Fairytale Disorder

Chapter 4: Of piggys and lumpy apples

Dark was bored, he sat on a midget sized chair while With was bouncing on his head. He wondered how long he had to stay there, he would've leaned back but the he didn't want to tip the chair over or anything to he stared at the ceiling, wooden beams that supported a wooden roof.

"How did they build this house? There's nothing for them to stand on, how did they reach that high?"

"Kyu?"

The boy sighed.

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Meanwhile the witch was mixing up potions which ended up in the shape of a horribly lumpy apple.

"This doesn't look like a cake!"

"...it looks kind of like an apple, not a very safe one though..."

"Shut up!"

The mirror sighed and mumbled, "What ever happened to the good old days when queens were fat and jolly?"

"Those days are over."

"I realized, nowadays, all the queens are skins and bones and insanely vain, not to mention obsessed with killing young princesses and men who look better then them. Pitiful..."

"What!?"

"You heard me."

"I happen to know a nice steep cliff around here, wouldn't it be ironic if I were to accidentally drop a mirror down it? A certain talking mirror."

"You didn't hear me."

"No I guess I didn't, what did you say?"

"...nothing?"

"Very well, I'm off, once Dark Mousy takes a bite out of this...thing he'll die!"

The queen walked off laughing like a bitch and the mirror sighed, "Being thrown off a cliff isn't such a bad thought after all...bitch..."

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"Hi-ho, hi-ho, up the trail we go...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho."

"Halt."

All the dwarves bumped into each other at the sudden halt. Ahead of them were three houses, one made of straws, one made of sticks, and the last one made of bricks.

"Isn't that the three little piggys' houses?"

"I thought there were four."

"One of them got killed by some hunter that was suppose to kill a princess but didn't and so he killed a pig instead."

"I see..."

"Let's ask if we can stay over night."

"Why?"

"Because if that boy stays at out house we won't be able to fit everyone and I'm sure to be the first one thrown out since I'm me and all."

"Yup, you got that part right Nerdy."

"Do they have food!? I need food! I'm suffering from FWD"

"FWD?"

"Food withdrawal."

"Oh..."

"To the first piggy's house!"

They walked up to the house made of straws and knocked on the door, but the second they took their little hands away, the house of straws collapsed. The piggy emerged from the straw, he went to the still standing door and opened it and looked at the dwarves angrily.

"What?"

"...nothing now."

"What did you want?"

"We were just wondering if we could stay the night."

"No."

The pig slammed the door so hard that the door collapsed too, the midgets shrugged and headed for the house of sticks, behind them they heard a wolf howl for joy and a pig squealing for help but they ignored it. The seven dwarves, walked up to the house of sticks and knocked on the door hoping that the house won't collapse like last time. For some reason or another, one of the midgets' was carrying a lit torch and burning small plants and laughing and twitching at the same time.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, burn, BURN!"

A tall and fat piggy answered the door, "Yes?"

The piggy was blind to anything stomach and down therefore he didn't see the dwarves, he looked around and around until one of them spoke up, "Ahem, can we stay the night at your place?"

The pig stepped back and saw the midgets, "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-no."

Then he slammed the door shut, pigs had a bad habit of slamming doors, the insane midget carrying the torch was not pleased, so he set the pig's house on fire and they were off to the last house. Behind them they heard the pigs squeal for help and if they turned around they would've seen the wolf eating roasted pork with its set of knives and forks made especially for wolves. The dwarves walked up to the house of bricks and knocked on the door. A little piggy opened the door, it was no taller than the midgets.

"What?"

"Can we stay-"

"You're all against me! I know what you want! You want my house! My money! MY PROPERTY! WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! GET OUT! GET OUT! OUT I SAY!"

The pig stomped off leaving the door opened, no one noticed the wolf jumping through the door, the midgets looked at each other, "Whoa...spaz..."

The pig came back and slammed the door, soon loud squeals were heard, then the sound of pork sizzling, then someone chewing really loud.

