but won't do anything because of Arthur. It's tearing his heart in pieces."
Suddenly, Teagan hugged him tight. "Thank you, Gawain."
"For what?" Pulling back, he bent lower to look into her face.
She smiled, giving him a light kiss on his nose. "You have always been there for me."
He brought her into his arms again, holding her tight. "I will always be here for you."
0o0o0o
Tristan had been gone for five days. For three of those days he followed a scraggly band of Picts, who only numbered eight men. He easily could have picked them off, effectively stopping the trouble they were causing. But, he decided to leave them alone. They weren't doing to much damage, only stealing to keep themselves alive. Tristan had even approached them, saying that if they could make their way to the fort, they would be welcome to stay and try and make a life for themselves.
In fact, Tristan had surprised himself with that act. He had spent the better part of the day talking with the leader of these Picts.
Tristan cursed Arthur. That man was starting to rub off on him.
Now, nearing the fort, he was filled with apprehension. There were some things that he needed to deal with. And the one he most wanted resolved was watching him enter the fort from the highest of the battlements.
He was walking into the stables when he heard the talk between Dagonet and Bors. Stopping, he hid himself next to the wall, trying to hear better.
"I'm telling you, Dag. She had a baby." He heard Bors tell Dagonet.
"And how do you know that?" There was disbelief in Dag's.
Bors grunted. "I've been around Van a long time."
"Aye, that he has." Came Vanora's light voice.
"I'm telling you Dag, she's filled out."
Tristan took this time to round the corner, startling everyone. "Who's filled out?"
"Red." Bors let slip before he thought.
Tristan's look threw daggers at Bors. "Excuse me?"
"Look at her man, she's had a child." Bors again spoke without thinking.
"Bors!" Vanora punched him in the arm. Hard. "Shut up."
"Bors." There was threat in Dagonet's voice.
Tristan just looked disbelieving at Bors before he walked away. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew who did. They had better have been talking about a different 'Red.' The only one he knew didn't have a child.
When Tristan was out of earshot, she smacked her husband on the back of his head. Hard.
"What?" He said rubbing where it smarted.
"You daft dolt. Look who you just said that to."
"Just Tris...Oh. Shit." His huge shoulders fell. "I'm sorry, love, I didn't think."
Vanora put her hands on her hips. "That's it. You never do."
0o0o0o
It had been decided that there would be a banquet the day after Tristan arrived back at the fort. In honor of having Teagan brought back to them. The knights had taken it upon themselves to try and cheer her up. Nothing was working. She avoided Tristan. And he, her. She spent her entire free time with either Gawain or Lancelot. This was the last thing they could think of. Get her with her friends. Get her to relax a bit.
So now Lancelot found himself in Teagan's room trying to convince her to come to the party.
"No."
"But you are expected." All Lancelot could do was look at this beautiful, stubborn woman. She had been on the mend for several days. Most of the bruises were gone. Her eyes still held the dark circles, and she didn't speak much. It seemed to Lancelot, that her fire had been put out.
Teagan brought herself to Lancelot. "I just can't." She placed her hand on his chest, feeling the strong heartbeat, marveling that he was, indeed, back. "Go, have your party. I will not be missed."
Lancelot shook his head, his dark curls bouncing. He gave her a sad smile. "You will be missed. Especially by one."
Teagan dropped her hand and backed away from him. "No." She sounded desperate. "I can't." She kept backing up until she hit the bed. Sitting down, she placed her face in her hands.
Frustrated, Lancelot came to his friend. Kneeling down he took her hands in his. "Tell me why." He picked up her chin and looked into her sad face.
Lancelot picked himself up and sat with Teagan on the bed, holding her. "Teagan, please tell me." He whispered into her hair. "Tell me why you do this to yourself. Why you shut yourself away."
Her shoulders heaved. "He died."
This was getting old. He was getting tired of this being her excuse. "And so did Dagonet and I. But, we are back. Tristan too."
Teagan shook her head. "No, no. It's different. I am so happy you are back. And Dagonet. I love you so, Lancelot. But Tristan..." Another sob left her and Lancelot held her tighter. "He died. I helped bury him. He had my heart. I lost it when he died." Another sob. "I told myself that I would never do that again." She pulled away from Lancelot and stood up. She clenched her hands into fists at her side. "I can't resist him, Lancelot. My body won't let me. My mind tells me that this is wrong. I know I can't keep doing this." She turned to look at her friend. "You are my friend. And you are a knight. If you were to die in battle, again, I would mourn your loss. I would remember the good things and be grateful to have known you." She took a deep breath. This hurt, but it needed to be said. "Tristan is a knight. If he were to die in battle, I would never survive it. I nearly didn't. And I didn't want to."
Saying all this, finally letting her feelings out, Teagan finally let herself cry.
Lancelot was off the bed in an instant, holding Teagan as she cried. Now he understood why she stayed away from Tristan. She had fallen in love with a knight. Knights fell in battle. She loved him with her entire soul. She still loved him. She had lost him once and was afraid it would happen again. She felt as though she were protecting herself. She was trying to put up walls.
Tristan on the other hand, was trying. Trying not to loose her. And now, he was reacting to her. He had shut himself away for so long, that he did not know how to deal with his feelings. She was trying to push him away. He was dealing the only way he knew how, retreat. Retreating into himself and the fight. Lancelot had to admit, Tristan had become more ruthless, if that were at all possible.
Standing, he pulled Teagan to her feet. "Come. This is to be a night for merriment. Put all this sad stuff behind you." She started to back away. "No." He was firm. "Forget your troubles for this one night. Enjoy the company of your friends."
Squaring her shoulders, she gave him a smile, albeit a weak one.
"You're right." She hooked her arm into his. "Let's go enjoy this night."
It was not meant to be.
A/N: So, what do you think? First Teagan doesn't cry. Or can't. And now she's blubbering all over the place. Fickle woman! I'll post the bombshell tomorrow when I get home from work.