Letting Go

Disclaimer: Don't own them, rats!

Yes, this was my world, the one I had made with my own decisions, my own choices, and my own power. I could wail about it, but I had learned, long ago, that tears solved nothing. Standing by the altar, beneath the hallowed and cursed ground that once was Nemeton Monastery, I closed my eyes once more and reached out for the familiar soul that was the Key of Light, Alice Elliot.

"...Father Doyle knew your secret..." I could hear her words, far away, and I listened. "...Cardinal Simon and the dark warlock Bacon were one and the same."

"Exactly so. I just had to have your powers. Only one person every hundred years or so is born with powers like yours. But now... now I have obtained a different key."

"You kidnapped Koudelka. You forced her..."

"Come come now, she volunteered... to save the life of that brat, and soon I will begin the final preparations, with her help. And..." I tried to focus in on Simon, light coming to my mind from where Alice stood. It was a church, a dark little place in Rouen; candles flickering on the ancient altar, a holy cross suspended from the ceiling... Simon stood before her, his back to her. What was he doing there, speaking to her? Was he trying to harm her?

"And I would prefer that nothing stand in my way, Sister Alice. Neither you, nor any of your friends, and most especially that harmonixer."

He fears Yuri, I thought. Much as I thought he would, and should. "That's impossible. As long as you continue in your wicked ways. But..." I could feel her confused thoughts, hear them echoing in her mind as she tried to fathom Simon's intent. "Why are you so insistent in using magic you know is forbidden? Why is it that you want to destroy this world?"

Through Alice's eyes I could see Simon moving into the isle of the church, his back to her, his hands folded behind his back. He looked so proper, so harmless – yet I knew how little appearances mattered with him.

"True peace is impossible. Only an illusion of peace exists in the superficial calm of out lives," he said and turned back to face Alice. His face, hidden slightly in the shadows of the church yet glowed with a fanatical light – his eyes shining with conviction. "In fact, the blood and tears of the poor are sacrificed daily by a handful of elite power-mongers. No matter how far science and technology advance, repression will never cease," he said and, with a sad shake of his head, he continued. "We are only human, and whenever the calls for revolution turn into concrete action, then instigators are met by the full resistance of the elite who will stop at nothing to keep their power."

Alice shook her head, and wiped quickly at a tear. I could feel her pity for those less fortunate and urged her to resist Simon's nearly hypnotic voice.

"But then, why…?"

"Why would I do all this?" and he raised his arms, indicating Alice and - I knew - so much more, and that hollow smile was back. "Why, for revenge of course. Revenge against the dead who have lost their very souls. Really, Miss Alice, I am so glad we have been able to talk today, and I thank you. But understand, the next time we meet it will be as enemies, and I will kill you and that harmonixer." In the next instant he was gone and I could feel Alice's puzzled thoughts turning toward her friends and toward Yuri. I pulled back, feeling the weight of this place pushing me down again, the near dark a heavy weight on my soul. They would be coming then, Alice and her friends. And soon. But would it be soon enough?

Later Simon returned, and I could hear his movements around the platform. I knew the others were coming, had extended my mind yet again, reaching out for Alice, for Halley, for Yuri – and finding them in transit. How fast could they get here by train, I wondered? Would they be here before nightfall and would they be in time. I was tempted to speak to them, but knew that Simon would hear my thoughts projected to such a distance. All I could do was wait, and pray.

I was numb with waiting, my body was frozen, be-spelled, and my muscles felt like cramping up and down my back and legs. I had been standing for hours and hours, my mind numbly repeating to itself, 'when will they get here'?

Finally, after an eternity, I could hear noises from below. A deep grating sound vibrated up from the dark as the huge doors swung inward and I could hear voices. Simon stepped to the edge of the stairs and I slitted my eyes to watch him. He nodded and called to them below and I heard Yuri's voice raised above the others:

"Albert old buddy! You just sit tight! We'll be there before you know it!" Cocky as ever. Cocky as the first time I called him and just as reckless. Will he ever learn?

