Fairytale Disorder
Chapter 7: The Charming Beast and Good Witches
The demons stopped and let Dark fall onto the ground in front of a forest, "What now?"
"Now you go through the woods and we'll meet you at the other side."
"Why not just bring me along?"
"Because…here, bring a basket to the grandmother's place, then she'll let you pass and don't wander off the road..." He shook his big demon fist, "That's what Little Red Riding Hood did and she never came back…" Then they disappeared.
Dark sighed, picked up the rabbit and headed into the forest, "Right, bring basket to granny's place, and no wandering off the road. Something about a Little Red something…"
"Kyu?"
The boy shrugged, "We'll know when we see it, come on With, onwards to granny's place!"
Awhile later, a strange beast sort of thing jumped in their path, "What are you going here little girl?"
Dark's eye twitched, "I'm not a girl, step aside fugly, going to the grandma's house."
The beast roared, "I was once a Prince Charming but then an evil witch cast a spell on me and turned me into a beast, all I need is one kiss from my damsel to be freed of this horrid curse. Would you-"
Dark was already walking away, "Not interested, I don't do beasts, goodbye."
"Wait! I know a shortcut to the grandmother's place!"
The boy turned around, "What?"
"Yea, you turn off the path here, go straight, then you'll see a golden brick road where you follow it and viola! You're there!"
The beast pointed at its face, "Does this look like a lying face to you?"
Dark looked at it in disgust, "It looks like a hideously ugly not to mention hairy face."
"But not a lying one."
"…I suppose not…" He spotted a house not too far away, "What's that house?"
The beast's jaw nearly dropped, he ran in front of Dark flailing his arms around screaming, "That's not the grandmother's house! Honest! It's shorter if you go off the road! I swear!"
So off Dark went, right off the path, grumbling to himself. The beast on the other hand went down the road and it took him twenty-seven steps to reach the grandmother's house. He knocked on the door, "What do you want?" Then there was a cough and a weak old lady's voice answered, "Yes?"
"The grandmother?"
"That'd be me deary."
The beast cleared his throat and said as high pitched as he could, "It's little red riding hood, I have some booze-I mean cookies for you."
"Little red was eaten by the wolf."
"No grandmother, the hunter saved me."
"No he didn't, he was eaten too, why back in my old days once you were eaten by wolves you'd stay dead."
"Oh no dear grandmother, the wolf got too full and went to sleep and this little woodpecker who liked the taste of wolf meat peaked his stomach open freeing both me and the hunter who then killed the woodpecker with his shotgun. And then I got home and mother wanted me to bring something over so I brought rum no…cookies here."
There was a moment of silence, "Come in." The beast grinned and went inside only to be hit on the head with a rolling pin, "Get out get out! Try to bribe me with booze will you! I am little red riding hood! That darn wolf killed my granddaughter, she would've called herself little red riding hood the third!"
The beast winced and threw the old lady out the window, locking her out while he put on a nightgown and crawled under the covers.
-
Dark walked, he didn't know whether he was going straight or not, but he kept on walking. And walking. And walking. "Kyu?"
"I don't see no yellow bricked road."
"Kyu!"
"Wha? No, that's gold…" He thought for a moment then he shrugged, "Oh well, close enough."
So onto the golden brick road he went . The road wasn't as obstacle free as it looked, he had to climb over boulders that were left there for some reason. Walk through mud, go uphill and downhill. Go through insanely large shrubs filled with prickly leaves and such. And finally…he reached…a cottage. Walking up to the door and knocked on it. Some lady answered it and immediately shoved red shoes into his arms, "All you have to do is tap on the heels three times, jump around, twirl twice, flap your arms, squak like a bird fifteen times, run around in circles, roll around, get up, run into a wall and start jumping around like you're throwing a temper tantrum and scream I WANT TO GO HOME NOW YOU STUPID USELESS SHOES three times."
Dark blinked and watched the lady demonstrate everything she just said, "What?"
The lady looked again, "Oh my, you're not Alice…or Dorothy…whatever her name was…you have twigs in your hair..."
