Hogwarts Idol
By hedwigmail
A/N: Hi everybody! It's the weekend after my last update and I'm going to try to get this out A.S.A.P. I hope that you all know that you can email me with suggestions and/or questions and I will be completely open, but I'm not going to ruin the story! Gawsh (Napoleon Dynamite Spelling. Emphasis on the "awsh").
BTW: EVERYONE! I HAVE A C2 CALLED DRACO AND HERMIONE ROMANCES, YOU ALL SHOULD CHECK IT OUT! A LOT OF LONG, GOOD STORIES THAT ARE REALLY INTERESTING! ALSO LOOKING FOR C2 STAFF! REPLY IN THE REVIEW OR EMAIL ME! Plus it will give you something to do while waiting for me to update... hehe.
A/N 2: Wow... now it's more like 5 months since I updated... uh... sorry? DON'T KILL ME! I STILL LOVE MY REVIEWERS! Just not that way... um... I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY! Forgive me?
Disclaimer: Okay, this is a disclaimer saying that I don't own Harry Potter, Dobby, Winky, the song this is a parody of, or any songs that I use here. I actually saw the disclaimer below on someone else's story and I thought it was the best disclaimer ever. If I ever remember whose story it was, I'll post it. So, basically this is a disclaimer saying that I don't own anything, including the disclaimer. BTW the song this is a parody of it Respect by Aretha Franklin:
DOBBY: Harry Potter!
WINKY: Oh!
DOBBY: I don't own him!
WINKY: Oh!
DOBBY: The characters I use!
WINKY: Oh!
DOBBY: I don't own them!
WINKY: Oh!
DOBBY: And all I'm asking!
WINKY: Oh!
DOBBY: Is please don't sue!
WINKY: Don't sue!
DOBBY: Yeah, yeah!
WINKY: Don't sue!
DOBBY: Yeah, yeah!
WINKY: Don't sue!
DOBBY: Yeah, yeah!
WINKY: Don't sue!
DOBBY: Yeah, yeah!
WINKY: Don't Sue!
DOBBY: D-O-N-T S-U-E, Please J. K. don't sue me! D-O-N-T S-U-E, I don't have that money! Oh!
WINKY: She said "Don't Sue, Don't Sue, Don't sue." She said, "Don't Sue, Don't Sue, Don't sue!"
Previously On HI:
Exiting from under that sign was a steamy, damp looking Draco. Thank you, god of all showers, for making Draco take one!
Okay, that just sounded really weird.
I know there's a problem when I sound weird in my own head... Oh well...
Oops. This is the part where we're supposed to say Goodnight.
I just have to remember. Malfoy not Deathmunch.
"Hi Granger. Does your arse still hurt?"
Draco not Deathmunch.
"Waddaya think you evil little-," I can't think of an insult! Damn! "Um... Blonde!"
Draco not Deathmunch.
"Um... okay. Whatever floats your boat. Night Mudblood."
Draco not Deathmunch.
"Night Deathmunch."
Shit.
Chapter V: Meet the Gang
First Person (Hermione):
After waking up from the completely evil bed of sleep (I say evil because... well... I... um... I want to! And because it's so damn soft. It's like "I didn't know Serta could ship to Hogwarts!" I guess those sheep can fly... back to the evil story...) to walk into the hallway to find the equally evil, Draco Malfoy.
Equally evil, yet much hotter. Sorry sheep but there's no competition.
Now here's the choice; A: I face the evil Serta Sheep or B: I face the evil yet hott Draco Malfoy. Ah... decisions, decisions...
A/N: For those of you who don't know what the heck I'm talking about, Serta is a kind of mattress and the Serta Sheep are their mascots. It's from an American Commercial. And if anyone's wondering how the heck Hermione would know about an American Commercial, let's just say she visited some distant cousins in the U.S. and they helped her edge towards her "new" self by getting her addicted to the TV.
"Mudblood, why are you staring at my arse?"
Oh, shit. He's found my weakness.
"What ferret boy? Oh, that... I was... er... just imagining how it would look with a broom stuck in it." Oh snap.