A few moments later Yuri and his friends thundered to the top of the platform, stopping before Albert. He had moved back to stand in front of the altar and I opened my eyes now to watch them all carefully. Yuri was in the lead and put himself between Simon and Alice, the others ranged behind him. There in the shadows was an ancient Chinese and a tall, blonde woman. Next to her another male and at Yuri's side, next to Alice, was my son Halley.

"Ah," Simon said looking over the party. "Bacon was certain that the Door of Judgement would open then." He was smiling, that vacant smile again.

Yuri tossed his head, sneering at the warlock. "Hah!" he exclaimed. "So this is all part of your plan too, eh? No running this time, bub," and he took his fighting stance, but Alice put a hand on his arm and he paused.

"Albert, what are you planning? Is it the same as the Demon's Gate Invocation?"

"Hardly," Simon said. "I broke the seals within the Vatican and stole three secret books. The Pulse Tract which can be used to command the earth veins to wake an ancient god; Dehuai almost succeeded, until he interfered, somehow sealing the Seraphic Radiance within his soul. Then the Émigré Document, which creates life from nothing and can be used to summon a god of death. But both Patrick and Jack failed there too. And finally, the Codex of Ry'lyeh with which I will summon the "Other God"; an omnipotent god from the far reaches of space shall descend upon the earth and cleanse us!"

Yuri jumped forward, his fists raised again.

"Hey you quack magician! I can't let you do that! You can't hurt others just so you can play this game of misplaced vengeance!" He was getting angry, I could hear it in his voice, feel the waves of his anger reaching across the platform. So much anger, so much hate right now, with Simon, with Yuri and, with Zhuzhen. The old man was thinking black thoughts as well, blaming Simon for the destruction of his beloved Shanghai. And Halley – his young features collapsed in a deep scowl, refusing to even look my way. I had to reach out to them, to let them know what to do, to reassure Halley...

"Shaddup!" Yuri shouted. "Just who the hell do you think you are? Yer not some damned god! Don't flatter yourself. You're no different than me – an ordinary, pathetic human!" I tuned out Yuri's angry words, reaching out with my mind, carefully touching Halley just across the stone flags of the platform.

Halley, be careful. Don't be angry. Help him. Help Yuri to stop Simon...

"...my father worked hard to protect this world! I'm not letting a deluded scheme take it all away... ow!" Yuri paused, his voice showing pain and I knew he was hearing my voice as well. There was nothing for it then but to prepare to stop Simon and quickly.

Behind my closed eyes, I could hear Simon's magical lightening striking out and Yuri's shout of pain.

"You're a lunatic bastard!" the young harmonixer's voice ground out through the pain and Alice's cries of despair mingled with Simon's gleeful laughter.

"The sages of every age were called that," Simon shouted. "Let history decide..." I shut him out. It had gone on long enough. If I let this continue then Alice and the others would be killed, Yuri would be killed. I cannot allow that, and so I open my eyes and my power. Beside me, Simon stood at the altar, his arms raised as he shouted his challenge to Yuri and his friends. Then he turned to me, his eyes half mad. "Koudelka, Witch of the Dark Flames! Come with me and let us raise the throne of the Other Gods! The legacy of the ancient gods: Neameeto!"

But when his words echoed into the dark distance, I let my power free, reaching out to him, surrounding myself with dark magic. The power arced from my body to Simon and coruscated like lightening and my power flared. Simon turned to me, shock written on his face and he shouted at me.

"Stop now," I said. "You cannot defeat me with your power, Simon. Instead, you will disappear into the darkness with me..." for I had determined the only way to stop him would be to open a door, a gateway to beyond, and we would both be condemned to the great void. I pushed a little more, drawing the power from my body and the surrounding space while Simon continued to shout.

"No! It cannot be... are you intending to kill us both?"

Hearing his words, hearing his almost-fear, I could almost pity him. But his deeds had condemned him and me to oblivion. The life of this world, these people, that boy, were more important than my own.

"You wouldn't understand," I said quietly, the power now a blinding darkness around us. "I'd give my life to save that child's future... without a second thought. And now..." I felt the power snap like a string, building to an explosion to open the gates of eternity and then... something went wrong. The power shattered like shards, slicing through the air, through me, but not opening the gate. I cried out in pain and collapsed to the floor.

