She could feel it in her bones, the growth, the pain, the end drawing nearer. There was no need to hear what the doctor had to say but still she waited, patiently, gazing out at the traffic floating by as it blurred into a haze of colors and speed. The day was too beautiful to find out that she was dying but she knew it was here. She continued to stare out the large window, a small smile gracing her lips as she thought of the times her mother had done just this in her final days, sitting in front of a window, simply enjoying the fact that she was alive. Her mother had been strong, a fighter to the end and suddenly the prospect of facing that same battle was simply more than she could handle. But Laura Roslin was by no means a quitter.
She had decided that even though she knew the end result, she'd come to see the doctor. Maybe some miracle would grace her life and she'd be told there was some wondrous new cure that could bring her back from the certain death she currently faced. No means of reason could explain why she'd stayed away from the doctors for so long. She knew better. It was her job to know better, to be educated. Perhaps the thought of what her mother had gone through was the catalyst that kept her away. Maybe her faith in medicine had been shaken enough that it no longer offered a relief to her. Maybe it was just time to put it all into the Gods hands.
The door behind her hissed open and she blinked once but showed no other sign of acknowledgement of the doctor who walked soundlessly into the room. He took note of her demeanor and kept walking to the desk in front of her. His expression was bland but kind as he settled himself in the chair and tried to determine the best way to break the news to her. He'd never quite figured out how to tell if the patient was one of the ones that wanted it simple and straightforward or one of the ones that liked a candy coating on the pill he delivered.
The smile on Laura Roslin's face said enough to him. There was no need to beat around the bush, she knew her fate already and there was no need to treat her like a child. "We've found a lump."
The shadow that passed over her eyes was so brief he wasn't sure it had really happened. Perhaps just a trick of the light. He swallowed loudly and let the news settle in. "With out surgery…" his voice droned on like a faint bussing in the back of her head. She heard every word and registered it all but showed no signs of even comprehending what he'd said. "…Miss Roslin?"
Then came the flash she'd been waiting for, her whole life right there before her. Her father swinging her in the back yard when she was four. Her puppy, her friend's brilliant blonde haired doll that she loved so much. The parties, the presents, the friends she grew up with. All swirling before her eyes. Her first school dance, the beautiful dress her mother had sewn for her and the boy that took her, what was his name?
On and on it flowed, her first love, their small apartment just off the campus. Her college classes that she'd loved so much. The horrible day that they came to tell her about Daddy's accident. The tears that followed. Her emotions reached a crescendo and she struggled to keep the deluge of them all from pulling her into it's dark abyss.
She had to control herself. She was a dignified woman with a respected position in the government and she would not allow herself to crumble under some bad news.
"…treatment?" she croaked softly. Once more her mind drifted to the past, her mother's untimely death from the same demon that now claimed her. She'd bugged Mom constantly to take better care of herself. But much like Laura herself, her mother was an exceptionally stubborn woman. By the time she'd worried enough to do something about the lump it was too late. The cancer had already gone farther than a surgery could alleviate and the treatments weren't what she'd wanted. Such a stubborn woman, her mother. She'd refused the medicines and the radiation and chose to die as she'd lived, for the moment.
Those three little words had summed up her whole family. For the moment. That was exactly how they all lived and also how they'd died. No one could ever say they hadn't had a fun time living. Her brother had lived that way and now he was happily spending his days at a ski resort on Leonis, not a care in the world. Her sister too, living each moment as if it were her last, flitting from one love to another, one passion after the next. However it had finally caught up to Laura. She had enjoyed her time and lived her life as best she could, indulging in her one true passion, teaching.
She'd never wanted to be anything other than a teacher and she was thankful that she'd lived her dream. Nothing could make her smile like the sight of a child finally grasping that elusive concept. The small light that filled their eyes when they solved one of life's little mysteries was the fuel to her fire. Now she was the one that helped to find the new teachers, the ones that would bring more small lights to tiny eyes. Her job was the most satisfaction she'd ever had in her life and nothing , not even cancer, could make her give it up.
Her resolve settled in and she felt the famed Roslin stubborn streak straighten her spine and free her from the chains that held her. She knew that no matter what happened she'd continue to live her life the same way she always had, for the moment. She'd die on her feet, holding a small one's hand as she read them a story. No cancer would drag her down, not a chance in hell. She felt her mother smiling down on her and her father as well, proud of their daughter and the decision she'd reached. Proud of the fire within her that couldn't be doused.
"Excuse me, I have a flight to catch."