My Fair Bunny
Danika Lareyna
Part Two - Lessons
Alright, let's review, Mamoru thought to himself. You, a drop-dead-gorgeous-sexy nineteen-year-old college student, are alone in your apartment with a sweet, innocent fourteen-year-old girl- still in her school uniform no less! Man, it is a good thing the only person who could conceivably come to visit you is currently at work at the arcade, because this could look bad. "Way to not have any friends, Chiba," he congratulated himself wryly.
Of course, it was at that moment that Usagi emerged from his kitchen and threw herself on the couch opposite him. "Aw," she said, "Is poor widdle Mamoru-Baka wallowing in self pity? Never had another person in your apartment before, Baka?" Her grin turned wicked and her voice rang with false surprise, "Mamoru- am I the first girl you've ever been alone with?"
Her comments were completely off and at the same time hit disturbingly close to the mark. Flustered, Mamoru muttered something under his breath and tried to convince himself that he was not blushing. Thankfully, Usagi did not notice, being immersed in her grape soda. The last grape soda, Mamoru noted sourly. Grape soda, after all, was his favorite.
"So?" Usagi inquired.
"Huh?"
She rolled her eyes, "How are you going to turn me into Motoki's ideal woman?" she snapped.
"Oh..." Mamoru replied. Usagi gestured impatiently, almost slopping grape soda on his perfect white carpet.
"Be careful with that!" he yelped, leaning forward to guide the glass, clenched in her tiny hand, to a coaster.
"You know, Baka," Usagi said, "You might have more visitors if it looked like someone actually lived here." She gazed around at the almost unnaturally clean apartment and shuddered.
In response, Mamoru glared at her.
With a significant look, Usagi lifted her glass high and tilted it a little. Mamoru resisted the urge to lunge forward, to protect the carpet with his body if need be, but his eyes widened and he quickly got down to business. "Right," he said and waited for her to lower her weapon before continuing, "So Motoki's last girlfriend was named Reika. They went out for nearly four years before she went to Africa to study prehistoric humans. Motoki was crazy about her and pretty devastated when she left. I figure if he has an ideal woman it's her."
Usagi nodded slowly, taking this in, "So what you're saying is... I need to go to Africa and kill this woman, my rival, and then Motoki will notice me?"
Mamoru opened his mouth to tell her exactly what he thought of that idea but, eyeing the drink in her hand, he changed his mind. "Let me explain this slowly and in small words so you can understand," Mamoru said. "You want to be Motoki's 'type.' Reika is Motoki's 'type.' Therefore, to be Motoki's 'type' you have to be like Reika. Get it?"
Usagi shrugged, nonchalantly sipping the last grape soda, "I guess that could work too. So what's she like?"
Mamoru considered the question a moment before replying, "Reika was very smart, obviously, and very sophisticated. She was also really worried about her appearance and tried to dress ultra-fashionably."
"So," Usagi said, ticking items off on her fingers as she listed them, "Smart, sophisticated, beautiful and fashionable. I don't get it, it sounds like I'm his perfect woman already! Mamoru? What's so funny, Mamoru?!"
Mamoru ended up having to hurl himself between the carpet and Usagi's grape soda after all.
xXx
"So how do I get to be smart, fashionable, beautiful and sophisticated?" Usagi called loudly enough for Mamoru to hear her from the bathroom where he was changing.
The aforementioned man emerged wearing a simple, black t-shirt with the word, 'Fuego!' across the front, and running a towel through his hair. "Well the only way to get smart is to study," he replied. "You're free to borrow any of my books if you want." He gestured towards his bookshelf. Usagi noticed with a sinking feeling that she could not even pronounce the titles of the majority of his volumes.
"Uh... maybe we'll work on that one later," she said.
Mamoru shrugged, "And if you want to be fashionable you're going to have to get some magazines or something, because I know nothing about fashion."
"Obviously," Usagi said with a grin.
Mamoru frowned, "I meant women's fashion, Odango."
Usagi batted her eyelashes and attempted to look cute and innocent, "Of course, Baka. So did I." Mamoru did not seem to be buying it so she attempted to change the subject. "What about beautiful?"
Mamoru ran a hand through his thick, black hair and said in an offhand way, "You don't have to worry about that one, it's sophisticated that's going to get you."
Usagi paused for a moment, considering what he had just said, then blushed, "You think I'm beautiful, Mamoru?"
The young man seemed to have realized what he had said only after she asked him. He tried to pretend that he had developed a sudden and intense interest in the corner of his ceiling but her intense gaze told him he would have to say something. Mamoru coughed and, without meeting her eyes, said, "Of course you're beautiful, Odango. I mean, every guy who sees you falls head over heels in love with you!"
Usagi pouted, "All but one."
Turning an interesting shade of pink Mamoru grunted, "Well I don't count, I mean-"
He cut off; noticing the look Usagi was giving him. Slowly she said, "I meant Motoki."
Mamoru blinked rapidly and at that moment both were overcome with furious blushes and an inexplicable need to studying their toes. Eventually Usagi asked, in a rather small voice, "So how can I be sophisticated?"
Gratefully, Mamoru turned his mind to the problem. "Well..." he said, "You have to be a mature, for one thing. For example, what would you do if I said, 'Oy, Odango-Atama, fail any tests today?'"
Usagi leapt to her feet and shrieked, "You jerk! Not everyone spends their whole lives studying! And don't call me that!" She was just about to stick her tongue out at him when he calmly stood and walked over to her. Gently he pressed his finger to her nose. Her eyes crossed for a moment and then she immediately quieted and looked up at him, shock and curiosity plain on her face.
