Disclaimer Believe me, if I owned Degrassi, I wouldn't be writing fan fictions, cuz you could watch what I wanted happening on CTV/the-N.
Alex was what I could call an obvious no-go in my life. I wanted to be back with her, but she wouldn't have anything to do with me. Not like that. She would let me hang around, but the moment I started trying to get too close with her, she just pushed me farther away.
Because Alex had been trying to keep me at a distance while still trying to keep me close enough to make sure I wasn't up to anything I wasn't supposed to be, I ended up spending a lot of time around Paige. But Paige was a no-go like Alex was. I would be only able to tolerate her extreme peppiness in very small amounts.
I liked take charge girls, and that was why Alex had been perfect for me. She knew how to get where she was going, and she knew how to get rid of people that stood in her way. Paige was also a take charge girl, but in a very upbeat way that was sure to have me running myself into a wall if I were to get involved with her.
This left me nowhere. Other than Paige and Alex, every other girl I knew avoided me as if I were carrying some sort of infectious disease. In all honesty, that had been the start of it, but I was totally safe again, in that sense.
Admittedly, while in movies and on TV, the girls go for the bad boys, it didn't seem the case in my life. And I was rotten to the core. Every decision I had made in my life had led to trouble and chaos. Yet I was alone, with no one to tell me that eventually I would get things right.
My only friend has turned against me because I told one small white lie to his girlfriend. He accused me of trying to tear them apart, when I was only trying to help him. Although now, looking back, maybe I had been trying to tear them apart. Darcy was a very beautiful girl.
Thoughts like that weren't going to get me anywhere. She was involved, and I was to be avoided by the entire female species. I was worthless and despicable.
But I needed someone to be in my arms. It always felt right for me to have a girl that I could hold on to, someone that I knew I could make feel safe with me. I hadn't had that in a long time, and I missed it.
By nature, I'm very protective of females. I want them to feel safe, especially with me. But none of them did. They all felt threatened, even scared. I hated that about myself, that I had gotten myself such a reputation that I would never be able to make another girl feel safe again.
The chances of ever holding another girl now seemed slim to me. Paige and Alex were the only girls who would acknowledge my existence, and they would have nothing to do with me. They had other people they would rather have hold them.
The only other one had been Darcy, but now that Spin and I were no longer on speaking terms, I was sure that the two of us wouldn't be either. Unless I could get her to pity me, which would be impossible, as all her pity was saved for her poor, mistreated boyfriend.
That lucky bastard had gotten to her first. It's not like he is the only lost cause for her to fix. It's not like he was the only one that needed someone.
I shook my head. I was once again chasing a useless pattern of thoughts. I knew I could never get Darcy, and I honestly didn't want to try. I wasn't the kind of person that would go around stealing someone else's girlfriend, as shocking as some people would think that is.
I would steal money. I would steal food. Clothes, electronics, maybe even a car. But never a person. Everything else is replaceable, but I could never take something that would be gone forever. As horrible a person as I may be, even I have my limits.
Imagine if you can, a rope, binding me from going farther than I know I should. There are ways around the rope, but that would make the rope pointless. However, if I push against the rope, it goes from a straight line, to a line bending in my favor, the way I want it to bend. I can bend my own rules that I have set for myself, even if it is a little out there.
I was going to have to bend now. I had to do something. Perhaps it was merely a crazy impulse, but it motivated me to do something I wouldn't have normally done.
I hopped in my civic and sped off towards Degrassi. I marched straight into Mrs. Hatzilakos' office and asked her to let me come back to school. It took some persuasion, but I insisted that if she had let Spinner come back, that I deserved the same opportunity. I told her that I was beginning to understand how worthless my future was going to be if I wasn't able to complete my education.
She finally agreed with me. We planned out the classes that I would be taking, and I was told I would be able to start them the following morning, so she would have time to get everything in order.
The next day I drove up to school and parked my car. Even as I got out I could feel eyes following me, confused and puzzled. I ignored them. I was at school with a purpose, though my education was honestly the last thing on my mind. I could always charm those that I needed, and right now, I had some bridges to unburn.
I searched the hallways for Spinner, knowing what I had to do. I spotted Darcy's long flowing honey tresses and knew Spin was by her side.
I walked right up to him and he gave me the most puzzled look I had received from anyone since I had stepped back in the building. He asked me what the hell I was doing back at Degrassi.
I fed him the same bullshit I had fed Hatzilakos, but laughed at his disbelieving face. I asked Darcy if I could have a minute with her boyfriend, and she smiled and headed off, probably looking for one of her less than normal friends.
I told him that I hadn't been trying to destroy what he had with Darcy. He knew I wasn't always the brightest person, and I asked how he could expect me to know what to do to really help him. I insisted that I just wanted him to be happy with Darcy and no harm was intended.
Although I could tell he was still skeptical of me, he nodded. I was in again. I knew that he would tell Darcy what I had said, and that even if he didn't want to let me back into his life, Darcy would insist that he would, because I was a troubled soul and needed friends. It is so nice how easy it is to read some people.
I spent the next few weeks getting reacquainted with my only friend, and not to my dismay, Darcy as well. I had given up hanging around Alex and Paige, as they were no use to me. Not that Spinner was a huge tool to me, except that without him, I wouldn't be able to know Darcy any better. And I had to get to know her.
