Fairytale Disorder
Chapter 6: Anything but the hair
Dark looked at the tower, there was but a little window, barely big enough for him to fit through, he gaped, "And how am I supposed to get through that!?"
The demon shrugged, "Simple, we climb up, stuff you in and then we're off!"
"Easier said than done, you'll never be able to climb up that tower."
"You underestimate demons."
The boy frowned, "And I suppose I'm going to regret that."
The little one chirped in, "You got that right, alright, let's stuff him in that tower! We have…a couple minutes."
The larger demon puffed onto his hands and started climbing up the tower like it was a pole, when he reached the window he growled, "Get in."
Dark crossed his arms, "How? In case you haven't noticed, I'm facing the wrong way."
The demon snorted and lifted him up, he was tossed through the window and landed with a "thud", "Here's your…extra long hair…"
"Why do I need long hair?"
"You'll see. Now put it on, it took us forever to dye this."
Dark picked it up in disgust, "How do I put it on?"
"Tie it or something, we have to go, bye."
The demons had disappeared, yet again, Dark sighed looking around for string, he looked at the hair, it was long…very long…it hung out the window. Frowning, he started pulling it in…it took him forever to haul it all in. The hair had to be at least a mile long, "Why the hell do I need all this hair!?"
He grabbed some string and started tying the 'hair extension' to his not-exactly-long-but-still-long-enough-to-tie-to hair, he sighed and decided to look around. He managed to take two steps before tripping over his hair, "Damn it! Even Krad's hair wasn't this long!"
Then he heard a "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair."
"Kyu?"
Dark looked down, there was an old lady standing at the bottom of the tower, "Who are you?"
The old lady shrieked, "You're not Rapunzel!"
"Of course I'm not! First of all, I'm a boy! And second," He yelled, "I wouldn't be caught dead with a name like that!"
"What a rude boy! Let down your hair already! You do have long hair don't you?"
"Yea but why should I!?"
"Because I've brought back food."
Dark thought about it, his stomach was growling at him to stop being so stupid and to let down his hair already, "What kind of food?"
The old lady looked in her basket, "Bread, assorted baked goods, and fruits."
The boy shrugged, "Sounds good enough to me." He let his hair down only to receive a sharp tug, "OW! How heavy are you!?"
"Heavy!? Let me tell you boy, I climb up and down this tower several times a day and you say I'm heavy!?"
Dark winced as the lady continued climbing up the tower by pulling on his long elegant hair, it was a wonder why it hadn't detached itself from the boy's hair yet, "Can't you climb up faster or something!? It's painful."
"Stop yer whining you wuss!"
"Don't call me a wuss! You're not the one whose hair is being used as a rope!"
"Well shut your mouth for another minute!"
After awhile, the old lady finally crawled through the window with the basket in her hand, Dark frowned and rubbed his head, "Can I have the food now?"
The old lady grumbled but tossed the basket over to him nonetheless, "There."
Dark looked through it, "Hey! Where's the assorted baked goods!?"
She cackled, "You dumb boy, you oughta know that there aren't any baked goods around here."
He took a bite out of the bread, "The name's Dark, not dumb boy.What about the bread? Is that not a baked good?"
"The bread's not baked."
Dark nearly spat it out but the old lady started laughing, "You better be joking!"
"Of course I am you dumb boy! The bread's baked but not good or assorted."
He nodded, "I'd give it a four out of ten."
"Don't be so picky you dumb boy! You're lucky to have food in front of you and now you go and complain! You horrid, horrid child!"
"You admitted that the bread was bad."
"…quiet you."
Dark finished off the food and stared at his hair, "Do you have a brush or something?"
The old lady handed his a brush and a comb, "That's all there is."
The boy started combing his hair, which unfortunately, was full of tangles due to being trampled on, tripped over, climbed on and possibly other horrible things. The comb snapped in half, Dark stared at it wondering how Krad kept his so neat, "This is hell…"
Finally coming to his senses he used the brush instead, when he finally ridded his hair of all evil tangles alike, it was noon, and the old lady had to climb down. The boy sighed and let his hair down again, the old lady grabbed it and slid down at a faster pace than she was comfortable with since there was no friction in that long silky purple hair. Dark was pull the hair up when someone gave it a sharp tug, he looked down angrily, "What now!?"