"What a pig, let's go home..."

"Eh-he-he-he-he burn, BURN!"

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Dark was still staring at the ceiling, "I wonder what Krad's going right now..."

"Kyu?"

There was a knock on the door, Dark got up and answered it, it was an old man carrying a basket of apples.

"Food!"

Dark grabbed one of the apples and ate it, the old man smiled at him showing his nasty yellow teeth, it made Dark lose his appetite.

"Hello girly."

"I'm a boy, little man."

"Is that so?"

"Yea."

"That's nice, and I'm not a man."

"You don't say...what do you want Obaa-chan?"

"Would you like an apple?"

The old lady held up a horribly lumpy apple and smiled at Dark.

"...that doesn't look safe."

"Non-sense! It's perfectly safe!"

"...can I take another one?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I'm nice enough to even offer you one and now you're complaining."

"Fine then, I won't take one."

"Oh come on, take it, TAKE IT."

"It's okay, really."

"Take it before I shove it down your throat."

"...fine I'll take it."

"Good now take a bite into it."

"You just said I had to take it, you didn't say I had to eat it..."

"EAT IT GODDAMN IT."

"Maybe later..."

"Eat it NOW!"

Dark stared at the crazy little old woman, then at the apple in his hand, "Hey...you're that old lady that gave me the collar thingy."

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"Yea, and you gave me that coat too."

"What are you talking about?"

"...are you really that deaf?"

"I'm not deaf, I just don't know what you're talking about."

"...you have a horribly ugly face you know that?"

The old lady's eye twitched, she forced a smile, "Just eat the damn apple."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Because what?"

"EAT IT NOW!"

"Whoa...calm down before you have a heart attack."

"I'm CALM."

"...you're as calm as you're insane."

The old woman snapped at him, "I'M NOT INSANE AND I'M NOT UGLY!"

"Have you looked into a mirror lately?"

"Yes I look into a talking one everyday."

"Talking mirror?"

"Nevermind that just eat the apple."

"Lady, your mirror must not reflect what I'm seeing..."

"Just eat it!"

"Okay! Okay!"

Dark looked at the apple and took a small bite out of it, the apple dropped out of his hand and he fell unconscious. The old lady cackled and left the scene of the crime, soon enough the midgets returned and found Dark on the floor, but no matter how hard they looked they couldn't find what's wrong. With hopped around the boy kyu'ing worriedly, it spotted the apple and hopped towards it, the midgets saw it and looked in disgust.

"Ewww, what an ugly apple."

"Throw it away! Throw it away!"

So they chucked the apple out the window, and mourned for Dark, they put him in a glass case as though he was a display item and put him outside to wait for the Prince Charming that was suppose to wake the boy up with a kiss. But instead of a Prince Charming, the big demon came, he smashed the glass and threw Dark over his shoulders and disappeared, taking the rabbit who was clinging onto Dark along. With bounced on Dark over and over again, he watched the boy become conscious again, he looked around and groaned.

"Where am I?"

"Kyu?"

"Hey With."

"We're going to the next stop."

"So soon?"

"You were an idiot to eat that apple."

"You saw? Man, she forced me! And it tasted like shit!"

"She was the evil queen."

"She was ugly too...so...where are we going?"

"You're going to a ball."

"What?"

"You'll see."

"I don't want to."

"You don't have a choice."

"It's not fair."

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The dwarves stared at where the demon had disappeared, soon a horse arrived with a Prince with short black hair and a Prince Charming smile. The Prince looked around and saw the smashed glass, he looked at the dwarves angrily.

"What is my damsel in distress?"

"A big thingy took him away."

"Him? Was he pretty?"

The midgets nodded.

"Very well, I shall go rescue my damsel in distress, which way did they go?"

The midgets pointed to where they last saw Dark and the demon. The horse nickered and was about to gallop away but a voice stopped them, a charming voice.

"Wait!"

Prince Charming turned around to see Prince Charming, "Hello Prince Charming, what might you be doing here?"