"Koudelka!" "Mom!" Yuri and Halley together crying out and I could hear Simon's deep chuckle. What had he done?

I looked at him, dribbles of blood forming in my eyes and smearing the dim chamber in red hues. But in spite of that, I could see now the dark energy surrounding Simon – an energy, a power, that was not of this earth.

"No," I gasped. "The Soul Contract?" He had consigned his soul to a demon for power. There was no way I could fight him alone, not now. Simon rose to his feet, his voice like thunder. I could hear Yuri shouting in the near distance, Alice's cries as she summoned her magicks and, all the while, I prayed for them, as pain washed over me and I slowly slipped away.

I awoke hours later in my lumpy bed in London. Ah, how good it felt to be on that sagging, moldy mattress! Halley was sitting at the desk across the room and was instantly at my side when he heard me move. His hands, large and strong like his fathers, held mine and he looked up at me with grassy eyes and I felt again the love for him that had kept me sane these past years.

"Halley," I breathed and pulled him into my arms, his back stiff and protesting before finally giving in.

"Mom, oh mom..." he started to sob then pushed away, wiping a hand across his face. "Mom, are you okay? Should you maybe stay in bed a while?" I rose slowly, feeling every muscle protest but knowing that time was fleeting.

"I'm all right, Halley. After three years, we're finally together."

Halley turned away, taking a few steps into the center of the big upstairs room, the hardwood floor covered with dust and spotted footprints.

"I'm so sorry, Mom. I - I wanted to get to you earlier."

He was feeling guilty for my imprisonment. "It's all right Halley. It must have been difficult for you. But you've done a great thing here," and I indicated the run-down old house. In my absence, he had taken in other children, much like himself, and together they had survived the harsh streets of London. He laughed softly, embarrassment warring with pride.

"It's all thanks to the little ones," he said. "I've gotta protect them!"

I felt a smile form on my lips, an answering warmth in my chest, a feeling of deep love for my boy. He was so much like his father, and like Yuri...

"How you've grown, Halley..." I could not find the words to tell him, to give him my love and support. My throat was choked with emotions I had not dared to feel while held in that hellish prison. Halley turned, looking up at me with hard emerald eyes, and I knew he wanted something from me; knew it in his look, in his stance. He had grown, so much...

"Mom, I'm going to fight until the end with Yuri. I know, we just got back together, and I really wanna stay with you, but," he looked down and rubbed the toe of one sloppy shoe into the dust on the floor. "I really like them, and Yuri – he's like a big brother, even if he does piss me off sometimes... but..." he hesitated again and looked up at me. "Would you be okay with that? With me going with him?"

There it was. He wanted to leave; to go with Yuri. He would have gone anyway, whether I was here or not, and whether Yuri had lived or not. But with Yuri alive, the world and Halley, stood a chance of survival. But I'd be saying goodbye to him, not just for today. His time had come, while mine – in trying to summon a gate, in trying to defeat Simon's soul pact, had used up my remaining strength... I couldn't do anything any more... I would have to say goodbye to my son, my life, my hope, my treasure. I wanted to gather him up in my arms, hold him tightly, wash the tears from his face like I did that day he scraped his knees on the stairs, or that time when he'd broken his wrist and I used my healing power on him... he had looked so sweet and surprised as the power bathed him, healing his injury. The love he gave me with his eyes, and with his little mouth, kissing me sloppily; the tears we had shed with his little hurts, and temper tantrums; the pain I felt when they took me away from him, the whips and torture to gain my powers for their own usages, and each day, each breath I took was a prayer for Halley to be strong, for Halley to be brave. And here he was, telling me he wanted to go into the worst danger in the world – and I might never see him again. My boy. My Halley.

"Mom?"

I looked at him again, wiping quickly at the tears I felt forming in my eyes, and nodded, opening my arms for him to give me a hug. He was reluctant at first then came into my embrace and I held him, just a little, feeling the hard muscles of his back and his head resting against my breast.

"As long as you promise to come back to me. Like your father did... You're beginning to look a lot like him."

"Dad?" his voice was muffled.

"Yes. Your father always kept his promises. Thanks to him, I'm here with you now."