But it wasn't the old lady, it was a man with curly brown locks and a noble steed at his side. Dark ducked hoping that the prince was as stupid as he hoped he'd be and not see him or go away thinking no one was home. Too bad for him the prince wasn't as dumb as Dark had hoped, he had seen the pretty face and was enchanted. He grabbed the hair and started climbing up, Dark looked out the window and panicked, "Shit, shit, shit, not another one, shit, I'm stuck here…"
He paced around thinking frantically, then an idea came to him, "Hell with it, goodbye long hair."
Then another idea came to him, if I lose the hair then I can't get down…what if I…he looked around, he found a kettle, out the window it went. There was a "thunk" and a low groan, Dark grinned and looked around for something bigger and heavier, this was going to be fun. He looked around and found half a brick, Dark didn't give a thought to why it was there or where it came from, out the window it went along with a vase and some flowers. But the determined Prince Charming climbed on.
"Evil witch! I will rescue my damsel in distress!"
Dark called out, "I'm not in distress, go home!"
"Ha! You won't fool me! Clearly there's a damsel in there."
The boy poked his head out the window in annoyance, nearly falling out as the prince clambered up, "Distressed I may be but damsel I am not, so go away!"
The prince ignored him, somehow drawing out his sword and swinging it around cutting a few strands of long precious hair, "Where is the witch? Bring out the witch! And I shall smite her with my mighty smiting ways!"
"Hey, hey! Watch the hair, I don't care what you smite, smite anything but the hair!"
When the Prince Charming was up he gasped, "You're not a damsel! You're a boy!"
The words no shit echoed through his head, which at the moment was somewhat empty, he exclaimed monotonically, "Oh wow, no really? Who would've thought? I'm male! Whoa, no way!" He looked at the prince boredly, "Anything else you amazingly discovered about me?"
The prince looked at him dumbly then started swinging his sword again, "…where's the witch!? I shall defeat her and rescue you!"
"She went out, may I take a message?"
"Hmmm…then I can take this chance to rescue you…but if she comes back then I'll be caught, so it'd be better to act out now unless she's coming back right now…but then I'd have to fight her…"
Dark yawned, wondering how long he was going to be talking to himself, grabbing the brush, he started combing his hair again. He liked it when his hair was long and smooth, and shiny…and silky…like Krad's, no wonder the dragon was so obsessed with his hair. The golden strands were always glowing under the sunlight, angelic shine, never any tangles, it was like magic. While brushing his hair, the prince walked up to him and slice it off, he looked at the hair and screamed, "OH MY GOD, MY HAIR! YOUFUCKINGBASTARDICANTBELIEVEYOUCUTOFFMYHAIRISWEARIMGOINGTOKILLYOUYOUHORRIBLYSTUPIDASSOFAPRINCE!"
Apparently he forgot that the hair was an extension.
The prince tied the hair to the bed and threw it out the window, Dark glared daggers at him, "Come on, we can escape before the witch comes back!"
The boy rolled his eyes and walked towards the prince, he was getting sick of the you-need-rescuing-routine. So he pushed the Prince Charming out the window. "You go first."
He then grabbed the hair and slid down, landing gracefully on the fallen prince. Brushing himself off, Dark ran off into the forest, but then a minute later he came back, stepping on the prince he called, "With!"
The rabbit looked down with its enormously cute red eyes, "Kyu?"
"Come on down!"
"Kyu!"
The rabbit hopped down and landed snugly in Dark's arms, then they were off, but not before Dark gave the prince a kick, "That's for the hair."
They ran into the forest and waited for some time until a large gust of wind blew by picking them up, "You're late, again!"
"Sorry, we were figuring out how much more princesses you have to replace."
"I quit! Retire! Whatever! Just let me go home!"
"There's good news and bad news and the so-so news. Which do you want to hear?"
"The good news."
The demon paused, "…actually that's part of the bad news, which is that there are no good news."
Dark snorted, "Fine, the so-so news."