"Why hello Prince Charming, I'm looking for my damsel in distress which I'm suppose to rescue."

"What a coincidence! Me too! Shall we be off then?"

"Yes, let's."

"I haven't seen you since last week at Prince Charming's castle."

"Yes, I was wondering how you were doing."

"Me too! We really must have tea sometime."

"I agree."

The two Prince Charmings and their stallions trotted off leaving the midgets behind. The midgets looked at each other in silence.

"...at least we have enough space in the house."

"True."

"I don't have to sleep outside!"

"Whoa...who told you that?"

"...but we have enough space..."

"Sorry, you still have to sleep outside."

"Why!?"

"Because."

"Why is this world so cruel to me!? WHY!?"

"Shut up."

They bickered and bickered until it was nighttime and they heard fluttering. The midgets stopped dead in their tracks and looked up, there was a golden bird, it landed and turned into a human with long golden hair, and golden eyes. They stared in awe, one of them reached out to touch the boy's hair but the boy stepped back and shook his head.

"Ah, ah, ah, no touchy the hair."

The midgets stared at him, the blonde sweatdropped, "Whoa...midgets."

"We aren't midgets, we're dwarves, damn it, why does everyone say that!?"

"Hn. Maybe it's because you look like midgets? Very old midgets with beards and big noses."

"I'm Gullible."

"I'm Bald."

"I'm Stupid."

"I'm Hungry."

"I'm Nerdy."

"I'm Insane."

The blonde raised a brow, "...and your names are..."

"Those are our names."

The dragon blinked, he suppressed the urge to burst out laughing, after all insane laughter never got him anywhere, so instead, he calmly stated, "I'm Krad."

The midgets stared at him, "Ohhhhh..."

"Stop staring at me."

"So you're the Krad Dark was talking about...no wonder he talks about you so much."

Krad looked at the midgets, "Dark was here?"

"Yes."

"Which way did he go?"

"Tell me..."

Krad glared at them, "Shit...it's almost dawn...you saw which way he went right?"

"Yes...he went that way." All the midgets pointed to the direction they had pointed for the Prince Charmings.

The blonde turned back to dragon form and flew up, he looked down at the little house with the little men standing outside it, still staring at him, he sighed and flew off. He didn't realize that he burnt their little house down, he also didn't realize that the wolf was around at that time. Krad flew for a bit before finding a place to sleep until morning. While back to the little burnt down house, a single midget was jumping for joy.

"Now you all have to sleep outside too!"

They heard a howl and looked at the forest where the wolf was, it ran towards them, the midgets panicked, "Scatter!"

They ran off in every direction as fast as their little feet would carry them hoping the wolf would eat the others first, no, these dwarves couldn't be described as loyal, honorable or noble.

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"Mirror, mirror, on the wall...do I look ugly?"

"...is this a trick question?"

"Is that a yes or no?"

"...no?"

"How about compared to Dark Mousy."

"You're an ugly, ugly, horribly demented old hag."

"What!?"

"I meant...what I meant was...yea, actually, that was what I meant...I'm doomed."

The queen didn't reply it, she just threw it down the cliff and no one heard from it again.

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Nya Yay! My fic is funny! Ureshii! Thankies for reviewing! Please review (again)! And I'm sorry if I suck and comments, don't sue me!

Hakudoshi-chan-I like torturing Dark don't I, it's like a bad habit. I like making Krad suffer a bit too, like making him Juliet, lol.

Mizuko-Glad you love the fic nya

Amethyst Bubble-I read out loud to myself sometimes for reasons I don't know, but it's nice to know you liked the mirror parts and Krad flying into a tree while thinking to himself.

golden-flame4-You're just like me! DarkxKrad!! XD

Seena58-Thankies for the ideas, I left out Cinderella, thanks for reminding me nya

darksaphire- You like? Glad you enjoy it and think it's funny nya

Mysterious Kaitou-Me? Genius? Thankies so much, you make me sound like some sort of...genius! =)