"I'm Dark…a boy. Yea...that golden brick road was horrid."
"…Dark, Dorothy," she shrugged, "Close enough, do what I told you to do."
"…no…these shoes are ugly."
"Don't be so picky boy."
"I'm just looking for the grandmother's house so I can get a pass and go to the dragon's castle so I can finish my job and go HOME."
"Oh, the grandmother's house, it's way back there, it was near the entrance of the forest, what are you? Blind? Everyone nowadays, all they want to see is the grandmother not me nobody wants to see Glinda the good witch!"
Dark snorted, "Good witches are dumb, wicked witches are better, everybody knows them."
Glinda's eyes widened, "Excuse me?"
"Wicked witches are known and that's why people like them more!"
The good witch snarled, "I'll send my flying monkeys after you!"
The boy raised a brow, "I thought you were the good witch."
"Not anymore! I'll kill you! I'll kill everyone!"
Just as she started laughing like a maniacal freak, Dark walked away, "Damn that fugly thing, it lied."
"Kyu!"
Dark frowned at the rabbit on his head, "Don't give me attitude, I've gone one of my own."
"Kyu?"
And back he went, until he reached the little cottage just a block away from the entrance which he came from, "Damn that beast…"
He knocked on the door, there was a horrid croaking voice, "Yes?"
"Hi, I have a basket full of…stuff…so can I pass?"
"Errrm…come on in, I must…check the basket before I allow you to pass." So Dark opened the door and went in, the croaked voice instructed him, "Come closer."
"…where are you?"
"The bed."
Dark took a couple steps towards the bed, it was some fugly beast in a nightgown, "Whoa…what are you? A cross dressing beast?"
"Why no deary, I'm the grandmother."
The boy snorted, unconvinced, "What a fugly lying face you have."
"I don't lie! I mean…all the better to scare woodsmen away with."
Dark smirked, "What huge eyes you have grandmother."
"All the better to scope damsels I mean young handsome men with my dear."
"What an ugly nose you have."
"All the better to find truffles in the ground with my dear."
"What horrid ears you have."
"All the better to hunt down little trespassers with my dear."
"How hairy you are!"
"All the better to decorate myself with deary."
"…decorate?"
"You know…braids, ponytails…making it curly or straight."
"…that's gross…"
"Oh well."
Dark rolled his eyes, "What big paws you have."
"All the better to touch things with my dear."
"Ew…you perverted fugly thing."
"I'm the grandmother!"
"What huge lips you have."
"All the better to kiss you with!"
Dark's eyes widened as the "Charming" beast lunged towards him. He took the basket and started whacking the beast's head with it, "That's gross!" He said between whacks, "You perverted beast!" Whack, whack, "No one kisses Dark Mousy!" Whack, "With the exception of Krad!" Whack, whack, "I'll show you!" On the hundredth forty-eighth whack, something miraculous happened.
The beast turned into a person, a charming human, he turned into…yet another Prince Charming. "Yes! I am finally free from that horrid spell! You have set me free now I must claim you as my bride! Do you know how horrible it was to be trapped in such a…hideous form?"
The boy was covering his eyes, "Aw gross! Go put some real clothes on!"
The Prince Charming in a nightgown turned around and headed into the closet to change. Dark took his chance to make a break for it. He ran and ran, past Glinda the good fairy's house while she was laughing, "Fly my pretties fly!"
Above him were flying monkeys that screeched and hollered like it was the end of the world. Dark ran faster, mutter the word, "Freak…" under his breath.
He knew that the Prince Charming was after him, running, possibly yelling and hopefully tripping. Dark was getting tired, no, it wasn't a good thing. He ended up jogging to the exit where at once, he was picked up by a familiar gust of wind.
"What happened?"
"I'll tell you what happened! I was on the verge of killing this beast but then he turned into a Prince Charming! And just now he was chasing me! It was horrible! And some freak of a good witch turned insane." He wailed, "And now there are flying monkeys in the sky!"