"That'd be, the next stop would've been this castle with a horrid beast which you'd have to kiss and stuff but he disappeared after he went into the woods. The woods where the fox ate the gingerbread man and Hansel and Gretel's house blew up."
"What happened to the beast?"
"He disappeared in the woods."
"Kinda tragic…"
"Next so-so news is that the Charming Frog Prince got eaten by a hawk while hopping around on lily pads, he never knew what ate him."
Dark smiled, "That means it's over?"
"No, that's the bad news, you still haveone left."
"What!?"
"Did I mention that there's a band of Prince Charmings on the loose looking for their damsel in distress?"
Dark groaned, "I wish they'd disappear…"
"Sucks to be you, tired?"
"Hell yea."
"Good, don't fall asleep, you'll get plenty of it later. That is...after you get out of the woods..."
"What?"
"Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to."
"…"
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"We are the band of Prince Charmings!
Let them faint when they see us!
We are the band of Prince Charmings!
Off to rescue our damsels in distress!"
"Halt." The princes stopped, "What have we here?"
They all looked at the prince at the base of the tower, one of the Prince Charmings hopped off his horse and poked the prince with his sword, "Why, hello there O fallen one."
The prince stirred and looked around, "Prince Charming!" Then he looked at the rest of them, "And Prince Charmings!"
"Greetings Prince Charming, what happened here?"
"My damsel in distress got away, she must've been under the spell of the wicked witch," He drew his sword, "I shall smite her!"
"As shall we all, care to join us on our hunt for out damsels?"
He flashed them the Prince Charming smile™, "Why I'd be delighted, you're so thoughtful, as always."
They returned the smile filled with shiny white teeth, "But of course, we Prince Charmings have to stick together since no one's quite as charming as us."
They shared a laugh and got onto their horses, "Now which way did she head off to?"
"Towards the Dragon's Castle!"
"And off we go!"
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Krad grumbled to himself, he saw a tower so he decided to check it out. He landed softly in human form, there was a human shaped dent in the ground with various items beside it. He looked at it, it was too big to be Dark's form, he sighed in relief. Touching the dirt he found that it was still warm, whoever fell there had just left, he was catching up. Something tickled his ear, he turned around to find long purple hair dangling, he stared in horror for a second before looking up. It was coming from a little window in the tower.
He changed into a bird and went up for a look, the hair was attached to the bed. The image of Dark with long hair, extremely long hair popped into his mind. He didn't notice an old lady climbing up the hair and into the tower. Changing back to human form he looked around.
"AHHH!"
Krad whirled around in surprise, "WHAT!?"
"You changed again!"
"What?"
The old lady babbled on, "Yea, that's right! You're not that dumb boy! He had purple hair! You, yours is gold! You changed again! I always knew that boy was up to no good!"
Krad listened to her talk, "Dark was here?"
"Dark? Yea…I think that was his name. Real stupid boy he was. Real hungry too. And gullible."
The blonde compared Dark to the lady's description, they were close, very close. "Which way did he go?" The old lady gave him a good long look, after awhile Krad decided that she fell asleep with her eyes opened, "…hello?"
She snapped her head up, "What!? What are you going here!?"
The old lady had problems, Krad concluded, "Which way did Dark go?"
"Dark? Oh that dumb boy. There's only two ways he could've gone, to the Dragon's Castle, or back to town."
Krad sighed, "Alright then, Dragon's Castle it is."
Someone tugged on his hair, "And where do you think yer going?"
"Away from here."
The dragon was annoyed when the lady didn't let go of his long precious hair, "No yer not."
"Oh yes I am, just watch." He jumped out of the window, half way towards the ground he sprouted wings and flew off as a golden bird.
The old lady scratched her head, "Well I'll be damned…my mother used to warn me about them tricksters…damn raccoons..."
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"I suppose this is better than having to look at the queen everyday…it's nice and peaceful…"
Shards laid on the ground, then someone walked by, "Mirror, mirror-"
It was the evil queen, the shards snapped back, "That's shards to you, I don't work for you anymore so just go crawl into a hole and die."