I held in all the stupidity that wanted to come flowing out of me and talked with her on strictly platonic levels while Spinner went to go get food or do something that demanded his immediate attention. I kept my distance and let her cuddle with Spinner as we all sat around watching movies.
As much as I wanted to coyly sneak my arm behind her when Spinner was out of the room, I restrained myself. The last thing I wanted was for someone to discover my plan before I could really put it into action.
Before I knew it, a school dance was coming up, and as luck would have it, Spinner and Darcy were going to be there. And where Darcy went, I would follow, at a distance.
I had amazingly good fortune when Spinner called me one afternoon, saying he had just been forced to work a double shift at the Dot, and he needed me to go pick Darcy up from Spirit Squad practice. I jumped at the opportunity, though I made it sound like an inconvenience when I was asked to do so.
I hopped in my civic and drove back to Degrassi, where I waited near the front steps, my radio quiet for once. I saw her walk down the front steps and look around, puzzled. I honked the horn at her and she came running up to my window.
When she asked where Spinner was, I gave her the truth and told her he had to work and he sent me to make sure she arrived home safely.
It was a silly thing for him to do really. Nobody saw anything as being safe when left in my hands. But I suppose with it getting dark so early around this time of year, he figured I was better than her walking alone on the streets. And then she would know why he wasn't there.
We were driving down the road, in total and complete silence. But I was content just to hear her breathing a few feet away from me. Unfortunately, the silence was broken by the sound of her cell phone ringing. She answered it and talked for a few moments, then hung up, smiling.
I figured that it was Spinner, checking up on her and making sure I hadn't tried to dump her body in the ravine yet, so I was surprised when she told me it was her mother. I was even more surprised when she asked me to follow her inside when I dropped her off.
I willingly obeyed, and shut off the engine after pulling into her driveway. It turned out that her mother had called her to say that her dress for the dance had arrived, and Darcy wanted my opinion on it. Apparently it was so she could get a preview of Spinner's reaction.
She walked into her bedroom and I stood at the bottom of the steps, hardly believing my luck. I looked around and saw a few pictures on the walls. She looked really young in most of them, which reminded me even more of her being a few years younger than me in the first place.
I heard her door open and I focused my eyes on the top of the stairs. Darcy emerged from her room, and it took all I had to keep my eyes in my head and my jaw from hitting the floor. The dress was knee length black lace, and a lavender bow was tied around her waist. The way the dress was cut and formed perfectly to her body made her even more stunning than usual.
I guess she could tell hard I was trying not to react, because she suddenly smiled. She thanked me by giving me a quick hug before running back up to her room. When she came back out dressed like a normal person, I told her that she would knock Spinner off his feet and then I left.
I drove around for a couple of hours, trying to shake her image from my head. Of course, I didn't really want to, but I was beginning to feel like a bad friend, which wasn't anything new. But this time, I felt bad for being a horrible person. I don't know why.
As the dance got closer and closer, I found myself unable to stop thinking about Darcy. Even when the two of us were sitting in Spin's living room, with him between us, I just couldn't shake her image.
I had to shop for the dance. I felt like I had a one-up on Spinner, because I knew what Darcy was wearing, and I could find something to complement it. It was cheating in a way, but since when had that ever bothered me?
I already knew that I was wearing my black slacks that I wore to every "fancy" event, so all I had to do was find the right shirt. It wasn't easy to find something that matched both the color lavender and me. The two didn't go together well, so I doubted that anything would be able to tie us together.
I finally settled on a button up shirt that was a deep blue. It was a color I could work and would mesh nicely with Darcy's outfit.
On the day of the dance, I was an unusually nervous wreck. It's not even like my plan was that great, and it didn't even amount to anything. Hell, I wouldn't even call it a plan. Maybe an idea. But none the less, it wasn't even a great idea. It would get me what I wanted, though it would only be for three or four minutes.
I was beginning to really shut down. It wasn't even worthy of being called an idea. It was just something that I wanted to do. Something that was less than fantastic, and was beginning to seem pointless. Who knew? Maybe something would come from it. Or maybe, nothing would.
The night fell with a certain amount of eeriness and foreboding. But at last I had to go to the dance, where I would see Darcy in Spinner's arms at every song. Of course I would have no one in mine. They would be empty, as no one dances with someone they didn't come with, and I came alone.
I spent most of the night sitting at a table in the corner of the room, watching Spinner and Darcy dance and shake. Occasionally the happy couple would come and sit with me, though for no more than five minutes at a time. They rocked out to every quick song, and swayed gently to every slow song.
My big break came near the end of the dance, when Spinner excused himself to go to the washroom. Darcy gave him a quick peck on the cheek and planted her chin on her hand, with her elbow on my table.
The last slow song for the night came on, and I saw Darcy's shoulders slump as she sighed. It was now or never. I held out my hand for her and motioned towards the dance floor.
She looked up at me and smiled. And she surprised me when she took my hand. We stood up and I led her away from the dark corner to the center of the room, into all the light. I wrapped my arms around her waist.
The music played, we held each other close. And we danced.