The demons took a minute to absorb the suddenly given information, "…what?"
"I'm not repeating myself!"
"…okay…whatever…to the Dragon's Castle!"
Dark pouted while they moved towards a castle that was surrounded by lava.
-
He ran out of the forest, surprisingly, his horse was standing there waiting. The Prince Charming hopped onto his noble steed and started trotting down the dirt path. Soon enough he heard a "I say...Prince Charming! Is that you?"
The Prince Charming turned around to see his fellow like-minded Prince Charmings, "Prince Charmings! What a surprise!"
The four Prince Charmings clapped their hands in surprise, "You finally got rid of that horrid beast curse of yours!"
He flashed them a Prince Charming Smile®, "Yes! In fact, it happened quite recently, I'm off looking for the damsel that freed me from my curse."
"She kissed you?"
"No…sadly…she or he…whatever, freed me the other way."
The other Prince Charmings winced sympathetically, "Did it hurt?"
"Yes, my delicate features are emotionally scarred for life."
"Oh…you poor thing…"
The Prince Charming perked up, "So what are you four doing here?"
"We're looking for our damsel in distress. Care to join us?"
"Why of course. Thank-you."
"Anytime."
-
Krad flew, and flew, and flew. He was exhausted but he flew, any normal person would've been in awe of his stubbornness/endurance. The dragon was actually wheezing as he flew but no one could notice since he didn't breathe out fire. Below him, he past a couple horses and men who were trotting steadily towards a nearby castle, he was enjoying the nice view of the forest below but that changed suddenly.
Beneath him he saw burnt marks where forests might've once stood…a lot of burnt marks. And nearby, not too far ahead he saw a castle with bubbling lava around it.
That must be the place…what was it called again?
Dragon's Castle.
Oh yea…
Dimwit.
Shut up.
Make me.
You're immature.
So are you.
Am not.
Are too.
Am not.
Are too.
Am not.
I'm you.
…shut up…
Ppffftt fine be that way.
I will.
Asshole.
The dragon snorted and flew towards the castle, silently he wondered why the lava didn't eat away at the rocks and destroy the castle.
-
"Fly faster! We're going to be late! They're all going already!"
There was a huff, the shard grumbled, "You stupid dragon, you're the slowest dragon here!"
There was a roar, the shard snapped back, "Yes you are! Considering that there are only two dragons around here, you're the slowest!"
Another roar, "Oh no you won't drop me! I know all!"
There was a snort and it was silent for the rest of the way.
-
"Fly my pretties fly! Everyone will know the name GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH!"
A maniacal laughter filled the air and winged monkeys flew everywhere…and into each other causing each other to fall/crash…either one. A couple landed into a pool where they sank, others never left the ground. They saw a banana and started wrestling each other for it. Glinda took no notice of it, she was insanely waving her arms around and laughing/shrieking.
"Yes! Fly! The world will know Glinda! And I shall go down in history as the good witch!"
Were there such things as good witches? No one will ever know…
-
"Wahahahhahaahahaha…let's see…"
She reached into her pockets, "Where is it?"
Then a horrible realization came to her, "No! Don't tell me I left it back there!"
After a moment of silence and sudden spazzing she sighed in relief, "Never mind…it's on the table…only one drop…"
A voice rang out, "I don't want to! This place is creepy!"
"Crap…they're here already?"
She accidentally dripped a couple dozen more drops than she had expected to on it. Not realizing it or noticing it, she tucked the bottle back into her cloak…thing and disappeared with an evil laugh.
-
So all at once, they all started to head to the Dragon's Castle at what ever pace. Unless if they were already there…then that'd be something else…and inside Krad's mind…
Am not!
Are too!
Am not!
Are too!
Prove it!
You know it's true! You're me!
No I'm not! I refuse to be the same person as the person who called me a perverted dragon!
But you are! You can't deny it!
Yes I can!
No you can't!
Yes I can!
No you can't!
Yes I can! You're going to make me fly into something again! Shut up!
