thanks again for all the feedback. it really does mean a lot and is always welcome and appreciated!
I really like this chapter for some reason. But this chapter should answer a few questions for ya. it's 'bout the same length as the last chap, too. so, it's pretty long.
anyway...on with the internal struggle of CK!
Author: Alison
Disclaimer: Characters belong to DC, WB, AlMiles, etc., etc., etc. I only own the story, so please please please don't take that away from me. I got a shady phone call from someone claiming to be my cat's lawyer. We're moving ahead with negotiations, even though I'm pretty sure it was Bucky from that Get Fuzzy comic strip...he was very cynical anyway.
Chapter 4
His life had always been confusing. That was nothing new.
But Lois Lane had taken that confusing world he'd come to know and turned it completely upside-down. And a small part of him was grateful for it, even though he wouldn't admit it. Not yet, anyway.
He was pretty certain he didn't pay any attention in class today. At least, he couldn't remember anything. He thought he took notes, but he was too afraid to look at what he wrote. He just prayed there was no mention of a quiz or test.
Thank goodness he only had one class on Thursdays. He couldn't take listening to another boring self-absorbed professor. Not today anyway.
For some reason he couldn't stop thinking about her. Er…it. The memorial. He couldn't stop thinking about the memorial. The one for Lois. No. The one for Lois' mom. Right.
Confusion. He knew it well.
He turned the old pickup truck onto the dirt road and parked next to the barn. His dad was still hard at work, once again repairing the old blue tractor just inside the barn. Was he still upset? And just why was he so upset this morning?
He grabbed his backpack on the seat as he cut the engine and hopped out of the truck. Walking towards the massive barn door, he braced himself for another lecture.
"Hey, Dad. Want some help?"
He slowly walked next to where his father was working on the tractor's engine.
"No, thanks, Son. I've almost got it."
He couldn't take it. Why was he acting this way? What did he do wrong? Was it all about last night? He told them nothing happened. Why didn't he trust him?
"Dad, what's wrong? Did I do something?"
His father dropped his head and sighed. He took the wrench out of the engine and wiped it on the dingy white towel lying on the tractor's tire.
"I guess I'm just having a hard time understanding what happened last night, Clark."
What? Hadn't they been over all this when he came in this morning? Had this been on his mind all day?
"Dad, I told you I stayed with Lois to keep her company. She's going through a rough time right now."
"What do you mean 'a rough time'? Did something happen to her?"
Okay, how much detail did he want to get into about this? His parents always seemed to understand these situations. So, why should this be any different? It shouldn't. It's just Lois. Right?
"No…well. Yeah." He paused and took a breath, trying to collect his thoughts and find the right words. "This is a difficult time of year for Lois. Last night, when I got to her apartment, she was crying. I found out it's because of her mom."
"Her mom? I thought she died when Lois was young?"
"She did. And…I've been thinking."
His father raised his eyebrows at that comment. Clark turned and slowly moved closer to the loft stairs, setting his backpack on the steps as he leaned on the railing.
"Oh? And just what have you been thinking about?"
Even with his back to him, he could tell there was a smirk plastered on his father's face. Why did parents have to be like that? He took a deep breath and turned to look at his father.
"That I want to do something for Lois. I've already talked to Chloe about it. I wanted to set up a kind of memorial to Lois' mom."
His father smiled that genuine heartfelt Kent smile as he walked closer to Clark. He put his hand on his son's shoulder as he spoke.
"Clark, I think that's a great idea." Clark smiled as relief washed over him. "But, Son, those things cost a lot of money." Uh oh. There it was. He knew it was too good to be true. He dropped his gaze and silently kicked himself for mentioning the idea. "But…I can't think of anything I'd rather give my money for."
Clark's head jerked up as his eyes met those of his father. He couldn't believe it. It's not like he was asking for the money. Actually, he hadn't even thought about the money until now. Guess you do have to pay for those things, don't you?
"Dad, I wasn't asking for any money. Besides, can we afford--"
"Don't even say it. We've got a rainy day fund. And with your mother working at the Talon now, we've got a little extra cash coming in. We'll take care of it."
He should've heard her come up behind him, but his astonishment at his father's words resonated too loudly in his head.
"Your father's right, Clark. We'd love to do this for Lois." He spun around to see his mother standing there holding two mugs of hot chocolate. "I thought my boys could use something warm to drink on a cold day."
Clark smiled as he gladly accepted the mug from his mother. He hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day. He took a sip as he watched his father give her a quick kiss as he took the other mug of steaming cocoa from her hand.
He should've known his parents would support it. They always did love doing things for other people. They never ceased to amaze him. And he would always be grateful.
"Thanks, Mom."
His mother smiled that mother's knowing smile as she turned and walked out of the barn towards the house.
He looked down into the warm liquid and grinned. It was moments like this he wished he had the power to freeze time. Maybe someday.
"Everything okay, Clark?"
