Chapter 2: Darkness

I live in the darkness. It is where I belong. I don't like the sunlight, though I know it's good for my health. But then again, do I really care for my health? Don't I just want to die? For some odd reason, I can't help but feel like I can't answer those questions. It's as if I do want to be wiped off the face of the Planet, yet I know that there's something more for me. So I hold on.

I wake up in the hotel room. It smells like someone's been smoking, but I don't mind. It's not like I've never smoked in my life. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I remember exactly what I dreamt of last night. It was of her. Tifa Lockheart. I remember exactly how our first meeting went even though it's been two years since. I couldn't seem to get her out of my mind even after all this time. And that same feeling of anxiety was tugging at me again. Everyday I felt as if something wrong would happen to her. But I couldn't go to her. I didn't deserve her company and it wasn't my place to meddle. So I ignored the feeling, no matter how bad it got.

Today I was back in Midgar. I was previously in Nibelheim to take a short break, but my peace is never left uninterrupted. I remembered that Tifa lived here the last time I saw her and I wondered if she still did. Maybe I could drop by Seventh Heaven today after I was done my business.

I checked the digital alarm clock. In iridescent red numbers, it read 4:30 AM. I was always one to wake up early. I rose from the bed and walked to the door and, of course, the file was here. I picked it up and walked to the little kitchenette to make myself breakfast before I read it.

A few minutes later, I sat down with some scrambled eggs and opened the file. There was a picture of what looked like an obvious pimp. I sighed. These guys were scumbags, but so easy to kill. Lately there haven't been any good targets around. I just shook my head and began to read his profile. His name was Alex Ricardo. He was 5'9 and a half, weighed 200 pounds and he owned a whore house called the Honey Bee (heh...), etcetera, etcetera. By now, I already made a plan to assassinate him, so I took the file and put it through the paper shredder.

There's no point in living. After all I've gone through I just wish to be off this Planet and out of this life. I remember how I used to be so optimistic. Now it seems so long ago. And you may wonder who I am. I'm Tifa Lockheart and I hate my life. So I took the knife from my bedside table and brought it to the skin of my wrist.

'Fuck it.' I thought. 'Just fuck it all.'

Today I might just be able to kill myself. I might be able to cut deep enough so that I'd die. The kiss of the steel on my skin was no longer strange as I slid the knife across my wrist and watched the droplets of blood seep out through the wound. Shit. It wasn't deep enough. It never is because truth be told, I'm too scared to die. It's really a strange thing, but somehow I keep feeling that someone close to me could help me. So I hesitate.

I set the knife down and glance at the clock in my dingy apartment. The glowing red numbers indicated that it was 10:50 PM. It was almost time for me to leave for "work". I sighed as I got up and rummaged through my dresser. The drawers were evidently disorganized, but I didn't care. Ever since he left me, I never cared.

Just the thought of him brought fresh tears to my eyes. Those horrid salty droplets were threatening to fall. But I held them back. I've become very good at that lately, in fact. But I guess it wasn't good enough because when I got to the bathroom I saw that my tears were falling freely down my cheeks. Damn him.

Cloud. What a sick bastard... He chewed me up, spit me out and left me here to die. Just because that bimbo was better than me! No... I kicked him out. I laughed bitterly as I thought of that day.

I was walking down the hall to our apartment. I was coming home from work early today and I planned to surprise Cloud. I giggled happily as I thought of what could happen, all of which were very pleasant.

Finally, I came to the door and tried to turn the knob, but it was locked. 'Hmmm... that's strange. He never locks that door. Maybe he's out.' I shrugged and took out my key from my purse and unlocked the door. I heard... sounds. Very strange sounds that I thought I'd only hear in hear in my house from Cloud in me. My heart jumped in fear, but I quickly shook it off. Cloud wouldn't do that to me... would he?

Come to think of it, he had been pretty distant lately. He'd leave late at night only an hour or so after I came back from work. I never really knew where he'd go, but he just said that he was going to a friends house or to a bar. When I asked why or if I could just come with him, he'd say "You won't enjoy it. And you're probably tired, so just rest, honey." And I always fell for it.