Halley pulled free, straightening that silly hat of his and nodded.

"I promise, I'll be back, Mom. Say," he said brightly, "let's go to America together when this is all over. We'll take a boat with Chris, Sharon and Joshua and go meet Dad..."

"Halley..." I had never told him about his father, beyond the bare essentials. He had no idea of his father, or where he was, or what he did...

"That's what we'll do, right mom?"

I nodded. What did Halley know of Edward, or America, or the world? What could I do but agree? "All right. I promise," I said but was saved from speaking more by the pounding of heavy boots up the stairs. A moment later Yuri and Alice entered.

"Yuri! Alice! Mom said it's all right for me to go with you."

Yuri looked at Halley and smirked. They were indeed like two brothers and I could see how much Halley looked up to Yuri. Halley had put his hands on his hips, challenging Yuri to deny his presence but Yuri ignored him.

"Sorry about that. Is it a bad time?" he asked instead.

"No, it's okay. You're leaving now?" And Yuri nodded. "Yuri, I don't know how to thank you. Thank you so much for coming to see me."

Yuri, the boy I spoke to for three years and across thousands of miles, laughed.

"C-c'mon. Yer embarrassin' me," he said and I could almost see the flush on his skin. "As for me, I can't believe that damn voice, er, I mean that mysterious voice was actually a beauty like you." He looked up at me with those amber eyes and a small quirk at the corner of his mouth and I could see the charm he exuded. He had won the heart of Alice, had probably fought, laughed and charmed his way most of his life. And, into his hands, those same hands that wore calluses, bruises, and fighting claws, into those hands I gave the world and my son.

"Also," he continued, "I wanna thank you for savin' Alice at Kuihai Tower. But, how come it was only me who's head hurt when they heard your voice? Was I being punished?"

Startled, I looked up at him, seeing in his question the orphaned child, hearing the unspoken tears that he had shed over the years and the silent, hidden feelings of rejection. And in that moment, I loved him again, as I had when he was a child, and knowing that as much as I brought him pain, I also brought him purpose.

"No, you were not being punished, Yuri. It was because all the monsters fused inside you became terrified. Like bats fear the sunlight…" It wasn't quite the answer, but I could see it was enough. He could forgive me for the pain I dealt him.

"I see…"

"Yuri," I reached out a hand to him, wanting to take his in mine but then, thinking better of it, let my hand fall. "Yuri, there's nothing to worry about. You're protected by a greater spirit, a spirit that is so strong, that even Albert fears... Look deep inside yourself. You'll know who that soul belong to."

He looked up at me, surprised, and then nodded, accepting my words again. He was troubled, deeply, and I felt sure that Alice had not told him her own troubles, for she stood in his shadow, timid and silent.

"Alice, you've come a long way and you've carried your father's spirit and traveled a difficult road bravely."

"No…" she said, shaking her head. "It's just because of all the help I got from everyone," but she was looking at Yuri as she spoke and I could sense her unspoken plea for help, her fear at what she had done... it wasn't a dream then, what I had seen, but a memory of what she had done for him.

"I can see the burden you carry for the sake of your loved one," I said and Alice looked up, startled. "You're scared, right?" and she nodded. "Just don't ever give up hope. You have Yuri now. The curse may be strong, but he will protect you." It was all I could say. It would have to be enough.

We made our farewells and they left, taking Halley with them. I watched them leave, standing at the upstairs window... he didn't even turn back to wave. I felt bereft, empty, saddened by my loss, but I had hope too, hope for the world and for me. For three years I had endured torture and pain, endured it, and used it to fuel my power to reach across space to China and a lonely, angry, bitter young man who walked the road to ruin. Helpless and hopeless, he had kicked and fought his way into and out of trouble, but with no clear path, no motivation to live, no hope for tomorrow. Now he had that hope, with Alice. And no matter the trials that they would face in the future, no matter what enemies or foes would reach out to strike at them, they would be together. Together in faith, in hope and in love.

Watching them as they crossed the bridge and disappeared down the street, I felt envious of them.

"Please God, look after them. Bring them home safe." I couldn't do anything any more, but I could pray.