Fairytale Disorder
Chapter 3: Dark Black
The demons ran on and soon enough, they dropped Dark off in the middle of a dark forest. Dark sat there for a moment, then he realized what just happened.
"Thanks for nothing!"
He looked around, he couldn't see anything but a pair of big red eyes...yes, a pair of big red eyes...Dark moved away as the bush rustled. He felt like crying but no normal, dignified teenager would cry.
He heard a "Kyu?"
Then he screamed, when he looked at the bush again, he could see a bunny hopping out of the bush looking at him with its big red adorable eyes.
"Aww..."
"Kyu, kyu?"
"Hey there, you want to come with me and get out of this hellish forest?"
"Kyu!"
"Come on then!"
Dark scooped up the rabbit and started walking deeper into the forest and got completely lost.
Meanwhile, the villain at the moment was admiring herself in the mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
"Ugh, you again..."
"SILENCE! Answer the question!"
"...will you kill me if I said it was someone else?"
"...yes."
"Okay...then it's not Dark or..." And then the mirror started naming about a million more names.
"Shut up, who's the fairest?"
"Dar-I mean, you milady."
"...who is this Dark?"
"No one you should care about, just the fairest one...ah shit, I really have to stop doing that."
The queen's eye was twitching, "...I'LL KILL HER!"
"...actually it's a-"
"SHUT UP ALREADY!"
Soon Dark and his rabbit found a clearing with a nice little house in the middle, a perfect picture. The boy and the rabbit opened the door without giving knocking a thought and raided the house. The bunny ate all the strawberries in sight and Dark, who was still full from the castle of many mattresses walked over to the beds. There were seven nice little beds lined up, too small for Dark, with names printed at the ends, the boy didn't bother reading the names, he plopped onto the beds and snoozed, the rabbit joined him after it finished with the strawberries.
After a couple of hours, seven little men headed back home only to find it a mess, a big mess, and all the strawberries were missing. Not to mention there was a boy and a rabbit sleeping on half their beds, they all crowded around the bed/s.
"Is this her?"
"Not as charming as she's supposed to be. What happened to the snow white skin?"
Dark moaned and opened his eyes, his first reaction was, "Hey, cool! Midgets!"
The "midgets" just stared at him, some angry, some surprised.
One of them clear his throat and spoke, "We are not "midgets" we are dwarfs."
The boy shrugged, "Dwarfs and midgets are the same thing, if you're shorter than me by...half my height, you're a midget to me."
"What is your name girly?"
"I'm a BOY goddamn it. I'm Dark Mousy. Who are you midgets?"
The dwarfs/midgets introduced themselves one by one.
"I'm Gullible."
"I'm Bald."
"I'm Stupid."
"I'm Sleepy."
"I'm Hungry."
"I'm Nerdy."
"I'm Insane."
Dark just stared at them, "No, I mean your names."
"Those are our names."
"..." The boy looked at the dwarfs, then bursted out laughing, he laughed until his stomach ached.
The midgets just looked at each other then back at the boy, "Ahem, since your rabbit ate all our strawberries, you'll have to do all the household chores for us."
"...it's not my rabbit, and I can't do anything, I swear I suck at doing any type of chores. Ask anyone...who knows me, I set kitchens on fire, I can even screw up sweeping."
"...are you serious?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Yea...that's why we live in a place that no one would care about even if it got dirty."
"We?"
"Yea, me and Krad."
"...uhhh...we have to go so just sit there and stay put until we get back."
"Okay..."
The midgets left and Dark sat there, staring at the wall.
"Kyu?"
"Hey there, I should name you...how about With?"
"Kyu!"
"I'll just take that as a yes."
"Kyu."
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, there was a hunter outside, "I'm here to kill you."
"Errr...please oh please spare my life?"
The hunter took out what looked like a contract and read it over, then he shrugged, "Okay, it says here I have to bring back a heart, it doesn't specify whose heart it has to be and I'd rather kill a pig than a little girl."
"I'M NOT A GIRL!"
"You aren't?"
"No."
The hunter just shrugged again, "Oh well, if I kill you, you'd scream, pigs don't scream."
Dark nodded, the hunter continued, "Well I'd better be going, see you!"
"Bye."
With the hunter gone, Dark just went back into the house and rummaged through the drawers for something to keep him entertained, too bad for him there was nothing.
"Kyu?"
"Hey With, isn't there anything to do around here?"
"Kyu?"
Just then, the door knocked again, Dark went and opened the door, there was an ugly little shriveled up woman.
"Yes...errr...Obaa-chan."
The old lady snorted and huffed like she had asthma or something, "What manners you have!"
"...sorry?"
The old lady hmph'ed again and looked at Dark, "You're just lucky I'm in a good mood today, here I brought you a dress."
"...I'm not a girl...I'm a BOY, a BOY I say."
"I hear you the first time! I'm not deaf!"
"...you aren't?"
"You young people nowadays, what is your name Dark?"
"...you just said my name, how do you know my name?"
"Well so I did! I must've heard it somewhere. No matter, I have a coat for you."
"...it's okay, really."
"TAKE IT!"
"Okay!"
The old lady put the coat on Dark and buckled the scraps so tight that the boy couldn't breathe and fainted away. The old lady cackled and walked away, before Dark lost all his consciousness, his last thought was, what a freak.
Luckily for Dark, the dwarfs came back soon enough.
"He appears to have lost his consciousness, I believe it's the coat."
"...take off the coat then..."
They un-strapped the coat and Dark woke up, "What the..."
"You fainted like a damsel."
"That's the second time someone said that to me."
"Really now."
"Yes."
"Who gave you the coat?"