No! The soon you crash the better! You deserve it!
But I'm you!
Aha! So you do admit it!
What? You tricked me!
So? You're gullible!
ARGH! Just shut up!
No way in hell, ohhh that's right, whatcha going to do now huh?
Beat myself unconscious.
I'd like to see you try.
…maybe later.
Wuss…
-
Nya
Updated this again:O Everyone's gathering at the Dragon's Castle and Glinda the GOOD witch has offically gone insane XP If there are words stuck together...blame the editing thingy I swear! It's not me! XPGo Krad go! Go review go! XD
Hakudoshi-chan- Yup, insanely messed up XP There's an army of Prince Charmings XD it's the Prince Charming apocalypse! I know a couple people with the same name...it's weird when you're trying to call one and the other responds :P Nope Dark still has one more role left XP then the insanity will goinsane XD
SpinningAvia- Beauty and the Beast XD I figured that I might as well put it in somewhere somehow without having Dark kiss the charming beast :) Krad would kill anyone who got within a meter of Dark XP I couldn't bare to kill the talking mirror completely XD and the Prince Charming smiles are fun to type in now and then :P
Lillith:) No worries, I run into that problem myself where you're about to review but all you have to say is good job and update again soon :P Thankies for reviewing :) And you're welcome! I'm having alot of fun typing this fic :D
Mysterious Kaitou- Here it is! The boy for a beauty and Charming for a beast XD Yea I need to update more! I agree XP The only problem is homework, school exams...blah, whatever I complain about :) I'll try updating whichever fic as SOON as possible XP it'll probably be sometime later this week or the next...or the next...whichever :P
ivyking- Glad you like the ex-mirror XP I'll be updating the other fics soon :) Your exams seem worse than mine XP good luck!
darksaphire- Krad's getting there XD Three cheers for the perverted dragon that argues with himself:P This fic is going insanely out of control XD I myself was going insane while typing it, not to mention I am insane which might explain why this fic was insane...o.o
Rinoki Rio- Yea! Go Krad! Woots go insanity:) Sanity is overrated in my opinion. Yea my head's full of crazy also known as mini Ayames laughing insanely and running into each other XP
Seena58- There are five so far :) Prince Charmings and their Prince Charming Smiles® XP Lava is fire! Lotsa lava! XD Burn! Burn! Nyahahahha...o.O no...I'm not completely insane...there's sanity buried somewhere deep in my brain...I'm just too lazy to dig it out :) Go talking inanimate objects XD I bet Dark actually enjoys the attention :P
Meg-fly- You flatter me :) I doubt anyone's at my level of insanity...this fic was composed by little midgets that run my brain XP I love Dark and Krad too! I love both of them and I love it when they're together XP I can't help it! I'm obsessed! Glad you like it nya! XD
Duchess of Darkness- A mirror that never dies, reminds me of the fly that wouldn't die XP I think I'll make it a character in some other fic XD They only hate Dark since he's pretty. Yes Krad deserves everyone's pity, having to fly nonstop day and night while arguing with the Krad he never knew he was. The talking shard has a thesarus installed in it, I was going crazy trying to think of words, any words that meant ugly XP
golden-flame4- It's the Charming Apocalypse! Run for it XD You like the idea of Krad smiting each and every single one of them Prince Charmings don't you? Or their stupidity being the end of them XD The insanity's just begun:P
Thief Girl Slyvia- Absolutely! Random humorous insanity XD Here more nya:D
Mujyakina-Hitokoroshiya- Yea! I updated again! Oh well...I kept on telling myself that I'd draw something too, it didn't happen...not really anyways XP I'm a procrastinator and I'm proud XD At least you're working on it, all my art supplies are out...at least my sketching pencils but I haven't done anything XP
Pyro Demon- Woots! Glad you like my story! Here's the next update XD
kurokioku- Humor causes stomach painsXD When I laugh too hard I end up unable to breath and my friends think it's an asthma attack or something XP I'm guessing that having stomach pains from laughing is better than being unable to breathe? XP