"Wrong answer," he said softly into the silence that floated between them, "A sophisticated woman never looses her temper."
Their eyes locked for a long moment, his finger still upon her nose. Mamoru could not help but think how true his statement about her beauty was, looking down at her like this. Just as he began to wonder if her eyes could possibly be any bluer, her face turned red and she slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me!" she shouted and then, just for good measure, she kicked him in the shin.
As Mamoru hopped on one leg he said, "We've got a long way to go..."
xXx
Usagi was surprisingly good at balancing books on her head and walking the length of Mamoru's apartment. In truth he had no idea what good this particular exercise was supposed to do but, according to the movies at least, it seemed the thing to do and Usagi seemed satisfied that it would help her rise to sophistication. As she walked back and forth across the room, eventually getting confident and adding little pirouettes and flourishes, he searched his bookshelf for something more appropriate to sophisticate a woman.
His bookshelf had never failed him before. He had texts on just about any subject imaginable from thermodynamics to the care and breeding of hedgehogs. Unfortunately, this current subject rather stumped him. In fact, he was not even certain he could articulate what it was that made a person sophisticated. With a mental shrug, he decided that he would be best starting at the beginning and reached for a dictionary.
so-phis-ti-ca-tion, n
1. knowledgeableness and refinement: a combination of worldly wisdom, self-confidence, and refinement in a person
2. technical advancedness: technical advancedness and complexity
Mamoru smirked; she was female so at least she had the complexity aspect down. She also had a good share of self-confidence and worldly wisdom was just something you could not teach. Therefore, that left refinement. With a sigh, he turned to the R section.
re-fine-ment, n
1. elegance: elegance, politeness, and good taste
2. improvement: an addition or alteration that improves something by making it more sophisticated or effective
3. subtle, precise point: a subtle or precise distinction in language or point in an argument
Focusing on the first definition Mamoru felt he had his solution as to what she needed to learn, but not necessarily how to go about drilling it into her head. Glancing up he found Usagi tangoing with an imaginary partner, books balanced perfectly on her head. "Odango," he called to her, "How is it you have such perfect balance and yet you klutz out a thousand times a day?"
Surprised by his voice Usagi missed a step, tripped over a tiny bump in the carpet, knocked into the dining table, and flew head first into a closet.
Righting a chair she had tipped over and collecting the books, which had flown in every direction, Mamoru chuckled to himself. Had he not seen her weather far more death defying falls he might have worried for the petite girl. As it was, he finished his tidying and moseyed over to where her legs were sticking inelegantly out of the closet. Tapping her toe with his own he drawled, "You ok in there, Odango?"
A slight shifting of her legs told him that she was sitting up. After a moment's pause, her voice came from within. "Just how many of these jackets do you have, Mamoru-Baka?"
xXx
Usagi groaned. "Why do I have to listen to this junk? It's boring!"
Mamoru peeked open one eye. The two of them were sitting opposite each other on the floor, legs crossed and eyes closed. Usagi was squirming, her eyes pressed as tightly closed as they could go. "This junk," Mamoru informed her, "Is Autumn from the Four Seasons by Vivaldi and it is a masterpiece. Now calm down, relax and let the music sweep you away."
"But what is the point?"
"Sophisticated ladies are supposed to have good taste so you need to learn to appreciate classical music, of course."
Usagi snorted doubtfully but seemed to at least try to do as he asked.
"Oh, and Odango-Atama?"
"Yeah?"
"Sophisticated ladies do not whine."
"I was not whining you stuck-up, conceited jerk!" she yelled, her eyes flying open.
The epitome of serenity, Mamoru sat with his back straight, his eyes calmly closed and his face slightly uplifted in reverence of the music drifting around them. A tiny smile played on his lips as he said, "Odango? Mind your temper."
Visibly seething, Usagi closed her eyes and tried to listen to the music past the blood pounding in her ears.
xXx
"Repeat after me, 'The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.'"
Usagi crossed her arms, "Ok, now this is just getting ridiculous."
xXx
Usagi and Mamoru sat across from each other at Mamoru's dining table. Usagi sat tall and prim on the edge of her seat, her back straight and her head held high. Mamoru poured a cup of tea and handed it to her. She inclined her head regally in acceptance of the warm drink. Mamoru sat back in his chair and watched, impressed despite himself, as she took a slow, indulgent sip of the tea and murmured appreciatively. She had yet to reach for the tray of cookies on the table between them.
"So, Odango-Atama," Mamoru said, "Did you send anyone to the hospital barreling down the street this morning when you were late for school?"
Usagi smiled indulgently and set her tea back on the table with a little click. "Oh Mamoru," she said loftily, "Don't you know that it's not polite to poke fun at people? And besides, how could a tiny thing like me ever hurt anyone?" She raised her hand to her mouth and tittered. Mamoru's eyebrow shot up- tittered?
"Did your teacher keep you after school, Odango, because you forgot your homework again, or has she given up on you entirely by now?"
Usagi trailed a lazy finger around the rim of her teacup. "Silly Mamoru," she said, "A lady always completes her responsibilities." She tilted her head and regarded him with wide eyes, "Don't you think you should consider that lesson?"
Mamoru felt a vein in his forehead throb and so he pulled out the big guns, "Odango? Is it true you spilt another soda on poor Motoki today? He's running out of aprons, you know."
Usagi tittered behind her hand again and then ever so calmly and delicately lifted her teacup- making sure that her pinkie was out- and threw it directly at Mamoru's head. From his new vantage point on the floor, Mamoru watched Usagi reach over and grab four cookies to shove in her mouth all at the same time and then neatly pat at the corners of her lips with a napkin. Mamoru sighed, "We've still got a long way to go..."
xXx