He pulled away from his thoughts and looked up at his father, sipping his cocoa.
He smiled.
"Yeah, Dad. Everything's fine."
A confused grin crept across his father's face as he softly laughed.
"Well, good. 'Cause we need to get this tractor fixed before dark. Why don't you give me a hand with it?"
"Sure."
He really needed to look over the information Chloe had emailed him earlier. He'd printed it out in the library at Central Kansas after class. He only managed a quick glance at what she'd sent. But from what he could tell, Chloe had come through for him.
Setting his mug on the nearby workbench, he turned to help his father with the outdated rusted piece of equipment.
After a couple of hours of loosening, tightening and, finally, kicking the side of the thing, the engine came alive. He smiled as his father let out a loud "Yeah!" and hugged him.
At least his father wasn't upset anymore. And he still couldn't believe his parents wanted to pay for the memorial.
It was a little after five o'clock. It was still daylight, but just barely. He had some work to do, other than his usual homework. He had to look over everything Chloe sent. They had to get movin' on this project. He wanted it up as soon as possible. You know, for Lois' sake. So she'd feel better. So she'd be happy.
"If you don't need me for anything else, Dad, I need to go upstairs and look over some stuff Chloe sent me about this memorial."
His father wiped his hands on the now oil-stained rag as he spoke.
"Sure, Son. I'm gonna go inside and wash up, anyway. Your mother will probably have dinner ready soon, so don't be too long."
Dinner. That reminded him that he was starving. But he had more important things to think about right now than food. Like Lois. No. The memorial. For Lois' mom.
What was wrong with him? He'd get it right eventually.
"Okay. And can you tell mom I'm gonna be up there studying?"
He pointed up the stairs towards the loft.
"Sure."
His father smiled as he grabbed the two empty mugs sitting on the old workbench and headed out of the barn to the house.
Clark turned and walked toward the stairs, picking up his backpack on his way up to the loft. Slinging his bag on the couch, he plopped down and unzipped it, pulling out the printed material. He spread it out on the old steamer trunk that served as a makeshift coffee table. There was so much information. Chloe really outdid herself on this. He definitely owed her one.
There were several pages to filter through. It didn't seem that complicated. It looked like you could just tell these people you wanted a marker, give them the information to put on it, pay them, and they set it up. Simple enough.
It was just keeping it from Lois that was going to be tough.
"Hey, Smallville, you up there?"
He gasped as he jumped off the couch. Why didn't he hear her? What was wrong with him lately?
He began desperately picking up the papers and shoving them into his backpack.
"Uh…Lois? Yeah, I'm up here."
What was she doing there? She could be so rude sometimes. She never bothered to call. She just showed up whenever she felt like it.
"Your mom wanted me to tell you dinner's ready."
Dinner? What time was it? He looked at his watch. It was six o'clock. He'd been looking at the information for the memorial for nearly an hour. Of course, thoughts of last night at Lois' apartment occupied his mind, too. But he'd never admit that.
"Okay, I'll be right in."
She didn't say another word. Was she mad? Probably not. It looked like the old Lois was back. That wall obviously didn't stay down very long.
He heard her leave the barn and march across the driveway and into the house.
It's not that he didn't want to see her. It's just the last time he saw her was that morning as she slept. Her pajamas were all twisted…the covers thrown off…her mouth hanging open. He was pretty sure he saw drool, too. Her hair fell lightly in her face. He didn't even realize what he had done until it was too late. But he brushed her hair back and saw her. The sunlight reflected off her face and, for the first time, he saw her true self. A little messed up, but completely human.
And it was that revelation that thrilled and terrified him at the same time.
After all, this was Lois.
But he had to act normal. Well, normal for him. He just had to be himself, but not too much.
He bounded down the stairs and outside, across the driveway to the steps of the yellow farmhouse. He wasn't sure why, but the flutter was back. What was that? His stomach was doing flips as he got closer to the doorway.
Just don't look at her. Ignore her until you absolutely have to talk to her. That's what would happen anyway, right?
He opened the screen door and let it slam behind him. He noticed her out of the corner of his eye. She was sitting at the dining table, her back to him. In the kitchen his mother picked up two glasses of tea and carried them to the table, while his father sat at the island reading his paper.
"Hey, Clark, it's on the table, so go wash up."
Perfect. He'd go upstairs and wash his hands. That'd give him more time before he had to see her.
He nodded his head and ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He reached the bathroom and quickly closed the door. He walked to the sink and turned on the faucet. Glancing in the mirror, he took a deep breath as he washed his hands. Why was this so weird? It was Lois.
Just Lois.
As he dried his hands on the towel, he took one last deep breath before opening the door. He would just act natural. He walked down the steps and to the dining table, where everyone was already seated. Moving around the side opposite where she sat, he noticed she was concentrating awfully hard on her vegetables. She was back to un-Lois.