Now that I think about it, a broom in your butt would really hurt. Remind me to restrain Harry and Ron next time they're holding a broom and are mad at Malfoy...
"Um... Okay... Why so violent today? And yesterday for that matter..."
"I don't know. I'm bored..." Oh crud. Did I just tell Dr- Malfoy something that's true? Oh god. "I mean, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT!" There we go!
"Okay, then..." Malfoy said before muttering something about "mudbloods" and "mood swings."
Evil Son-of-a-death-eating-ferret bas... dweeb.
For some reason I have trouble calling hott people bast... idiots.
Not that I'm saying that Malfoy's hott or anything...
Okay so maybe just a little...
Oh well, I'll work on this during a free period.
Anywho, while I was contemplating Draco (A/N::sigh:) he managed to slip downstairs and through the portrait hole. Coward.
Woo-Hoo! Time for breakfast. The most important meal of the sucky-first-day-of-school day! YEAH!
Oooookkkkkaaaaayyyyy... Now that I got that bit of weirdness out of my system, we can proceed down to breakfast...
Do-do-do-do-do... hm... Walking is really boring...
I know I play 20 questions... with myself! Okay, the object is... a Draco.
:sighs:
"Okay, I'm ready!" I say aloud to myself.
"Hm, what could it be? Is it a noun?"
"Yes.
"Is it decomposable?
"Yes... What a weird word.
"I know, right? Hm, is it a person?
"Yep-er-doodles.
"Hm. Is it male?
"Yes.
"Is he alive?
"Yes.
"Do he go to Hogwarts?
"Yes.
"Is he younger than us?
"Nopes.
"Is he older than us?
"Nopes.
"So, he's our age..."
"Uh huh..."
"Oh, I know! Is he blonde?"
"Yeah."
"So, is he Draco Malfoy?"
"YES! How did you know?"
"Call woman's intuition. Or the fact that I... Me... You... We... can't get him off of our mind... s..."
"Sh... Someone will hear you...
"And about that woman's intuition... Why don't I have any?"
"Maybe your not a-" But as I said that to myself, I entered the Great Hall. I guess I'll never know what I might not be.
A/N: Okay, I'm going to jump back and forth between Character PoV's. So just make sure you read every line and stay with me.
First Person (Kiara Ralkins)
As I entered the Great Hall and sat down next to Ginny ('cause she's cool like that) I started talking to Harry and Ron about the available Quidditch positions.
"So let me get this straight. The only position that you have a definite player for is the Seeker? I guess I'll be seeing you at tryouts then."
"Whose coming to tryout for the what?" asks Hermione as she plops down to me.
"Your mom." said This (Thisbe Smith, the real blonde) as she sat down.
"Do you even have any idea what we're talking about?" Ron snorted out as he looked up from behind the mountain of food that was currently falling off the edge of his plate.
"Nope."
"DON'T WORRY MR. CARROT! I'LL GET YOU OUT!" screamed Madeline Sun from her standing position at the Ravenclaw table.
"Well, it looks like Sunny has adjusted well..." I snicker before returning to my breakfast.
First Person (Madeline Sun):
FIVE MINUTES EARLIER
My God. I am NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER returning to the Ravenclaw common room again. Except of course to sleep, in between classes, to meet up with friends and to sleep of course.
Anyway, those freaking Ravenclaw "smartbutts" gave me a I.M. test.
Like I need a test to prove that I belong in Ravenclaw.
Um... Sunny? said a little voice in the back of my head. It's called an I.Q. test.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
While I was "thinking" about my wonderful first night as a Ravenclaw (note the sarcasm), I absentmindedly piled a bunch of carrots on my plate and stabbed one with a fork before bringing it up for inspection.
"Oh My God." I said talking to the cutest little carrot ever. "YOU'RE ORANGE! Tell me, is it ever weird to be orange?"
"Well, It does get kind of annoying to be made fun of by the other vegetables but, other than that orange is an all around swell color."
What the...