The queen didn't go away, she picked up one of the shards and threw it into a rock shattering it into a million pieces, "Shards, shards on the ground who's the fairest one of all. Answer me or lose another piece of yourself."
One of the shards grumbled, "Not you. Dark Mousy is still the fairest of the land."
"And where is he?"
"On his way to the Dragon's Castle, but he has to pass the woods first, now please stop looked into me. It's very painful…"
The queen snorted, "Very well, I shall be going to the dragon's castle, Dark Mousy shall die."
"Sure, sure, just please, please go away." With a "poof" the queen disappeared, "I hope I never see that face again."
Then something big landed beside him, it roared, "Great…a dragon…no you are not the fairest dragon of this land, the dragon that goes by the name Krad is, and he's off to the Dragon's Castle…wait…that's your castle. Shouldn't you be oh I don't know…guarding it?"
The dragon roared, the shards sighed, "I see, no princess? Well there's a band of Prince Charmings headed off towards your castle and their 'damsel in distress' not to mention that stupid animal, appalling, awful, bad-looking, beast, deformed, disfigured, dog, dogface, foul, frightful, grisly, gross, grotesque, grungy, haglike, hard-featured, hideous, homely, horrid, ill-favored, loathsome, misshapen, monstrous, pig, plain, plug, repelling, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, unbeautiful, uncomely, uninviting, unlovely, unprepossessing, unseemly, unsightly, ugly queen…if I had a mouth I'd throw up, if I had eyes I'd be blind…need I say more?"
The dragon snorted in surprise and flapped its wings, but then the shard called out, "Wait! Bring me! I need to see this for myself!"
The beast roared, picked up the shard and flew off back to it's castle where everyone was heading. It roared again, the shards would've nodded if it could, "Oh shit is right, we're going to be the last ones there."
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Nya
Talking shards also work as thesaruses and dictionaries as well as maps! :D Buy one now! Almost there! Only a couple chapters left! XD
SpinningAvia- Me too! Obsessed with Dark and Krad XD Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, Beauty and the Beast would've worked but I'd rather not have Dark kiss some hairy monster thing. :P
Hakudoshi-chan- They have their weird ways that only work for them, they all have some sort of disorder too! So far there are...4 Prince Charmings after Dark :) It's a race to reach the dragon's castle XD
Seena58- It's not a mob! It's a band! :) And Rapuzel was one of your suggestions! Thankies! Krad's flying as fast as he can! And the Prince Charmings are riding! XD This is going to be so fun...-plotting evil-
golden-flame4- Prince Charmings will take over the world!! XD Lol, mindless humour, good phrase for it :P
Mysterious Kaitou- Dark's going to end up with a mouth full of fur if I do beauty and the beast, lol, I had to look back too since I had to look back on what I did too, I really should update more ofter :P But big plans ahead XD
Ailin- Different? I guess you could call this different...maybe even a little messed up :P glad you like it though nya
darksaphire- Holidays are almost gone :( I don't wanna go back to school -cries- Hope you enjoyed your stay at the hotel!
Amethyst Bubble- Thankies! Glad you thought it was hilarious! Insanity can be turned into humour :)
Venedy- Yea! Go Krad! He's way more charming than the Prince Charmings! XD The princes can't shapeshift either XD
chrystallized19- Rapunzel was fun, Dark gets to have long hair, extremely long hair :) Sleeping Beauty's going to be even funner XD waahahhaha...but first, through the woods!
MujyakinaHitokoroshiya- Draw it! I wanna see it! XD Dark in a dress being hunted by a band of Prince Charmings XD Funny mental images :P
Dreams of Goth- XD the damsels in distress were smart weren't they? Too bad they're kind of...gone... :P There aren't enough fairy tales with princes in them I'm starting to run out! Next chapter! Let the insanity continue XD
Kiwee- It freaked me out when I thought about it afterwards, this guy who just won't stop chasing you even though you've rejected him :P You know what? You've just given me this weird idea for the next chapter XD wahahahhaa.... -starts typing-
Rinoki Rio- Thankies for reviewing all the chapters!! Night time makes me hungry! XD I'll try to update again sooooon!!! Since my head's full of insane ideas again XP