Act natural, Kent. Just be yourself.
"Lois? I didn't know you were coming over tonight."
So, that might've come out a little more aggravating than he meant. But that was how their usual banter went, right?
He plopped down in the chair across from her and watched as she looked up and glared at him.
"I invited her, Clark. I felt bad that Lois couldn't come over last night, so I thought she'd want a fresh home-cooked meal tonight."
Lois turned to his mother, who sat next to her.
"And I appreciate it, Mrs. Kent. I can't thank you enough."
He watched as his parents smiled at the comment. His father gently grasped his mother's hand as he spoke.
"Lois, you are welcome in our home any time. And if you ever need a place to stay again, our door is always open."
Oh great. Not this again. His parents were too nice sometimes. She had her own apartment. He wanted to scream it. Besides, she took over his room and invaded his private space when she stayed there. He couldn't take that anymore.
His natural self was starting to come out again. She had a way of doing that to him. It drove him crazy.
He saw her smile at his father's overly nice gesture. Something had to be said. Something natural, of course. Well, natural for him and Lois.
"As long as you give us advance warning so that we can get a hot shower, and I can make full use of my bedroom before you show up and use it as your own personal closet again."
He threw in his usual wide grin, just for good measure.
He was waiting for it. He knew an insult was coming. She'd already glared at him. An insult couldn't be too far behind.
"Clark!"
He didn't even look his mother's way. He kept the smile and focused on the woman sitting directly across from him. Her eyes narrowed as she clenched her jaw. He had her.
She turned to speak to his father.
"Thanks, Mr. Kent." She turned and faced him. "And in case you've come down with amnesia again, let me remind you that I do have my own place now. You know, the place where I let you sleep last night? And, by the way, it's flannel free."
He kept smiling. She was getting so worked up. He loved that he could do that to her. He also loved that she could get to him. But he'd rather tell her he was an alien than that little bit of information.
She continued to glare at him. He was grateful he couldn't read her mind. No telling how bad she was cussing him out.
"Okay, kids. Let's just eat."
He heard his father, but continued to smile as he piled roast beef, carrots, potatoes and green beans on his plate. He reached for a couple of rolls in the bread basket and began tearing them apart, then dipping them in the roast beef juice.
He never looked up, but he could feel her glare. He was almost sure he'd hear about it later.
"So, Lois, have you talked to Chloe lately? We don't see her around much anymore since she moved to Metropolis."
His mother always knew how to change the subject, whether subtle or not.
He heard her take a deep breath as she stabbed a few beans on her plate. What was going on with her? Did her mood still have to do with her mother? Had Chloe talked to Lois? Did she know anything?
"I tried calling her this afternoon, but she seemed pretty busy. She called me yesterday. I didn't talk to her too long, though. She knew I didn't want to talk to anyone yesterday."
Well, that answered that question. Apparently, she didn't know anything about what was going on. But he prayed his parents wouldn't ask too many questions.
"What happened yesterday? Do you want to talk about it?"
Oh no. Well, this could be awkward. He hoped they wouldn't mention anything about the memorial. He hadn't told them that yesterday was the anniversary of her mother's death. He wasn't sure if she necessarily wanted that known. Knowing Lois, she probably wouldn't want the pity.
He watched her as she looked at his mother.
"It's okay, Mrs. Kent. Don't worry 'bout it."
'Don't worry 'bout it'? She was a wreck last night. This seemed like a big deal. He could understand that she might not want to discuss this with his parents. But, apparently she didn't want to give up anything about what happened last night or even what yesterday was. It truly was something she kept locked inside. The only reason he got to witness it was because he didn't knock. Well, that and he had super powers that helped him hear her crying, see through her door and realize something was wrong. But still…he saw her vulnerability. He saw her.
"You just had a rough day, yesterday, right, Lois? I mean, with working at the Talon and taking those extra classes, it's gotta get to you…right?"
She seemed surprised. He sat there, half-smiling at her.
"Yeah, I've just got a lot on my mind right now."
His parents seemed to realize the conversation wasn't going any farther. His mother turned to his father as they talked quietly. He never heard a word said between them. He kept looking at her across the table. She suddenly switched back to her softer side. It was much quieter and nicer than the side he normally saw.
She smiled a little smile and lightly nodded her head. He did the same and returned to sopping the juice on his plate with his roll.
He was surprised she came over for dinner. He didn't think she would want to see him, especially after last night. He didn't even think she'd bring up last night. But she did. It was still on her mind, he could tell.
Of course, it'd been on his mind all day, too. He wanted to believe it was because he was getting all the stuff together for the memorial. But, he was beginning to wonder if that was really true.
She drove him crazy. She invaded his space, his own little world, even his bathroom. Sometimes, he couldn't stand being around her.
But there were times, like now, that he was thankful she'd invaded his life. And he was silently glad she was sitting across from him. Because, sometimes, he couldn't stand not being around her.