I began to get really scared and walked to the source of the noise, not bothering to close the front door of the apartment. Shit. Did I just hear a woman's voice? And moans. No, no, no... This can't be happening...

Oh, but it was.

I opened the door to our bedroom. OUR bedroom. And saw what I feared most. Cloud was there, yes... but on top of another woman. And just to think of what they were doing... no, what HE was doing, behind my back made me want to wretch. They didn't even notice me standing there. But I wasn't one to wait for things to just happen. Not after what I've been through. Not after finding THIS out.

"Hi, honey. What's this I see?" I asked in a sickly sweet voice. All of a sudden, they stopped and Cloud turned his head towards m with a look of great startle.

"It's not what you—" he began but was cut off.

"It's not what I think, right?" I said. "Of course it's not what I think because it's ALWAYS not what I think."

He was silent. "All these lies..." I began but trailed off. I wasn't in the mood to lecture him, so I just muttered, "Fuck it" and left to the kitchen.

Cloud came a few seconds later after telling that whore of his something. By now I had taken an onion out and was cutting it for the sake of it.

"Don't cry, Teef." He simply said. I ignored him. Besides, I had an excuse to cry besides him.

"I can explain this." He tried after a minute of silence, save for the sound of cutting. Again, I plainly ignored him and continued to chop the onions into smaller pieces. The tears were rolling down my cheeks, partly of pain and partly of the sting of the onions.

"It's not my fault and you have to understand, Tifa."

More chopping.

He sighed and said. "Look, Tifa. I know how this is right now, but you have to know this. I love you and I would never do anything intentionally to hurt you..."

'WHAT A LIE!' I thought as I stopped cutting and turned around swiftly.

I bet he didn't realize how angry I was until my fist connected with his jaw. All my heart ache, pain and anger heightened my strength so the punch made Cloud plummet to the floor. He lay there for only a second or two before staggering up and holding his cheek with his hand. He wiped his mouth from the blood that was about to roll down his chin.

"Yeah, I guess I deserved that." He said plainly.

"Is that all you can say?" I asked with the same calm voice that I had interrupted him with.

He opened his mouth to answer, but I quickly cut him off. "After all we've been through, you go off and do this?" My voice was a harsh whisper.

"You knew about my past and it was only to you I'd confide. You know how much pain I've been through and yet you go and hurt me some more."

Cloud was silent. He knew that any attempt to talk would be silenced anyway.

"All that you've been telling me lately has been lies, so how could I trust what you're telling me now, hm?"

"It's not my fault, Tifa." He repeated. I couldn't believe that he was still willing to lie to me. It was the stupidest lie that I've heard from him so far and it looked as if he was about to drop his façade soon.

Mine had fallen, too.

"NOT YOUR FAULT!" I yelled, giving up the calm voice.

"Tifa, I—"

"DON'T EVEN TRY TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF, YOU SICK FUCK!" I screamed with rage.

He remained silent.

"LEAVE, GOD DAMNIT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU, CLOUD!" I spit has name out like it was poison.

And he left uttering an apology and goodbye. The whore followed.

That was the last I saw of him.

I sighed and turned on the shower. I undressed and stepped into the bath tub. The heat of the water soothed me in some way. It would be red once it hit the bottom of the tub because of my wrist wound, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore anyways. For now, I was simply existing and nothing more for I am nothing. An empty shell of what I used to be.

AN: Gah, the argument scene sucked, but I'm not too good with arguments. I'm mostly into mope, brood and angst sort of thing, so writing an argument isn't really easy for me. Anyways, I hope you all liked this chapter. Next one you'll find out what Tifa does for a "job" nowadays.

PS: Thanks to my two reviewers! To Chaos' Plague: Yeah, I know that Tifa was bordering on annoying. I felt it myself, too, while I was writing it, but I needed to make her seem overly happy for finding a good life in some way after what she's been through. (There'll be flashbacks, so you'll understand her life better)