"Some old freak...I want to keep it, it's pretty! But I'm not going to strap it."
"Do what you want with that coat."
"Okay."
"Anyways we're off again, don't open the door again."
"Okay."
Dark walked around, unfortunately, the midgets left the door open. Then there was another knock, the boy kept his word, he didn't open the door, it was already opened so he simply looked out.
"Yea..."
"Hello there deary."
"I'm a boy."
The old lady chuckled, "Why of course you are girly!"
"...Obaa-chan...I'm-NOT-a-girl."
"I know deary, I know."
"..."
"Oh yes deary, I have a present for you."
"Hm?"
"A nice looking necklace."
"...it looks like a collar."
"It's pretty isn't it? Here, try it on."
"...can I not?"
"Nonsense deary! Try it on!"
"...I don't want to..."
"Just take it and try it on."
"Errr...fine."
Dark took the "necklace" and put it on, but the collar was poisoned and Dark fainted again. The old lady cackled and walked away again. And once again the midgets came back to find Dark on the floor, fainted away like a damsel.
"He's really got to stop that."
"Yea."
"Zzz..."
"Wake up Sleepy!"
"He appears to have a collar on...maybe if we take it off..."
The nerdy midget un-collared Dark and once again the boy woke up.
"Wha?"
"What are you trying to become? A dog?"
"Err...woof woof?"
"He turned into a dog!"
"...let me guess...you're Gullible?"
Suddenly, one of the midgets' eye started twitching and he laughed insanely then started running until he ran into a wall.
"...he's insane."
"Yup, that's Insane."
Dark got up only to slip on something wet on the floor, "...EWWWW! THERE'S DROOL ON THE FLOOR!"
"...that's be from Sleepy...or Stupid...or Hungry."
"...that's just great...can someone get me a towel or something?"
"Sorry, we have to go again, don't open the door again."
"Okay..."
The evil no good very bad queen looked into her mirror, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
The mirror didn't answer, it just snored.
"WAKE UP!"
"Huh!? Wha!?"
"Who's the fairest?"
"Oh that again, you know what? I'm going have to get paid to do this, fifty cents per question."
"...what if I throw you down a cliff?"
"But then again, I'd charge everyone but YOU dear queen."
"Well...who's the fairest? Be honest."
"...how honest?"
"Just tell me."
"Dark Mousy."
"He's not dead?"
"Hell no, you and your pathe-I mean your master plans weren't enough to keep him down."
"...very well I shall kill him this time."
The mirror mumbled, "Yea, I'm sure you will, stupid pathetic plans."
"What?"
"Nothing!"
----------------
Krad landed on a sign in the middle of the town listening to people chatter.
"Did you hear?"
"Hear what?"
"The far, faraway land!"
"Yea! They found a replacement princess!"
"A real looker too I hear!"
"It's amazing how one person can replace all those missing princess!"
Missing princesses? Replacement? Far, faraway land? The golden bird hopped down a bit lower to hear better.
"You know what?"
"What?"
"I heard the replacement is a boy!"
"What?"
"I know, a boy replacing princesses! And I hear he looks better than them, and the prince charmings!"
"That's absurd! A boy with damsel-quality!?"
"But it's true I bet, I think the boy's from around here too, I wish I met him!"
Great...a boy that was from around here, a real looker, damsel-quality, yup, it could only be one person, Dark. That idiot's gotten himself into deep shit again, maybe I shouldn't go after him this time...Then the image of Dark being kissed my a prince charming popped into the bird's head and it flapped it's wings and headed in the direction of the far, faraway land. I swear, that idiot's making more trouble then he's worth.
Then why are you going after him?
To teach him a lesson when I get him back?
Wouldn't it be more of a lesson if you just ditch him and get a new lover?
He's not my lover!
Sure...that's what they all say, if he wasn't your lover why would you go after him? And why do you get mad when you think about him with someone else? And you're always worried about him. And you watched him change you perverted dragon. And-
I get it, I get it! But he's not my lover! I didn't watch him change on my own will, those villagers were evil!
Shall I continue?
No, just shut up!
Hmph, I'm you.
So I realized, why am I arguing with myself? And why do I think Dark's my lover, not to mention I sound like Dark. Did I just call myself perverted dragon!? Damn it Dark, see what you've done to me!?
Hark, do I hear a confession?
Just shut up!
You're worried about Dark, you can't deny it!
Okay! I'm worried, are you happy now!?
Are YOU happy?
NO!
Well, I'm not either, at least not until you find Dark.
I'm you!
I know that, and I'm saying that neither of us will be happy until we get Dark back.
...I won't be happy until I get to beat the shit out of him.
You know you won't, you love him too much.
I don't love him!
Whatever you say, watch out for that tree.
Wha-GAH.
...told you.
------------------------------
Nya
I'm going to give out personal thanks now, sorry I kept on forgetting nya I'll start now and lets hope I won't forget again. Forgive me?
Hakudoshi-chan-Thankies for reviewing my other fics, glad you like this one too nya
darksaphire-Thankies for you too for reviewing my fics, it was the parody of the princess and the pea. Hope you like this chapter nya
Amethyst Bubble-Sorry, it's not sleeping beauty, but that fairytale's reserved for something special, I'll try to make it extra good for you when it comes up, I couldn't help but grin, someone's actually jumping for joy to read this fic! Ureshii!
Sheridan-I'm not sure, that movie was great and all but somehow I never thought about it when I typed this up. I can assure you that all my fics are strange one way or another but glad you think it's nice nya
Seena58-Glad you liked the first chapter, I didn't base it on Shrek 2 but I guess it got influenced by it. Hope you like Condemned nya