"Who said that!" I asked running my eyes down the table, "I know! It was Mr. Carrot! He must be a teeny, tiny, wittle human stuck on a vegetable! DON'T WORRY MR. CARROT! I'LL GET YOU OUT!"
Poor Mr. Carrot! He's so tiny and defenseless.
"Um... Sunny?" Of course, I turn around to see Lucy staring back at me with a bemused expression on her face. She seems to think that convincing me that there little miniature beings trapped on inanimate objects is funny.
"What's wrong with you! I thought that Mr. Carrot was in some serious danger!"
"Okay... Sunny, how about we take you over to the Gryffindor table to get some food. Preferably something that's not orange?"
"Alright..." I grumble, being lead grudgingly towards Kiara, This and some of their new friends.
Third Person:
When Sunny and Lucy arrived at the groups unofficial meeting grounds, Lucy launched into a detailed explanation about her new boyfriend.
"He's no Tom Felton, but he's a hott blonde one way or another."
"Who is he? Maybe we know him." Hermione asked looking up from her oatmeal and having a strange feeling of De Ja Vu at the words "hott blonde."
"According to him, everyone knows him. His name's Draco Malfoy."
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Sunny, This, Pennwick and Kiara's mouths' simultaneously dropped.
"Him!" screeched Harry, Ron, Neville, Dean and Seamus.
"You got the only remotely hott Slytherin!" screamed This (Thisbe), Wik (Pennwick), Kir (Kiara), Sunny (Madeline), Ginny and Hermione.
"Yep... to both of them. I think I need an asprin." Lucy replied happily and started to wonder out of the Hall.
"What's an aspirin?" asked Ron.
First Person (Hermione):
Soon Harry, Ron, Sunny, Kir, This, and I were standing out in the Entrance Hall, watching Lucy gulp down a rather large cup of water with that aspirin.
"So..." I said. Awkward silence. Why do so many of those happen when I'm around? "When is our first class?"
"I dunno... hopefully it isn't Divination." Harry whined. Oh... my... god... he seriously needs help on so many different levels. He had to save the world from Voldemort and here he whining about a whimpy little class just because the teacher's a wee bit insane and says he's going to die at any chance she gets. I mean come on! You have a creepy-ass snake guy shooting spells at you, actually trying to kill you and if this teacher so much as mentions death, he goes haywire. Gosh... I always knew from day one that Harry was a problem child... hmm...
Back to classes discussion though... (Damn, I have to stop ranting...) "Yeah I would completely hate that..." Pipes up Sunny. Ah... she needs to quiet down, that was LOUD.
"Are you even in Divination?" Ron asks suspiciously. What's there to be suspicious about? So the girl's possibly in the most over rated, boring, and murderous class in the world. Big freaking deal.
"I'm gonna be. I heard one of the Ravencreeps saying something about the 'combination of perfume, potpourri, smoke and tea smells' being too 'distracting' to get any real work done. So, I say it sounds like a good class to sleep in."
Oh come on... "Shit. Why didn't I think of that?" What? "Why are you all looking at me like that? What did I do? What did I say? Do I have pancake stuck in my teeth? Did you all finally discover my addiction to heroin? WHAT!"
"You addicted to heroin?" Ron asks with pity and confusion in his voice. Mostly confusion, though.
Wow, he really needs to learn what sarcasm sounds like.
"Ron," said Lucy, "You are so clue less. In fact, you couldn't get a clue if it was clue mating season and you were standing in the middle of a field of horny clues covered in clue attraction spray while doing the clue mating dance."
"Oh snap. You got burned!" Okay, it's official. I am no longer the freakiest person in this group. That award needs to be shared by Lucy and Sunny.
"Um... Luc?"
"Yeah?"
"That was... scary. And random. But, mostly scary." Yeah, out of this group, I think I'll feel safest with Thisbe.
"Back on topic. We don't have classes today" That was Kiara. What a weird name... Her name makes word! Keys (Ki) are (ar) a (a)... hm... I need the rest of her name...
"Hey Kiara, what's your name?"
"Um... Kiara... That was random."
"No, your full name (gosh). And why is it random?"
"Well, we (she gestures to the group... weirdo... hehe... I'm a hypocrite) were just talking about classes and you ask about my name. And it's Kiara Dora Ralkin."
Kiara Dora Ralkin... hm... Keys (Ki) are (ar) a (a) Dorsal (Dora Ral) fin (kin). "Your name doesn't make any sense. Keys are a dorsal fin?"
"Um... Okay then..." God! What's Lucy's problem? I was just stating the not so obvious. No need to get feisty...
"You know what?" Ki replied. "I'm just not gonna ask anymore..."
Pennwick (who'd been alternating back and forth between running around the group, talking, singing something about 'defying gravity,' hexing anyone who got in who way, and sometimes doing all at once) stopped short. "I'm bored... what are we going to do today?" she asked, before picking up with her previous activities.
"I don't know... hey, maybe we could hang out in the heads' commons!" Lucy exclaimed. That sounds cool. Getting out of my confined living space would be a good ide-... wait. I already live there! DAMN IT!
"I could probably make a big screen TV!" I said hoping that they would understand what that was. They all seemed to know, so three of us (Me, This and Ki) started to head down to the commons while Luc and Penn grabbed some movies. Harry and Ron left once we informed them that inevitably, at some point in time, we would watch a chick flick. Ron actually seemed kind of interested, but Harry dragged him away for fear of being pulled in.
I ran up to the Serta sheep lair (formerly known as my bedroom) to grab my knitting, before running back down to find Luc and Penn back and waiting impatiently. We popped in Luc's DVD (which turned out to be The Phantom of the Opera) in first and settled in. Once we were about halfway through it, all of us were crying all over the pillows. At this opportune moment, Draco walked in.
"Hello girls," he said, mostly to his girl friend. Upon seeing us all weeping, he stopped in his tracks. "Are you watching a chick flick?" he asked. There was a hint of fear in his voice betraying his outward look of ease.
"No..." Luc sniffed. Draco visibly relaxed. "We're watching the... Phantom of the Opera!" she cried, before wailing again.
"What's so bad about that?" Draco asked cautiously. Careful, Malfoy, you're walking on eggshells...
"It's Emmy Rossum, the main character... she's just... too... pretty! I'm SO ugly!" Luc screamed before the whole group relapsed into sobs. Draco cautiously backtracked, seemingly deciding that even the portrait was better company than that of depressed, overemotional teenage girls with really low self-esteem.
Wow... he's probably right. Crap! Why am I suddenly betraying my race for Malfoy? MALFOY! Of all people! I need something alcoholic...
Once Draco was gone for good and we had finished watching the Phantom of the Opera (which is a really good movie by the way... lots of death... and singing... you really can't go wrong when you have death and singing) we watched Wik's movie, which was a bootleg of her favorite Broadway musical, Wicked. What is with this group and musicals? Maybe their just crazy... oh wait. I already knew that...
After watching that, we all just sat around being bored, so Luc and I knitted. She (for some reason) was making a slytherin scarf. Why, I don't know, because they're on sale for 15 galleons at the Hogwarts Campus Store, but, then again, we've already established that she's crazy...
Eventually, out of sheer boredom, Sunny ran to the Ravenclaw commons to get another DVD, which was yet another musical, RENT.
By the time that was over, we were crying our eyes out and it was dinnertime. So, we emerged from the bat cave (hehe... bat cave) and went to dinner before going our separate ways for the night.
I returned to the heads' commons (once more, do I have to mention the fact that Snape knows where I sleep? That is so wrong on so many levels...) to find Draco making his way up the stairs, clad only in bubblewrap... uh... I mean a towel (my mind's still stuck on Rent... so sue me).
Sigh... I love it when Draco showers... it just brightens the world.
And that sounded cheesy...
Whatever. As long as I get to see Draco after a shower every day, I can easily get used to this whole "living next to the ferretboy" thing.
- That random quote was from The Legend of Guilly Granger by Priah. Sorry if that was just too random.
A/N: Okay, again I'm so sorry that this took so long. I know you're all waiting for some sort of plot (yes this will have a plot. Hard to believe, no?) so, I'm going to make THE FIRST ROUND OF AUDITIONS NEXT CHAPTER! So, be psyched! Cuz I know I am (and believe me, my life is boring right now...). That means I need random songs for people to sing... any ideas?
Review Feedback:
alBBie: Yay weird people! Sorry for the short chapters… I just make sure they're at least 1500 words, and after that, I stop where it feels right. And I also apologize for the crazy-ness (I thought hectic-ness was even further away from the English language, so… yeah) of Hermione's thought process. Unfortuanately, you'll have to wait a while for that… think somewhere between top 24 and top 12 for it to start… SORRY! Thank you so much for reviewing!
-Broken Black Rose-: Lol… sorry about that! Thanks so much for the compliment and Thanks for reviewing first! YAY!
CherryIzzy: Haha… your review made me laugh! Thanks! tried soon, and look how it turned out! Ah! I'm sorry! Thanks for reviewing, again!
Da-manta-ray: Crap! I guess this means I'm as good as dead, doesn't it? When will your jaws of death come for me? Lol. DON'T KILL ME! Please tell me your not serious! Hehe… Thanks for reviewing!
iamnotafreakingGOTH: Oops… sorry… hope you recover. Do tell me if this results in breathing problems or something… Actually, don't… Then I might have to pay hospital bills… hehehe. Of course it's going to be a long story! Haven't you noticed? 5 chapters and we still haven't gotten to Auditions! Hehe! Thanks for reviewing!
Kiara Ralkin: Hi KT, if you read this. So, how do you like the characters? Your character? I hope it's good… There won't be a chapter about anyone in the group fighting… unless it's me and Hermione, and that'll just be over Draco… hehehe! Thanks for reviewing, I'll see you later… bye!
macaday me a nut: Hehe. Is there anyone in this world who can resist a good blonde joke? Probably not. Sorry, that just came to my mind with the whole "blonde insult" thing. I use the "floats your boat" thing a lot too! One more thing we have in common… tehehe. I'm officially a nut! YAY! Thanks for reviewing!
Oh Girl: hahahaha thanks! I don't really get the "legend part, but okay… Thanks a million for reviewing!
Phantasmagoria Vapor: Yay fillers! Hehe. Hold your horses, honey! I'm guessing I'll be typing as fast as I can after this! Lol… honey… Thanks for reviewing!
Shelb: Updated! Thanks for the compliment and Thanks for reviewing!
Some Random Reviewer: Of course I appreciate! If I can make someone laugh that hard, I must be doing something right… of at least I was. Hope you like this chapter! Hehe, Hermione is a great character to twist, if only just to see the world's reaction ; ) ! Stupid people are fun to write, and fun to hang out with (I hope… I'm one). Thanks! And thanks a bunch for reviewing! Wow, I just reread one of your earlier comments. Wow, etnies and converse? That's breaking stereotypes while you walk (hehehe, gotta love the converse!). I don't read much Shakespeare, I just found that in another fanfic ( I think it was called Flames of Ecstasy by Priah) and liked the name (or at least the way I pronounce it; Th-is-bee). Well… bye again, and thanks… again!
tea-and-cake-or-death: Wow, people have the weirdest, but funniest pen names here! Or do they all just show up to read my story… hm… Whatever. Weird people (and pen names) rock. The "your mom" thing will probably come into play, thanks for the quote! Thanks for reviewing, too!
.x.X.x. xesha .x.X.x.: Very cool looking pen name, by the way. You might want to get used to strange for this story… there will be strange people, places, foods, stuffed animals (don't ask), coins, and (of course) SONGS! THANKS FOR REVIEWING!
And A Very Important Poll:
WHOSE AUDITIONS DO YOU WANT TO SEE/HEAR THE MOST?
-GRYFFINDOR (THE TRIO, KIARA AND THISBE PLUS OTHERS)
-HUFFLEPUFF (WIK AND OTHERS)
-RAVENCLAW (SUNNY AND OTHERS)
-SLYTHERIN (DRACO, LUC AND OTHERS)
Please review? You all know how much I love it when you do...